Beloved
by sss979
Summary: She's baaaack! Series 2 of the Kiara Trilogy starts here, with a new guest at the lair. Tensions are mounting, but is there truly any REAL danger... and to whom?
1. Prologue

**

BELOVED 

**

Yes, it's true. It's Series 2 of the Kiara Trilogy! I just fell so deeply in love with these characters, and the history around them, that I had to pick them up for a few more books. So what does that mean for you, as a reader? Well, it means that if you have not read the Kiara Trilogy (Principles, Shades of Shame, and Sweet Dreams) you are going to be lost for a good portion of this book. Therefore, I reccommend reading those first. You can find them on my website in their pure and unadulterated form, or here on ff.net with links to all the missing scenes. (That address is and there you can find ALL my work. Well, most of it. What I've actually posted anyhow.) 

As for the rest of ya, you know the drill. Links to NC scenes will be provided although frankly, there's so much borderline shit in this book that I'm not posting a link every time two characters screw around. So if you get offended by heavy implication, seduction, whatever you wanna call it, don't read. Please. I don't wanna piss anybody off. 

SPECIAL THANKS to TurtleNinja and to PK, without whose help, I NEVER would've gotten this book done. Also a few thank yous along the way, but to those two for all their editing and brainstorming help. This book has been a ROYAL pain in the ass, but it's been fun! lol 

One other important note: Some of this book is present, but a lot of it is a flashback. It will be noted along with the title on each chapter when it takes place (either in the present or 8 years ago). That time (-8 years) was a few months before Principles. 3 1/2(ish) months, more specifically. So at that time, Leo and Madonna were well acquainted, but not sleeping together. And Kat was not an issue in the lives of the TMNT. 

Heh. And for those keeping track... Guess what? I don't own the TMNT. Nor do I own Shredder, April, or... gee I think that's about it for this book. Of course, TECHNICALLY, I don't own the damn BOOK because it's fanfiction. *sigh* But it was fun to write. Anyhow. That's the disclaimer. This is the story. Enjoy. 

_Look at me   
My depth perception must be off again   
'Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did   
It has not healed with time   
It just shot down my spine... _

Would you find it in your heart?   
To make this go away   
And let me rest in pieces... 

-Saliva   
"Rest in Pieces" 

**PROLOGUE **

SHREDDER: 

I felt a presence enter the room and was immediately fully alert. Few people were allowed to enter my private chambers, and none without specific invitation. I glared at the figure then, realizing who it was, turned to my side, facing away from her. She was harmless. "What do you want?" I demanded coldly. 

She didn't answer, but I felt her move closer. She set down the candle she was holding on the bedside table and knelt on the mattress. "You are troubled," she whispered, running her hand over my bare arm. "And very tense." 

I didn't answer her. She sighed as she leaned over me, putting a fair amount of weight on my body. "Would you care to talk about it?" 

"If you want conversation, go find it elsewhere," I snapped. "I did not ask you to come here." 

"Do you want me to leave?" she asked, almost mockingly. Her tone angered me further. 

"Get off of me," I ordered. 

She stood, but did not leave. I turned on my back and watched shrug off the robe she'd draped over her shoulders. She slipped into the bed beside me, her warm flesh pressing to mine. "We don't have to talk, Saki-chan," she whispered, her breasts pressing to my side. "I was never particularly interested in your day in the first place." 

I growled quietly. "You are beginning to piss me off," I warned. 

"Do you want me to leave?" she asked for a second time. 

"Yes. Leave." 

"Fine," she shrugged. 

She sat up and swung her long legs over the side of the bed. My body protested to the sudden withdrawal of warmth and intimacy. She grabbed her robe off of the floor but did not bother to put it on as she strode naked to the door. I watched her go, and sighed as she was nearly out of the room. At the last moment, I gave in and barked her name. 

She turned back and smiled seductively. I knew I did not have to say a word. In a moment, she returned. She decended again onto the bed, slipping underneath the black satin sheets and pressing her body against mine. Her fingers played down the front of my torso as she rested her head on my shoulder. "Is it because of _them_?" she asked, and I knew at once who "they" were. 

"Is _what _because of them?" I demanded, trying to keep my voice gentle. I really _did _want her here. Not that I thought she'd leave on her own accord no matter _what _I said. 

"Your anger?" 

"We are not going to talk about this right now," I informed her. 

"We don't have to talk, then," she whispered, her hands running over my body. "Just fuck me." 


	2. Late at Night

****

CHAPTER ONE

LATE AT NIGHT

PRESENT

DONATELLO:

"_What _did you just say?" I asked.

The five-year-old looked at me, then back down at her Barbies. "Nothing," she mumbled under her breath.

Amy stepped up behind me, resting her hands on my shoulders. "What did you say, Salome?" she demanded.

Salome shifted nervously. "A bad word."

"Why are you using bad words?" Amy demanded. "Do I need to wash your mouth out with soap?"

The little girl shook her head furiously, keeping her eyes down. "No! I'm sorry!"

Amy looked to me and raised an eyebrow. I shook my head and sighed, turning away. She followed me into the kitchen. "It's Raph, you know," I mumbled as I grabbed a glass and filled it with water. "There's no other place she could've heard that."

Amy shrugged. "She went to school down in Oklahoma," she reminded me. "She could've heard it there. And she'll be going back in the fall. She'll be picking up all kinds of colorful phrases."

"Great," I mumbled under my breath as I sat down at the table.

She walked behind me and rubbed gently at my shoulders. "You okay?" she questioned. "You seem... stressed."

"'M alright," I assured her. "Just thinking. Working on a few different things and the tests have been pretty unsuccessful so far."

"What're you working on?" she asked, leaning down next to me. I glanced at her questioningly and smiled. "Okay, nevermind," she laughed. "I know that look. It would go right over my head, wouldn't it?"

I kissed her briefly, then again not-so-briefly. We broke when Salome walked into the room. "Donny, can we go see a movie?" she asked.

I glanced at the clock. "Kinda late, isn't it? You got bedtime in an hour."

Her pleading eyes turned to Amy. "Mama, can I _please _go see a movie?"

"I dunno," Amy debated. "You tend to be kind of a brat when you don't get your beauty sleep."

"I'll get _right _to sleep when we come home."

"Who's _we_?" I challenged, smiling.

Salome was torn between begging me to do her a favor and her mother to bend the rules. Michaelangelo walked in the room and silently walked up behind Salome. She jumped in surpise and shrieked as he jabbed his fingers into her sides. She spun and pulled away, smacking him in the face with her dark blonde hair. She lunged at him, hitting his arm. "Mikey!" she yelled. 

He smiled and hid behind his arm. "Ow! Ow! She's hurting me!" he feigned. "Mom!"

Amy crossed her arms over her chest and grinned. "_You're _the one who gets her all riled up," she reminded him. "What do you want _me _to do about it?"

In one clean movement, he swept Salome's hands behind her and grabbed her waist, throwing her over his shoulder. She flailed wildly and beat on his shell, laughing so hard she couldn't breathe. "Put me down! Mikey! Put me down!"

"What should I do with her?" Mike asked. He turned to the sink. "Maybe she'd fit in the garbage disposal..."

She squealed. "No! Mikey!"

He turned and threatened to drop her on her head in the sink. She put her arms down and braced herself, still laughing hysterically. "Mike!"

Michaelangelo turned to Amy, grinning. "Hey, is it bedtime yet? That's a good place to toss her."

Having Mike put Salome to bed was a _bad _idea. We knew that from experience. She'd _never _sleep. "No!" she protested. "I wanna go to the movies!"

Michaelangelo glanced at Amy questioningly. Salome managed to straighten herself out, her knees at about where his shoulders were. She looked down at Mike. "Will you take me to the movies, Mikey?"

"So you can have nightmares again?" Amy asked, a sly grin on her face. 

Mike blushed slightly as he set her down. "Hey, I didn't know that movie was gonna be _that _scary."

The last time Mike had taken her to the movies, she'd gone to see _The Mummy_. I guess Mike figured that since it wasn't rated R, it would be just fine for a five-year-old. She had nightmares for a week. "We won't see anything scary, Mama, I _promise_!" Salome pleaded. The fact that Amy had let this coversation get this far meant that she was actually considering it and would probably let her go.

"Please, please, pleeeeeeease?"

Amy studied her, smiling slyly. "I guess so..."

"Yes!"

"If you can find someone to take you, that is. And if you're crabby tomorrow, you're gonna take a nap. Got it?"

She looked to me pleadingly and I pointed at Mike as inconspicuously as possible. She spun around. "Mikey? Will you take me?"

He wasn't looking at her. He was busy filling a glass with water. "Maybe."

That was a yes. "Yay!"

He laughed as he turned toward her. "I said _maybe_," he clarified, though we all knew it was pointless. 

She ignored him. "Can Leo come too?"

He shook his head slightly in disbelief. Selective hearing. "Do you believe this?" he chuckled, looking at me. "She actually thinks I said yes or something."

I smiled. "I don't wanna hear it, Mike; you do the _same _thing."

She tugged on his arm. "Mikey, let's go."

"Alright, alright, hang on," he mumbled.

Salome spun to her mother and Mike turned to refill the glass. "Can I have some money, Mama?" she pleaded.

"Don't ask _me_," Amy laughed.

Salome jumped up onto my knees and the chair nearly fell over backwards. I grabbed the table with one hand and the little girl with the other. "Donny, can you give Mama some money?"

I laughed quietly. "Oh, is _that _how it works?" I questioned.

She began bouncing up and down. "Please, please, please!"

"You sure do ask a lot..."

She threw her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek. "Pleeeease?" she begged.

"Okay, okay," I agreed, smiling.

She kissed me again before she jumped down and tackled Mike, throwing him forward into the counter. "Ack!" he cried, trying to keep from spilling water all over. 

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

He looked over his shoulder at her. "You better go pick up those dolls in the living room if you wanna go anywhere," he advised.

She pulled away and placed her hands on her hips. "They're not dolls, they're Barbies."

"Yeah, Mikey, get a clue," Amy joked, her hands coming to rest on my shoulders again. "Barbies are _not _dolls."

He shot a pathetic look in our direction, then glanced down at the half-full glass of water in his hand, contemplating it. I tensed as I read his thoughts, but smiled at him. "I _dare _you," I smirked.

His eyes sparked as he looked up and met my stare. He positioned the glass to toss the water at us, but thought better of it. He turned and dumped it into the sink. "Nah," he mumbled. I relaxed, surprised that he'd backed down but not about to question it. 

I was looking away, but I felt him move suddenly and knew I was under attack. The hose on the sink hisssed, and I was wet. Amy shrieked I surprise and jumped back, and I was on my feet in an instant, but Mike was already away from the sink. I darted toward him and he threw the refridgerator open, blocking my path. He reached inside and fumbled blindly for a second, then jumped back with a metal can and a bottle of mustard in his hands. "Stay back!" he cried in his best "threatening superhero" impression. "I have..." He glanced down to see what it was he _did _have, then quickly braced, holding the items out like weapons. "... condiments! And I'm not afraid to use them!"

Salome rolled with laughter. Amy's head lowered and she grinned evilly as she approached from the side. I threw the refridgerator door closed and lunged at him. He danced back into the living room. "Ha ha!" he mocked. "You're too... Oof!" He came to an abrupt stop as he backed into Raphael. By reflex action, he turned and attacked.

"Ack!" Raph cried, shielding himself from a stream of yellow mustard. Mike stumbled back in time to keep himself on his feet, but the damage had been done. Raphael growled, his head lowering, and Mike knew he was in for it.

"Stay back!" he cried, holding the bottles like weapons. "I'm warning you!"

Raph and I both sprang at him simultaneously. He sprinted to the door, but Amy stepped in his path, still dripping from the kitchen hose. We had him trapped.

It took about five seconds, between the three of us, to get him on the floor and on his back. Amy grabbed the can opposite the mustard and sprayed a thick stream of whipped cream down his throat until he gagged and turned his head, getting it all over the side of his face. Salome was hysterical.

"What on earth is...?"

The four of us looked up as Leonardo stepped out of the _dojo_ and his eyes widened slightly. "Leo!" Mike gurgled through the whipped cream. "Help...!"

Leo turned and walked back out of the room, not asking. "No!" Mike shrieked. "Ah! Help! It's up my nose!"

"Shut up, Mike, you don't _have _a nose," Amy reminded him.

"Yes, I...!" Another spray of whipped cream shut him up. 

****

KATARINA:

__

I see Tatsu return, and smile knowingly as I recognize the look on his face. He does not see me. If he did, he probably wouldn't acknowledge me anyway. He walks directly to my father's chamber and I spend a short moment wondering just how injured his students really are. I briefly consider following him and finding out, but decide against it. Though it would certainly be amusing to watch him humbly admit his failure, bowing and kissing ass as he begged for forgiveness, I'm much more interested in getting the real _story on what had happened, not the biased view from the leader of the attempt. _

I walk down the hallway and through the training area. A number of students are there, but none I know. For the most part, the room is bare. I am not surprised, at this time of day. Those who had not gone with Tatsu are partying. On a Friday night, I would expect no less. 

Tatsu had taken a hundred soldiers with him, a small fraction of the number we have available, and I had laughed at his confidence. I know from Kioshi what these mutant freaks are capable of. Only one of them had defeated five of my father's students, in less time than it took them to realize what had hit them, and did not break a sweat. It doesn't greatly surprise me that Tatsu and his hundred have returned in defeat. I had predicted as much, though I'd kept my thoughts on the matter to myself. To point such a thing out is asking for an argument, and I don't want to be responsible for that. Not this time.

I walk to the opposite wall and nearly run into a teenage boy on his way out of the room I am entering. His sandy blond hair is wet, and a large bruise is forming on his left cheek, beneath his eye. A cut on his scalp is still slowly oozing blood over his washed hair. He looks like hell. His eyes widen for a moment before he drops his head, lowering them respectfully. "I'm sorry," he apologizes. I nod to him and he turns tail and runs. 

Inside the room, the scent of blood and sweat overwhelms me. It hangs in the air like a warning, but I ignore it as I turn the corner and lean against the entrance, taking in the scene. There are probably twenty teenage boys, most of them older, bleeding and burned, tending their wounds. Some of them are dressed. Most only wear towels around their waists. Thick humidity hangs in the air and the hissing sound of water beating down on the tile floor of the showers explains it. I can feel the moisture cling to my skin, coating me in the repulsive scent of the room.

My eyes run over the benches, scanning the crowd. They are injured, cradeling broken bones and applying ointment to burns. Hardened looks and expressions of shock and horror mix between them, and I can only guess what all had happened in this battle that Tatsu had been so sure of. A few of them glance up at me, and quickly look away. I see some of them blush as they turn, but most seem unaffected by the fact that they aren't dressed. They would have afforded me the same respect if they had been masked and ready for battle. 

It takes me a moment to locate Kioshi. He is on one of the benches, his shirt off, inspecting a burn that covers most of his forearm. But as I walk toward him another sound catches my ear. Among the gasps of pain as the students prod gently at their injuries comes a much louder cry signaling anything but discomfort. It is a sound that had come from a woman, and a few of the boys look up briefly before turning back to their own problems. Most do not even acknowledge her. 

My eyes narrow as I turn toward the sound and step closer to the lockers, peeking around the wall of them to another area of the room that is no more secluded than the one I've just stepped out of. In fact, from where I stand, I can see the entire locker room, and all those in it. Including Melanie.

She is against the lockers, her skirt raised past her hips and her shirt unbuttoned. Her head is tilted back as a dark-haired boy kisses and licks at her throat, his hands on her hips as he thrusts into her, caring nothing for the small crowd around him. These, I can guess, are all of those who were not hurt in the fight. There sure aren't many of them. Another of the boys steps forward and grabs her head, turning her face to him and kissing her hard. 

They are all shifting uncomfortably, their erections plainly visible beneath the towels wrapped around their waists. Either that or they are leaned against the lockers with dopey, satisfied grins on their faces, not bothering with the towel now. They watch as the woman raises her leg slowly up and clasps it around her partner's waist, two sets of hands now running over her upper body.

I growl low, my eyes narrowing into slits as I consider all the ways I want to kill her. God, what a slut. I hate her more every time I see her. I hate the message she delivers to my fathers' students. Even if they dare not touch me, I hate the thought that they had every right to see me in this light when they looked at me. I am a woman, and isn't every woman supposed to be like this? I glare at her, but her eyes are closed and she doesn't see it. The half-dozen figures around her are all too engrossed in the show to even notice me.

I spin away from her and see Kioshi watching me. He straightens as I approach him deliberately. "Kiara," he greets, bowing slightly. "What are you doing here?"

I sit down beside him and take his hurt arm in my lap. A large burn reddens most of his forearm. Nervous apprehension streaks his face, but he doesn't resist me. "Relax," I smile faintly, careful not to touch the injury.

I set his hand back in his lap and stand, walking to the first aid kit on the wall. It is open, and disorganized now that it had been thoroughly rummaged through. I find what I'm looking for and return to Kioshi's side, taking his arm again. "What is that?" he asks.

"Aloe and novocane," I answer, ripping open the package and forcing the gel out of the little pouch, onto his arm. "It should feel good."

He flinches as the green goo touches the burn and I laugh quietly at him. "Don't be such a baby," I grin. "It's not that _bad."_

He shoots me a pathetic look and I smile back. The smile fades as a loud cry meets my ears, and I glance back at Mel. She's moved to the next set of boys. Anger rises inside of me but I block it out as I turn back and gently spread the gel over Kioshi's arm. He cringes, but doesn't pull away. "The novocane should numb it," I inform, trying not to sound as cold as I feel right now. "You might want to find yourself an aloe plant for when this wears off and just use that. It'll heal faster if..." 

The lockers rattle and Melanie cries out again. Unable to hide my fury for even long enough to finish that sentence, I spring to my feet, careful not to throw Kioshi's arm to the side in a manner that might be painful. I feel fire in my veins as I take a few steps toward the crowd around the girl. "Get out!" I yell. 

They all spin, surprised. Mel's eyes fly open and immediately settle on me. The boy in front of her immediately pulls out and the two on her sides backed away as well, their heads bowing as they realize who I am. Melanie only glares at me as she's dropped to the floor, and pulls her skirt down over her thighs again. Her hands come to rest on her hips and the look in her eyes dares _me to speak first._

"Don't suppose your husband knows you're fuckin' his students," I shoot at her. The suggestion makes the foot soldiers around her tense. They don't know who she is. That doesn't surprise me. It wasn't like she would tell them, and there are so many rumors in this place, it's hard to tell which are true and which aren't.

She laughs cynically, tossing her bleached hair back over her shoulder. "He doesn't care."

"Maybe not," I agree. "But do they?" I motion at the crowd around her, all trying desperately to hide their erections and figure out who she's married to. They probably hadn't even known she's married. She certainly doesn't act like it. 

But she's right, of course. He doesn't care. He sees the way she plays up to them, and he looks the other way. But if they were to find out her status, the students would be as afraid to touch her as they are to look _at me. And she knows it. "This is none of your business, Kiara," she hisses._

"You're making _it my business," I answer. "You're a goddamn bitch in heat, you know that?"_

She smiles wickedly. "Just because you're afraid of men doesn't mean..."

In a flash, I have my knife against her throat. She stops, eyes widening as I hold her to the lockers. "If I slit your throat, Mel, you think my father would forgive me?" I snarl.

Her eyes narrow as she considers that. "You'd better hope so if you try it," she growls back.

Too far. She's pushed me right over the edge. I know _my father will forgive me. I know he doesn't give a damn about Mel, or he never would've given her to Tatsu. I know that there will be no repercussions whatsoever if I kill her right now, and I put pressure on the knife, drawing blood as I jerk my hand to the side. She screams, and I'm suddenly immobilized. A dozen hands lock over my arms and pull me off of her before I can complete the cut._

"Kiara, don't!"

"Please!"

"Stop!"

Anger surges through me and I turn the knife on the students who are holding me. Blood runs as I jerk out of their grasp, sending them back against the lockers. It takes four of them, in addition to the three that had originally pulled me back and were now nursing injuries, to wrestle the knife away from me. I watch out of the corner of my eye as Mel grabs her throat, thick red liquid seeping through her fingers. She's bleeding pretty good, but not enough to kill her. I hadn't hit the damn artery. God, I wish I had...

I throw the boys off of me and spin, braced to defend myself. They outnumber me, that much I knew, and I was unarmed now. I'll cause them pain if we fight, but they'll take me down. The thing is, I know none of them will attack. To do so was suicide. My father would kill them, and they know it. So they all step back, heads bowed submissively as I watch, tensed and ready. 

After a moment, I turn back and look to Mel. I smile wickedly at her. "You'd better go take care of that," I hiss at her. "Don't want your blood all over the place."

Anger clouds her eyes and she tenses, as if she wants to attack me. I smile, challenging her. Go right ahead, bitch...

__

After a moment of tense silence, she spins and runs from the room, leaving a thin trail of blood behind her. I glare at the student holding my knife and he hands it back to me carefully, his head lowered. I replace it in my belt and step forward. The crowd parts, clearing a path, and I walk back to Kioshi. "Aloe," I repeat. "And be more careful next time..."

***

"Katarina!"

My eyes snapped open and I blinked a few times, trying to figure out where I was and how I'd gotten here. I was in a live truck, staring at a wall of monitors from my place in front of the switcher. "Hey, Katarina, you hear me?"

I turned toward the vaguely familiar voice and stared at Jeff for a moment, still startled by the fact that I'd almost fallen asleep. No, I _had _fallen asleep. I was dreaming, too. The dream rang clear in my mind and I shook my head to try and clear my thoughts. That dream... That memory... I put it all on pause as I concentrated on the present. 

"Uh, no... what'd you say?"

He slipped a tape into the deck and shuttled back through an hour's worth of sots. (AN: Sound on Tape, usually interviews) "I said you're exhausted. Go get some sleep, huh?"  
I shook my head. "No, I'm alright."

"You're not okay; you're gonna fall asleep on the switcher. What're we supposed to do if you hit your head on it and bleed all over and ruin the damn thing?"

I grinned at him. "Your sympathy makes me swoon."

He glanced over his shoulder at me. "Go _sleep_, KitKat. I'll finish up in here. We're done for the night."

I sighed deeply and reluctantly pulled myself to my feet. I walked to the door and opened it, then stepped out into the cool night air, heading across the well-lit parking lot to the hotel doors. The dream swam back into focus as I stared down at the asphalt pavement, then the low carpet inside the hotel lobby. I glanced up as I waited for the elevator and looked around. I hadn't had a dream that vivid in a long time. And of all the memories that should happen to surface, that wasn't one I was particularly fond of.

Four people got off the elevator; I was alone getting on. I pressed the button and rode up to the fourth floor before it signaled that I had arrived and I stepped out into the hallway. Melanie. I remembered her well, but I rarely ever thought of her. Why was she in my dreams now?

I sighed as I slid my key in the door and the light flickered to green. The answer to that question was one I still wasn't too sure I liked, or even understood. The past few nights had brought more memories of my time as Kiara than I cared to admit _having._ I wasn't sure what had triggered it, but it was almost eerie. And being away from Raphael during these nightmares wasn't helping.

_Maybe that's it,_ I suggested. _Maybe it's just that simple. You don't like being away from him._

But that didn't really make too much sense. I'd been away from him before. No, it was more than that.

_You just need to relax, Kat. You're workin' too hard._

That was much more likely. And I relished the idea much more. That, at least, was curable by some a hot bath and a good night's sleep. I smiled as I closed the door behind me and stretched. A hot bath would make me feel _much _better. I ran the steaming water into the tub and rummaged through my bag for a clean T-shirt to put on afterward. I'd gone through all the clothes in this suitcase. Time to break into the other one. 

I sighed and picked it up off the floor, heaving it onto the bed. The zipper seemed loud in the quiet room. I threw the lid back and a piece of paper fluttered for a moment before coming to rest on the bed. I stared at it for a moment, then reached down to pick it up. _Love you baby. Wish I was there. -R_

I smiled and set the paper down on the bed. As I picked up the shirt, a familiar, dark scent swirled around me. I was caught off guard for a moment, and stared blankly at the suitcase. It took me a moment to realize it was the shirt itself. I brought it up and buried my face in it, smiling. It smelled like him. Like that cologne he wore when he wanted to turn me on. I held it to my chest and hugged my arms around myself, eyes closed. I hated to admit it, but I was starting to _really _miss him. And I'd only been gone a little over a week. 

I set the shirt on the bed and picked up my cell phone, then walked into the bathroom. The steam was rising from the tub, and I turned the water off. I shed my clothes and sank down into it, careful not to get my hands wet. Having succeeded at that, I dialed the familiar number on the cell phone and waited patiently.

"Hello?"

I smiled faintly. "Hi, Leo, it's Kat," I greeted. "Can I talk to Raph?"

"Yeah, sure, hang on."

The phone clattered as he set it down and I heard his voice echo as he called for Raphael. I closed my eyes and sank down deeper into the water, keeping only my head and hand out. For a few moments, it was quiet. Then the phone rattled again and I heard Raphael's voice. "Ack! Leo! What'd you do to the damn phone?"

I stared for a moment at the opposite wall, wondering what that was all about. Leo's voice answered faintly, just loud enough for me to understand him. "Well next time get up and answer it yourself."

Raph growled, then spoke into the phone. "H'lo?"

I smiled. "Hi Raph. What's wrong with the phone?"

"Oh, nothing except that it's," he raised his voice so that he could be heard in the other room, "_dripping sweat_!"

I chuckled. "Since when does sweat bother you?" I asked.

He chose not to answer that. "So I see you finally decided to call me," he observed. "S'about damn time."

I smiled. "I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I've been busy. And tired. We're having serious problems gaining cooperation down here."

"Mmm," he acknowledged.

"It's kinda frustrating, you know? We come all the way down here and they won't even talk to us."

He was quiet for a moment. I lifted my foot out of the water and watched the tiny droplets stream toward my knee. My skin steamed from the heat of the water. "So what're you doing now?" he asked.

I sat up again and lowered my knees back under the water's surface. "Soaking in a bath," I answered quietly. "Trying to relax."

He laughed under his breath. "Sounds like fun."

I smiled and rested my head against the tile wall of the shower. The water sloshed up near the top of the tub as I moved, but I didn't really care. "Yeah, it feels good," I agreed. "You should try it."

"I think our bathtub's a little small for that."

I considered the thought for a moment. "Mmm. We should make Donny put in a jacuzzi."

He laughed. "I could go for that. I'll hold him down and you torture him. We'll get him to cooperate."

I couldn't hold back a quiet laugh as I pictured that. "Or maybe we could just ask him nicely," I suggested.

"But torturing him would be more fun."

I smiled, but didn't answer. I briefly considered telling him about the dreams I'd been having, but decided against it. He was a million miles away, and couldn't do anything about it. Besides, I didn't want to explain my life's history to him over the phone. Really, I didn't care for the idea of explaining it at all. I had tried so hard to just put it behind me. Which was a large part of the reason why these dreams bothered me so much.

"Is something wrong?"

I must have stayed quiet for too long. I blinked a few times as his words cut through my thoughts, then shook my head to clear it. "No, nothing," I answered him.

"Don't lie to me, baby," he whispered. "You know I hate that."

I sighed. "Yeah, okay, there is. But I don't want to talk about it over the phone."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. So when are you going to be back?"

That was it. One of the things I loved about Raphael: he didn't pressure me for answers I didn't want to give him. "My flight gets in at 10:15 tomorrow night."

"I'll be there," he assured me.

I laughed. "Waiting at the gate, right?"

"Maybe. Though more likely outside. Just start walking, I'll find you."

"Okay."

"Anything else?"

I smiled. Not much for phone conversation. But then, he'd never been. "I love you."

"I love you too," he answered. "Can't wait to see you."

"Mmm," I grinned. "You too."

He laughed quietly. "Sleep well, baby."

I sighed deeply, breathing in the steam around me. "I will."

****

DONATELLO:

We moved back into the kitchen, leaving Mikey to take care of the mess in the living room. And all over his _face._ Amy cleaned up the water on the kitchen floor, then moved behind me and began massaging my shoulders again. Mike stumbled into the room and tossed the empty can in the garbage, then shoved the mustard back into the fridge, wiping his cheek with the back of his hand. 

I smirked at him as he wiped the whipped cream off of his face and neck and shoulders, then washed his face in the kitchen sink. Salome stepped up beside him. "So can we go to the movies now?" she asked.

"Go take care of your dolls," he mumbled, drying his face on the towel.

"_Barbies_, Mike," Salome corrected. "There's a _difference_."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Leonardo walked into the room as Amy rubbed slightly harder at my shoulders. He'd been working out and he was dripping sweat. Salome thought about running to him, but reconsidered when she got a good look at him. "Hey Leo!" she greeted from a safe distance.

"Hey, kid," he answered her. He cast a lingering glance at Michaelangelo, but didn't say anything to him. "Why're you so excited?"

"Because you're coming with us!"

I smiled, relaxing as Amy rubbed hard at the tension in my shoulders. "Great," he replied enthusiastically, playing along. 

She jumped up and down and grabbed his arm, forgetting for a moment that she didn't want to touch him right now. She remembered quickly and jerked her hands back. "Ew, _yuck_!" she cried, wiping her hands on her jeans. "You gotta take a bath first. Hurry up!"

He grinned. "Aw, come on, Salome, don't you want a hug?"  
He took a step forward and she shrieked and bolted from the room, nearly running Raphael over at the doorway. Leo chuckled as he watched her go. "Hey, pick up the Barbies, will you?" he called after her.

"See?" Amy smiled at Mike. "_Leo_ knows they're Barbies."

Mike shot her a sarcastic smile. "Funny."

Raphael pulled the fridge open and grabbed a beer, not speaking. "So is there any particular reason why you all saw fit to whipped cream Mike?" Leo asked, quite seriously.

We all looked at each other, then shook our heads simultaneously. Even Mike agreed. Leo nodded slightly. "Okay. Just wondering." He turned to the counter and quickly downed a glass of water. "So where am I going?" he asked as he set the glass down.

Raphael eyed him carefully. "To shower, I hope," he mumbled. Leo turned and grinned slyly at him and was answered with a glare. "And if you even _think _about trying to hug me, I'm going to shove more than whipped cream down your throat," he warned.

Mike snickered as Leonardo poured another glass of water and turned to us. "You're letting Salome go out this late?"

"I'll get her back on her regular schedule next week," Amy mumbled. Raph took a long drink from the bottle. "She's gotta go back to school sooner or later."

Raphael lowered the bottle. "Kat should have the deposit for the apartment next paycheck. So you'll have a permanent address."

"Next Friday?"

"This Friday," he corrected. 

"How's her report coming?" I questioned.

Raph sighed. "I guess the senator she's gotta talk to is being an asshole. She can't get a quote out of him and if she doesn't have that, she doesn't have a story."

"That sucks," Michaelangelo mumbled.

"Mmm," Raph agreed, raising the bottle to his lips again.

"Well..." Leo placed his glass in the sink and headed for the door. "I'm going to shower and then go wherever it is I'm going with Salome."

"She's just got you wrapped right around her finger, doesn't she?" Amy chuckled. Leo flashed her a grin before he disappeared.

Raph watched him go, then glanced at the clock. "Where _are _you going?" he asked.

"Movies."

"Isn't she supposed to be in bed at eight-thirty?"

"I'm gonna let it slide tonight," Amy mumbled.

"You wanna come?" Mike offered.

Raph was quiet for a moment as he took another drink. "Let me think about it," he mumbled as he turned away. "You know what's playing?"

Mike followed him into the living room, leaving Amy and I alone in the kitchen again. She ran her hands down my plastron and joined them over my stomach, her head resting on my shoulder. "Love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," I mumbled back.

"Show me."

I chuckled slightly to myself. "Yeah, I figured there was a reason you were letting her go out this late..."

****

MICHAELANGELO:

Of all the movies Salome _had _to see, she had to pick one that didn't end until almost eleven o'clock. And even after we left the theater, she wasn't ready to go home and get to bed. "Can we go up and look at the stars?"

My brothers and I glanced at each other, then up at the sky. "It's kinda late, Salome," Leo reminded her.

"Yeah, it's _way _past your bedtime," I added.

"Just for a little while?"

"Aw, come on," Raph grinned. "Ten minutes." Leo glared at him and he smiled back, ignoring the silent warning. "Come on, Sal, I'll race you."

They took off into the alley and Leo sighed. "If he keeps this up, she's gonna be a spoiled brat."

I laughed. "Earth to Leo! She already _is _spoiled." He shot a pathetic glance at me and I stuck out my lower lip in my best "spoiled brat" imitation. "And there's nothing wrong with that."

He couldn't suppress a quiet laugh as he shook his head and turned away.

By the time we reached the fire escape, Raph and Salome were already halfway to the top. Raphael hadn't bothered to pull the ladder back up and we climbed it easily. We reached the rooftop a few minutes later, taking our time up the stairs. I immediately looked around for my brother and the little girl, and saw them at the opposite end of the roof. He was holding her hand as she walked along the ledge, twenty stories up. "Raph!" Leo cried as he saw them. "What're you _teaching _her!"

Salome turned and grinned at us. "I'm not scared!" she chimed.

"I don't care if you're scared or not, get down from there."

"Awww..." she moaned. But she jumped down onto the roof.

Leo shot a nasty look at Raphael. "I can't believe you'd let her..."  
A scream cut him off. We all looked at each other, then darted back to the fire escape we'd just ascended. Down in the alley, a woman pressed her back to the dirty brick wall. Around her was a half-circle of black clad figures. My eyes widened as I recognized the outfit. "Is that... the Foot?" I asked in surprise.

Leo looked as shocked as I was. Raph was on the other side of him and I couldn't see his expression. No, I couldn't _really _be seeing what I thought I was seeing. We hadn't heard from the foot clan in _years_. They had pretty much ceased to exist when Shredder was killed. Why would they be back now? And why on earth would they be picking a fight with a civilian? It couldn't be them. Had to be a gang imitation. 

"It can't be," Leonardo whispered in disbelief. "They wouldn't..."

His voice trailed off as they pressed in on the woman. Raphael stepped back from the ledge, his hand dropping and brushing his weapons for an instant. "Imposters or not," he mumbled, "they picked the wrong guy to endorse. Let's go kick some ass."

****

LEONARDO:

Raphael and I dropped down off the fire escape and landed directly in front of her. Instinctively, we stepped apart, to either side of her, and braced, reaching for our weapons. We were met with expressionless stares from masked faces, but I could sense their surprise and their fear. The woman screamed and tried to run, but she had nowhere to go. 

I retrieved only one of the _katanas_ strapped to my back. The figures looked to an unmasked Japanese man nearby. I did not recognize him, but I knew he was their leader even without the ability to place him. He nodded slightly and I braced, fully prepared for the attack by the time it came. I shifted to a defensive stance and braced as a sword sliced downward. I caught his blade on mine and parried him away. Then I moved fluidly to a side strike and made a neat connection with his upper arm. He was slow. He hadn't even taken the few seconds he had to set up a block, much less to reinforce it.

Blood dripped down my sword as I turned to another of the attacking figures. The fight was close in, and we had to hold our ground rather than shift to easier positions and leave an open space through which they could reach their victim. But between the two of us, the foot soldiers were no match. Even armed against us, they fell more quickly than they could organize replacements. At length, their leader turned and fled. Those who were still standing ran after him, and we watched, still braced, until they had disappeared. For just a moment, I considered following the trail of blood back to their base, but I decided that the victim was more important at this point.

I sheathed my _katana_ and turned to the whimpering figure, coiled in a ball against the alley wall. I heard noise above us and looked up, reaching my hand back to my weapons again as I instinctively braced for another attack. But it was only Mike and Salome. I turned back to the woman as Raphael twirled his _sais _and shoved them back into his belt, glancing to me. "Are you okay?" I asked her quietly.

She looked up, and my heart skipped a beat. _Madonna..._

_"I should thank you."_

I don't need an apology. "You should."

A slight bow, her hair falling in front of her eyes. "My name is Madonna."

"Leonardo." 

Those eyes... She's so beautiful... 

"I know who you are."

Shock. "S'cuse me?"

Feigned impatience and a slight grin. "So are you gonna arrest me or ask me out or what?"

My mouth is working before my brain can put together words. "Maybe both...".

I blinked hard and realized that the figure before me wasn't Madonna. It couldn't be, after all. I'd _buried _her. But she looked a _lot _like her. Her blonde, crimped hair was about the same length, her blue-green eyes showed the same sparkling mystery, in spite of the fact that they were filled with fear. She pressed back further into the corner and I swallowed hard, regaining my confidence. 

"You're not hurt, are you?" I questioned.

She glanced down, her hands moving to her hair, then down to her chest. Satisfied that she was in one piece, she shook her head slightly. I offered her a hand and she hesitated. Mike jumped down beside me and caught Salome, setting her down on the ground. "It's okay," I assured the woman. "You're alright now."

Hesitantly, she raised her hand and placed her slender fingers in mine. I pulled her easily to her feet and she ran her fingers of her other hand over her hair. She was wearing only a dark blue robe, and holding it closed tightly even though it was tied. She swallowed hard and glanced back and forth between us.

"You're bleeding," Raph observed.

She glanced down, turning her leg outward, and looked down past her robe at her scraped knee. "It's..." she started. She even _sounded _like Madonna. A stab of grief shot through me and I forced it aside. "I'm okay..."

"Want us to walk you home?" Mike offered.

Her eyes dropped. "I... don't have a home right now."

Raph's eyes narrowed slightly. His eyes dropped to her arms and I saw him search for signs that she was a user. He didn't have to say anything. I knew that was what he was doing. Satisfied, he looked back up. I doubted, from the way she was dressed, that she was a prostitute. "This a recent eviction?" Raphael guessed.

Her eyes closed slowly. "He'll kill me if I go back..."

"Who's _he_?" Raph pressed.

For a moment, she didn't answer. "My... boyfriend."

"Your boyfriend got ties to the foot clan?"

Her eyes opened and she stared down at the ground between us. "He's a major part of it. And I know they'll find me and kill me now."

Raph glanced away and I watched him for a moment. Over the years, we'd housed probably a dozen people, whether for just a night or for an extended period of time. But ever since Sasha, I'd made a point of checking to make sure that Raphael hadn't _slept _with them before I offered our help. I cast him a questioning glance and he shrugged, seemingly disinterested. That was a no.

I turned back to the woman as she pressed against the brick wall, clenching her arms over her chest. "Maybe we can help you..."

****

AMY:

I opened my eyes as I heard talking in the living room. They were home. I sat up slowly but Donny grabbed my arm. "Just relax," he whispered. "I'll put her to bed."

I eased back down and he pulled the blanket up around my chin. I smiled as he kissed my forehead. "Go to sleep," he breathed in my ear. I closed my eyes again and felt the bed shift as he stood, drawing away the warmth his body created. 

Light shined into the room as he slipped quietly out and I heard my daughter tackle him. "Donny! You'll never _guess_ what happened!"

I cringed. I had a sneaking suspicion that I was going to have to _kill _Mike. I tried to tune them out, but the voices echoed, too muffled to hear as they moved away from the door. After a few minutes, Salome's voice disappeared. I watched the numbers change on the clock, trying to fall back asleep. There was still talking. A female voice. Who was that? April? This late? Kat wasn't supposed to be back until tomorrow night.

I sat up, holding the blanket in front of my chest, and stared for a moment at the door, trying to make out the words to the conversation. They were too muffled. Finally, I slipped my legs out from underneath the warm comforter and shivered as they touched the icy floor. It took me a moment to find my robe and I draped it over my shoulders, slipping my arms into the sleeves with some difficulty in the pitch blackness.

I tied it tightly and opened the door. For a moment, I was blinded by the light. As my eyes adjusted, I saw Mike and Leo, and an unfamiliar woman between them. She was about 5'3, barefoot, and wearing only a short, blue robe. She looked up as I entered, and bit her lip, tucking her long, permed hair behind her ear.

I stepped forward and Leonardo and Michaelangelo both turned. Leo bowed slightly. "Amy. Good evening. Donatello told us you were asleep; did we wake you?"

I shook my head. "No, I... wasn't quite sleeping yet."

He turned to the newcomer. My eyes followed and I saw her studying me. "Melanie, this is Amy," Leo explained. His voice held a formal tone to it. I wondered why. "Salome's mother."

Melanie smiled warmly. "You have a beautiful daughter."

I was immediately at ease. If they had brought her down here, they trusted her. And that meant I could, too. Her attempt at kindness was welcomed. "Thank you," I smiled back, nodding to her.

She stepped forward and offered her hand. "I had a daughter," she explained. "They kinda grow on ya, I think."

I nodded as I shook her hand. I wasn't about to question her use of the word "had" at this point. "I love her very much," I confirmed.

"Don is putting her to bed if you wanna go tuck her in," Mike offered.

I smiled faintly. "Yeah, I should," I whispered, turning back to Melanie. "It was nice meeting you, though."

She nodded. "You too." She laughed quietly. "What was your name again?"

"Amy."

"Sorry," she giggled. "I'm terrible with names. My name's Melanie, but you can call me Mel."


	3. Saviors & Survivors

****

CHAPTER TWO

SAVIORS AND SURVIVORS

PRESENT

****

Okay, guys, I know it's been FOREVER since I updated. LOL I apologize. In the midst of moving and (oh, yeah) this freakin' WAR we're in… the TV news business is NOT the one to be in… But anyways. Updates will be more frequent now. Thanks for the reviews. –s

MICHAELANGELO:

She was pretty. The fact that she was only half dressed didn't hurt her case any. We hadn't gotten around to getting her clothes today and Amy's limited fashions were all too small. So she was still in the blue robe we'd found her in last night. Tomorrow, we'd have to get her some clothes.

I couldn't get over that hair, even though I knew it was a dye job. Her roots were already starting to come in. She looked strangely familiar, somehow. But I couldn't quite place her. Maybe I'd seen her from a distance before. I was sure I'd never talked to her.

"Are you hungry?" I offered.

She stared down at the tea Leo had offered her before he'd disappearing into another room, probably to meditate or something. "No," she whispered. "That's okay."

I grinned as I watched her lift the mug to her lips and sip slightly from it. Her eyes flickered and she tried not to flinch as she tasted it. "You're not a tea drinker, are you?" I questioned.

She seemed startled and embarrassed by the question. "It's... really hot. And it doesn't have sugar."

I nodded. "If I got you some sugar and an ice cube, would you like it better?"

A warm smile came over her face and she held the mug out to me. "Yes. Thank you."

"No problem," I assured her.

I stood and walked to the kitchen, taking the tea with me. With a few additions, I brought it back to her a moment later. She accepted it gratefully and sipped at it. "Mmm... Much better," she smiled.

I flopped down beside her on the couch and reached for the remote. For several minutes, I just flipped through the channels. There was nothing on. I already knew that. There was never anything good on Wednesday nights. "How do you even know what you're looking at?" Mel asked quietly.

"Oh, it's easy," I mumbled, pressing the button at a steady pace. "I watch enough TV to know what's on any given channel at any given time. So this is really just exercise for my thumb. I already know what's on."

She giggled. "Well, you think you could give your thumb a slight break?" she pleaded jokingly. "You're gonna make me have a seizure."

I glanced at her questioningly and she smiled, then reached across my lap and rested her hand on mine, over the top of the remote. I backed away slightly, putting a little bit of distance between our faces. But since she was leaning over me, there wasn't much of a place to go.

For a long time, she didn't move. She stared at me, her deep, blue-green eyes dancing, and smiled. For a moment, I wondered what she was thinking. And if she realized what she was making _me _think. Pressed against the back of the couch like this, I could see right down the front of her robe, whether I wanted to or not. And my body was reacting to the fact that she wasn't wearing much underneath it. Thankfully, she didn't see it. God, I loved being a turtle.

She pulled her hand back and I left the remote alone. She sat up straight again and turned to see what was on the screen. It could've been an infomercial, for all I cared. I swallowed hard and fought to get my raging hormones under control. She seemed totally unaware of her slight seduction. Maybe she hadn't done it on purpose. She sipped the tea slowly and watched the TV, bringing her legs up underneath her.

"Hey, Mikey?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin. I spun and saw Raphael stop dead in his tracks. "Yeah?" I asked. I could hear the startled panic in my own voice.

He studied me for a minute, cocking his head to one side. "You alright, Mike?"

I nodded enthusiastically. He didn't buy it. I knew he wouldn't. The denial was aimed more at Mel than at him. Thankfully, he let it go. "When Leo gets done pondering the meaning of life, tell him I went to go get Kat, alright?"

I agreed quickly, nodding again. He remained still, watching me, then chuckled to himself as he turned away and walked out the door. Mel and I exchanged glances, and she turned back to the TV. I heaved a sigh of relief as the lair door closed.

APRIL:

"You're very pretty, you know that?"

I shifted nervously. This guy had not left my side all night long except when I had delivered my short introduction for the guest of honor. It was an upper class gathering, and I wouldn't have been caught dead here if I hadn't been assigned to report on it. But their guest of honor was the best thing since sliced bread in the fashion market, and viewers wanted to know about him. More specifically, they wanted to know about the recent scandal that he was trying to recover from. Hence, the dinner party. 

"Thank you," I answered quietly, running over the past few hours. Did I have enough to write my report? Where the hell was the photog? I knew I should really get a few more interviews on-cam, but I was _more _than ready to get out of here. 

The intruding man raised his drink to his lips again. "You know, someone as pretty as you are shouldn't have to be alone tonight."

I stared down at the bar. "I'm not alone," I mumbled. "My work keeps me quite busy."

He laughed quietly. "Yes, but there are times when work _creates_ more needs than it satisfies."

I knew where this was going, and I didn't like it. I was getting less intimidated and more annoyed with every word he spoke. It was about time for him to take a hike. I looked around for Amber, my photog and my ride back, but didn't see her. 

The man's hand slid across the bar and came to rest over mine. I tensed, wondering what kind of scene it would make if I turned around and broke his nose. "Well, maybe we can... you know..." he suggested.

That was enough. I jerked away from him and stood up. "Sorry, I have to go," I informed him coldly. "Nice talking to you."

It took me a few minutes to find Amber. She was talking with a young man I didn't recognize. I smiled as she stepped up, and Amber shifted her weight, repositioning the camera on her shoulder. "Excuse me."

"April O'Neil, right?" the man asked.

I nodded. "Yes, that's right."

"You're quite an eloquent speaker."

I chuckled a little at that. "Just one with very little stage fright," I returned. "Talking to a entire city full of people every afternoon can do that to you."

He laughed. "Is it difficult?"

I shrugged. "You get used to it."

Finally, he offered me a hand. "My name is Charles Calaray, Vice President of Sencorp Enterprises."

I made small talk with him for a moment, and took the opportunity to get his input on the party, on camera. Then I turned to Amber. "We really should get going," I informed.

She stared at me for a moment. "What? Why?"

"Oh, don't leave so soon," Charles pleaded. "I'd enjoy talking to you for a bit."

His arm slipped around my waist and I realized too late that he was either too drunk or too bold for my taste. I jerked away and looked at Amber. "I need to get home," I said firmly.

"Well, let me stay and get some shots first."

"Then give me the keys to the van," I instructed.

She rolled her eyes. "April, can't you just hang for a while?" she pleaded.

"I'll be ready to leave in just a few minutes," Charles informed. "I'd be willing to drive you back. And it would give us a chance to talk."

I stared at him for a moment, and considered the thought of riding in a car with him. Even if he _hadn't _been drunk, I didn't like that idea. "No," I mumbled. "It's fine." I glared at Amber. "I'll catch a cab."

"It's really no problem," Charles smiled, his eyes raking over me.

I glared back at him. "Thank you. But I'll be alright."

Amber shrugged and I turned away. She'd be out of a job tomorrow morning, so she'd better enjoy herself tonight. Work was never supposed to be a social event. But then again, maybe she'd just get off with a warning. She was pretty new, after all. Fresh outta college. I sighed as I left the party. Tomorrow was another issue altogether. Right now, I had to worry about getting home.

It wasn't until I had ridden the elevator all the way to the ground floor and walked out the front doors that I realized I didn't have nearly enough money for a cab. I sighed deeply as I leaned back against the wall. I should call the guys. _For what? _I questioned. _So they can walk you home? As if you need someone to watch over your shoulder and protect you..._

I looked down the street. That wasn't the point. This was a bad area, and I knew it. And there was the little issue of not knowing where the hell I was. But it wasn't quite dark yet. The sun was just setting, and if I could make it to a bus, _that_ I could afford. I could make it there before the streets cleared out. Besides, I didn't want to have to wait for an escort to get there, and I didn't want to talk to him about what happened, and why I wasn't getting a ride back with Amber. I knew he would ask.

I walked as quickly as I was able in the high heel shoes, listening to them click on the pavement as I headed toward the setting sun.

RAPHAEL:

What the hell was she doing on this side of town after dark? And why was she dressed like that? I watched from the shadows as she walked along the street. I couldn't cross to talk to her because I wasn't disguised, and there were people around. Four. They were behind her. They almost looked like they were following her.

My eyes narrowed as I saw movement up ahead, in one of the alleyways. Shit, they were gonna jump her. "Hey, baby."

A voice from the alley rang in the stillness, and I heard him as clearly as she had. There wasn't even a breeze to carry his words away. She spun around and looked into the alley, nearly tripping over her own two feet. In those heels, I wasn't surprised. The men behind her stopped, too, and she turned to them. "Where you goin' all dressed up like that?" one of them smirked.

I saw her tense. "I'm going home," she informed, hiding her fear well. Sure was a good thing I'd taken the scenic route. As if she didn't know better than to go walking around the streets after dark... "I live right over there," she pointed, lying through her teeth. "And my husband's expecting me."

I grinned. Smooth. But it wouldn't work. They'd set the trap, and they wouldn't let such a nice piece of ass go without a fight. "Awww, isn't that sweet?" one of the men patronized. "Well, we wouldn't want to keep him waiting, would we?"

She backed away slowly and they let her go, not moving. At least she knew not to turn her back on them. I saw another figure step out of the shadows and behind her. Three groups. At the very least, there were six men. It was a _really_ good thing I'd taken the scenic route. 

She screamed as his arms circled her and she was half-pulled, half-shoved into the alley. "No!"

They all raced into the alley and out of my sight. I scanned the street for onlookers, not that I really would've cared if there were any at this point, and sprinted. The man in the first alley hadn't come out into the street so I knew he'd gone behind the building. That meant there was an easy way around without having to leave the shadows. I slowed as I reached the darkness, and found no wall in front of me. It was open behind the building, and into the next alley, where they'd taken April.

I crouched as I approached, and watched them, eyes narrowed. There were a lot more than six of them. Try _sixteen_, at the least. Only three were actually near her; the rest were at a distance. One was behind, his hand over her mouth. One was holding a knife to her throat; he'd be the primary concern. Another had his hands at her breasts, running them slowly around behind her. He was probably feeling for the easiest way to get the dress off. I heard the quiet, familiar scrape of my _sais_ against my belt as I pulled them slowly and eyed my prey. 

"Just relax and enjoy it, baby... You know we're a lot stronger than you."

Muscles flexed and tensed, and I waited for him to lower the knife, just slightly. It didn't have to be a lot. I just didn't want him to reflexively slit her throat. I breathed out, ready to strike at a moment's notice. Once they found the zipper on the back of the dress, their attention was diverted enough to give me my chance.

I sprinted, taking out two of them before they even had a chance to look up. I kicked at the one with the knife and he flew back, safely away from April. Behind me, I felt a familiar danger. I spun and heaved my right _sai _at the figure, knocking the gun out of his hand. He turned just right, to my pleasant surprise, and the blade embedded in his shoulder. I let it go. If I was really lucky, maybe he'd try to attack me with it.

I spun, tossing my remaining weapon to my strong arm, and took down another dark figure with a simple roundhouse kick. The man with the knife was returning. I blocked his weapon with mine and turned my wrist, bringing the blunt end of the _sai_ to the bridge of his nose. He cried out in agony as he dropped to his knees. I took the opportunity offered by a split second of calm while they reorganized, and spun to April. "Go!" I yelled at her. She was still just as shocked as they were, and she hadn't thought about that yet.

She took off as quickly as the shoes would allow her and I moved to the mouth of the alley, blocking any attempts at following. I had only one weapon. Where was my other one? I was rushed and I blocked the fist coming at me, bringing my knee up and connecting forcefully. I pivoted on the ball of my foot and leaned, kicking to the side. I felt ribs give way as the figure beside me flew back, slamming into the wall.

Finally, someone thought to attack me with my missing _sai_. About damn time. I locked the prongs of the one in my hand with the ones that came at me like a spear. It was almost comical. I jerked my hand to the side, locking the swords together, and kicked at him. The _sai _clattered to the ground. 

A knife sliced through the air beside me and I ducked out of the way, sweeping my weapon up into my left hand. I reached up, caught his wrist, and heard it snap as I jerked my hand to the side. He screamed in pain and I dropped, kicking his feet out from underneath him. A bullet ricocheted off of the cement a few inches to my left. Shit, there was another gun. I scanned quickly for it, but didn't see where it was. And I didn't have time. I sprang to the side, putting the corner of the building between me and the shooter. Instinctively, I searched for shelter.

The entrance was sunk into the front of the building, and I ducked into the tiny cave. For a moment, it was silent. Then, bullets flew past me, probably shot into the street as they spun around the corner and expected me to be running away or ready to jump out at them.

"Where'd he go?"

I tensed, ready to attack if they came any closer. There was a moment of silence. "Uh... I dunno. Maybe we should get outta here."

_And rob me of the chance to wipe the pavement with your faces?_

"Good idea..."

I sighed. Oh well. I wasn't here to play anyway. 

I heard them retreat and shoved my weapons back into my belt. Now to find April.

****

APRIL:

I leaned back against the brick wall and doubled over, my hands on my knees. I felt like my lungs were about to burst. I'd kicked off the heels, and the soles of my feet stung. I didn't care. At least I was alive. _Thank _God_ for you, Raphael! _I coughed and tried to catch my breath, leaning back against the wall again. I felt the brick scrape at my back. The zipper was still down, around my waist. It had been the least of my worries. 

I felt like I was running in circles. And I probably was. Would he come look for me, now that he knew I was wandering aimlessly? Maybe I should just stay put. But what if he didn't come looking for me? _He will_, I assured myself. _He wouldn't just leave you here_. I decided not to move, and amused myself by considering how many times Raphael had saved my ass in the years I'd known him. You'd think I went out _looking _for trouble...

I remembered the zipper on the dress and reached behind me to try and pull it up again. I didn't get it very far before it jammed. I wasn't surprised, but I didn't really know what to do about it. I spent a few moments struggling with it, reaching under and over my shoulders in an attempt to reach it, knowing full well how ridiculous I must look. This thing was the biggest pain in the ass... 

"Need some help?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin. The task was forgotten as I pressed back against the wall again, my eyes darting around for the source of the words. I recognized the voice, but I had no idea where he was. "Raph?"

He appeared in the alley, stepping out of the shadows, and I breathed a sigh of relief. "Y'okay, babe?" he questioned sincerely.

I took a few steps toward him and threw my arms around his neck. He hugged my waist in return, and his fingers brushed lightly against my skin. He remained still for a moment before pulling away. "You hurt?" he asked.

"No," I answered, running my fingers through my hair. "I'm okay."

"Turn around."

I stepped back and turned away from him. It took him a minute of fumbling with the zipper before I finally heard the muffled clicking, and the dress tightened around me again. I adjusted it quickly, then turned and hugged him again. "Thank you."

"No problem." He grinned at me as I stepped back again. "You're lost, right?" he assumed, seemingly amused by that.

I smiled sheepishly and cut my eyes to the ground. "I don't normally... come into this area. Not unless I'm just driving through. So I don't know it at all."

He put an arm around my shoulder. "You're a long way from home, April, if that's where you were trying to go."

"It was," I sighed. We walked deeper into the alley. I didn't question him. "There was... a party I was supposed to cover. Suffice it to say it was _not _an enjoyable experience."

He rubbed my shoulder gently. "Sorry," he offered. "Come on, I'll take you home." 

I sighed as he stopped and climbed up on the edge of the dumpster, reaching for the fire escape. "You're gonna make me jump from rooftop to rooftop, aren't you?" I realized.

He grinned at me. "Best way to travel in this city." The ladder clanged loudly as it fell in front of me. "Especially if your green and without a disguise."

****

RAPHAEL:

We climbed in through the balcony window and she closed it behind her. "Glad I always leave this open for you," she mused.

"Mmm," I agreed, glancing around the dark room. She flicked on the light, and I was momentarily blinded. "Can I use your phone?"

"Go right ahead," April gestured. "I'm gonna go get changed."

I walked into the kitchen and pulled the phone off the wall, glancing at the clock. Kat's flight had been in for over an hour now. She was going to kill me. 

Her cell rang twice before she answered it. "April?" she assumed, based on the caller ID.

"Guess again, baby," I smiled.

"Where the _hell _are you!"

I cringed. "April's. Hence the phone number."

"Why are you at April's? Did you lose track of time? We're on the air in less than a half hour and I need to get this tape to editing with time for him to put it together!"

"Okay, well then just take a cab. Because I can get you there before eleven, but you're not gonna have time to edit shit."

She groaned. "Raph, I have no money. I wasn't planning on having to find a ride when I got here."

I sighed. "What do you want me to do, baby?" I asked.

"You can start by telling me why you're not here."

"Because April got jumped and by some stroke of luck, I happened to be there. I wasn't just gonna leave her."

Kat was quiet for a moment. When she spoke again, she was a lot more calm. "Is she okay?" she sighed.

"She's fine. But I had to bring her home." 

"Okay," she mumbled. "I guess I can't really be mad at you for that."

I smiled. I had her. "Take a cab and come over to April's place. I'll have April run the money down to you when you get here. Okay?"

She considered that for a moment. "Could you just have her meet me at the station?" she questioned. "I know she's scheduled to be there anyway after her shoot tonight and I gotta get this script done."

"Fine," I agreed. "I'll let her know. I love you, baby."

She sighed. "Love you too."

I hung up and turned as April came down the steps from the loft, her hands in her hair. She took the pins out of it and it fell to her shoulders. "Everything okay?" she asked me.

"Yeah," I answered. "I had a good excuse."

****

MICHAELANGELO:

Quiet.

Every so often, the city shut down. Once in a great while, when the chaos stopped and the sun set, when the winds and raging storms that seemed to make up the world inside of me calmed, I would come here. Here, it was silent.

Silcence, to a _ninja_, was not actuallyacheivable _anywhere_ in New York City. Or in the _world_, for that matter. The quiet, ambient sounds of life always found a way through the nothingness. Silence was emptiness. Suspension in time. It was a place, a time, a method where nothing lived. Because to breathe was to move, and to move was to make sound. And the city moved. It would never stop moving. The wind breathed through the alleyways. The cars pulsed through the veins of the streets, red cells streaming one way, white cells moving the other. I watched them. I felt my own blood run its course. I breathed.

A cool breeze swept past me. I shivered. My heart beat. Once, twice, then again. When it was quiet, every flaw, every force, every fire that burned in the hearts of those who still claimed to be alive was amplified a million times over. And we saw how alone we really were. There was such a fine line between death and life, between fantasy and reality. And only in the quiet stillness did it become clear just how stable that fine line was.

I used to believe that will alone could guide our lives. That if you hoped and dreamed and prayed and willed something to happen enough, eventually, like a fairy tale, it would come true. But it seemed that such fairy tales only filled us with a sense of false security. And maybe that's why I'd always clung to them.

I'd read a romance novel once. Only once. Then I conveniently lost it deep in the heart of the sewers. Keeping it around just wasn't worth the risk of having one of my brothers find it. But it had taught me something: that Harlequin sells bullshit. And millions of people the world over made their living feeding bullshit into the minds of hopeless romantics. Real life wasn't like that. But real life didn't sell. Because real life hurt.

Real life. Confusion. Darkness. Loneliness. Desperation. Captivity. 

Every man, woman, and child on the face of the Earth was a prisoner. And there was not a man, woman, or child that didn't long for the simplicity of the happily ever after romance, whether they sought to make love to someone they loved, or a career, or some kind of possession. Or even a lifestyle. The truth of the matter was, I'd been in bed with the entirety of the human race for more years than I could count. Harlequin. Romance. Unfortunately, it never worked out the way it was supposed to.

My whole life, I'd been told I didn't understand. By Leonardo when he spoke of pain. By Donatello when he spoke of responsibility. The product of their romances. No Harlequin there. And then there was Raphael, who'd changed from my brother into a god in my eyes, when he'd broken out of his prison and lived his life the way he wanted to. I'd lusted more fiercely after that life than he would ever know. And it hurt so much more than I'd been prepared for to find that fine line between love and lust had blurred and fooled me again. It wasn't love. I didn't want that life. I wanted... something. But that wasn't it.

It wasn't women. Certainly wasn't men. It wasn't sex at all. Or even a relationship. It was deeper than that. I wanted... purpose. I wanted just one person to be able to tell me why the hell I was here. Why I'd spent my entire life locked in these chains. Just one good reason to make love to in the middle of these silent nights when the tears were all I had to keep me company. 

I wanted life. And the more of life I saw, the more I realized that I would never have it. 

I sighed as I looked down at the street below me. On my shoulders, I felt the first warnings of a spring rain.

****

KATARINA:

I held my jacket closed tightly as I stepped out the double doors and into the chilled world outside. I could see my breath faintly on the air, and a breeze swept it away. I shuddered, hearing my flat dress shoes click on the pavement as I walked across the parking lot, then down the vacant street. It was raining lightly. Not enought to really get wet, just to mist the world around me. "Hey baby..."

The voice in the alleyway made me jump in surprise. I spun around, braced instinctively for battle. My eyes came to rest almost immediately on the speaker; he wasn't trying to hide. I relaxed slowly and glanced around to see if anyone was watching me before I stepped into the shadows.

He pushed off of the wall and embraced me as I approached. I draped my arms over his shoulders and we kissed deeply. He tasted sweet, like he was eating candy. As my tongue ran along his, I realized that was exactly what he was doing. Strawberry hard candy. Jolly Rancher maybe.

He wouldn't let me pull away when I tried to. I laughed quietly and he ran one hand down my back, then up again underneath my jacket. His fingers brushed my skin and I wondered briefly why they were so warm. He must not have been out here for very long. He licked my lips as he pulled back and kissed my cheek. "I have _so _missed you..." he whispered. His breath was warm against the side of my face.

"Oh really?" I grinned.

He moaned slightly as he nuzzled me and his tongue traced along my earlobe. "You're gonna get me all sticky," I informed him.

He laughed and picked me clear up off the ground, spinning me in the air. I cried out in surprise and clung to him. "That sounds dirty," he chuckled as he placed me back down on my feet. 

I hit his shoulders with my palms. "Raph!" His hands ran down my sides to my hips, massaging gently. I rolled my eyes. "Only you, Raphael..." I mumbled under my breath.

He ground his hips against mine and smiled slyly. "Wanna go home?" he whispered.

I curled my fingers under his plastron and traced down, over his sides, past his waist. I scraped my nails over the bare inside of his plastron, reaching my hand down between his legs. I pulled short of touching his skin and watched his eyes slide closed.

"I have missed you _so _much, baby."

****

MELANIE:

"So what's your story?"

Leonardo looked up. "What do you mean?"

"Your brother's hooked up. Why aren't you?"

He shrugged. "I dunno."

"You ever go out?"  
"You mean like date?"

I smiled. "No, I mean like, go _out_. Party."

He shrugged. "Not my style. Besides, it's kinda hard when you have to hide in the shadows."

"From the way Mike was talking, it seems Raphael manages."

Leo shook his head. "No, he doesn't party. Not like he used to anyway. He's entirely too hung up on Kat to do that."

"Oh, he's got a girlfriend, too?" I laughed.

"Yeah," Leo answered. "They've been together for... well, it's kinda hard to say how long. They split up for about five years and got back together a few months ago. And before that, they were together for a little more than a year."

"Why'd they split up?" He shrugged, but didn't answer. I considered his reaction for a moment. "You ever ask him?"

He hesitated for a moment. "Some things... you just don't ask my brother unless you have a death wish."

I laughed at that. "So where is she?" I questioned. "Why haven't I seen her yet?"

"She's a technical director, doubling as a CG op as needed, for the CBS affiliate station here." I blinked, not understanding anything more than "CBS". "They flew her out to Washington to cover a live story so she's been gone almost a week. She gets back tonight though. Should be here in a few minutes, actually."

No sooner had he spoken than we heard a female laugh come from the entrance. Raphael fell down the last few steps and quickly regained his balance. I looked to him in expectation of the woman following him. She was a ways behind him and it took a few seconds. I stood up as she rounded the corner... and jumped in surprise as I saw her.

"Kiara!"


	4. Beautiful Danger

CHAPTER THREE 

**BEAUTIFUL DANGER**

**PRESENT**

**RAPHAEL:**

                I froze in place as the name met my ears.  My eyes darted to the woman who had spoken it and I saw her clap her hand over her mouth.  Her dark eyes were filled with surprise and horror, her long hair pulled up into a neat bun.  I saw Kat tense beside me.  "Melanie," she greeted coldly.  "_Konbanwa_.  _Shibaraku desu ne._" (AN: "Good evening.  Long time no see.")

                She nodded slowly.  I looked to Katarina.  "You know her?" I questioned.

                Melanie's eyes hit the floor.  Kat crossed her arms over her chest as she stared her down.  "What are you doing here?" she demanded, ignoring me.

                "I... needed...  I mean...  There was a..."  Melanie looked up.  "I need help."

                Kat grinned wickedly.  "Saki-kun try to kill you again?" she shot.

                Mel's jaw clenched and hatred flashed in her eyes as they hit the floor.  "It wasn't _like that, Kiara, and you know it."_

                "Did he send you?" Kat demanded.

                I was slowly putting together the pieces to this puzzle.  Melanie was involved with the foot clan.  Apparently more intimately than we'd thought.  Or at least more than _I had.  I'd kept my distance from the girl, but as far as I knew, everyone else had talked to her.  Our initial conversation with her had led me to believe she was in __trouble with the foot clan, but she'd neglected to mention that she was a _part _of it._

                "What, like _you_?" Mel shot.  "No, he didn't _send me."_

                "Then why the hell are you here?"

                "Because they're gonna _kill _me if I go back."

                Kat broke from me and took a few steps forward.  Melanie's eyes hit the floor, her chin resting on her chest.  Kat walked a few feet in front of her and stopped.  I watched as she reached to her belt and snapped her knife up, twirling it easily in her fingers and bringing it to rest underneath Mel's chin.  Leonardo tensed and stood as Mel was forced to look up.  She and Kat stared at each other.  "You must have pissed him off good this time," Kat finally whispered.

                "You too," Mel whispered back.  "You're supposed to be dead."

                "You see the fight?"

                "Did _you_?" Mel challenged.

                "I already know he's alive."

                Leo blinked.  "Who's alive?"

                "Well, nobody knows about you," Mel continued, ignoring him.

                "No surprise," Kat growled.  "Can't imagine that would make him look too good if I got away with disobeying him."

                "It's more than that and you know it."

                The knife came up a little higher.  "You didn't answer me."

                The blond woman's eyes narrowed.  "I wasn't in the states when you and him fought."

                "Where were you?"

                "Japan.  Family business."

                "Family," Kat repeated.  "Which one?"

                The words grabbed Mel's attention in an instant.  Hate and anger flashed in her eyes.  "Fuck you, Kiara," she hissed.

                "Not a wise thing to say with a knife to your throat."

                Michaelangelo appeared behind me at the bottom of the steps around the entrance and he froze.  I turned and stared at him, then glanced at Leo who seemed even more confused than I was.  "What are you gonna do, kill me?" Mel challenged.

                "Don't tempt me," Kat whispered back.

                Instantly, Leo looked ready to spring into battle.  "Hey."

                Kat didn't turn.  She pulled the knife away and flicked her wrist, turning it toward her.  She shoved it back into it's sheath on her belt and she glared at Mel for a few seconds, then turned and faced Leo.  "She works for Shredder," she informed.  "I suggest you get her out of here."

                I could tell the thought struck him.  For that matter, it surprised me.  It took him a moment to find his voice.  "Kat, Shredder's dead.  I was there; he had no pulse."

                She glared at him.  "You don't know what you're talking about, Leo," she warned.

                Leo was still caught off guard by the accusation.  Kat didn't wait for a reaction from him.  She walked to our room and slammed the door behind her.  My brothers and I stared, dumbfounded, then one by one, turned to Mel.  Tears had begun to trickle from her eyes.  She closed them in an apparent attempt to stop crying.  I looked to Leo and our stares locked.  He nodded slightly toward the door that Kat had disappeared into and I agreed silently.

                He hadn't yet spoken to Mel when I turned the handle on the door and pushed it open gently.  

MELANIE:

                I sat down on the edge of the couch and buried my face in my hands.  For a long time after Raphael left, nothing moved.  Finally, Leonardo sat down next to me.  "Mel?"

                I sobbed quietly.  "What?"

                "Is there... anything you haven't told us?"

                I wiped my eyes and shook my head furiously.  "No.  I told you.  He'll kill me.  And that's the truth."

                He and Mike glanced at each other.  "Why?" Mike finally asked.

                I shook my head.  "Because... I said things.  I challenged him.  I didn't mean to."  I sobbed harder.  "He was doing things that I felt were wrong and I didn't know it until I found out just recently and I said something and he got angry and now he wants to kill me."

                I turned into Leo and threw my arms around his neck.  I felt him tense, but after a moment, his arms circled me protectively.  "He's going to kill me," I cried into his shoulder.  "When he finds me, he'll kill me."

                He raised one hand up and placed it on the back of my head.  "You're safe here," he promised me.

                I sniffled and pulled away, wiping my eyes.  "No.  Not with Kiara here I'm not."

                He straightened slightly.  "Why do you say that?"

                I looked away.  "She hates me.  She'll...  I can't stay here.  I don't trust her."  I looked up and met his stare, brushing my eyes.  "Please.  I appreciate everything you've done.  But I...  I know her.  She... hates me.  And I don't want to find out just how much.  Especially when she knows how badly her father wants to kill me."

                I went out on a limb to assume that they knew about her family history.  I don't know why, but I would've been surprised if they hadn't.  Leonardo didn't seem at all confused.  "Melanie, you're safe here," he assured me.  "Whether or not Kat likes you, she can't kick you out unless we're all agreed on that."

                Mike sat down on the edge of the loveseat, watching me, and nodded slightly in agreement.  "An' even if she doesn't like you," he offered, "I don't really think she'd try to make you leave if it might get you killed."

                My eyes closed as they dropped to the floor.  "I do..."

RAPHAEL:

                Kat was on her stomach in the center of the bed, writing furiously.  I studied her for a moment before I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me.

                I studied her for a moment in the flickering light from the oil lamp.  She didn't look up.  "Hey, did I miss something?" I started.  She didn't respond.  I walked to the edge of the bed and stopped, waiting to see if there was any chance that she wasn't going to ignore me.  "Kat?"

                Nothing.  She continued writing, her hand moving quickly, almost violently over the notebook.  I eased onto the bed and put my arms on either side of her shoulders.  I leaned down and nudged her hair aside, then I kissed her neck, putting some of my weight on her back.  "Hey, I'm talkin' to you," I informed.

                She paused and her head lowered, stretching her neck.  It gave me more room, and I licked and kissed at her skin gently.  "Just get her out of here, Raph."

                I rolled off of her and propped my head up on my arm, leaving my other hand on the small of her back.  "Why?" I questioned.  "Who is she?"

                "I told you, she works for my father."

                "I know _that_," I whispered.  "I mean what does she _do?  How well do you know her?"_

                "Better than I care to," she answered coldly, beginning to write again.

                "Tell me," I prodded.

                She sighed.  "Raph... it's old wounds, okay?"

                Her hair fell in front of her face, creating a wall between us, and I brushed it back behind her ear.  "Don't you think we should know what we're dealing with?"

                "I think you should just trust me and get her out of here."

                I sighed deeply and ran my fingers over the back of her neck, brushing back and forth lightly.  She squirmed.  "Stop, Raph, that tickles."

                I smiled and ran my hand further down her back.  For a minute, it was quiet.  She went back to her writing and ignored me again.  "Kat?"

                "What?" she questioned, not looking up.

                "You want me to bear down and fight to get her out of here, and make enemies out of my brothers, I can do that.  But I want to know what I'm fighting for."

                She hesitated for a moment, then turned her eyes to me.  I studied her quietly and she sighed.  "Later, Raph," she promised.  "I just need some time to think.  But believe me, she's not someone you want to let your guard down around."

                I nodded slowly.  "Later?" I verified.  Her eyes closed and she nodded once.  "Okay."  I kissed her forehead.  "Just don't keep me hangin' for too long, alright?"

                "I know," she whispered.

KATARINA:

                I opened my eyes slowly and realized that I was alone.  The bed beside me was still warm, and I knew Raphael had not been gone long.  I glanced at the clock.  It was nearly midnight.  No sound came from around me.  I fumbled for the lighter on the bedside table as I sat up and flicked it, lighting a candle.  I stood and grabbed my robe, tying it around me as I pulled the bedroom door open and peeked out into the living room.  There was no one there, but I could hear voices from the kitchen.

                "Is she asleep?"

                "Yeah."

                Melanie and Raphael.  I stared at the shadows for a moment as my eyes adjusted.  She was leaned back against the counter, her knee bent and protruding out of the loosely tied robe.  Anger flared, but I remained silent.  "I've never imagined Kiara with anyone before," she mumbled.  "She's always seemed really cold.  That can't be good for your sex life."

                I could feel my blood boil.  I slipped out into the living room, careful to stay out of sight, and pressed back against the wall near the kitchen, my fists clenched at my sides.  "No," Raphael answered casually.  "Actually, our sex life is great."

                She laughed quietly.  "Does she keep you satisfied?"

                _That's none of your fucking __business, you bitch!  There was a long pause.  I wished I could see them, but I didn't want to take the risk of being seen.  "You _do _realized you're smashed, right?"_

                She giggled again.  "Yeah...  What're you gonna do about it?"

                "Do you _want _me to do something about it?" he challenged.

                She moaned slightly and I swallowed hard as I caught a glimpse of their reflection on the dark TV.  She was pressed close to him, her arms draped over his shoulders.  His hands were at his side, one of them holding a glass of water.  She rubbed her breasts hard against his chest and I tensed, waiting to see what he would do.  "A girl is easily taken advantage of when she's drunk..." she whispered up at him.  I could barely make out her words.

                For a moment, he was silent.  I didn't breathe.  _Don't do it, Raphael...  _

                He stared at her.  From this distance, and through a reflection, I couldn't read his expression.  Finally, he laughed at her.  For a moment, I was surprised.  I watched as she stepped back, not sure how to react to the fact that he was mocking her.  

                "Oh, come on, baby, you can do better than _that_," he chuckled.  "Just how desperate do you think I am?"

                As the shock wore off, she wasn't deterred.  "Mmm...  Maybe I could offer a little more incentive."

                I considered stepping in and beating the shit out of her for even _suggesting such a thing.  But I remained still.  Raphael could take care of himself if he wanted to.  I was confident in that.  I knew I couldn't watch him every minute, and I was much more interested in seeing how he handled this on his own than I was in kicking her ass._

                He laughed and raised the glass to his lips again, downing the rest of the water.  He set the empty glass on the counter and stepped toward her.  I tensed as he slipped his hands into her robe, resting them on her hips.  She tossed her hair back and smiled up at him, thrusting her chest out toward his.  He stared at her for a minute, his lips no more than a few inches from hers.  

                Again, I didn't dare breathe.  She took a slight step closer to him and he allowed it, her hips pressing to his.  She rolled her shoulders and the loosened robe fell down her arms, catching at her elbows.  The lingerie beneath it was lacy and very revealing.  Her hands were raised, fingering the grooves along his plastron.  A million thoughts ran through my mind as he held her and seemed to seriously consider doing more.  _Would you forgive him again?  Burn me once, shame on you... Burn me twice, shame on me.  Raphael, please..._

                For a long time, they stared at each other.  I could hear my heart beating in my chest.  After a long, uneasy silence, he finally spoke.  "I don't even _like white lingerie."_

                I blinked, shocked.  She took a step back, as surprised as I was, and he turned away from her, his face expressionless.  I pressed back to the wall, smiling with satisfaction as he exited the kitchen, leaving her alone and likely turned on by the brief brush with intimacy.  At any rate, he'd made his point, loud and clear.  To be that close to her and so easily turn his back rather than kiss her, he really _didn't want her._

                He didn't notice me as he walked past.  "Hey sexy," I called quietly, almost a whisper.

                He jumped, startled, and spun around braced for combat.  For a moment, he just stared at me in that same confused but delighted way he did when I seduced him out of nowhere.  I wasn't being seductive.  I was just wondering why he hadn't sensed my presence.  He shook his head slightly, as if to clear it.  "Wow.  I must really be tired," he mumbled, answering my silent question, although he was speaking more to himself than to me.

                I smiled at him and he stepped forward, out of sight of the kitchen.  I wondered if Mel had seen him stop, but didn't want to take my eyes off him to look.  "Either that or your guard's down," I grinned as he approached me, his hands slipping around my waist.

                He hugged me and I ran my nails up his biceps.  "My guard's always lower at home," he whispered as he kissed my cheek.  "But still..."

                I smiled as he pulled back, rocking me slightly.  "So what are you doing up?" he asked.

                I slid my hands up his hard muscles and draped my arms over his shoulders.  "Spying on you," I answered quietly.

                I half expected him to tense up, but he didn't.  I was sure he hadn't known I was watching him, and he was probably running back over the things he'd said.  But he didn't seem bothered by any of it.  He nuzzled my cheek, running his tongue along my earlobe.  I squirmed, but he tightened his grip around me, holding me still while he explored along my nerves.  

                I ran my nails up and down the back of his neck, smiling.  "And... thinking about all the reasons I love you," I continued quietly.  "And all the ways I'm gonna show you."

                He pulled away to stare at me, watching my expression with a slight smirk.  "You're not wearing white lingerie under this, are you?" he teased.

                I smiled and dropped my hands, pulling at the tie around my waist.  The black robe fell open and I pressed my naked breasts to his chest, slipping my fingers into the space between his plastron and carapace.  He covered me with his body, his hands sliding into my robe and around my waist.  He ran his fingers up my sides, confirming that I wasn't wearing anything above my waist, then brushed his fingers along the waistband of my panties.  "Don't tell me," he whispered, massaging gently at the lace.  "Let me guess."

                I laughed quietly as he tried to remember what I was wearing without looking.  There was really only two colors it could be, so he had a fifty-fifty chance.  He went with the more likely.  "Red?"

                I pressed into him, rubbing my leg between his.  "Black," I corrected quietly.  

                He moaned quietly as his lips claimed mine, his tongue snaking into my mouth and running over mine.  My eyes closed, but my guard was still raised.  I was well aware when Melanie stepped out of the kitchen and stopped to stare.  I pressed into Raph, raising my hands again and gripping his head as I kissed him harder.  Part of me wanted him to fuck me right here, just to see the look on her face.  

                He held off on that, but continued to kiss me even as the passionate hunger died down, giving me the option of pulling away when I wanted to.  Maybe he knew I was proving a point.  Maybe he was trying to communicate the same thing.  I didn't care.  I held him to me as his hands roamed, and didn't slow until she turned and walked toward the bathroom.  As the door closed, I pulled away from Raphael

                We exchanged dark glances and both laughed quietly.  He pulled me into a casual hug, still chuckling to himself, and I pulled my leg back from between his.  "Bedroom?" he grinned.

                I smiled back.  "Bedroom."

LEONARDO:

                "What are you doing up?"

                Melanie's eyes raised and she glared for a moment before she sighed.  "I couldn't sleep.  Decided to put in a movie.  You wanna watch?  It just started."  

                I approached her slowly and looked over her shoulder at the screen.  I didn't recognize the starting credits.  "What is it?" I questioned, glancing at the clock.  It was almost three in the morning.  I smelled alcohol, but it was faint.  If she'd been drinking, she stopped quite a while ago.

                She stretched her legs out and then recoiled, pulling them underneath her.  She hugged her blanket around her neck.  The couch wasn't the most comfortable place in the world to sleep, but she hadn't complained.  "It's called 'The Fall'," she answered.  "I've never seen it but it sounded pretty good."

                I watched the screen for a moment.  Had to be one of Mike's.  Mel shoved the end of her blanket off the couch and patted the cushion beside her.  "Come sit," she invited.  "I feel funny watching movies alone anyhow."

                I walked around the sofa and perched on the edge of the cushion beside her, not totally sure yet that I was staying.  But after a few minutes, I could feel myself begin to relax into the sofa.  It wasn't long before the words began to slur into each other.  I knew I shouldn't be up.  I was tired.  I'd only come out here to check on an unfamiliar noise.  I should go back to bed.  But the warmth from the space heater by the couch, combined with the low sounds from the TV and the dim lights, was making it hard not to nod off right where I was.  _Why does it matter?_  My confused thoughts played over each other.  _It's night.  You need _to sleep.__

                My mind drifted to a place of darkness, my body shutting off sensation.  I could still hear the movie, but it seemed far away.  I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and blinked, waking up suddenly.  A blond-haired woman smiled at me.  Madonna...  _No, it's Mel.  Melanie.  But she looked so much like Madonna...  "Shh... it's okay..."  She rubbed gently at the muscles in my shoulder and they relaxed under her touch.  "Just relax.  You can go to sleep."_

                Reality was slipping.  Part of me knew not to trust her.  But a larger part of me couldn't resist the warmth and comfort as she lay back, guiding my head to her chest.  I fell asleep.  And I dreamed.


	5. Behind Closed Doors

****

CHAPTER FOUR

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

-8 YEARS

MADONNA:

I stumbled into the apartment and brushed a few stray pieces of hair off of my face. They clung to my forehead, and to the back of my neck. My shirt was damp, my calves and side hurt, but I'd met my goal. 

Kat glanced up from the couch and smiled at me. "So didja do it?" she asked.

I nodded, taking in a few breaths. "Two miles."

She clapped dramatically. "I'm so proud of you," she laughed, slight sarcasm edging her voice. "Now go take a shower before you drip sweat all over the floor."

I grinned at her and pulled my hair up off my neck, holding it behind my head as I walked to the bathroom. I stripped down and rinsed off in a cool stream of water. I took my time; I was in no great hurry. 

A few minutes later, I stepped out of the tub and wrapped myself in a bath towel. Katarina had left the couch when I opened the door again. I heard her on the phone and poked my head into the living room. She was out on the balcony. "How can you say that?"

Her voice held a dangerous edge to it. I stopped for a moment to listen to her. "If you want my help, it'll be on _my _conditions."

I could take a guess as to who she was talking to. She walked back into the living room and our eyes met briefly. I tensed, hoping that whoever it was, she wouldn't hand the phone over to me. She rolled her eyes at the caller and walked into the kitchen. I smiled sympathetically and walked to my room, holding the towel over my chest as I opened the door and slipped inside.

My room wasn't empty. I gasped and spun as the faint sound of the closing window alerted me of that fact. "Omigod!"

The towel slipped from my grasp. He turned as I spoke, then quickly whirled around to face the window again. "Sorry!"

I scrambled to pull the cover back up and wrap it around me again, my face flushing. I swallowed hard as I clenched it over my chest. "You... scared me."

His head lowered, still facing away from me. "I am _so _sorry! I can come back later. I didn't know..."

"Oh, no, no! It's okay!" I cried, scanning the room for my robe. I found it on the post of the bed. I grabbed it quickly and turned away from him, throwing it over my shoulders. "It's okay, you don't have to leave. Please."

I let the towel fall and tied the robe closed tightly, adjusting it over my breasts. I pulled my wet hair out of the back of it and smoothed it out, looking down again to make sure that it was completely closed. I turned, and walked to him. I rested my hand on his shoulder and he tensed. "It's okay," I started, still slightly embarrassed. "You can look now."

He turned hesitantly. His face was still red. He blushed again as he saw me. "I'm sorry, Madonna. I didn't..."

I raised my hand to the side of his face and he stopped mid-sentence. His skin was hot to the touch. I smiled faintly. "It's alright. Really."

He didn't move. After a moment of awkward silence, I laughed quietly. "Let's try this again," I whispered. I slipped my arm around his neck, hugging him. "Hello, Leo."

Slowly, hesitantly, he rested a hand on my waist, just barely hugging me back. "Hi," he answered back, his voice quiet and unsure.

I pulled away from him and dropped my arms to my sides. "I don't usually see you at this time of the day," I pointed out. "Something wrong?"

He shook his head, relaxing a little. "No, nothing's wrong. Just needed to get out."

I smiled and took his hand. I took a few steps back until I was able to sit down on the bed. He lowered beside me, perched on the very edge of the mattres. "You look like you're ready to bolt at the drop of a hat," I informed him quietly.

He blinked, a surprised expresion crossing his face, then scooted back a little so that he was seated comfortably on top of my blankets. I moved back, curling my legs under me and situating the robe so that they were covered. "That's better," I smiled at him. "So how are you doing?"

****

LEONARDO:

"Can you feel that?"

I opened my eyes and looked down, using my hands to raise my head off the mattress in a half sit-up. I watched her fingers for a moment as her nails traced down over my chest. "Not really," I answered. "Not when you do it so light."

She rested her hand on my plastron, pressing gently with the pads of her fingers. "Feel that?" she tried again.

I nodded. "Pressure, vibration, and temperature, I can feel. I guess it might be compared to what you feel through a shirt."

She fingered lighly down the center groove about half way down, then came back up slowly. "So tell me about your family."

"Mmm, you first," I bargained. She'd made it a point to avoid questions about where she was from and what her family was like. 

She hesitated for a long moment. "What do you want to know?" she finally asked.

I laughed. "Anything you'd _tell _me."

She smiled as she pulled her hand back and turned onto her stomach, propping herself up on her elbows. "_Quip pro quo_," she offered.

Now it was _my _turn to hesitate. I considered that carefully before nodding in agreement. "Okay. Do you have parents?"

"Everyone has parents," she laughed.

I grinned. "I don't."

She studied me for a moment, not sure how to take that. "I have a father," she finally answered. "My mother's dead."

"How did she die?"

"I don't know. I was young."

"So your father raised you?"

She nodded. "Pretty much, yeah."

"Brothers or sisters?" I pried.

"Just Kat. She's my half sister."

"From your mother or father?"

"Mother."

There was a moment of silence. I let her ask a few questions. "What about your family?" she asked.

"What about them?"

She laughed quietly. "Who are they? I mean, I know you've talked about brothers and a _sensei_, but..."

I nodded slightly. "I've got three brothers. All presumably my age. We can't really know because before the mutation, who knows how long we were around. Master Splinter found us, raised us... He's about as much of a father figure as anyone would expect to have."

She smiled. "Are you all really close?"

I considered that for a moment. "We... used to be. I don't know. Lately Raphael and I have really grown apart. We used to be pretty close friends, even though we got on each other's nerves a lot. But now it's just... He does stuff I don't agree with and we fight all the time." She nodded, understanding. "But as much as I hate him, I know I love him more. Even if I hate to admit it sometimes, I know I'd die for him. For any of my family."

She stared down at the pillow under her forearms. "There aren't a lot of things I can say I would die for," she informed.

I shrugged. "Well, not all people have that kind of committment."

She laughed quietly, almost sadly. "Oh, no, it's not that. It's just... there's so few people that I love like that. So few things that I value."

She had my interest piqued. "Like what?" I asked.

Her eyes raised to mine. "What do you mean?"

"What things do you value? What things would you die for?"

She sighed. "I don't know," she mumbled. "I guess we really can't tell _what _we'd do until we actually get in that situation."

That wasn't the answer I was looking for, and a quick exchange of glances told her that. She laughed quietly and crossed her arms, laying her head down on them. "I think... I would die for Kat. I owe so much to her..." I half expected that answer, from the way she talked about her best friend. "And for my honor."

That statement, I hadn't been fully prepared for. Not many Westerners understood the true concept of honor, and certainly not to the extent that they would be willing to die for it. I had to wonder if she knew what she was saying. "What do you mean?"

She raised her eyes briefly to mine and smiled slightly. "I was raised to value my honor," she whispered. "It's the only thing I have, really. Everything else is... worthless."

I turned onto my side to face her and she recoiled, moving away. I took her shoulder and pulled her back toward me slightly, then down to the mattress, lying her on her stomach again. She watched me closely, her eyes filled with a look closely resembling fear. "Why do you say that?" I asked as I scratched her back through the robe.

"Say what?" she asked, relaxing as she realized what I was doing.

"That everything aside from your honor is worthless. What's everything?"

She sighed and turned her head away. "All those other things that people put so much value on. Things I don't have."

"Like what?" I pried.

"Purity, innocence, strength, love..." she named, exhaling deeply.

"Beauty?" I offered, cutting her off. She'd _better _not deny that one. I'd seen people on talk shows that would _kill _for her looks.

She stopped short and was silent for a minute. "That's external. I don't care about that. And I'm _not _as beautiful as you think I am, Leo."

I decided not to argue with her. "So really, those other things are qualities _you _admire. Qualities you don't think you have."

"I guess so," she sighed. "I don't know."

"And why do you think that?"

I ran my hand up the center of her back and rested it on her shoulder, massaging gently. She tensed up tightly and I laughed. "Will you relax?" I pleaded. "I'm not going to hurt you."

Slowly, her muscles unclenched. For a moment, it was silent. I twisted my fingers in her hair as I rubbed at her shoulder and she turned to face me, pulling away slightly. I sighed inwardly and let her go. I was intimidating her, and I knew it. I didn't want to. So I backed off and brought my hand down to the center of her back.

I opened my mouth to say something but forgot what it was as the door flew open. I had no time to think, much less to move. "I can't believe he... Oh my _God_!"

The intruder screamed. In a flash, Madonna was on her feet. I was at the window, ready to bolt instinctively. "Kat, please!" Madonna struggled, resting a hand on her shoulder and raising the other to her lips. "Kat! Don't scream, it's okay!"

Kat fell silent. She stared at me with wide eyes, clutching her chest. Then, in one sudden movement, turned and shoved Madonna hard against the wall. "What the _fuck _are you thinking!" she screamed at her. She sprang at her and I rushed forward instinctively, stepping between the two of them. I saw too late that Kat had a knife in her hand. _Better me than Madonna..._

I caught her wrist and forced her arm up, lessening the strength of her blow toward me. It narrowly missed my shoulder on the way up, and I struck a nerve cluster inside her arm. She gasped in pain and the knife fell. I felt Madonna's hand on my shoulder, trying to pull me back. "No! Please!"

Kat struck forward with the heel of her free palm. She hit my plastron, but did very little damage. If I'd been human, the blow probably could've crippled me. I reached for that hand too, and narrowly avoided a kick before slamming her back against the wall and pinning her there. Her dark eyes blazed with an anger I had only ever seen come from Raphael. "Relax!" I ordered her sternly. "It's okay."

"It's not okay you fucking _freak_, let _go _of me!"

Sooner or later, I was going to _have _to let her go.

Madonna forced her way between us and I didn't fight her. "Stop it," she demanded. "Both of you just... stop!"

I felt Kat's eyes burn into me as I stepped back. "Leave now and I'll forget I saw you here," she growled. "But if you don't, I'm going to make you _seriously _wish I _hadn't _seen you."

"No," Madonna protested. She turned to me. "Stay. Please. I want you to stay."

I was more than ready to leave, but I didn't move. Madonna turned back to Kat. "Please..." she whispered.

Kat stared at her for a moment, then turned and spun out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Madonna cringed, then turned to me. "I'll... be right back," she promised.

I nodded slightly. "It's okay. Take your time."

She bit her lip as she turned and hurried out of the room.

****

KATARINA:

"Katarina!" The voice echoed down the hallway after me. "Kat, wait!"

I didn't wait. I kept walking at the same, quick pace. It took her a moment to catch me, her hand coming to rest on my shoulder. I spun, knocking her hand away. Her robe was slit almost to her navel from the running, and I could see she had nothing on underneath it. "Jesus Christ, Madonna, you're not even _dressed_ and he's lying in your bed?" I cried. "What the hell are you thinking!"

She shook her head, clenching her robe closed again. "It's not like that, Katarina, I swear. He's just a friend."

I stared at her for a moment, dumbfounded, then turned and started down the hallway again. "Kat, wait!" she called. "Kat, where are you going?"

I spun and walked backward a few steps. "I'm going to get my father and whoever else he wants to bring with him and..."

"No!"

She was in front of me in an instant. Her hands gripped my shoulders and she pushed me back against the wall. I could've easily broken her grip, but I didn't. "No, _please_ don't!" she begged in a hoarse whisper. "Please!"

"Give me one good reason," I demanded.

"Because he's a friend," she pleaded. "He's a _good _friend and I..."

"He's our family's _enemy_!" I reminded her. I couldn't believe I was hearing this.

"I know!" she cried frantically. At that instinct, something inside of her seemed to break. I saw tears pool in her eyes and she dropped her hands and her head. "I know that. But I don't care. That doesn't change the fact that all he's ever done to me is be a friend."

I stared at her long and hard. After a moment, she covered her face with her hands and turned, then slid down the wall to the floor. I watched her, unmoving, as she pulled her knees to her forehead and cried. God, I hated to see her cry. I was sure she didn't know it, but she could get me to sign my life away to stop her tears. I hesitated for a moment, then knelt down beside her, my hand on her shoulder. I didn't really know what to say to her. I still could hardly believe she'd been in a bed with my father's enemy.

"He's not what you think, Kiara," she sobbed, forgetting to use my changed name. She brushed her eyes roughly as she looked up. "He's more than just... the freak your father describes. And he's the only man who's ever in my _life _treated me with any kind of respect and I..."

"Woah, wait," I cut her off, moving back slightly. "You'd _better _not be falling for him."

Her eyes closed and she turned her head, bowing slightly. "I don't know, Kat. Right now, he's just a friend and that's probably all he'll ever be. But that doesn't change the truth."

"What truth, that you _think_ he respects you?" I mocked.

She looked up and glared at me. "You tell me one other man in my whole life that would've kept his hands off me while I was lying in bed next to him."

"And he did?" I challenged.

"Yes, he did!"

I studied her for a moment, and immediately determined that she was not only telling the truth, but believing every word she said. She reached up and rested a hand on my shoulder. "Kat, when I talk to him... it's like I can _really_ talk. Like I can talk with you, just not worrying about what you're gonna think or do because of something I say. I trust him. And he's one of the few friends that I have. Please..."

I sighed deeply and cut my eyes away. "Madonna, you're looking for trouble, you know that?"

"I know. And I know he'll kill me when he finds out. But I'm willing to take those consequences, Kat. I really am."

I glanced back at her. It took one brief glance into her eyes to read her sincerety. I shook my head slightly, in disbelief. "Madonna... I can't tell you what to do with your life," I realized.

"Please don't tell Shredder," she begged. "Please."

I considered that for a lingering moment, then sighed. "I won't," I relented. "But I won't cover for you, either. If you're gonna do this, it's without my help or consent. If he asks, I knew nothing about it."

She threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. "Thank you," she breathed. "Thank you so much..."


	6. Love and Weapons

**

CHAPTER FIVE 

**

LOVE AND WEAPONS 

-8 YEARS 

Thanks be to Kim and to Ves for help with this chapter and the next few. They don't know it yet, but they really rescued this scene from the dark depths of writers-block hell. I had it half done and could NOT for the LIFE of me seem to finish it when we ended up role playing something similar in an RPG. It not only reinspired me, but it also gave an edge here that I don't believe I would have otherwise had. So thanks to them and... enjoy. 

LEONARDO: 

"You're shivering." 

I sat down on the edge of the bed, where she was lying underneath the blankets. "I'm freezing," she admitted. 

I placed a hand on her forehead. Her skin was hot to the touch. "You've got a fever." 

"I know." 

"You not feeling well?" 

"I feel alright except I'm freezing. And I've got a headache." 

I smiled at her spaghetti-strap top. I could see her shoulders at the top of the blanket. "You might want to put something warmer on," I suggested. 

She smiled. "Kat keeps tryin' to tell me I shouldn't pile on the heat." 

I grinned down at her. "Well, she's wrong. You should sweat it out. Not to mention you'll be more comfortable that way." 

She nodded slightly. "I just wanna know why I have a fever in mid-spring," she mumbled. "It's not even cold and flu season." 

I reached up hesitantly and brushed her hair away from her face. "There's such thing as summer colds," I reminded her. 

"I know," she sighed. "I just hate that I didn't get a single cold this whole winter, and now I'm calling into work telling them I'm sick. You _know _they don't believe me." 

I smiled down at her, but said nothing. After a moment, her hand poked out of the top of the blanket and her slender fingers circled my wrist. I felt her thumb slip beneath the band of fabric and rub gently at my pulse. The touch sent shivers down my spine. "Hey, Leo?" 

"Yeah?" 

"You wanna...?" She looked up and me and hesitated. "Um..." 

She laughed nervously and I smiled. "Would it help if I said yes before you asked?" I offered, grinning. 

"How can you say anything when you don't know what I want?" 

I shrugged. "I can trust your judgement. I don't think you'd be asking me anything you _know _I'd be against." 

She looked away for a moment, then back at me as I brushed her cheek with my thumb. "Do you wanna watch a movie?" she asked. "We can take the blankets out to the living room and curl up on the couch. Stay warm." 

I smiled at the idea. "What about Kat?" I questioned. 

She shook her head. "She's gone for the night. Won't be back until tomorrow afternoon. You could stay the whole night if you wanted to." 

Her face flushed as the words escaped her mouth. "I mean, you don't _have _to or anything! That's not what I'm asking, I just..." 

"I know," I interrupted, a faint smile forming on my lips. "S'okay." 

She smiled back and slipped her fingers into my hand. "So did you say yes?" she asked quietly. 

I nodded. "Yes." 

**MADONNA:**

We settled for the floor rather than the couch. It gave us more room. He reclined on his back, as he usually did, and didn't move, for the most part, until the movie was over. I hung on to his arm, resting my head on his shoulder, and let the warmth from his body heat mine as we slowly sank, inch by inch, into the floor. By the end of the movie, we were lying down beneath the blankets. 

He turned to his side and I backed away slightly to give him room. But he moved closer, pressing hard against me again, looking down on me. I tensed. After a long silence, he reached up, across my chest but not lingering there, and brushed a few locks of hair away from my eyes. "Can I ask you something, Madonna?" he whispered quietly. 

"What?" 

His fingers brushed my cheek, his thumb brushing over my lips lightly. "Do I intimidate you?" 

I stared at him, not exactly sure how to answer that. It sounded almost like a challenge, but not quite. Did he _want _to intimidate me? Somehow, from him, I doubted that. But for him to ask me, I wasn't sure. "Why... do you ask?" I finally managed. 

He studied me for a moment, his eyes running over my face and my hair. His hand trailed behind, touching lightly. "Because it seems like every time I get too close to you, you tense up." 

Tensing up was _exactly _what I did at that point. He laughed quietly. "Yeah, kinda like that." He cupped his palm under my chin and held me still as he nuzzled his face in my hair. "Mmm..." I tried to look at him, but without success. "Your hair smells nice." 

I managed a slight smile. "Thank you," I whispered. 

He slipped his other arm beneath my head and rested his own head on his shoulder, pulling his top arm back to his side. There was a moment of silence and I dared a quick look at him. He smiled. "You know I'd never do anything to hurt you, right?" he asked. "And I'd never do anything to you that you didn't ask me to." 

I considered that for a moment. "So then... if I wanted you to put your arm around me, I'd have to ask?" 

He smiled. "Or _I _would." 

"What do you mean?" 

He leaned down and nuzzled his face in my hair again. "Can I hold you?" he whispered in my ear. 

A smile crept across my face. I felt my muscles relax. As strange as I had thought that would sound, him asking _permission _to touch me, he didn't make it seem at all awkward. In fact, it was almost romantic. At least, for what I knew of romance. "Yes," I answered him. 

His hand slipped around my waist and pulled me close to him. A part of me wished he would explore further, but I knew he wouldn't. That wasn't like him. And I knew that was a major part of the reason why I felt safe around him. No one else had ever made me feel this way. Once I got past the initial panic reflexes of being pressed in on, I realized how sheltered I was, and how good that felt. 

"What are you thinking?" 

I jerked back to reality and stared up at him. "Nothing," I answered quickly. 

He laughed. "You know, you don't have to lie to me," he informed. "You could just tell me you don't want to talk about it and leave it at that." 

I smiled faintly. "_Would _you leave it at that?" I pressed. 

He nodded. "Sure. If you wanted me to." 

I laughed and raised a hand to the side of his face. "You know something, Leonardo?" 

"Hmm?" 

"You amaze me." 

He grinned. "I'll take that as a compliment." 

I nodded to him slightly. "It is." 

There was a moment of relaxed silence, then I leaned up and kissed his cheek briefly. I saw him flush as I pulled away and quickly turned my back to him. I wasn't trying to embarrass him. His hand moved away from my waist, but I caught it and guided it back into place as I pressed back against his plastron. "Just stay still," I whispered. "You're nice and warm." 

He hesitated for a moment, then hugged me tighter. I closed my eyes and relaxed in his arms. 

**LEONARDO:**

I awoke with bright sunlight in my eyes and immediately knew something was wrong. There was not supposed to be sunlight in my room. I opened my eyes and blinked a few times at the blinding light, and slowly realized I was not alone. Madonna was half lying on top of me, her head and arms resting on my chest. Most of her body was facing away from me, her legs curled up close to her. She was probably seeking warmth, although she didn't feel like she had nearly the fever she'd had last night. 

She moaned slightly and nuzzled her face into her arms, snuggling closer to me as she did. I smiled. Her long, blonde hair was over her shoulders and neck like a blanket, the rest of her body covered by the down comforter. She was warm, and having her near me felt good. But I had a feeling it was late; they'd probably already realized I wasn't at home. I was going to be in deep trouble if I stayed away much longer. I was pretty sure I'd already missed morning practice. 

Of course, missing practice didn't seem like such a big deal with Splinter gone. Not that he wasn't _there_, but he'd spent so much time meditating recently, locked in his room, that it sometimes felt like he wasn't. Still, I knew my responsibilities, even if he wasn't there to enforce them. And that meant I had to get home. 

I reached around Madonna and brushed her hair off her shoulders, letting the cool air touch her warm skin. She moaned and snuggled deeper into the blankets, and nearer to me. "Madonna..." 

She sat up slightly and blinked a few times, then moved to my side, turning her body toward me. She unburied herself from the mass of hair that had fallen over her face, then lay down again. She nuzzled against my shoulder and her palm came to rest on the center of my plastron. I placed a hand on her arm and listened as she breathed deep a few times, then came awake. "Good morning," I whispered. 

"Morning," she slurred back. 

"Sleep well?" 

"Mmm hmm." She raised her head and our eyes met briefly. "Did you?" 

I shrugged. "Yeah. I sleep pretty light when I'm not at home but... all things considering." 

She smiled and lay back down again. Her fingers traced my belt and the strap that came up to my shoulder. "You didn't even take your weapons off, Leo," she observed. 

"I didn't want to wake you." 

"You should have. That can't be comfortable." 

"It's not," I agreed. 

She looked up at me again. "You can take them off now," she suggested. 

I shook my head. "No, right now I have to go. Before my brothers start to worry about me." 

She frowned, her eyes showing a hint of disappointment, but she forced it aside. "When will I see you again?" 

I smiled. "Soon," I promised. 

"Can you stay for just a few minutes?" 

"What for?" 

She buried her face in my neck. "Just until I wake up." 

"You are awake," I laughed. 

"My eyes are open; that doesn't mean I'm awake." 

I grinned and rubbed gently at her shoulder. "Okay. Ten minutes." 

"Thank you." 

The majority of those minutes were spent in silence. She didn't move except to breathe. Finally, as I was considering pulling away, she spoke. "Leonardo?" 

I paused for a moment before answering her. "Yeah?" 

I looked down and saw her staring past me at the wall. Her fingers moved lightly over the grooves in my plastron, but she wasn't really watching them. "Do you realize we've only known each other for five months?" 

I considered that for a moment. "No, I didn't realize," I finally answered. "But why do you say it like that?" 

"Like what?" 

"_Only _five months." 

She rubbed her cheek against my arm. "Because it feels like I've known you for so much longer than that," she sighed. "I really feel... safe around you. And that's something I don't usually feel around people." 

I pondered that quietly for a few minutes, my fingers brushing lightly back and forth over her bare shoulder, avoiding the thin strap. "Can I ask you something?" she finally asked. 

"Yeah, sure." 

She hesitated for a moment. "Is there anything you... want from me?" 

I was taken slightly aback by that question. Why would she ask something like that? I hoped it wasn't because she felt she wasn't giving enough to our relationship. I considered my answer carefully before I spoke. "Your friendship," I finally told her. "And your trust." 

"That's all?" she asked, pulling away to look at me. 

I nodded. "I wouldn't ask for anything I didn't think you could give me." 

She smiled faintly. "Why not let _me _decide what I can give you? You just tell me what you want." 

Again, I had no idea what she was getting at. I fumbled for a moment to find something to offer her. "Okay," I replied hesitantly. "As part of that... I want you not to flinch every time I touch you. Just trust me that I won't do anything to hurt you." 

I stared at her for a moment, hoping I'd given her the answer she wanted. But her expression was unreadable. She moved up to face me and rested a hand on my cheek. I could feel her breath on my face as our eyes locked and stayed that way for a long time. For the first time, I felt an overpowering urge to kiss her. She was so close, and so beautiful. I wanted nothing more... 

But I couldn't. 

Suddenly, I came face to face with the simple fact that I had been trying so hard to deny. I was in love with her. More than she knew. More that _I _knew. Definately more than I was prepared to tell her. I knew it would only frighten her. But at that moment, with my emotions raging inside of me, I knew I couldn't lie to myself any longer. I loved her. I loved everything about her. And I'd never been so content as I was right now, with her lying in my arms. I didn't want to leave this place. I didn't ever want to have to let her go. 

She leaned down and my breath caught. Her lips brushed my cheek lightly and she pulled back again. My body reacted instantly and I forced it into submission. I wondered if she knew just how badly she was teasing me and realized that there was no way she could. I was sure she wasn't meaning to. I knew that what I was feeling was foreign to her. I could not hope for her to ever feel the same thing. She deserved so much more. We weren't even the same species, as painful as that was to accept. 

I swallowed hard and forced my emotions aside. "I should go," I choked. 

She forced a tight smile and nodded. "You should." 

She backed off and I sat up. The blast of cooler air didn't help to ease the burning inside of me. "I'll be back," I promised as I pulled myself to my feet. "As soon as I can." 

She nodded, pulling the blankets up tightly around her chin. "Be careful, Leo." 

"I will." 

I gave one last look at her, then hurried toward the balcony. 

***

I glanced up from the couch as Michaelangelo walked in. He was dripping sweat, but headed for the kitchen before the bathroom. "_Konbanwa_," I greeted quietly. "You've been running?" 

He nodded as he pulled the refridgerator open and grabbed a can of soda. "Yup." He cracked it open and glanced back at me. "Where's everyone hidin'?" 

"Donatello is at April's," I answered quietly. "Splinter's in his room. I don't think Raph came home last night, but if he did he's in his room." 

Mike chuckled quietly as he eyed the can. "I heard him come in this morning," he informed. "He's probably hung over." He downed the entire can all at once, and I cringed at the thought of how unhealthy that was. After running, he should be drinking water, not caffeinated, carbonated sugar water. He crushed it in his fist as it was drained and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "I'll wake his ass up in a few minutes." 

I looked away. "Be my guest," I mumbled. "I'm trying to avoid him at the moment." 

Mike leaned against the doorway, crushed can in hand. "I've noticed. What's been goin' on between you two? I mean, besides the usual." 

"He's seriously beginning to piss me off," I answered with as little emotion as I could manage. 

A laugh answered me. "When does he _not_?" 

I couldn't keep the corner of my mouth from twitching up. "You've got a point, Mike, as much as I hate to admit it." 

He grinned back at me. "You know you love him." 

"Sometimes," I admitted. 

He laughed and tossed the empty can into the trash. I stared down at the frayed threads of the couch. Behind me, I could feel a presence. It wasn't Raphael, so that meant it had to be Master Splinter. I hadn't seen much of him lately. He'd been locked up in his room, in deep meditation. At least, that was what I assumed he was doing. It had happened before, and it was sure to happen again. I didn't let it worry me when he disappeared for days at a time. He wanted his personal space, and he was entitled to it. 

I turned and glanced over the back of the couch. It took me about a second and a half to drink in his appearance. He looked like _hell_. His eyes were sunken and the life in them was dulled. A tired, vacant expression masked his face. I was on my feet in an instant. "_Sensei_!" 

I almost jumped over the back of the couch before I remembered that he wouldn't like that. He leaned on the wall as I darted around it instead, bracing himself. He looked as if his legs were about to collapse out from underneath him. Mike reached him first and slipped under his arm, supporting his weight. I moved to his other side. "Master..." I stammered. "What... happened?" 

He exhaled a long breath. It was raspy and audible. "I... must speak with you," he whispered. "All of you." I saw Mike's eyes widen as Splinter sucked in another labored breath. "Where are your brothers?" 

"Donatello is at April's," I answered. "Raphael may be in his rom." 

Splinter swooned, unsteady on his feet, and leaned into me, letting us take his full weight. There was hardly anything to _support_. He was weightless. How long had it been since he'd eaten? Fears and regrets raced through my mind at an incredible pace. Why hadn't I checked on him? Why hadn't I thought to make sure he was eating and doing okay? Personal space was one thing, but I had been downright neglectful... 

He lowered onto the couch, managing a few more audible breaths, and leaned his head back, eyes closing as if the walk had tired him. "I'll get Raphael," I informed, forgetting my earlier resolution to leave him be. 

I bolted down the hallway and knocked rapidly on the door. There was no answer from inside. Damn it... he could be _anywhere _if not here! I knocked again and tried the handle. The knob was locked in place, but he hadn't quite pulled it shut all the way. I poked my head into the dark, cluttered room, and took in the scene. Headphones, grocery bags full of god-knows-what, bottles and cans, an open Hustler magazine on the bed... but no Raphael. "Damn it!" 

I closed the door behind me and headed back to the living room. Mike was seated beside Splinter, his eyes locked in place on our _sensei_. "Raph isn't in his room," I shot. "That means he's up top. I'm going to run up to April's and get Don back here. Then I'll work on finding Raphael." 

"Why don't you just call?" Mike asked quietly. He glanced up briefly. "Or I can. Just go get Raph, I'll take care of Donny." 

My eyes flickered to Master Splinter. His breathing had become shallow, and he was still. He could have been sleeping, but I knew he wasn't. He was likely well aware of the world around him. I nodded quickly. "Okay." 

**RAPHAEL:**

I looked up as I saw a new and unfamiliar figure enter the bar. _Oh, shit... What the fuck does he want?_

I looked down at the drink in front of me. My thinking was fuzzy, and I knew I wasn't going to be able to hold a coherent conversation with him. I hoped he wasn't here to start a fight. But then, why else would he show up in a bar? I knew he sure as hell wasn't here to drink. 

I saw his eyes move over the tables, searching me out. I kept my head bowed, saying nothing. He was gonna find me whether I wanted him to or not, so there was no point in hiding. It would only prolong the inevitable. 

He almost sprinted to the table when his eyes found me. "Raph!" 

I tensed and glanced around, hoping he wasn't drawing attention to us. This wasn't my usual bar, and they didn't know me here. I didn't want to have to explain how it was that I was a _turtle_. My eyes narrowed as he slammed his hands down on the table and leaned forward. "What the fuck are you doin' here?" I slurred. The words sounded as if they were ringing through a long, dark tunnel. 

"You need to come home," he gasped. He sounded out of breath. What, had he _run _here? 

"Go away, Leo," I sighed. 

"I'm _serious_!" he cried. "There's something wrong with Splinter." 

Those words didn't make much sense. "So go deal with it," I mumbled. "Fuckin' perfect son, go sing to him or some shit and make him feel better. What the fuck do I care?" 

I could feel his anger mount. "Raph, this is _serious_. You need to..." 

His hand rested on my shoulder. Bad move. I shoved him back, a little more forcefully than I'd meant to, and he tripped over his own two feet, nearly crashing into the table behind him. I smirked, then looked away again, lifting my drink and throwing more burning alcohol down my throat. I didn't really want this to get physical. I _knew _I was drunk, and Leo could kick my ass. But that didn't mean I was going to come along quietly and let him drag me off somewhere I didn't want to go. 

He stared at me blankly for a moment, seemingly shocked. The world around us was oblivious to the tension that was starting to build. I motioned to the waitress. I needed another drink. Leo's hands came down on the scratched surface of the table once again. I glanced up, disinterested, and saw his eyes blaze in anger. "Splinter. Is. Sick," he growled. "And you are coming with me whether you like it or not." 

I shot him a challenging look. "Fuck you, Leo," I laughed at him. "I'll go back when I'm damn good and ready." 

The waitress smiled as she returned and squeezed around Leonardo to set the drink in front of me. I glanced up at her, not enough to reveal my face. "Thanks, babe." 

I don't know why, but that pushed him over the edge. He swept his hand across the table, knocking the drink aside. It splashed over onto his hand, then crashed to the floor, shattering glass in a million pieces. The waitress shrieked in surprise as she jumped back. I blinked, shocked by his nerve. I couldn't _believe _he'd actually done that! 

I was out of my chair in a flash, suddenly oblivious to the world around us. I didn't care who was here or what they saw. "What the _fuck _is your problem!" I shouted at him. 

A few heads turned. I didn't care. Apparently, he didn't either. He grabbed my shoulders and slammed me back against the wall. I was too shocked to respond. "This goddamn attitude problem of yours is gonna stop right now," he snarled. "Splinter is sick and he wants to see you. And if I have to knock you out and _drag _you down to the lair then goddammit, I'll _do _it!" 

Finally, I snapped out of my trance. I brought my arms up in front of me, between his, and forced them apart, knocking his hands aside. He had no choice but to let me go and I kicked forward, sending him flying a few feet back. My head swam as I watched him crash into one of the tables. The occupants jumped up and stumbled a few steps back. The jacket he was wearing had opened more than enough for them to see that he was not human. The woman screamed. 

He was on his feet in a flash. Fuck it. They'd already seen enough. There was no reason to hide. I whipped the jacket open and tossed the hat on the table, then crossed my arms in front of me, reaching for my weapons. I braced as he ran at me. He feigned a punch to the left, which I caught, then immediately struck to my right. He hit my shoulder, and grabbed on. With my reflexes already majorly dulled by the alcohol, I had no time to react as he grabbed my other shoulder, dropped back to brace on his strong leg, and threw me a good fifteen feet toward the side door. 

We'd attracted the attention of most of the club by this time. I was rushed by several of the bouncers as I made it to my feet. I growled dangerously and lowered my head in a warning, crossing my weapons in front of me. They didn't heed that warning. They went for my arms. I could've killed them easily. Instead, I merely turned roughly, throwing them slightly off balance, and spun my weapons, jabbing the bladed points into their hips. There was a cry, and one of them stumbled back. The other was playing tough-guy. I jerked out of his grasp and side kicked at him, sending him flying back. That was the end of the bouncers. 

Leo was on top of me again. He was armed this time, and there was blood on his weapons. I considered that for a brief moment. How unlike Leonardo was _that_? To attack civilians, regardless of the circumstances... I pushed the thought and raised my _sais _blocking his downward strike. His other weapon came to my side and I blocked that one, too. But I was too preoccupied to block when he sheathed his right sword and spun into a right roundhouse kick. I fell, not more than a few feet from the door. 

I rolled back to a crouching position and braced on my hands. I snarled at him, my teeth baring in a raw, animalistic threat. I saw more men behind him, rushing to get involved. He didn't seem to acknowledge them. Instead, he raced at me. I dropped onto my back, caught him with my legs, and threw him upside down through the door. There was enough force to bust it open and I scrambled after him into the alley. 

I knocked over the trash can, throwing it in front of the door to slow down the followers, and chased him. He was on the move, to get away from the civilians. How considerate of him. I didn't really give a shit who got in my way at this point. I followed up the fire escape faster than I'd ever climbed before and flipped onto the roof, spinning immediately into a roundhouse kick that he easily avoided. 

He had both weapons in hand again and he struck at me. I blocked to one side, but couldn't turn fast enough to avoid his other blow. I felt pain as his blade sliced across my upper arm. Suddenly, I was dizzy. The loss of blood probably had less to do with it than the pain and the alcohol combination. I retreated to give myself a chance to recover, but he didn't let me get far. 

He struck down, and I caught his blade between the prongs of my _sai_, using my good arm. But my other arm was weak. I could barely raise it, let alone handle the force of his blow. My strength caved and he knocked the weapon out of my hand easily. Before I knew what had happened, I was bent back over the ledge with his _katana _at my throat. He growled at me, his eyes narrowed into slits. "_Drop _it!" he snarled. 

I let my remaining weapon fall from my grip. It clattered noisily to the rooftop. His gaze didn't waver. "You have a choice Raphael," he hissed at me. I didn't think I'd ever heard that tone come from him before in my _life_. "You can come with me, or you can go to hell right now. _Literally_." 

"Whaddaya gonna do, Leo?" I challenged. "Kill me?" 

"If you refuse to come with me, you're saying that you're no longer a part of this family," he growled. "And if that's the case, there's no reason for me to keep you alive. Because to tell you the truth, I hate you. I hate what you do and who you've become and I hate the pain you've put my father through and I'm _not _gonna let you do it any more, you _got _that? If you can turn your back on your _sensei _when he _needs _you, then the world is better off without scum like you in it." 

Regardless of the fact that I was smashed, I knew he was dead serious. And as much as I hated to back down, at that moment, I knew he would kill me. This time I'd pushed him too far, and he'd won the fight. I had a choice to either submit to his leadership or die. As appealing as death sounded, in comparison to the alternative, I knew it wasn't really an option. If I was gonna die, it sure as hell wasn't gonna be by _his _hand. 

"Fine," I hissed at him. "I'll go with you. But you can't make me stay, Leo. Not unless you wanna take me on in your dear _sensei's _presence." 

He stepped back, grabbed the top of my plastron, and hurled me toward the fire escape, using his sword to point at it. "_Move_!" he growled. "Now!" 

**SPLINTER:**

I allowed my eyes to slide closed as I reclined on my own bed. Michaelangelo and Donatello stepped back, but did not leave. I had not expected nor wanted them to. I was strangely comforted by the presence of my sons. For several weeks, I had wanted only to be alone. It was only my concern for them that had prompted me to make any appearance before my death. To leave without giving them final reassurance of my happiness, and provide them with what little advice I could on the future, would be a traumatic blow to them, and I was well aware of that. 

Michaelangelo knelt beside the bed, resting his head on the blanket. His eyes were moist, and trained on me. It was a forced calm that he was exercising. Donatello had moved nearer to the door in anticipation of his brothers' return, but he did not speak. He watched silently, his expression unreadable. I could guess very little of what he might be feeling at this moment. Perhaps the walls had already been built around his emotions. Or else it was possible that he had no feeling as of yet. 

My ears perked as the front door opened. It remained open long enough for both Leonardo and Raphael to enter, and I breathed a sigh of relief. In part, I had not expected Raphael to come. But I wanted to speak to him. There were things he needed to hear, to be used years from now if not in this present time. 

I heard a quiet sob from beside me and Michaelangelo hid his face in the blanket, turning away from me. I reached toward him, placing my hand lightly over his. He did not respond, his face still turned away from me. A knock on the door interrupted any thoughts I had of speaking to him. I looked up slowly as it cracked open. "_Sensei_?" Leonardo slipped inside the room. "I found him. We're all here." 

Raphael stepped into the room beside him. I could smell blood, and I saw it a moment later, running from a deep cut at the top of Raphael's arm. Neither of them seemed to acknowledge the wound, and as I could guess how it had been accquired, I chose not to speak of it. Michaelangelo looked up and I saw him tense as he pulled back slightly. Droplets of blood began to drip from Raphael's fingers onto my floor. I forced myself to look away. This was not the time for questioning. 

Leonardo stepped forward and dropped to one knee beside the bed. It was not the bowed and broken stance that Michaelangelo had assumed beside him. That fact alone spoke a great deal for his strength. He was making every attempt at masking the emotions that were naked in his eyes. He wanted to be strong, as was his place. I prayed silently that he _would _be strong through this. 

I breathed. That act alone took effort now, and I had to make a conscious decision to complete it. I remained silent for a moment as I paced my breathing, regulating it back to normal. Then I opened my eyes and ran my gaze over each of them. "I will not be with you... much longer." 

The words were a blow. Leonardo shook slightly where he knelt, fear flashing across his features, but he said nothing. Michaelangelo's hand moved out from under mine and rested on top of it, squeezing gently. Silent tears pooled in his eyes. Donatello's eyes slid closed. He clutched his arms across his chest and bowed his head low, not speaking. From Raphael, I felt nothing. He stared straight ahead at me, his face expressionless. From even this distance, I could feel the ice gripping his emotions. 

I coughed slightly, feeling the fluid in my lungs. I knew what was happening to my body. I knew that I had waited too long to speak of it. The time now was short, and there was so much that needed to be said. With such little time, I wished only that they could know how satisfied I was with my life. If the only thing that I had ever accomplished was evident in the four of them, I was more than content with that. My legacy would live on through them, and I was more than proud of each one of my sons. 

Raphael alone concerned me. I took comfort only in the fact that perhaps I saw more of him than he did. I was not hesitant to assume that I knew him better than he knew himself. This time in his life would pass, and I knew that. And when it did, I hoped that he would realize that even in his darkest hour, I had known what he would become. And for that, I was proud of him. Unfortunately, all of this I knew would never be spoken, for I was sure he would never allow it. But I hoped that he could know, somehow, and find peace in himself. 

I exhaled and my eyes closed. For a moment, I remained perfectly still, gathering my strength for the words I had to say. "I want you all to know..." I paused for a moment and opened my eyes. They came to rest on Leonardo, as he happened to be the first of my sons that I saw. "... that I am proud of you. And that..." 

My words were brought to an abrupt halt as I coughed again, my eyes sliding closed. My breath came in short gasps for a moment, ignoring my desire to continue speaking. Pain shot through my lungs and I cringed, then forced it aside. "It's okay, _Sensei_," Michaelangelo whispered. "Just relax." 

"We're not leaving," Leonardo added quietly. "Take your time." 

I took in the words and concentrated for a moment on the air entering and exiting my lungs. I coughed again, forcing fluid from my lungs, then relaxed against the pillows, tired. The four of them watched me, their eyes reflecting worry and concern. Even Raphael's eyes betrayed him. But as I looked to him, he pulled back, masking his emotions once again. His eyes remained locked on mine, filled with nothingness. 

"In this time," I started quietly, "and from now on... I place a responsibility on _all _of you..." I was forced to pause for a few breaths. "... to help each other. To draw from the strength that the four of you possess together, rather than drawing solely on your own power." 

My eyes drifted to Donatello, then to Michaelangelo. "Divided, you will fall. I promise you that. You must help each other." 

Leonardo reached out, resting his hand on my arm. "Please _Sensei_," he begged, his voice not even loud enough to be labled a whisper. He didn't continue, trying hard to remain emotionless. 

Beside him, Michaelangelo's eyes darted frantically to Raphael, then to Donatello. Stray tears slipped down his cheeks and dripped from his jaw. He bit his lip as he looked back to me, his brow furrowed as he tried his best to remain calm. I sighed as deeply as I could manage and my eyes slid closed. I turned my head away slightly. There was a great deal more that I wanted to say, but after the exhausting walk to the living room and then back here, I could not manage the words. 

The silence continued, eerie as it blanketed the room. Raphael remained as still as Leonardo beside me, his eyes empty and cold. Donatello was leaning now against the wall, silent tears streaming down his face. "_Sensei_?" 

I breathed in and turned my eyes to Leonardo, opening them slightly. He stared at me for a moment, then bowed his head low. "Just... hang on, _Sensei_," he pleaded. "We'll get through this. It's not..." His voice trailed off as he swallowed hard, and raised his eyes to mine again. "It _can't _be too late." 

I managed a weak smile and for just a moment, felt life and love wash over me. "I am not afraid to die, Leonardo..." 

My words likely went unheard, as he was already on his feet. He stumbled to the door and pushed it open. I did not have to ask where he was going. I was quite sure I could guess. Raphael stepped aside, glaring briefly at him as he pushed past. I sighed, resolving to allow Leonardo to do whatever it was he thought he could do. I knew that it would not change anything. 

**LEONARDO:**

Medical supplies. Everything I could grab from Donatello's cabinet was dropped at the side of the bed a moment later. I stared at the pile for a moment, unable to make my mind work right. I looked up toward Donny and saw him staring at me in a mix of shock and confusion. "Don, _help _me!" I ordered. 

Splinter's hand came to rest on my shoulder and I froze in place. His hand was ice cold, and felt so fragile. So unlike him... 

_He plays through the motions slowly with me, our blows feigned and without force. If he should decide he _wants _to hurt me, he'd be more than able. I'm pretty sure, at four years old, that I have not even seen a _fraction _of what he was capable of. Suddenly, he breaks away from the practiced, rehearsed movements. I freeze, not sure what to do as I feel his strong grip clasp my upper arm and hold me tightly. "If I grab your arm," he explains, "what are you to do?" _

I blink up at him. He's not supposed to do that. It isn't part of the exercise. "How would you escape such a hold?" 

I shake my head, confused. There is no way I could break free of his grip. He is a lot _stronger than I am..._

"Leonardo..." 

I swallowed hard. I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to see the weakened, hurting _shadow _of what he used to be. I took a breath and forced my eyes up slowly, meeting my master's gaze. He stared at me for a long moment, saying nothing. I felt his spirit brush mine as he fed strength through the steady connection. But somehow, even though I wanted to, I couldn't accept it. Instead, I felt the first spark of _anger _begin to build inside of me. 

"You _can't _leave us!" I told him. "I won't _let _you!" 

I jerked away from him, turning to rummage through the pile on the floor. I wasn't sure what I was looking for. I could barely make out the items as I rummaged through them, tears blocking my vision. Bandages, wraps, antibacterial sprays, some IV materials, a handful of pill bottles, a thermometer. I couldn't see how they would be any use whatsoever. I heard him sigh, then cough, and pangs of emotion shot through me. 

I stumbled to my feet and tripped toward the door. Blankets. You kept sick people warm. Splinter needed blankets. I ran through the lair and returned a moment later with every spare blanket I could find piled high in my arms. I pushed past Donatello and Raphael, and dumped the pile by the bed. I took the topmost one and draped it gently over my father. Mike moved back, out of the way, and sniffled, brushing his eyes with the back of his hand. 

"_Sensei_...?" 

I turned as Don spoke and saw him step forward slightly, away from the wall. He bowed, keeping his eyes down for a moment before looking back up at Master Splinter. Behind me, Michaelangelo whimpered slightly. The bed shifted a little as he buried his face again. "Yes, Donatello?" Splinter replied quietly. 

Donny swallowed hard and hesitated for a long moment before finally speaking. "Do you... _want_.. us...?" He stopped, and I stared at him. I had an idea what he might be asking, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer. "... to help you?" 

Fear shot through me as my head snapped back around to Master Splinter. _Please_... 

Splinter watched him intently for a moment and a weak smile crossed his face. An eerie silence washed over the room. "I want you all to know... that I am at peace." 

My heart stopped. I stared, too shocked to speak. Nothing moved. No one breathed. He didn't want help. He didn't want us to do anything. Only to know. To listen. To be aware. To hear his last words. Oh god... 

The silence continued for what seemed like an hour. None of us dared to interrupt it. Finally, Raphael was the first to speak. "Well, that's just great," he mumbled under his breath. 

My head whipped around, instant rage flooding through me. Who the hell did he think he was! He glared at me in challenge and Splinter's cough was the only thing that made me look away. Anger gave way to concern, and I heard my heart beat in my ears again as I considered the words spoken just moments before. Such simple words... and they changed my life instantly. 

I managed a breath in, and discovered I was shaking my head. Beside me, Michaelangelo was doing the same. "Please... _Sensei_..." His pained voice only made the cut in my soul deeper. 

I clenched my teeth. He couldn't do this. He couldn't say this. He couldn't give up. I wouldn't let him give up. I wouldn't let him leave us here alone. We needed him. We needed to help pull him through this. Without him, I wasn't sure how I would survive. Determined resolve guided my hands as I reached for a second blanket. "No." I pulled it up over Splinter, tucking it in just as gently as the first. "You're going to be okay." 

Splinter turned his head to the side, not fighting against me. My insides turned to ice as he looked away. He, too, held a resolve. One that warned he would not resist me. No matter what I did, it would change nothing without his will, and I knew that. He was really, truly serious. He was ready to leave us. But I wasn't ready to let him go. 

I felt as if I were about to collapse. "Just stop it, Leo," Raphael said coldly. "The old man wants to die. So let him." 

I heard the words, but they didn't make much sense. I looked up toward Donatello. "Donny, help me with this," I pleaded. "I don't..." 

"Let him _die_, Leo!" Raphael yelled at me. 

I moved before I even knew my brain had given the command, and pinned my brother against the wall, slamming his back hard against it. Any other time I might have put him _through _the wall, but my thoughts were far too blurred to exercise any real strength. "_What _did you say?" I growled at him. 

His eyes narrowed, and his voice came out as a hissed threat. "Let. Him. Die!" 

I drew my fist back, fully prepared to beat the _shit _out of him. "Stop!" The voice was much weaker than it had been in the past, but it still held a definate air of authority. "Stop now or _leave_!" 

I froze, the anger draining as the voice cut through its icy grip around me. I let Raphael go, the fury draining into the pool of emotions that was steadily rising, adding to the confusion. Raph continued to glare at me, even as I stepped back. He followed me and leaned in close, his eyes blazing. "You do whatever the hell you want, Leo," he hissed, too quiet for anyone else to hear. "But if he's planning to die today, I ain't gonna fuckin' watch, a'ight?" 

He shoved me back and spun toward the door. It slammed against the wall as he threw it open, then swung closed again on sheer momentum. I stood still, watching him go in shock and anger. 


	7. Last Words

**

CHAPTER SIX 

**

LAST WORDS 

-8 YEARS 

MADONNA: 

"Where's Leo?" Kat questioned. 

I glanced up at her, then out the window again. "I don't know. He's late. That's not like him, you know?" 

She pressed back against the wall, crossing her arms over her chest. I glanced up as she tossed her black hair over her shoulder. "Think he's blowing you off?" 

I shook my head, staring out at the city. "No, I don't. I think something's wrong." 

"Don't worry about it, Madonna," she advised. "He's a big boy. He can take care of himself." 

I nodded, but took very little reassurance from her words. I could feel her eyes on me. I wasn't dressed up, perse, but I was definately dressed to go out of the house. "So what was the plan for tonight?" she asked. 

I shook my head. "No plan, really, just... he wanted to show me something. I don't know what." 

"You're falling for him, aren't you, Madonna." 

That wasn't really a question. Denial didn't even cross my mind. "Yes. I am." 

She sighed deeply and turned her gaze to the world outside. "You know you can't be with him, Madonna..." 

I stared down at my bare legs. The dark blue skirt ended at mid-thigh. It was my favorite. "It doesn't matter anymore, Kat," I whispered. "I love him. I'm in too deep." 

"Deep enough to forsake your honor?" 

Her words cut through me. I cringed at the impact, and shuddered, wrapping my arms around myself. "I don't know," I admitted quietly. 

She sighed. "You've got to chose your side, Madonna," she reminded me. "Allow yourself to continue in a fantasy you always knew you couldn't have... or defend your father's honor." 

I looked up, more hurt than surprised by her words. "My whole life, I've never had anything just because I wanted it," I whispered. "And now you want me to tell him to go away?" 

She forced a slight smile. "I'm not trying to make your decision for you, Madonna." 

Tears burned at my eyes and I blinked them back. I didn't want my makeup to run. I looked away and hugged myself tightly. "I _love _him, Kiara," I breathed. "I've never loved _anyone _before." 

She shook her head slightly as she looked away. "I can't tell you how to live your life, Madonna," she sighed. "You do what you want. But don't ever forget the consequences of your actions." 

**LEONARDO:**

I jolted awake as I felt an icy hand on the top of my head. For a moment, I was confused. Where was I and why was I on the floor beside the bed rather than _in _it? Then I remembered, and I knew who that hand belonged to. "_Sensei_?" I questioned. "{How do you feel?}" 

He sighed, the breath rattling in his lungs. I felt my heart break all over again, but there were no tears left to cry. "{I am tired,}" he whispered. 

I took his hand between mine and rubbed it gently, trying to coax warmth back into his extremities. "{Are you cold? Can I get you another blanket?}" 

He didn't answer. I lit the candle on the bedside table and stood, still clutching his hand. I pulled the extra blanket up around his body, tucking it gently underneath him. He was so thin... His eyes opened as I sat down on the edge of the bed, still holding his hand. I wondered what time it was. I knew it was the middle of the night, but more specifically than that, I had no idea. 

"Leonardo?" 

I bowed my head. "_Nani_?" 

"{Are you angry?}" 

I shivered slightly as the quiet, gentle words cut through me. "_Iie Sensei_," I assured him. 

He studied me for a long moment. I could feel his eyes on me but kept my head down. I didn't want to see the cold, frail skin of who he was. "{You are... afraid?}" 

My eyes slid closed. His words were chipping away at the walls I had built around my emotions. I wasn't ready to deal with all of my emotions yet. "{Rest, Master,}" I pleaded with him. "{Save your strength.}" 

I dared a glance up at him and saw a weak smile cross his face. "{My strength has been saved...}" He cut off with a deep cough that made me cringe. That sounded so bad... It took him a moment to regulate his breathing again, then he continued. "{... for this moment. There might not be another opportunity to speak with you in this way.}" 

The force of those words brought tears to my eyes. Not another opportunity. The time was so short, and there was so much that needed to be said. Things I couldn't even identify yet. I'd had so little time to prepare, and yet I had no choice to accept what was happening. "_Hai, Sensei_," I admitted quietly. "{I'm afraid.}" A million other words came to my mind to better describe what I was feeling. I felt the walls come tumbling down around me, leaving me exposed. And at this moment, alone in the presence of the man I trusted more than anyone, I didn't care. I let myself break. I let the tears come. I was losing him, and there was nothing I could do about it. "{Afraid, and angry, and confused, and sad, and... a lot of things.}" 

His free hand lifted off the bed and rested on my arm. "{Do not fear for my sake, Leonardo,}" he whispered as his icy fingers brushed my skin. "{Nor for your own. You will be strong. I know you will.}" 

I nodded obediently, knowing that the words should be more of a comfort than they actually were. He'd always been there, so supportive, so confident in me. And now he was leaving me. With a responsibility that I only _prayed _I could fulfill. I didn't want to let him down, but I wondered if he knew just how weak I was right now. 

He sighed and his hand dropped slowly. I glanced up and saw his head turn to the side and my heart jumped into my throat. _Not yet... _He breathed in, and I felt a wash of relief overtake the panic. "{Death... is a part of life, Leonardo,}" he reminded me, his voice quiet and hoarse. "{And I am ready to leave. Mourning is necessary and it is right. But do not forget that I am leaving content with my life, and with all that I have done.}" 

I nodded slightly. "{I know.}" 

He opened his eyes and our gazes met. I swallowed hard, willing tears not to fall. "{I am very proud of you, Leonardo,}" he whispered. "{And I have great faith in you.}" 

He coughed deeply and moaned, turning his head away again. I bowed my head, still chafing lightly at his hand, and said nothing. For a moment, there was only the sound of his raspy breathing. Then he looked up again. "{As you assume leadership of this clan, promise me only that you will not forget my teachings.}" 

I nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly. "{I will _never _forget all that you have taught me.}" 

"{I want you to find peace, Leonardo. Remember that most of all. Happiness and peace are separate entities, and I wish both for you. But peace above all.}" 

I nodded, tucking away the words. I would contemplate them later. For now, I remained silent and still, my only movements being the gentle brush against the back of his hand. "{I will miss you, Father,}" I managed. 

There was a long silence, his eyes opened and met mine. "Leonardo?" 

"_Nani_?" 

"{You have spent a great deal of time away from home lately.}" 

I felt my muscles tense slightly. I bowed my head instinctively. "_Hai_." 

"{What is the reason?}" 

I stared down at the floor, uneasiness sweeping over me. Why was he asking me this? Why now, of all times? "{I've... met someone. A friend. We... spend a lot of time talking.}" 

"{This friend is a woman?}" 

My eyes closed. God, how did he know that? But I knew he did. It wasn't really a question. He'd known before he ever spoke in the first place. "_Hai_," I whispered. 

"{I should like very much to meet her.}" 

I looked up, startled. "{You want me to bring her here?}" 

He nodded slightly. "_Hai_," he sighed. "{In the morning, perhaps. When I have rested.}" 

I could only stare at him, dumbfounded. He wanted to meet her? He'd always stood so strongly against guests to the lair, I couldn't believe he was asking me to bring her down. Finally, I found my voice. "_Hai, Sensei_," I agreed. 

He smiled faintly and took another slow breath, then turned his head again. I watched as his breathing slowed and he slipped into what I guessed was a light sleep. Thoughts of Madonna faded as I watched him breathe, counting the times air entered and exited his lungs. Those breaths felt numbered. Each time he breathed, he was one step closer to the point where those breaths would stop. How many more breaths did he have? Three hundred? Two-hundred, ninety-nine... Two-hundred, ninety-eight... And time went by so quickly. How long before the clock reached zero hour, and he ceased to be? How long before he left us alone here? 

Alone. 

I was so afraid. More than I wanted him to see. My whole life, I had relied on him so heavily. Now it was as if my lifeline was being cut. My crutch was gone, and I had nothing to fall back on. If I failed, there was no one to catch me. 

I leaned over and kissed his forehead, then turned from him, unable to watch the breaths any longer, and buried my face in my hands. I felt my body shudder as a silent sob wracked through me. So alone... 

**MICHAELANGELO:**

I cracked open the door and Leonardo looked up, slowly and calmly. He hadn't been asleep, kneeling at Splinter's side. I could tell he hadn't slept at all. Or at least, he'd only napped lightly. His eyes were bloodshot, his expression tired. In a word, he looked like hell. 

"You alright, Leo?" I asked quietly, not wanting to wake the sleeping figure on the bed. 

His head dropped and he nodded slightly. "Fine." 

I studied him for a moment in the flickering light. "You sure don't look fine," I whispered. 

He sighed and looked back toward the still, sleeping figure on the bed. I approached slowly and knelt beside him. My heart was already shattered with the thought of losing Master Splinter, but Leo worried me even more. My gaze remained fixed on him as I reached up and rested a hand on his shoulder. "Why don't you go get some sleep?" I prodded. "I'll stay with him." 

He shook his head. "No, I'm okay." 

"Please, Leo," I begged quietly. He turned and met my stare. I forced a weak smile. "Please. Go rest. I _want _to stay with him." 

He studied me for a moment, then his eyes closed slowly. His head bowed and he nodded submissively. I leaned forward and put my arms around his neck. He hugged me back and I heard him sigh deeply as he pulled away. "There's something... he asked me to do," he whispered. "If you'll stay with him, I'm going to go do it." 

I nodded. "No problem, Leo." 

He rubbed his hands over his face in an apparent effort to wake himself up. "What time is it, anyway?" 

"Almost seven. In the morning." 

"Who's home?" 

I knew the point of that question, however subtle he was attempting to make it. "Raph's not. I haven't seen him at all since..." I hesitated, choosing my words carefully. "Since he left yesterday." 

A hardened look crossed Leonardo's face. "He's probably off in a goddamn harem somewhere." 

I looked away, keeping my eyes down, and didn't answer. I didn't want to get in the middle of that fight. I knew it was a lot more fierce than I was willing to face. 

Leo stood slowly and retied his mask. "I'll..." he started. A quick glance at Splinter stopped his sentence. "I'll be back as fast as I can. I have to do this before he..." He choked again and his eyes hit the floor as he swallowed hard. "Leaves us. But it requires me to be gone for a while." 

I nodded. "Don't worry about it, Leo. I've got it covered. And Donny's here too. I'm sure nothing will have changed by the time you get back." 

He sighed deeply. "Thanks, Mikey. I'll call in when I get there and..." 

"Leo?" 

He looked up, seemingly surprised that I'd interrupted him. I smiled, genuinely this time. He was so worried. And I really _could _handle it. "Just _go_, dude. It'll be fine." 

He stared at me for a moment, contemplating those words. Then, finally he turned away. I watched him as he slipped out of the room silently and closed the door behind him with a soft _click_. 

**SPLINTER:**

"Hey." Michaelangelo's greeting was coupled with a weak smile. His hand rested lightly over mine as he sat perched on the edge of the bed. "_Ohayo, Sensei_." 

I nodded slightly and breathed in. "_Ohayo_, my student." 

He bowed, perhaps a little lower than he normally would have, and made sure the blanket was tucked tightly around me. "Can I get you anything?" 

I took a breath of air into my lungs, then let it out slowly. "No, Michaelangelo," I whispered. "I am well." 

He forced another smile. "If there's anything you need..." 

I shook my head slightly. "Thank you." 

The calm silence continued for a moment, then I shifted for what seemed like the first time in ages. My muscles were weak and tired, and they protested the movement. I managed to push myself up slightly, and my son sprang to attention, reaching his arm behind me and providing something to grab on to as I pulled my body into a sitting position, my back against the headboard. Michaelangelo grabbed one of the spare blankets and folded it quickly, then placed it behind me for support and stepped back, watching me for a reaction. 

I sighed, my eyes closing. Sitting up made breathing a little easier, but it took more strength. "_Arigatou_," I thanked him weakly. 

He bowed. "_Do itashimashite_." 

I closed my eyes and relaxed for a moment before my lungs decided to rebel against the stillness. I coughed deeply, forcing fluid from them, and gasped for a moment, attempting to steady my breathing. "Where is Leonardo?" I asked, curious. 

"He said he had something to do," Michaelangelo answered. "Something you requested?" 

I nodded slightly, understanding. "Yes," I whispered. "Did he say when he would return?" 

"As soon as he could. But he didn't give me a time or anything." 

I gathered my thoughts, pulling my legs nearer to me and crossing them. "Are you sure you don't want anything?" Michaelangelo questioned. "Tea?" 

I sighed. With the fluid pooling in my lungs, I had no desire to drink anymore. "No. Thank you." 

His head bowed and he stared at the floor. "No offense, Master, but you're kinda making me feel useless here." 

I smiled. "That is not at all my intention, Michaelangelo." 

He looked up slowly and his gaze met mine. I could see the moisture glaze over his eyes. "I..." he started, blinking back the tears. "I'm gonna miss you. A lot." 

I nodded slightly and reached for his hand, placing my own over the top of it. His eyes closed and his head bowed again. "Do not think of it as parting," I whispered. "Only that I am changing form." 

"Into what?" he choked. 

"Into a spirit," I answered quietly, "without a body, that will forever reside in your heart if you allow it." 

His eyes opened, fixed on the floor, and he blinked a few times. "_Sensei_..." he began hesitantly. Slowly, he looked up. "Do you believe in God?" 

I was a bit startled by his question. He must have sensed that, for he attempted to rephrase his concern. "I mean... or something. Do you... know what you believe? Where you're going?" He shook his head as he looked away. "I mean, I'm not tryin' to make you believe anything, I just need to know what you think. What you expect to happen when you take your last breath." 

I considered his words carefully. "I have... seen the fruit of many religions..." I answered slowly, pondering each word before I spoke it. "And not one is flawless, as no person here on Earth can be flawless. But I do believe that there is something or someone in this world that can be flawless, and that is God." 

He studied me for a moment, then looked away. "I don't really know what all that's supposed to mean, but I'll trust you do." 

I laughed quietly, as much as I was able, then rested a hand over his. "Do not fear for me, my son," I pleaded. "I want you to remain strong in this time." 

He shook his head. "I don't feel very strong right now." 

I nodded. "Alone, you cannot be. Lean on your brothers for support. And be there for them. You all need each other right now." 

His head bowed. "Even with them... I just feel... alone." 

"Feeling and knowing are two different things," I reminded him. "You may feel alone, but know that you are not. For as long as the four of you are together, you will remain strong." 

His head shook slightly. "But that's not right," he whispered. "It's not supposed to be four." He looked up and our eyes met. I could see the tears threatening to overflow. "My whole life, there's been five." 

My heart softened and I smiled weakly. "Michaelangelo..." 

He did not give me a chance to finish. He leaned forward and embraced me. He was very gentle, but I knew he was clinging to whatever strength in me he could find. I found myself smiling as I managed to lift my arms and return his hug. "I love you, my son." 

"I know," he gasped. I could tell by the way his breathing staggered that he was crying now. He remained close for a long time, then pulled back and wiped his eyes roughly. "I'm sorry." 

I shook my head as I settled back again. "Do not be sorry." 

He breathed deep, his eyes sliding closed, and tried to regain his composure. "You should rest." 

It was more of a plea than anything. I smiled faintly and turned my head to the side. I was not asleep, but he did not know that as he began to cry openly. 

**MADONNA:**

I swallowed hard as he pushed the door open. He took my hand and I hesitantly stepped inside. "Oh my god," I whispered, looking around the room. It was completely furnished and looked much like a large apartment would, only without the windows. "You live here?" 

"Yes," he answered. "We do." 

He closed the door behind me and led me by the hand to the hallway. He stopped at a closed door and knocked gently on it before cracking it open. "Mikey?" 

I couldn't see beyond him, but I assume he got an answer. "Is he awake?" 

The butterflies in my stomach lurched. I was so unsure about this meeting. I knew the kind of merit Leonardo put on his _sensei's _words, and I didn't want to think of what might be said if he somehow knew who and what I was. Fear gripped my insides as Leonardo exchanged a few more words and the door opened. One of his brothers, almost identical except for his skin tone and the color of his bandana, stopped dead in his tracks as his gaze came to rest on me. His eyes widened beneath his orange mask. 

Leo rested a hand on his shoulder. "Please," he whispered. 

The unfamiliar turtle's eyes cut away from me and to Leo's, then he turned without a word and walked down the hallway. He disappeared into a room and closed the door behind him. Leo watched him, then turned to me. "Wait here." 

I nodded, and realized I was biting my lip. He stepped into the room and closed the door partway. I could still see inside easily. I saw a figure in the flickering candlelight, leaning against the headboard of a twin bed. He was not a turtle, though from this distance, and the light as it was, I couldn't be sure exactly what he was. 

Leonardo walked to the edge of the bed and dropped to one knee, bowing low. "Master," he greeted. 

The response was too quiet to hear. I tensed up, biting my lip again and not caring. I swallowed hard and considered bolting for the door, but decided against it. I had not come all this way to back out on Leo. I missed a few lines of the conversation, and before I knew what was happening, Leonardo was pulling me through the door. I felt my breath catch and for a moment, I couldn't breathe. He was a rat, and he didn't look to be in very good health. His eyes followed me as Leo led me into the room, closing the door and trapping me here. 

I felt Leo's arm circle my shoulders and come to rest over my right. He stood slightly behind me, as if he were presenting me, and leaned in to whisper into my hair. "Relax, Madonna," he pleaded. I wasn't sure if that was more for my sake, or for the fact that his _sensei _would be able to tell how uneasy I was. 

He stopped a few steps away from the bed, but didn't hold me. I glanced back at him, then at the still figure on the bed, who seemed to smile at me in reassurance. "Come closer," he whispered. 

Leo didn't move. I swallowed hard and stepped away from him, dropping to one knee beside the bed and bowing my head, my hair falling in front of my face. "My name is Splinter," he informed. "Leonardo has told me of you." 

I bowed lower as I was acknowledged. I knew how this song and dance went from years of training in my father's house. "I am Madonna," I answered. "And I could say likewise." 

"Please," he gestured, "relax. I would like to speak to this woman who has so interested my son, not to have her cower before me." 

I felt my face flush. Good god, what had Leo _told _him? Surely he knew that we were only friends. I sighed to myself. Of course he did. I was the only one who seemed to have a hard time understanding that. I settled back and crossed my legs in front of me, raising my eyes to him. "It is an honor to meet you, Splinter-_sama_." 

He studied me for a moment. "Your mother," he began hesitantly. "She was Japanese?" 

I could tell as he said it that he was only guessing, not confirming something that had already been told to him. I shook my head slightly. "No, my mother was an American," I answered quietly. "She's deceased now. My father raised me, and for the most part my half sister as well, and he is Japanese." 

He nodded slightly, then turned his head away as he coughed. It rang deep in his chest and I cringed at the sound of it, bowing my head to afford him privacy. "Please excuse me," he sighed as he regained his composure. 

I shook my head, then looked back up at him. "Think nothing of it." 

There was a long pause. I shifted nervously. I was biting my lip again, and I willed myself to stop. "You seem fearful, child." 

I forced a slight smile. He had no idea... "Nervous," I admitted, managing a tense laugh. 

"For what reason?" he questioned. "Have I made you uneasy?" 

I exchanged brief glances with Leonardo. He smiled and nodded slightly, offering his reassurance. It allowed me to relax slightly. I was doing fine so far. "No, Splinter-_sama_," I answered, turning back to him. "It's just that... well, I'm not sure what to say." 

"And the silence frightens you," he assumed. 

I nodded, dropping my eyes to the floor. It wouldn't do me any good to lie to him. Aside from the fact that I'd never get away with it, there was no real reason to even make the attempt. "Do you like my son, Madonna?" 

I tensed instantly and felt my face grow hot. I couldn't believe he'd just asked me that. I swallowed hard, not sure how to answer. _Don't lie_, my subconscience warned. But really, I wasn't sure how to give him the truth. I wasn't even sure I _knew _the truth. 

I looked up, toward Leonardo. He was watching me, his expression unreadable. A million thoughts flashed through my mind all at once. The way he talked to me, the way he held me, the way I felt lying in his arms. Even now, looking into his eyes, I could feel something stir inside of me. Was it love? 

The word frightened and excited me at the same time. I had never been in love before. And I had certainly never meant to fall in love with my family's enemy. But every time he touched me, no matter what the gesture, I always felt that warmth deep inside of me, and none of that seemed to matter. It didn't matter that I was not _allowed _to love him, and that he likely didn't even want me to. I couldn't control what I was feeling inside. And that lack of control scared me. 

But somehow, that fear gave way to a much more powerful emotion as I imagined the more favorable side of what might happen if he should ever find out that I felt this way. In reality, I knew he would probably be horrified. But reality meant nothing as thoughts of being close to him swept through my mind. I felt a tingling deep inside of me as I imagined his arms around me, his lips against mine. I could almost feel the warmth of his body, sinking down into the bed, making love to me. 

I found myself smiling, for the first time unashamed of such thoughts. The tension faded inside of me and I watched him for a moment longer. "Yes," I finally whispered. "Very much." 

Leo studied me, his gaze unwavering. Splinter answered, but I didn't hear his words. I was lost for the time being in Leonardo's eyes. For the first time, I allowed myself to admit just how much I loved him. How much I wanted him. Even if he could never know, admitting it to myself was a huge step in the right direction for my torn and confused emotions. 

_I love you, Leonardo..._

**DONATELLO:**

I heard a knock on my door and looked up. I wasn't asleep, even though I'd been trying. I breathed deep and sat up. "Yeah?" 

The door cracked open and Mike poked his head inside. "Splinter wants to see you," he whispered. 

I nodded, swinging my legs over the side of the bed, then stood to my feet. He stepped back, clearing the way, and I slipped into the room silently. I closed the door behind me and walked to the side of the bed, bowing. "_Konnichiwa, Sensei_." 

"_Konnichiwa, Donatello_," he replied, his voice barely a whisper. 

"Can I get you anything?" 

He smiled faintly. "No. Please, sit." 

He patted the bed beside him lightly and I lowered, bowing my head. For a long time, he didn't speak. The sound of his breathing rang in my ears, alerting me to his pain. I cringed. "You know... I could get you some painkillers," I offered. 

He smiled faintly. "I am alright," he assured me. 

There was another long silence. Finally, he took in a long, slow breath. "I want you to know that I am very proud of you. Of all you have accomplished and all you have become." 

My head bowed. Somehow, it was very difficult to take that compliment. It took me a moment to figure out why. "And yet in all that I've done, there's nothing I can do for you." 

I felt his eyes on me. "You feel you have failed me in some way?" 

I looked up at him hesitantly. "I don't know," I whispered. "I honestly don't know what to feel right now." 

He placed his hand over mine and smiled faintly. "My years with you and your brothers have made my life worthwhile, Donatello," he rasped. 

"And you've made us worthwhile," I reminded him. "Without you... we never would have lived. We might have mutated, but we would've just..." I looked away and paused as my voice caught. "We would've died there in the sewer. Children." My eyes closed and I bowed my head low. "We owe you everything. Our lives, our training... our reason for being alive." 

I felt tears sting my eyes as I looked up at him again. My vision blurred and I clenched my teeth to hold back tears as I considered just how true these words were. How hard must it have been for him to raise four sons, alone, unable to even go to the grocery store to get food. How many times had he gone hungry to give us food to eat? Been cold so we could have blankets? How many nights had he stared up at the ceiling, wondering how he could pull us through another day, knowing that he'd better sleep because the hours were so short? 

"If I've never said it before, _Sensei_..." I choked, my voice barely a whisper. "Thank you." 

He bowed his head low, formally. "You are most welcome, my son." 

**SPLINTER: **

"She is very beautiful." 

Leonardo nodded, his head bowed. "She is." 

I breathed in, and exhaled. "Are you in love with her?" 

He hesitated for a long time. "Yes." 

I smiled. I had known that much since before I had even met her, but that he would admit it gave me some comfort. At the very least, he was not denying what he felt for her. "Have you told her that?" 

He shook his head. "I can't." 

"Why is that?" 

He struggled for a moment to find an answer, then sighed resignedly. "I don't know. I just... I can't." 

I smiled. "You should make your feelings known, Leonardo." 

He sighed and his head shook back and forth slightly. "She doesn't feel the same way, _Sensei_." 

"How can you be sure of that if you do not give her the choice to begin with?" 

He tensed slightly. His eyes closed. I watched him as his mind raced over a million thoughts. I could only guess what he was thinking at this point. "I don't want..." he finally struggled. He swallowed hard before continuing. "... to leave myself exposed like that." 

I nodded, understanding. Sometimes, it was very hard to trust when it involved an issue of the heart. He understood the frailty of emotions, and was careful not to provide an opportunity for those around him to cause him pain. Keeping his feelings locked away was the easiest way to avoid injury. But it would get him no closer to finding peace in himself, if his heart was filled with confusion. 

"Sometimes, one must trust in order to receive," I whispered. 

He nodded slightly. "I don't trust people, _Sensei_," he sighed. "I never have. It's hard to trust her." 

"I know." 

He looked up, his eyes meeting mine. "And it's not going to get any easier, is it?" 

I smiled reassuringly. "Yes. It will." He studied me for a moment, his gaze unwavering. "When one is free falling, it matters very little how fast he falls as he is doing it. The only difference is in where he lands." 

He considered that for a long time, then swallowed hard. "Where am I going to land, Father?" 

"That is for you to decide. But I hope it will be very near to someone like yourself." 

"Is she?" he pleaded. 

I nodded slightly. It took all the strength I had at the moment. "I believe that she is," I whispered. I opened my eyes and studied him. "She hides a great deal of pain, Leonardo. But then, so do you." 

He bowed his head submissively. "She doesn't feel like I do, Master. And she shouldn't. She deserves so much more than I could ever provide." 

"You cannot say that," I reminded him. "It is her decision, and hers alone, what path she will choose for her life. You can not prevent her love, only deny her the peace that would come of living surrounded in it, unashamed." 

I raised my hand to him, but could barely lift it from the bed. I wanted to touch him, but I did not have the strength to move. I felt my muscles grow tired and then die, one at a time. It took a conscious effort to breathe. "Do I have... your approval, Father?" he asked quietly, his eyes opening to stare at the bed, not high enough to reach me. 

"_Hai_," I managed. The words took great strength to manage. My eyes slid closed, unable to function any longer. "You have... my blessing..." 

I gasped air and forced myself to look at my son again. "Leonardo?" 

He raised his eyes slowly to mine. "Yes?" 

I breathed in, my lungs aching. "Please call for your brothers." 

He stood and walked to the door. I watched as he opened it, did as he was asked, then returned to the side of the bed. 

**LEONARDO:**

Michaelangelo had no tears left. I could see that in the tired look he offered, first to me and then to Donatello. Splinter's eyes were closed. I stepped toward him and felt my brothers follow me. "Master?" 

His eyes opened and he stared at nothing for a moment, then slowly turned his head to us. "I... love you... my sons..." 

I felt my breath catch. My chest tightened and my eyes stung. I could feel the walls I'd been trying so desperately to build around my emotions wash out from under me. I knew, and it scared me. I closed my eyes tightly and wished for the millionth time that this was just a dream. "We love you too, _Sensei_..." Michaelangelo. 

I opened my eyes again and exhaled long and slow, forcing my racing emotions to keep still. "_Hai, Sensei_," I agreed. "We will miss you." 

I swallowed hard, then reached behind me. I drew my _katana _and bowed, deeply and formally to my master. I owed him every bit of respect I had. To my right, I felt both of my brothers drop to one knee as well. I heard a quiet sob and remained bowed low, tears burning at my eyes. I closed them and breathed. In. Out. 

I felt my _sensei's _spirit brush mine. I felt him try, one last time, to feed me his strength. I opened to him, and nearly collapsed under the weight of all that was suddenly placed on my shoulders. The responsibility that came with assuming leadership of this clan was almost more than I could bear. I clenched my teeth and took it all, forcing my body and emotions to accept more than I could right now. I had no choice. There was no more time. 

I forced myself to look up, just in time to see his eyes close. I set my jaw, my vision blurring as the tears stung. Everything outside of this room was forgotten as I watched my master fall silent. He didn't move. He didn't breathe. My hands were shaking. I could barely resheathe my weapon. When I finally managed, I rose again and took a step toward him. I touched his wrist, feeling for a pulse. His heart beat once. Twice. Then nothing. 

I couldn't breathe. A hand came to rest on my shoulder. I didn't know who it belonged to and I didn't care. Slowly, I reached up and covered it, but I didn't dare turn around. I couldn't take my eyes off the still, lifeless figure on the bed. I was struggling desperately to keep the walls inside of me in place, but they were built on sand, and that sand was being swept away by every new wave of tears that I refused to cry. 

I didn't realize I'd fallen until I felt the impact of my knees on the floor. I threw my head back and screamed in pain and anger, the sound ringing from deep in my soul. I ran out of breath before I ran out of emotion. The cry died away into silence, and I knelt beside the bed, shaking violently. I suddenly realized that this moment would impact me for the rest of my life. It was never going to be the same again. Ever. It was over. We would not even be alive if not for this man. I was not sure how to go about living without him. 

I felt Mike reach for me, and realized how close he was. I turned to him, and to Don. Michaelangelo's arms wrapped around my neck. He clung to me, weeping openly. I couldn't cry. I had been forcing that back for so long, I didn't think I could manage it if I'd wanted to. My emotions were in shock. It was over. It was _really _over. 

I pulled Donatello into the huddle on the floor. I _needed _that contact with my brothers right now. Somehow, this all felt unreal. It all felt like a dream, where anything could happen at any given moment and the world could change in a heartbeat. And in this fostered reality, I knew I could not afford to lose them as well. 

I didn't try to speak. I was quite sure I wouldn't be able to manage it if I made an attempt. I rested my head against theirs, silent, rocking slightly back and forth in a rhythm I wasn't sure how I had found. My body acted on its own. Inside, everything was numb, and yet hurting at the same time. 

It was the little things that finally got through to my brain. My legs were going numb. I had a headache behind my eyes. My back hurt. Slowly, I drew back and looked around. Don pulled away and exchanged glances with me. I could see the pain behind his eyes. He wanted to be here, to be available, but he wanted to be alone even more. I could see that, and I understood it. He _needed _to be alone. It was who he was, and how he had always dealt with pain. I nodded to him to show that I understood. 

Donatello stood and glanced at the still figure on the bed, and then at Mikey. He cringed for some unknown reason, then looked toward the bed again. I watched as he bowed once more to his _sensei_, then backed toward the door. 

Mike looked up. His tear streaked face screamed for comfort. "Leo?" 

"Yeah?" I choked, amazed that I could manage speech. 

"Will you...? I think... I'm gonna... be sick." 

I rested a hand on his shoulder. "I'll take care of him, Mikey." 

He used my shoulders for support as he stumbled to his feet and tripped toward the door. I didn't see him again. 


	8. Arms of Love

**

CHAPTER SEVEN 

**

ARMS OF LOVE 

-8 YEARS 

NC-17 chapter. View uncropped at http:// www. Angelfire. Com/ ok5/ tmnt/ beloved/ ch7.html No spaces in there. Ff.net has decided to make this difficult. 

LEONARDO: 

We'd buried him. That, in and of itself, hurt more than I could bear. I refused to even _think _of _how _he was buried, by the three of us with Raphael watching from a distance. I might have felt anger at that fact had it been any other time. But now, I felt only pain. I wanted to run. I wanted to curl up and hide in the shelter that I would have ordinarily looked to Master Splinter to provide. But at the moment, I didn't know where to go. Which was probably why I was here. 

The door opened. I looked up. Our eyes locked. "Leo, are you okay?" Comfort. Her voice helped to soothe the pain somehow. But I was not okay. It hurt. Deep inside of me, it was tearing me apart. 

I hung my head and my eyes slid closed. Silence swept through the room as she closed the door behind her and sat down on the edge of the bed beside me. I didn't have to speak. She already knew this pain. Perhaps she'd felt it herself before. She'd told me once that her mother had died. "Oh, god, I'm so sorry," she whispered. 

Her hand ran lightly over my arm. The flame sparked inside of me again and I felt tears prick at my eyes. She turned toward me and pulled my head to her chest, rocking back and forth gently. Comfort. "It's okay." Her whispered voice seemed to echo in the vast expanse of darkness inside of my soul. "It's okay, baby." 

I didn't even realize I was crying until the tears had already run onto her chest. I didn't hide them. I couldn't hide them anymore. I'd been doing that for far too long, trying to be strong through all this and I couldn't. I couldn't do this alone. But I didn't know where to turn now. My source of strength was gone. 

I cried until the tears wouldn't come anymore, feeling her fingers brush at the back of my head and down to my neck. Even as my eyes dried, I could not bring myself to pull away from her. Her touch was so soothing, so comforting. I didn't want to move. 

Finally, I did pull away. I turned my face away from her. "I'm sorry, Madonna," I managed. "But I... I didn't know where else to go." I brushed my eyes roughly, ridding my cheeks of the tears. "I didn't want to go home and..." My voice caught. She rested her hand lightly on my leg and my eyes slid closed. "And I didn't want to be alone," I finally admitted. 

"It's okay," she assured me. "It's okay, Leo. You're always welcome here. You know that." 

I breathed deep, willing the emotions to calm inside of me. Her hand raised to my neck and shoulders. It felt so gentle, so soothing. I felt weak and vulnerable, and I instinctively tried to hide that. But I knew I couldn't. And really, what good would it do. I wanted her healing touch. I wanted it on every part of my body and soul. And for that, I had to trust her. 

Trust. 

I trusted her. And I loved her. And someday, I knew I'd tell her that. 

_"You should make your feelings known." _

I shake my head. "She doesn't feel the same way, Sensei."

"How can you be sure of that if you do not give her the choice to begin with?" 

I swallow hard. "I don't want... to leave myself exposed like that." 

He smiles faintly. "Sometimes, one must trust in order to receive." 

There was so much I wanted from her. So much I needed right now, and I was so afraid. Rejection had never so much as phased me before, growing up a mutated freak in a world of prejudice humans. But right now, from her, I didn't think I could take it. It would be a fatal blow to my already fragile emotions. 

But somehow, I trusted her. 

I knew she deserved more. She deserved more than I could ever give to her. I could never be a part of the American dream, the American family. I'd spend the rest of my life in hiding, and she would spend the rest of her life alone as far as the world around her was concerned. How could I ask for that? 

_"It is her decision, and hers alone, what path she will choose for her life."_

But she could not choose a path I didn't provide. 

_"You can not prevent her love, only deny her the peace that would come of living surrounded in it, unashamed."_

His dying wish... for all of us to find peace. 

"You're a mess," she whispered. "Why don't you go take a shower?" 

I wanted to agree. I wanted to accept, to stay, to not have to go home. I wanted to stay here and tell her all the things I was so afraid to. To lay my heart on the table, and trust. But I knew I couldn't do that. I knew how dangerous it was to remain in her presence. "I..." 

"Leo..." she pleaded, cutting me off. She stood and pulled me to my feet. 

So close to her... Out of nowhere, the pain inside of me flared again and I looked away. "I should go," I choked. 

"No," she whispered, clasping her hands over mine. "No, I want you to stay. Please stay." I glance back at her, then look down at the floor between us. "You don't want to be alone, and I don't want you to leave." 

I feel her lips touch my forehead. "Go take a shower and then you can get some rest. It's late and..." I started to protest, but she silenced me with her hand over my mouth. "... and frankly, you have nothing better to do right now." 

That was painfully true. Before I even realized how, she had won. 

**MADONNA:**

I hadn't even realized I'd fallen asleep until I felt the gentle brush of his fingers on my cheek. "What are you doing?" I blinked a few times, trying to figure out where I was. "You should be in bed, not out here." 

I was on the couch. The person speaking to me was Leonardo. "Oh, I..." I stammered, sitting up. Of course. I'd invited him to stay the night and here I was on the couch. How stupid of me. But I hadn't planned on falling asleep. Really, I wasn't sure how I had. I wasn't particularly tired. "I didn't mean to..." 

I locked stares with him and he smiled. I felt reassurance wash over me and I reached up to touch the side of his face. He wasn't offended by my accidental intrusion. If anything, he seemed amused. "Feel better now that you're clean?" I whispered. 

He nodded. "Much." 

I smiled, and he returned the look. But his expression seemed to change, to deepen as I pressed my palm to his cheek. His eyes closed and he exhaled deeply, nuzzling against my palm. I felt my eyes widen, and was glad he couldn't see it. He had never done that before. Every time I had ever touched him, he'd seemed so unaffected by it. But now he encouraged me, his brow slightly furrowed as if he were in the midst of a great emotional war. 

I held still and watched him as his eyes opened. I still couldn't believe what I'd just seen and felt. It was such a slight gesture. But for him, it was a huge step in the right direction. I wasn't entirely sure what to think of it. Why had he done that? Did he have some feeling for me? _"Are you really so blind that you don't see how he stares at you?" _Katarina's words came rushing back to me, catching me in a whirlwind of emotion. _"Come on, babe, he'd take you in a _heartbeat _if you offered."_

I swallowed hard, my hand still against the side of his face. "You...?" 

But I couldn't finish. I couldn't bear the thought of the question, much less the answer. I was afraid to love him, and even more afraid to hear that he _didn't _love me. But he had responded. He had encouraged me. Why? My confused emotions raged inside of me as we stared at each other, neither one of us speaking. His expression was totally unreadable, and I wished more than anything that he didn't hide his emotions quite so well. I searched for any confirmation, but saw nothing in his eyes. Sighing inwardly, I pushed my own feelings aside and dropped my hand. 

I stood, gathering the robe around me. The tie was missing, so I held it closed over the short, black nightgown. "Stay here tonight, Leo," I offered, glancing away. "I mean, you're welcome to stay as long as you want so..." 

I considered where I could get extra blankets for the sofa and my sentence trailed off as I walked past him. I came to an abrupt halt as he grabbed my arm. My hair fell in front of my face and I froze, completely still, not brushing it away. He said nothing. I wasn't sure I wanted to look at him. Not when we were this close. Something inside of me burned for him, and I was so afraid that I would do something I would regret. I didn't want to lose our friendship on some hope that it could be more wonderful than it already was. I didn't want to scare him. 

Finally, I turned. My lips were only inches away from his. I felt the familiar fire spark inside of me and I wanted to look away, just to be safe. But something held me there, locked in his gaze. He turned my body to his and I pressed into him. His hand ran down, over my arm and my wrist, finally interlocking his fingers with mine. I didn't fully realize what was happening until our lips had already touched. I gasped in a quick breath and he hesitated. The air felt cool against the heat of our breath. He had kissed me. He _was _kissing me. That realization shocked and thrilled me at the same time. _He'd _done this, not me. I had _wanted _it, but I'd never thought... 

His lips parted slightly, hesitantly, as if he were asking permission. I opened to him, my eyes sliding closed as the shock faded and I allowed my emotions to run free for just a moment. I felt like I was flying. He pulled me closer to him and I ran my tongue over his lips, remembering to be cautious. I needed to see how far he wanted to take this before I made any sudden moves. He opened his mouth and drew me inside of him, into the first _real _kiss I'd ever had in my life. The first time, in all my life, that I had _wanted _to take part in this. Our tongues met and swirled around each other, and I felt my heart melt. Oh god... 

He pulled away sooner than I would've liked, but slowly. The hand that had been embracing me raised and brushed the side of my face, the backs of his fingers brushing against my hair. I searched for words as he studied me, pleading for a reaction. I knew my face displayed shock, and I didn't at all want him to think that was a _bad _thing. 

"I didn't..." I struggled. "I mean..." I laughed nervously. For once, I had _no _idea how to voice everything I was feeling. "I don't know what to say to you." 

"Say yes." 

The realization hit me like a tidal wave. The pleading look in his eyes, hidden beneath a wall of insecurity, fear, worry... He wanted more. His hand ran down, over the side of my neck, carressing gently. I thought I would melt under his touch. His fingers traced the collar of the robe, down to the top of the nightgown beneath it, his eyes remaining locked on mine all the while. 

Suddenly, I could see the desire. Without warning, it was suddenly perfectly evident. So evident that I wondered why the _hell _I hadn't seen it long ago. He wanted... no, not just wanted. Loved. He loved me. I knew that. Because I knew him. And I knew that he would never willingly do anything that he would regret. If we were to make love tonight, he wouldn't regret that. 

Make love. To Leonardo. Those words in and of themselves made my insides quiver as they crossed my mind. His arms around me. His hands. His lips. His breath on my face. His body locked with mine. Oh god, I wanted him more than anything. 

I leaned forward and kissed him again, releasing all the painful desire that had been building for so long. A logical part of me warned that this was not wise, that it would only cause pain later. But I couldn't think about that. Not now, with his arms around me and his lips against mine. 

I rolled my shoulders back and the robe fell, catching on our hands. He released my hand and let it fall to the floor, running his fingers up my arms to the thin strap on my shoulders. The gown was thin, short, revealing, but he hadn't looked at it yet. His lips remained locked with mine and he met my level of passion. 

I tilted my head back and he kissed my throat as his hands came to rest on my hips. "Yes..." I pleaded, arching into him. "Yes... Leo... oh god..." 

His hands moved over the sheer fabric of the gown, over my hips and my sides, drawing it up. I tipped my head forward again and rested it on his shoulder, kissing at his neck. Was this really happening? Could I really do this? It didn't matter. I was doing it anyway, whether I was supposed to or not. Whether I was allowed to or not. Whether I should or not. We were in love. For the first time in my life, I was truly in love. And I wanted nothing more than to share that with him. 

For just a few hours, I wanted to forget who I was. I wanted to be his lover, and nothing more. Just the two of us in the world, and nothing more to exist. Just once, to feel what so many people the world over took for granted as they laid in the arms of their spouses, as they felt love. I wanted that. I needed that. I knew he had it. And he was offering. 

"Leonardo..." 

His hand found my breast and I gasped as his thumb ran back and forth over the hardened nipples. Even through the gown, it felt incredible. I wanted to feel him. I wanted to love him. I wanted to be with him tonight. But I wanted to know that he wouldn't hate me for it, and that was the hardest part. I willed my emotions to pause and pulled away slightly. "Leo..." 

His hands dropped to his sides and he took a step back, cutting his eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry," he stuttered. 

I stared at him for a moment, surprised by his sudden retreat and not sure what he was sorry for. It didn't really matter. I smiled and raised my hand to the side of his neck. His skin was warm beneath my palm. "I just need to know one thing," I whispered. 

"Anything," he nodded, raising his eyes to mine again. 

"This isn't just a reaction, is it?" I pleaded. "To Splinter?" 

He studied me closely for a moment. I watched him as he seriously considered that, then shook his head. "No," he finally answered. "No, I don't think so." 

"Why?" I asked. "How do you know?" 

Again, he was silent for a moment. "Because if it was, I would feel guilty." 

I thought about that for a moment. I could see how it fit. If he were just using this as a recovery method, I could see how he wouldn't be comfortable with that. "And you don't feel guilty?" I whispered, taking a small step toward him. Our bodies pressed together again. 

"No." 

I smiled and found his hands, guiding them around my waist again. "How do you feel?" I breathed. 

"At peace," he managed, his eyes drawn down to the gown that is the only thing separating us. 

It was as if he'd just opened the floodgates to all the emotion that had been building for months. It was okay. He was telling me it was okay. I leaned in and kissed his neck lightly, just barely brushing his skin with my lips. He shuddered slightly beneath my touch. Yes... 

Finally, after months of waiting and wanting, I let my hands roam free. "Excited?" I offered, tracing down the sides of his plastron. I reached the bottom and watched his expression as I reached up and inside of him. The very tips of my fingers brushed thin, fragile skin and his eyes slid closed in quiet abandon. His lips parted and his breath came heavier as he tilted his head back, instinctively. "_Incredibly _excited," he admitted. 

I moaned slightly as I considered what was happening, then stood on my tiptoes to bring my lips to his, kissing him lightly. "Then why are you sorry?" 


	9. The Morning After the Life Before

**CHAPTER EIGHT **

THE MORNING AFTER THE LIFE BEFORE 

-8 Years 

Okay, so the unedited version has some NC-17 for sex and some for sexual violence. If you wanna read it, it's here: http:// www. angelfire. com/ ok5/ tmnt/ beloved/ ch8.html The song is "Hide" from Creed, it ain't mine. Please review, guys. I thrive on feedback. 

MADONNA: 

My eyes fluttered open slowly and I stared up at the ceiling for a moment. Early morning sunlight filtered through the window and cast shadows over the room. Another knock at the door, much like the one that had awoken me. "Madonna! Come on! You're late!" I glanced at the clock and did a double take. I was _way _late! 

I sat up and rubbed at my eyes. The blanket fell, exposing me to the gentle breeze that came in through the open window. I clutched it back over my chest instinctively and looked around for any sign of Leonardo, the events of the previous night washing over me. "Madonna!" 

"I'm _up_!" I called back, slightly annoyed. 

"Well you could at least _answer _me!" she snapped. 

I sighed and stretched my arms above my head, letting the blanket fall into my lap as I glanced around the room. I was very much alone. That didn't surprise me. I knew he had responsibilities. But why hadn't he woken me up to say good-bye? _Probably didn't want to disturb you..._

I kicked the blankets off and lay down, spread-eagle on the bed. It felt good to stretch out, without fear. I smiled as I remembered the feel of him inside of me. So gentle. I'd never felt anything like that before. Saki had always... 

I stopped that thought right there and the smile fell. I didn't want to think about him right now. It forced me to remember just how wrong this was. But it felt so good. Felt so right. I wanted nothing more than to lie in his arms and forget that anything existed beyond the two of us. He made me feel so safe, so protected. It was in direct contrast to the utter _fear _I normally felt during sex. Especially with someone so much stronger than me. I knew he could hurt me so easily, probably without even meaning to. 

I had learned long ago not to fight the strength of a man. I was not nearly strong enough to make him stop, and clenched muscles only made things worse. I'd been taught to be submissive, to do nothing. When he was through with me, he would leave or he would turn over and go to sleep. But Leonardo wasn't like that. He was so very different... 

My skin tingled at the memory of his gentle touches and I breathed in deep, catching the light, gentle scent of spring. My hand moved to my chest, and I let it rest there unmoving as I thought of him. I wished more than anything that I had a way to contact him. I hated not knowing when I would see him next. _You'll see him tonight, Madonna, _I assured myself. _He'll come back._

For the first time, I was forced to stop and think about that. What if he _didn't _come back? What if he'd gotten all that he wanted out of me? He'd not even left me a phone number. If he never came back, I'd have no way to even ask him why. _Stop it_, I chastized myself. _He'll come back. Men don't just _forget _about the girl they've lost their virginity to._

Forget, no. Choose not to face? A stab of fear pierced through me and I sat up, forgetting how good it had felt just moments before to lie here. I pulled the blankets around me and swung my feet to the floor. A scrap of paper whisped away from my feet and fluttered a few inches to the side before coming to rest again. I stared at it for a moment, trying to place it, then bent down to pick it up. 

_Sorry I can't stay. I love you, Leonardo._

My fears were gone in a heartbeat. I felt a smile cross my face as I ran my fingers over the black ink. He'd come back. There was no question about that. 

A knock on the door made me turn. "Rise and shine, sleepyhead." 

I stood and pulled my robe around my shoulders, tying it closed as I pulled the door open. Kat smiled at me. "Good afternoon." 

I blinked at her, confused. "What?" 

"It's almost one o'clock, babe," she informed. 

I felt my eyes get wide. "You're kidding!" 

"Nope." She leaned against the doorframe as I turned away, leaving the door open. "Late night?" she smirked. 

I swept the blankets aside and sat down on the edge of the bed. "I could ask the same of you," I observed, looking up at her. "I noticed you got out of here pretty fast last night." 

She smiled. "I wanted to give you two some privacy." 

I felt my face warm slightly and cut my gaze downward. For a moment, it was quiet. "So...?" she prodded, leaning forward and rocking on her heels. 

I bit my lip and hesitated for a long moment. I couldn't help the smile that formed across my lips. I glanced up at her through my lashes and she motioned with her hands for me to go on. I looked up and sighed deeply. "Oh, god, Kat, he was wonderful." 

She smiled knowingly. "I knew he would be." 

"He was so gentle and slow and..." I fell back on the bed and closed my eyes, smiling contentedly. "Kat, it was perfect." 

"So I take it he's coming back." 

"Yes," I whispered, breathless again just at the thought of him. "God, yes." I hugged my arms over my chest. "I can't believe the way he makes me feel. He actually cares, you know. It's not all about him. It's about _us_." 

I glanced at her and saw her smiling. "Congratulations, Madonna," she sighed. Her voice held an underlying tone of sadness, but she masked it as best she could. "You're in love." 

**MICHAELANGELO:**

Leonardo was in the _dojo_, right where I expected him to be. He looked up as I entered. I'd caught him between _katas_. "Hey, Mike," he called quietly. 

I forced a smile and walked into the room. I'd just woken up and I was still a little tired, but I'd lay in bed for long enough. I hadn't done much of anything since we'd gotten back from the farmhouse. I hadn't seen Raph, or Don although I knew where he was. Raphael had shown up unexpectedly - god knows how he got there - and had watched from a distance as we buried Splinter. He didn't say a word. When we were through, he was gone. I hadn't heard from him since. Don was still at the farmhouse. He'd probably be there for a few days. Last night, Leo had been gone, and I was alone. 

"How are you doing?" he asked quietly. 

I shrugged slightly. "M'okay." 

"You sure?" 

"No. But I'll lie if you really want me to." 

His face softened. "It's okay. You don't have to lie." 

I stared down at the mat. "It's kinda funny, you know?" I whispered. "How many times do you think he told us to stick together before he died? And now that he's gone, we're all in different places trying to deal with this on our own." 

I could feel his eyes on me. They lowered as he bowed his head. "I'm so sorry, Mikey," he sighed, regret panging his voice. "I should've been here last night." 

I shrugged slightly. "It's not just you," I mumbled. "'Least you came back home in the first place." 

He studied me for a moment, not speaking. I looked up and met his stare. There was something different about him. I could tell, even from this distance. There was an air of peace around him that I'd never noticed before. It shocked me for a moment. It wasn't as if he had gone through mourning and come out on the other side already. I could tell just by looking at him that his heart still bled for our _sensei_. But there was something there, behind all that. A life in his eyes. 

"She really makes you happy, doesn't she?" I realized. 

His eyes widened and he tensed. "What?" he stammered. 

I felt no emotion, and I wasn't about to pretend that I did. "The girl you brought here a few days ago. She's your girlfriend, right?" 

For a long time, he said nothing. Then his head bowed. "Yeah, sort of." 

I glanced away. "I'm glad," I offered, my voice emotionless. 

There was another long silence. "Mikey?" I sighed as I looked up. "Is there anything I can do?" 

I shook my head. "No." 

He walked to the door, closer to me. "If you need anything..." 

His voice trailed off and I nodded. "I know. Don't worry about me." 

His hand rested on my shoulder. "I've gotta worry about you," he smiled weakly. "You're my brother." 

He hugged me. I felt nothing inside of me, but I hugged him back. We remained locked together for a moment before he hit the back of my head lightly and pulled away. "You wanna go get somethin' to eat?" he offered. 

I didn't want food. I didn't think I could keep it down, really. But I nodded. "Yeah." 

We didn't speak of the girl again. It was enough just to know he was happy with her. I was glad he wasn't alone. 

**MADONNA:**

I felt a light touch against the side of my face and my eyes opened. I blinked a few times, waking up from the light nap, and smiled as I saw Leonardo at the side of my bed. "Hey," he greeted. "What're you doing in bed? It's the middle of the afternoon." 

I smiled and turned on my back, stretching beneath the thin blankets. I yawned and arched my back, then settled again, pulling the blanket around my chin. "I'm tired," I grinned. "You wore me out last night." 

He blushed slightly, and I laughed. I reached toward him and touched the bottom of his plastron, but didn't make any blatent advances. I watched him as a concerned look crossed his face and he knelt down beside the bed. I pulled my arms back in and tucked them under my head. "I needed... to talk to you about that." 

I felt my heart skip a beat. Sudden panic washed over me. Oh no. Was he calling it off? Did I scare him? I hoped to god he wasn't going to say what I _thought _he was. But that tone alerted me, and I felt my insides clench. "What about it?" I finally choked. 

His eyes dropped and he swallowed hard. "I know... things happened kind of fast last night. And I just wanted to make sure it wasn't _too _fast. For you." He looked up, the look on his face displaying concern and worry. "If I jumped the gun, just tell me now and I'll understand. We can take it slower." 

I studied him for a moment, confused. "Do you _want _to take it slower?" I whispered. 

He stared down at the floor for a moment. "I have no regrets," he answered quietly. He looked up and our eyes met again. "But... I don't want to sacrifice the relationship that we _have _because of impatience. If... I went too fast... I just need to know." 

I felt a smile creep across my lips. "No, Leo," I sighed. "You were very slow... gentle... everything I've always wanted." 

He bowed his head again. "That's... not exactly what I meant." 

I laughed quietly and leaned toward him. "I know what you meant," I whispered, bringing my fingers up under his chin. I raised his head and kissed his lips lightly, then slid my arms around his shoulders, using him for support so that I didn't fall off the bed, and kissed him deeply our tongues playing over each other. I laughed quietly as I pulled away, considering how ridiculous this was. We were both so worried about offending the other person. And I was starting to realize that there was nothing to be afraid of. 

I moved back onto the bed and bent my arms in front of my face, peeking out over the top of them at him. I could feel the smile on my lips but I wasn't sure if he could see it or not. "Can you stay?" I asked playfully. 

"For a few hours," he nodded. "And I'll try to be back tonight." 

My grin widened and I moved back, lifting the blanket for him. "C'mere." 

He smiled at me, then glanced at the clock and shed his weapons. I moaned contentedly as his body pressed against mine and I lowered the blanket over both of us. His arms slipped around my waist and he studied me for a moment. Finally, kissed my forehead. "You're so beautiful." 

I smiled into his neck, then pulled away to look at him. "Leo?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Shut up and kiss me." 

He seemed startled. I laughed quietly and grabbed both sides of his head, pulling him into a deep, playful kiss. He got the message and flipped me onto my back, his hands running down my sides. "Hey, can I ask you something?" he asked casually as he pulled back abruptly. 

"What?" I smiled back. 

"Are you ticklish?" 

I felt my eyes widen as my hands instinctively went down to grab his. "No!" I protested. 

He laughed and his fingers brushed lightly over my side. Even with all my strength, I couldn't stop him. "Not at all, huh?" 

I shook my head. "Not at all!" 

He jabbed his fingers into my ribs and I shrieked, turning to the side to try and trap his hand between me and the mattress. It worked, but it didn't deter him. He moved behind me, one arm slipping underneath me to hold me still while the other circled above me, slipping beneath my T-shirt and running back and forth over my stomach. I tried to double over, unable to control my laughter. "Stop it!" I cried. He laughed, getting _entirely _too much satisfaction out of this. "Ack! No! Leo!" 

He rolled onto his back, pulling me on top of him. I was facing the ceiling, not him, but I was able to stop struggling as his hands came to rest, circling me. I relaxed slowly, but tensed up again with every little move he made. He laughed quietly. "You can relax," he whispered into my hair. "I won't do it again." 

"You promise?" I pouted. 

"You have my word." 

I let my muscles unclench, resting my head back alongside his. There was a pillow there, and it wasn't uncomfortable. He rubbed against the side of my face and kissed my ear a few times. "You know what?" he sighed. 

"What?" 

"I don't deserve you." 

I sighed, feeling his arms hold me tighter. "Don't say that," I pleaded. 

"Why?" 

"Because you're wrong." 

He laughed quietly and nibbled at my earlobe. "No, I'm not. You're so beautiful. So perfect." 

"I'm not as perfect as you think I am, Leo," I sighed. He moved down to kiss my neck. "Trust me, it's _me _who doesn't deserve _you_." 

"Why?" he challenged. 

"Because," I mumbled. "After all I've been through to suddenly have everything that I always wanted. Someone who actually cares about me." 

"Mmm," he moaned, kissing along my jaw. "Loves you," he corrected. "I love you, Madonna." 

I considered those words for a moment. "Loves me," I repeated, tasting those words. I had never known them before, and they seemed so strange. 

"Yes," he sighed. 

I felt his hands run down from my waist, over my hips, to my thighs. He parted my legs gently and I allowed it. I felt my breathing thicken as his fingers brushed the heat between my legs through my panties, touching me lightly. Then he used the fingers of one hand to pull them aside, and I felt his thick, callused skin touch the soft wetness of my body. I moaned slightly, opening my legs wider instinctively. That felt so good... 

**JULIE:**

I lay still on his chest, my hair pillowed under me, enjoying the feel of his fingers on the back of my neck. They rubbed back and forth lightly, lulling me to sleep as my body eased down from the powerful orgasm he'd taken me through. My own fingers brushed lightly along the thin, fragile skin at his side, between his plastron and carapace. He was warm and comforting, and I wanted more than anything to know that he would be beside me through the night. 

I knew it was a far off fantasy. In all the time I'd known him, he'd never once stayed with me through the night. At first I'd thought it was because of his girlfriend; he'd never hidden the fact that he had one. But even when they broke up, even when there was no legitimate reason to hide our casual yet intimate relationship, he still wouldn't stay. It just wasn't his way. And it bothered me. 

"Stay the night Raphael." 

He broke the calm, steady rhythm on the back of my neck and slid his hand to my shoulder, rubbing gently. "I can't," he whispered back to me. 

"Yes, you can," I pleaded. I pulled away slightly and looked up at him. His eyes were closed, his expression emotionless. After a moment of silence, he opened his dark eyes. They reflected the light filtering through the window. I reached up slowly and cupped the side of his face, brushing my fingers lightly over his cheek. "Why do you always run out after every time we have sex?" 

He laughed quietly, but I didn't get the joke. His fingers buried in my hair and he guided my head down to his shoulder. "I don't run out," he justified. "I stay until long after you've fallen asleep." 

I nuzzled against him. His skin felt strange. It was smoother, cooler than a human's, but still warm. Not slimy by any means, but a texture perhaps bordering that. "Why?" I whispered, kissing him gently. "You can trust me, you know." 

"I _do _trust you," he answered, his arms circling me again. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't." 

"But with so many limitations." 

He paused for a long time, his thick fingers coming to rest at the nape of my neck. "I don't trust anyone unconditionally, Julie," he finally informed. "Not even myself." 

I rubbed against him, slipping my leg over his. I knew that no matter how I was lying on him, he'd slip out from underneath me unnoticed once I fell asleep. "Maybe you should," I suggested. "You'd be a lot happier." 

"Who says I'm not happy?" he defended. His voice had taken on that defensive tone I'd come to know too well. 

"Are you saying you are?" I replied, keeping my own voice as subdued as possible. I had fought with him once before, and I didn't want to do it again. 

He answered me with silence. "Just go to sleep," he instructed. I couldn't tell from his tone what he was thinking now, but the danger had subsided. "You'll see me again. I promise." 

I felt a stab of sadness somewhere inside of me. "I want to see you in the morning, Raphael. When I wake up." 

He sighed deeply. "Julie..." That tone was a _definate _warning. 

I pulled away and looked down on him, my hands resting on his shoulders. "Please stay," I begged. "We can do it again in the morning. I'll make you feel good, I promise." 

He sighed and looked away, the annoyed look on his face almost fading. "Julie, you're a good friend," he explained, "and I want to keep it that way. I'm not looking for a serious relationship here. I told you that from the start." I looked away. He had told me that. But the seriouness of his words, and what they meant, had never hit me before now. "If you feel like you're getting in too deep, just say the word and I'll put a stop to it." His fingers came under my chin and guided my eyes back to his. "I care too much about you to have you falling in love with me." 

I felt tears sting my eyes at his words. "Shouldn't that be _my _decision?" 

"You don't know me, Julie," he sighed. "You don't understand what it would mean." 

I blinked back the tears. _He _didn't understand what he was saying, or what I was feeling right now. "What makes you think you can stop me from falling in love with you?" 

"Try me," he challenged. It was definately a dare, even though his voice was gentle. 

I pulled away from him and rested my head on his chest again, allowing the tears to overflow onto his plastron. "Yes, okay?" I choked. "Yes, I'm falling in love with you." 

I closed my eyes. I had no idea what he would say to that. He sighed and ran his fingers through my hair a few times. "Okay," he finally whispered. 

I glanced up at him, brushing tears back. "Okay? What's that supposed to mean?" 

We stared at each other for a long moment, and I suddenly knew _exactly _what that meant. He cupped my chin again and pulled my lips to his, kissing me gently. I pressed to him, licking his lips in an effort to gain access to him, but he pulled away. I watched in horror as he slid out from underneath me, laying me down beside him. He brushed my hair back from my face and kissed my forehead. 

"Take care of yourself, Julie." 

My body ached from the withdrawal as he drew his warmth away. I watched him, speechless, as he slipped on his pads, tied his mask, and grabbed his belt. That was it. He walked to the window. I found my voice as he pulled it open. "Raphael?" 

He turned back, but said nothing. I couldn't see his face in the shadows, much less his expression. "Does this mean I'm never going to see you again?" I managed, dreading the answer. 

He sighed. "That's up to you, Jules. If you think you got it under control, you know where to find me. But I reserve the right to say no." 

I opened my mouth to answer, but he didn't give me a chance. Without another word, he was gone. I turned my face into my pillow and sobbed. 

**MADONNA:**

I reached back behind my neck and fastened the necklace, glancing once more at my reflection. The clock caught my eye and I glanced at it pleadingly. It was night, and he might show up here at any time. But I was leaving. Would he stay? My heart jumped into my throat with the thought that he might be here waiting for me when I returned, but I knew that was unlikely. I couldn't expect him to wait on me like that. 

The knock on the door interrupted the music coming from my stereo, and made me turn. "Yeah?" 

"Come on, babe," Kat called. "We're waitin' for your grand entrance." 

I grinned. "I'll be there in a minute." 

I turned back to the mirror and smoothed the front of the black silk dress down. I didn't really feel much like going out, but Kat had insisted. She and Leigh, a friend from work, had ganged up on me. So I was on my way out the door, just for the sake of going out and partying, dancing, hanging out. It had been a while since I'd done that, and I knew I should be excited about it. Really, though, I just wanted to stay here in case Leo showed up... 

A breeze swept through the room and I turned, confused. I was sure I'd shut the window earlier. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw a dark figure leaning against the window frame, the thin curtains billowing around him. He laughed darkly as I clutched my chest, trying to slow my heartbeat. "Omigod, Leo, you scared me!" 

He stepped forward and rested his hands on my shoulders. I could feel his warmth through the thin, dressy jacket. "Where are you going all dressed up?" he questioned as he kissed me briefly, his lips barely brushing mine. I wanted to throw my arms around him and not let him go, but I held back. 

"Clubbing," I mumbled. "Or to the bar, wherever Kat takes me." 

He raised an eye ridge in an amused, almost suspicious look. "Thought you didn't drink." 

"I don't," I smiled at him. "But I don't have to be drunk to have a good time, you know. I socialize. I dance." 

A sly smile crept across his face as he looked down on me, his gentle hands trailing down my arms. "Got time for a quick dance before you go?" he asked, glancing toward the stereo system as the song changed to a slower, more dramatic one. 

"You could come with us," I invited. I said it before I really thought about it. 

He shook his head. "Socializing isn't really my thing, Madonna," he whispered, leaning into me. He held my wrists and raised them, guiding my arms around his neck. "But you look so beautiful... Just give me a minute to hold you." 

I pressed into him, smiling as I rested my head on his shoulder. I would rather stay here with him than go out _any _day. "You can hold me for as long as you want," I sighed contentedly. 

His hands slipped around my waist and pressed to the small of my back, his thumbs dragging the silk dress lightly back and forth over my skin. _To what do I owe this gift my friend...? My life, my love, my soul... _I shifted slightly from one foot to the other, rocking back and forth in his arms as the sounds of a guitar and a steady drumbeat drifted through the stillness in the room. _I've been dancin' with the devil way too long... and it's makin' me grow old..._

I felt his arms tighten around me as he hugged me and kissed my hair. He nuzzled gently against me, and I felt his lips brush my ear. Electricity shot through me and I moaned slightly. I wasn't totally sure if he'd given me an invitation or not, but I didn't care. I brought my lips to his neck and kissed him softly a few times before running my tongue lightly over his skin and changing the kisses to gentle sucking and licking. _Let's leave all this and get away... Get lost in time... Where there's no reason left to hide..._

I heard his breathing thicken in my hair and he tilted his head away to expose his neck. I left dark red lipstick streaked on his skin as I raised my head and kissed along his jaw. His hands ran up my back, then to my shoulders. I felt him push back the jacket and I dropped my arms, allowing him to bare my shoulders. The dress beneath the jacket had only thin straps, more for decoration than for holding it up. 

He leaned down and kissed my shoulder, his hands running down my arms again, massaging gently as they went. I felt his fingers lock with mine and smiled as I guided his hands around me again. I loved how safe I felt when he held me... 

_What you gonna do with your gift, dear child...? Give life, give love, give soul... Divided is the one who dances... For the soul is so exposed... _I brought my hands back to his body, to his sides this time. I ran my nails down the sensitive skin to the very bottom of his plastron and gripped it, waiting for permission to touch him. He drew the strap down my shoulder with his teeth and I felt his hands on my upper back. 

There was a soft, muffled clicking as he slowly drew the zipper down. But he stopped. Confusion set in as his fingers brushed my skin. Why did he stop? Did he not want me? Almost instantly, I was able to put the idea out of my mind. I knew, instinctively, that wasn't it. Briefly, I thought of Kat. Was that why? Because I had other plans? But he took precedence over those plans. Didn't he know that? 

The realization hit hard. He did know. But he would still wait, still hold back until I said the word. The thought that my word held so much power astonished me. All my life, I'd never been able to say no. My reactions were handed to me. My desires were what they were required to be. But he was giving me a way out. No... it was the other way around. He was giving me an invitation, and it was my choice whether or not I to accept it. The concept was so foreign to me, I almost couldn't make myself respond. 

I pulled closer and extended my fingers up and inside of him, brushing soft skin. He moaned and I felt him drop down slightly. He remained hidden from sight, but much more easily accessible. I stroked gently along the warm flesh and felt his fingers at my back again, running back and forth over my skin a little harder now. He kissed at the side of my neck and licked up to my earlobe, drawing it in past his teeth. I could hear his breath come heavy as I touched him, his lungs responding to the rhythm of my hand over his shaft. 

"Can I take you?" he begged, his voice a desperate whisper against my ear. "Please? It doesn't have to be long..." 

I wrapped my fingers around him as best I could and pulled down, drawing him out. "You can have as long as you want, Leo," I moaned as his tongue traced my earlobe. 

***

I sat bolt upright, clutching the blanket over my naked chest, and breathed hard. I could feel my hands shaking as I drew in a few labored breaths, my eyes darting around the room. It was not his room. It was my own. I was safe here. I trembled, feeling the beads of sweat run down my forehead to the bridge of my nose. A cool hand on the small of my back almost caused me to jump out of my skin. I spun, taking the blanket with me as I nearly fell out of the bed. 

"Shh... Madonna, it's okay." 

I watched the still form on the bed as my heart beat frantically in my ears. It took me a moment to realize who I was staring at. I was not Shredder. It was Leonardo. I felt something snap inside of me and I collapsed into him, tears instantly flooding my eyes. They overflowed onto his chest and I sobbed openly, not caring what he thought. 

I felt his arms circle me and his hands drew the blanket up around us, encasing our bodies in its warmth. My body trembled as I cried, the dream just as clear now as it had been when it had actually happened. Time and time again, the same nightmare. I could still feel his hands on me, still gagged at the taste that seemed to be in my mouth right now, even though there was no logical way that it could have gotten there. Leo's hands ran lightly up and down my back, brushing gently against my skin. "It's okay, sweetheart," he breathed into my hair. "Just relax. You're safe." 

I clung to him, burying my face in his shoulders as I sought comfort from his touch. I hoped he wouldn't ask me what I'd been dreaming about. How could I possibly tell him? To dream of his enemy, that was bad enough. But the knowledge that such a dream was as real as I envisioned it... I couldn't think about that. It hurt too badly to think of what I had done and who I had been. Who I still was, although I couldn't accept that. His wife. His slut. A goddamn whore. And I could never get away from that. 

Leonardo wrapped both arms around me tightly, holding me still in his warm embrace. My body was trembling, but it relaxed slowly as he nuzzled his face into my hair, kissing the rim of my ear lightly. "I love you, Madonna," he whispered quietly. "I love you. It's okay." 

I forced thoughts of my pain-filled life out of my mind and drank in his words. Love. Comfort. Warmth. He kissed my forehead and massaged gently at the tensed muscles in my back. "You're okay, sweetheart," he assured me. "Relax." 

I tried. After a few moments of trying, I succeeded. I felt the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed in deep, and his grip on me loosened. I pulled back slightly, but he tightened again and wouldn't let me go. I blinked a few times, confused, and he nuzzled me. "Mmm... you're warm." He pulled me up to face him and kissed my lips gently. "Stay here. I like this." 

I rested my head on his neck, and breathed in his dark, musk scent. "You wanna talk about it?" 

"No," I pleaded. 

"Okay," he answered quietly. "Okay, just relax. Go back to sleep. You've still got a few hours." 

"I can't," I choked as visions flashed across my mind again. 

"Shh..." he comforted. "Yes you can. I'll be right here. I won't let anything hurt you." 

"You'll stay?" I questioned, begging him. 

"I'll stay," he replied without hesitation. "Just go back to sleep. You're safe." 

I felt safe as he rubbed his foot back and forth over the side of my leg, his arms circled protectively around me. "I love you, Madonna." 

I swallowed hard as I drank in those words. Love. He loved me. Madonna. Yes, I had a name. I was more than just a thing. An object. I was a person. And he truly made me feel that way. 

He sighed deeply and I felt his chest rise and fall beneath me. His fingers ran lightly back and forth, over the small of my back. "I love you..." 

I relaxed in his arms and allowed his whispered chant to sing me to sleep again. 


	10. Honest Lies

**

CHAPTER NINE 

**

HONEST LIES 

PRESENT 

Happy Birthday Mandie!!! Here's yer chapter! 

LEONARDO: 

I moaned quietly as consciousness hit me and I realized how sore I was. I wasn't even lying down. I was propped between the back and the arm of a couch. And I wasn't alone. 

She was curled against my chest, facing the other way and half-sitting like me, her head resting on my arm. I brushed her hair back, out of her eyes, and she stirred but didn't wake up. If I tried to pull my arm away, she would. I resisted the urge to stretch out my cramped muscles and lay my head back down on the back of the couch, remaining still. 

What time was it? My eyes darted to the clock. It was almost seven-thirty. I wasn't really surprised that no one was up yet. Mel moaned softly and nuzzled against my arm. She was waking up. And she did it a little more abruptly than I would've cared for. A sharp intake of breath was quickly followed by her springing bolt upright, scrambling to get away from me. I watched her, still and calm, waiting for her to remember where she was and why. "It's okay, Mel," I assured her gently. "Just relax." 

She breathed hard for a moment and the look of horrified surprise faded. Her eyes cut away from me and I sat up straight against the back of the couch, stretching my arms above my head as far as I could. Mmm... that felt good. I dropped my hands into my lap and stretched the muscles in my legs before smiling at her slightly. "Good morning," I greeted. "How are you?" 

She ran her fingers through her hair and slowly looked up at me again. "I... I'm okay I guess." 

I smiled. "It's still early. You don't have to get up yet; I'll be quiet." 

She shook her head slightly. "No, I... should get up. If I don't, I won't be able to sleep tonight." 

I nodded and she hugged herself, rubbing her upper arms for warmth. I studied her for a minute. "You can stay here and rest a while longer." I grinned. "I'd offer to make you breakfast, but Mike says I'm not allowed in the kitchen." 

She laughed quietly and looked away. "I appreciate the thought." 

I nodded again. "But I _can _make coffee. So let me do that and then we can... go for a walk or something. Something productive." 

She smiled. "I'd like that." 

I rose to my feet and stumbled into the kitchen, casting a lingering glance at the _dojo_. Don was there. So I wasn't the only one up. I watched him for a brief moment as he ran through the slow _kata_, his eyes closed. I didn't want to disturb him. Especially when I'd already promised the morning to Mel. 

I made coffee, even though I didn't usually drink it, and put a pot of water on the stove. Salome's head poked into the kitchen just as I looked in that direction. "Hey, kiddo," I greeted. "You're up awful early." 

She smiled. "Is Mama up yet?" 

"No." 

"Is Donny?" 

"Donny's in the _dojo_, hon, don't bother him." 

She slipped into the kitchen and jumped up on one of the chairs. I sat down in the one across from her, my eyes flickering to the coffee pot again. "Hey Leo?" 

I turned back to the little girl. "Yeah?" 

"What's a _dojo _for?" 

"For training," I answered her. "Practicing. Sometimes for meditating." 

"Is that when you get real quiet like you do sometimes?" 

I smiled faintly. "Yes, you've probably seen me meditate before." 

She nodded. "I've seen you in the _dojo _before too," she said confidently. "You're really good. I don't think you have to work as hard as you do 'cause you're already real good." 

I laughed quietly. My world was complete now that I had the reassurance of my five-year-old neice-in-training. "Thanks." 

Mel appeared in the doorway, clutching her robe closed in front of her. She smiled at Salome. "Good morning." 

The little girl grinned back. "G'morning, Mel." 

"Mel and I were going to go for a walk," I informed. "Do you want to come?" 

She jumped up out of the chair. "Yeah!" 

"Go get dressed, then. We're gonna leave in a few minutes." 

It would take her a half hour to get dressed, and I knew it. She disappeared and I turned to look at Melanie. "You take cream or sugar?" 

She nodded slightly. "Both." 

I set them on the table, not entirely sure why we had either, and lifted the coffee pot. Mike and Don were the ones who drank this, and Raph only when he had a hangover, but none of them ever put anything in it. Certainly not - what was this? - Hazelnut creamer. I was just glad we had it, regardless of how it had gotten here. 

I poured her a mug of the coffee and finished with my own tea, then made small talk with her for a while. She seemed so shy and insecure. Kat's fear of her seemed totally unjustified. Of course, if she was running from the foot clan, there was likely a reason for that. And probably also the basis for her current insecurity. 

She fell silent as she stared down at the mug in front of her and a hint of regret and pain flashed across her features. I studied her for a moment. "Something wrong?" I asked, concerned by the sudden change in her mood. 

She sighed deeply and hesitated for a moment. "I did something... really stupid. Last night." 

I studied her carefully, my muscles tensing on their own. Uh oh... "What did you do?" 

She shifted nervously and studied the floor. "I'd... been drinking and... I kind of hit on Raphael." 

I cringed and hid my face in my hands. That was about the _worst _thing she could've done. "Why on _Earth _would you do that?" 

"I don't know," she sighed. "I just... I'd gone out earlier and got this." 

I was just about to ask her what "this" was when I saw it. She'd opened her robe and flashed me with lacy, see-through lingerie. I looked away quickly, before my body had a chance to react. "Why?" I asked, staring at the refridgerator. 

She shifted and retied the robe, clasping it closed in her fist when it was secure. "I don't know. I guess I just... wanted to feel... I dunno." She sighed deeply, her eyes dropping to the floor. "I do a lot of things I don't know why I did them." 

"Well, hitting on my brother wasn't one of the more intelligent things you've done thus far, Melanie," I informed her, turning back slowly. 

She sighed. "I know that. I just... I don't know what I was thinking. I was a little tipsy and..." She shook her head slightly. "I'm sorry. I feel like I've really screwed things up. And here you are trying to help me." 

I studied her for a moment, then sighed. "Don't worry about it. Just don't do it again, okay? I'll try to work some damage control as soon as I can." 

She forced a tight smile. "Thank you, Leonardo." 

I nodded. "No problem." 

Of all the things she could have done, why did she have to do _that_? I _needed _Raphael's support on this. Without him behind me, Kat would never listen to reason. And she might have just killed any hopes of establishing _any _kind of alliance. 

**KATARINA:**

I woke up alone. As I journeyed into the living room, I knew where Raphael was. I could hear him in the _dojo_, with Donatello. I left them alone and walked to the couch. I didn't feel much like being awake right now, but I wasn't tired. I pulled my legs up under me as I sat down, and stared blankly at the TV. I wasn't sure how much time had passed by the time I heard unfamiliar noises. 

I glanced toward the entrance as Leo stepped down onto the floor and glanced at me. Mel and Salome were right behind him. I glared, then looked away. I didn't feel like fighting right now. 

There was some conversation. Something about Barbies, and Melanie disappeared with the little girl into her room. I let them go. There wasn't a whole hell of a lot of damage she could do locked in an enclosed area. Leonardo walked to me and sat down on the edge of the chair beside the couch. I could feel his eyes on me, but he said nothing for a long moment. 

"Mel told me about last night," he mumbled. He hesitated for a moment. "She told me you were there." I said nothing. Why was this any of his business? "She was drunk and... it's not going to happen again." 

I sighed. "What's not? She's not going to get drunk or hit on my husband? Because frankly, you can't guarantee either one." 

He glanced away and it was silent for a moment. "What are you not telling me?" he finally asked, his voice perfectly serious. 

I glared at the floor. "Why can't you just trust me, Leo?" 

"I _do _trust you," he answered. "If I didn't, we wouldn't be _having _this conversation." 

"Look, if she remembers how she got down to the lair, you guys are screwed," I informed plainly. "There's nothing either one of us can do about that now unless you wanna let me kill her." 

"Why?" he demanded. "Why are you so sure of that?" 

"She works for my father, Leo," I snapped. 

"Shredder is dead, Kat." 

I sighed. "No, he's not." 

"You know that for a fact?" 

"Yes." 

"How?" 

"Because he contacted me," I mumbled. "He threatened me. Those _shaken _you used were only tipped with a sedative, not a poison." 

He sat down in the chair across from me. For a long time, it was silent. "Okay," he finally answered. "But that still doesn't answer my question." My eyes slid closed. He just wasn't getting this. "She told us up front that she had connections to the foot clan. That she was running from them. From her husband, who was involved." 

"Involved?" she laughed. "Leonardo, her husband was Shredder's right hand man for years." 

"Yeah, and you were his daughter," he reminded me. 

I raised my eyes and glared at him, anger sparking inside of me. "What's your _point_?" I growled. 

He stared back, his gaze unwavering. "My point is that she's running from the foot clan and she needs shelter," he answered emotionlessly. "What's to say they're not a legitimate threat to her?" 

"What's to say she's not a spy!" I cried, exasperated. 

"She was up front with us from the beginning and her story makes sense." 

"So did mine," I shot. "How can you know she's not feeding you a line?" 

"How can you know she _is_?" 

I looked away. "Because I _know _her, Leonardo!" 

"Look, if she's not lying the foot clan is gonna find her and kill her," he mumbled. "The only chance she has for life is with us. Why would she betray that?" 

"_If _she's not lying. And I'm telling you right now that she _is_." 

"You don't _know _that, Katarina!" he cried. 

I glanced up and studied him carefully, trying to read him. Dread crept into the pit of my stomach as I searched him. She looked a _lot _like Madonna; she'd always tried to. I didn't want to think that Leo saw that as clearly as I did, but I knew it was very likely. He hadn't been with anyone since my best friend, at least to the best of my knowledge. He'd mourned her for years. I didn't like it, but it didn't really surprise me. He seemed the type to only let himself love once in his life. But if he was going to fall in love again, I did _not _want it to be with Melanie. Because on the thin surface layer, she _was _like Madonna. But beneath that, she would rip him apart. 

"Don't you fall for her, Leo," I warned. 

He sighed deeply, sadness creeping into his eyes. "I'm not falling for her," he assured me. 

For some reason, his words didn't comfort me. I wasn't exactly sure what I'd been hoping for. I doubted he would admit if he _was _falling for her. "Make sure you don't," I ordered. "She's bad news; I don't care if she says she's changed or not." 

He shook his head, eyes down. "Kat, it's not like that." 

"You swear?" 

"Yes." 

"On your honor?" 

"Yes." 

The lack of consideration he gave to that answer put my mind at ease just slightly. I let the thought go and leaned forward, resting my head in my hands. I couldn't protect him. It was pointless to try. He'd been warned, and at this point it was no one else's business. If he chose to put himself through pain, I couldn't stop him. But somehow, that didn't make it any easier to watch. I _prayed _he would listen to me. 

"She's spent her whole life feeding off the foot clan," I mumbled. "If she did something to piss them off bad enough to kill her, not you or I or anyone else has any reason or right to get involved." 

"Except she came to us for help," he sighed. 

I looked up. "Did she come to you? Or did you find her?" 

He studied me closely for a minute. "What difference does that make?" he questioned suspiciously. "What significance?" 

"It makes a lot of difference," I answered. "In what she might want." 

He shook his head slightly. "Kat, what are you talking about?" 

"My father set me up to follow you and destroy you from the inside out," I explained. "He didn't know where the lair was or really anything about you and he wanted to." 

"Did you tell him?" 

I shook my head. "Very little. But that doesn't mean he couldn't have found out another way." 

He leaned back and sighed, crossing his arms over his plastron. "What do you mean?" 

"I mean if she came walking through the front door of the lair, he wants something else from her. It's the difference between infiltrating and observing and setting up an all-out war." 

He sighed deeply. "Kat..." 

"No matter what I say, you're not gonna believe me, Leo, so why are we even talking?" I shot. 

"Because I thought there might be some _substantial _reason why you're so suspicious of her." 

I stared at him, dumbfounded. "She's part of the foot clan, Leo!" I cried. "You're providing shelter for a foot soldier!" 

"_Former_," he corrected. "And you can't prove otherwise." 

"And you can't prove she's _not _lying! And you're gonna put our lives on the lines for her? Mine included? You've got no right!" 

A hint of anger sparked in his eyes. "Listen, Kat, for as long as you're a part of this clan, I _do _have a right. As the leader of this family, I have a responsibility to make a decision that's going to affect _all _of us, and I know that. It's gonna affect you, it's gonna affect her, and it's gonna affect everyone in between." 

"She's _not _a part of your clan, Leonardo," I reminded him. "She's part of my _father's_." 

"We kick her out, they find her, she's dead," he continued, undeterred. "End of story. And if she's innocent, I don't want her blood on my hands." 

"Innocent of what?" I shot. "Did she even tell you why they want to kill her? _If _she's not outright lying, I can think of a few reasons why they might be after her, and believe me, you don't want to get in the middle of it." 

"She is _our _responsibility right now. _My _responsibility. You got a problem with her, you come to me. But I'm not just going to let them kill her." 

I bit my tongue to keep my anger in check. I was about ready to rip him up one side and down the other. He had no idea what he was dealing with. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Raphael and Donny both watching us from the doorway to the training room. "You're going to do what you're going to do," I growled at Leo, careful to think every word through before I spoke it. "And I can't stop you. But I'm warning you, Leonardo. You can call it a gut feeling, you can call it an educated guess, you can call it whatever the hell you want. She is bad news. And she is going to rip you apart. And God help you if you fall in love with her. Because at that point, I sure as hell won't be able to." 

His eyes narrowed slightly. "I told you, it's not like that." 

"Good," I snarled. "Don't let it _get _like that. She's _not _Madonna. And she'll fuck you up twice as bad." 

I wasn't sure what happened first. His eyes blazed with anger as Raph's hand came to rest on my shoulder and pulled me to my feet, whether I wanted to cooperate or not. Raphael stepped between us. Leo was already on his feet, and looked ready to kill. Raph held his shoulders and leaned into him, whispering something too quiet to hear. Leonardo listened, then his eyes closed and he spun away, throwing Raph's hands off of him. He walked to his room and slammed the door. 

Raphael watched the hallway for a moment, then turned to me, shooting a pathetic look in my direction. "Are you trying to get yourself killed, Kat?" he asked. 

I shrug. "I'm not gonna lie to him," I answered. 

He sighed. "If you insist on getting my brother that angry again, he's going to be a bigger threat to you than Melanie ever was." 

I glanced over toward the _dojo _and saw that Donny had left. Raphael's fingers came up under my chin and he turned my face to him. "Hey." I turned my eyes to him reluctantly and he kissed my lips lightly. "Do me a favor?" 

"What?" 

"Don't fight with him." 

"I'm not gonna lie, Raph." 

"I want you to lie," he whispered. 

"I can't do that." 

"Humor him, Kat," he directed. "Please. You're not in his league." 

I glared at him for a moment, but I realized that hadn't been meant as an insult. He brushed my hair behind my ear and dropped his hand to his side again. "You've made your point. Now just try not to raise hell. Let me deal with Leo, okay? I been doin' it my whole life and I know how." 

I considered that for a long moment, staring down at the floor, then finally nodded. "Fine," I whispered. "But I'm not gonna lie to him." I looked up and met his stare. "And if she finds out, if he tells her, what happened with Madonna... she'll try to make him fall in love with her. And she'll hurt him. I guarantee it." 

**LEONARDO:**

My senses tingled with the nearness of the danger. But there was not a whole lot I could do about it, so I just watched. The scent of the fire swirled in every breath of air I drew into my lungs. In the street below, red lights flashed on the tops of the fire engines. Ambulances remained parked, a trip to the hospital unnecessary for the victims. The family watched, huddled beneath a blanket in the back of one of the trucks, tears streaming down their faces. There was no one inside, but the house was a total loss. Crews were just trying to prevent the flames from jumping over the alley and spreading down the entire block. 

I glanced up at the eastern sky. The sun had not risen yet, but it would shortly. Over the past few nights, it had become harder and harder to sleep at night. I wasn't totally sure why, but I had an idea. The tension in the lair, particularly between Melanie and Katarina, was reaching a new height, and that didn't make it any easier to relax. 

I sighed and leaned my head back against the shingled wall behind me. These were houses, not the typical high rise apartments of downtown. I was a long way from home, not entirely sure how I'd gotten here. I'd just run, until I'd ended up in a place where there was something interesting to see. My eyes slid closed and watered for a moment, reacting to the smoke. I could feel the heat from here, warming my skin. Uncomfortable, yes. But not painful. Yet. 

I heard no telltale sound, saw no movement, but I knew I was not alone. In the darkness behind me, there was a figure on the roof. I glanced down at the sword in my hand, resting in my lap for no good reason other than that I'd been inspecting the knicks and stains on it moments before. My fingers ran lightly over the cold steel and I sighed, then looked across the street again. The flames poured from the windows of the upstairs bedrooms. 

He didn't make a sound as he approached, but I felt him. Moreover, I identified him. "What are you doing here?" I asked quietly. 

He stepped closer and sat down, leaning on the slightly raised ledge I was seated on. I glanced at him, watching the flames' shadows dance over his face. "I saw the smoke," he mumbled. 

"And?" I prodded, wondering whether or not he was going to lie to me. 

He didn't look up. "And I followed you," he answered with very little emotion. 

I glanced away. He wasn't defensive; that meant he wasn't here to argue. I was glad. My relationship with my brother had greatly improved over the past few years, but every so often, we reverted back to the bickering of our teenage days. 

There was a long silence. It wasn't uncomfortable, and lasted for several minutes. I relaxed back against the wall and sighed, lifting the _katana _to stare at it. It reflected the red-orange glow of the flames. Beyond it, I saw Raphael tilt his head back and look up at the smoke-filled sky. 

I knew what was on his mind. I knew he wasn't sure how to approach it without starting a battle. He wasn't one to beat around the bush, and he didn't know how to even start the conversation if not to flat-out accuse me. 

"I know what you're thinking," I offered after a long silence. "I know you've got to ask. But the answer is no." 

He didn't respond for a long moment. Then he sighed. "And I know you've got to say that whether it's true or not. But I'm not sure I believe it." 

"No," I protested quietly. "I might not answer, but I wouldn't lie." 

"You would if you felt it was the only way to lay off." 

I glanced at him. "_Is _it?" I challenged. "Is there _anything _I can tell you that would make you just lay off?" 

He didn't look up at me. It was silent for a moment, then I sighed. "If she were a threat to me, I wouldn't disagree with you so strongly about kicking her out." 

His hand raised to cover his eyes. "Okay, one, she _is _a threat to you and if it gets far enough for you to _see _that, it's gone on way too long. And two, you don't want to kick her out because of the danger she could possibly be in. And you'd feel like that regardless of what she was saying or doing until she outright defied you like Sasha did and someone got hurt." 

His tone was accusing and my defenses immediately raised at the mention of Sasha's name. "Sasha was different," I shot back, my eyes narrowing at him. 

"Yeah, Sasha _was _different," he answered. "Because she posed a threat to _me _and not to you." 

I straightened, my grip on the hilt of the _katana _tightening slightly. "And what's _that _supposed to mean?" 

He sighed deeply and turned to face me. "Leo, Sasha played the same damn mindgames with you while she went after me. The only difference between her and Mel is that Melanie is targeting you _while _she's manipulating you into believing that she needs to stay with us and that she'd never do anything to hurt us." 

"Raph..." 

"But I'm telling you," he continued, not allowing me to interrupt him. "She's _not _the innocent victim she's pretending to be. And whatever went down between her and Kat needs to be taken into account if for no other reason than because there is a possibility, however slim you want to make it seem, that Mel would put us all in danger for the sake of getting even with Kat." 

"For _what_!" I cried, getting frustrated with him. "_What _happened, that we need to take into account?" 

He stopped. I watched him. He wasn't going to tell me anything. I doubted he even _knew _anything to tell me in the first place. He was as lost as I was on this whole thing, except that his side was chosen before he ever met Mel. And it had to be. He had no choice but to support Kat, and I wouldn't ask him to come against her on something she believed so strongly. But I had to keep a clear head on this. I couldn't let her past grudges, however big they may be, end the life of a woman who may not have done anything wrong. 

I sighed. "Just go home, Raph," I pleaded. "And stop worrying about me. I can take care of myself just fine." 

He hesitated for a long moment and I heard him sigh, but he didn't protest as he got up and walked away. Down in the street, the cracking flames leaped to the next house. 


	11. Get'cher Freak On

**

CHAPTER TEN 

**

GET'CHER FREAK ON 

PRESENT 

Hooookay, y'all. Couplea things here. First, the NC-17 version of this chapter is at the following address: http:// www. angelfire. com/ ok5/ tmnt/ beloved/ ch9. html (take the spaces out). Just some unnecessary sex I felt like writing. *grins* Also, there's a killer pic of Kat at that address. A few disclaimers: Get'cher Freak On is by Missy Elliot, Peaches and Cream is by 112, Fantasy is by Ludacris. (Can you tell where this chapter's going? lmao) Thanx for the reviews, keep them comin'! ;) 

LEONARDO: 

"I'm sorry." 

Katarina looked up at me, but didn't answer for a long moment. I waited silently for her reaction, and for a long time she just studied me. "You're forgiven," she finally answered, looking back toward the TV. That was the last of that conversation. I considered walking away, but didn't have a chance. 

"Cell phone's ringin' baby," Raph called. 

I stepped aside so that she could see him as she sat up. She raised her hands and caught it as it was tossed to her, miraculously managing to answer it before the voice mail picked it up. She looked away as she greeted the caller. I turned away, but felt Raphael's hand on my shoulder. I glanced at him. "You okay?" he asked quietly. 

I nodded slightly. "Just... stress." 

Katarina laughed. Raph glanced briefly at her, then turned to lean back against the sofa. "You know what your problem is?" he asked. 

I rolled my eyes slightly. I couldn't even _count _the number of times Raphael had asked me that, in various stages of anger. "What?" I sighed, playing along. 

"You're takin' all this way too personally," he informed. "It's not _about _you. It's about Kiara and Melanie. You and I need to stay out of it." 

I studied him for a moment, not sure how I felt about that statement. It was a little too logical to be coming from Raph. Too passive. And impossible, no less. I sighed. "I can't just stay out of it, Raph," I mumbled. "If she's here, she's my responsibility. And it's kind of hard to remain neutral when I'm being accused of favoritism every time I turn around." 

He shook his head slightly. "I don't think that's the point here." 

I studied him carefully. "I think the point and the message are two totally different things." 

Katarina jumped up on the sofa, dropping the phone beside her, and draped her arms around Raphael's neck. He raised his hands and placed them over her forearms, then turned to glance over his shoulder at her. "You wanna go party tonight?" she asked. 

"Sure," he answered. "Where at?" 

"Got some friends who are meeting at the state park." 

He shot her a questioning look. "Isn't that a little far?" 

She shrugged. "Well, they wanna party and they want to be out of the way." 

"And they're passing it off as...?" he questioned. 

"A barbecue dinner." She looked up at me. "You're welcome to come, too. They're on a 'more the merrier' policy right now." 

I considered it only briefly. "No thanks." 

"You should," Raph informed me. I glanced over and met his stare. "I know Mike'll go." 

"Donny and Amy probably won't," Kat mumbled. "But we can ask." 

"It'd be a chance to kick back," Raphael continued. "You _said _you're stressed. So relax." 

I sighed. "What about Mel?" I challenged. 

I figured that would put an end to this conversation. But to my surprise, it didn't. Raph and Kat exchanged glances, and she shrugged. "I don't care," she answered. "She can go too. Just as long as she stays out of my way, I don't have a problem with that." 

"Go where?" 

I turned as Melanie walked into the room. And suddenly, I was trapped. 

**KATARINA:**

"Are you sure about this?" 

I smiled at Leonardo. He shifted nervously, turning to look out the passenger side window. "I know these people," I reminded, glancing past him at the crowd down by the water's edge. There weren't a lot of people. Maybe a dozen and I was pretty sure I knew most of them from work or brief encounters at work-related events. 

I threw Amy's pickup truck into park and pulled the key out of the ignition. To my left, my black car pulled up and killed its headlights. "Relax, Leo," I advised. "These guys are too damn drunk to think anything of a couple of abnormally large turtles dropping in with one of their friends." 

"But what if they're _not_?" Mel instigated. 

I glared briefly at her before jerking the door open. "Then stay in the car," I shot at her. "You and Leo could use the quality time together, I'm sure." 

I knew that would at least get Leo's ass motivated. He stiffened as I glanced at him, then I turned and stepped down onto the grass. The heel of the shoe sank into the soft mud and Mike closed the passenger door of the car in time to offer me a hand. I groaned at the mess on my expensive shoes as Mikey's arm slipped around my waist and he led me to the grass. 

Raphael was leaning against the hood of the car, watching the crowd with a skeptical expression. Mike released me as we neared and I circled in front of Raph, draping my arms around his neck. His hands dropped first to his sides, then moved to my hips as I slid my leg between his and rubbed back and forth against the lower regions of his plastron. I kissed him deeply and felt his muscles untense. He sighed as I pulled away. "Feel better?" I whispered. 

"Little," he admitted. "You sure this was a good idea?" 

I sighed, feeling the first stirring of annoyance inside me. "They're _not _gonna say anything, Raph. And just let me handle it if they do." 

He grinned slyly. "That's not what I meant." 

I stepped back. "What did you mean, then?" 

He nodded toward the truck, where Leo was finally opening the passenger side door. "Them." 

"Hey, _you _were the one who tried to convince him. I just _offered_." 

He sighed. "_He's _not the one I'm worried about," he mumbled. "Get a few drinks in him and he'll loosen up. I'm more worried about _her_." 

I snickered slightly as Leo helped Mel down then closed the door for her. "Get a few drinks in her and she'll be tryin' to fuck anything with legs." I glanced up and saw his questioning look. "Which might just help my cause. So I'm glad she's here." 

"Hey, Kat!" 

I turned at the sound of my name and saw Cherise running toward us, nearly tripping over her own two feet. She glanced questioningly at Leo, then at Mike, then at Raph, and finally her eyes came to rest on me. "Y'all comin' from a costume party?" she asked. 

I smiled. "Yeah, somethin' like that." 

"Thought you said you were only bringing your boyfriend." 

I shrugged slightly. "Changed my mind." 

Leo approached behind her. She didn't notice. "So I suppose that'd be you?" she grinned at Raph. 

Raphael nodded slightly and they exchanged names. She glanced over her shoulder and shrieked in surprise as she saw Leonardo right behind her. Mel was a few steps back. "Omigod, you scared me!" she laughed. She offered a hand. "I'm Cherise." 

He bowed his head slightly, then shook her hand. "Leonardo." 

She smiled. "I like your names." 

"Thanks." 

Mike's eyes ran over her carefully. I watched him. Of all of us, I'd figured he would have the most interest in Cherise. She was short, thin, long, dark brown hair with bright, neon pink streaks, and she was wearing a pair of _very _short jean cut-offs and a button-down, white shirt that was half undone. Beneath it was something black, but it wasn't really visible. I couldn't tell if it was her bra or a tube top of sorts. 

"Cherise, this is Mike," I introduced. "And that's Mel over there." 

She shook Mike's hand and waved at Mel. "Well, hi everyone, but I guarantee I won't remember your names," she giggled. 

"'Hey you' works most of the time anyway," Mike grinned. 

She smiled at him. "Well, come on over. You haven't missed a whole lot. There's chicken on the grill if you're hungry." 

**MICHAELANGELO:**

Chicken was good. The only thing available to drink was alcohol, so I found a wine cooler and sipped it slowly. Aside from the mixed drinks Kat made every so often, I didn't care much for alcohol. Raph sure as hell did. Took him less than an hour to down a six pack, and I was glad he'd thought to bring more to contribute. Kat was on her seventh or eighth by the time she decided she was bored with drinking and started trying to pursuade Leo to dance. 

The music was turned up, the hatch back opened on one of the cars, and the beats pulsed in the area around us. We were at the edge of the park, and there was no one around to be disturbed by the noise. Surprisingly, no one aside from Cherise had asked about the "costumes." I was glad. That was something I didn't really want to deal with tonight. 

"Where'd she go?" 

I glanced over my shoulder at Kat. "Where'd who go?" 

"Cherise," she answered, taking a long drink from the beer in her hand. 

I shrugged. "I dunno," I lied. She was several cars over, getting something out of the trunk. 

"You should find her," Kat grinned. She stepped closer to me and set the beer on the car I was leaning against. She stepped in front of me and hugged my neck. I could smell the alcohol on her breath as she pressed her cheek to mine. "She's single," she whispered in my ear. 

I smiled slightly. "She's also human," I reminded her. 

"So'm I," she answered, rubbing against me. 

I glanced to the side and saw Raphael standing a few feet away, talking to Leo. Kat had given up on him for the time being. Melanie stood near them, but didn't seem involved in their conversation. I felt Kat take my hands and pull away slightly to look up at me. "Wanna dance?" she asked. I listened to the electronic songs from the back of the car. They blared loudly over the conversations around me. _Missy be puttin' it down... I'm the hottest 'round... _

I considered her proposal for a brief moment as I looked down on her. "You're drunk off your ass, you know that?" I grinned, finding amusement in that. Drunk people were funny. Except for Raph. He had a tendency to scare me when he was drunk. 

She smiled and shrugged. "So? I can still dance." 

I let her pull me toward the several other couples that had begun to move with the music. I circled my arms around her waist as she began to roll her shoulders, rubbing against me in the process. I wasn't surprised. I knew she danced dirty, and it didn't bother me. Doubted it bothered Raph, either. He was the one who'd taught _me _it was just dancing. I relaxed and let her movements guide me. She raised her arms over her head and tilted her head back. My hands unlocked behind her and moved up her sides to her ribcage. _Get'cher freak on... Get'cher freak on..._

She moved steadily with the movements, grinding her hips against me. She snapped her head forward and to the side as I ran my hands down to her hips. I felt her arms drape over my shoulders and she pulled in close enough to allow me to smell the perfume she was wearing. We avoided eye contact - it wasn't that kind of dancing - and I smiled as her hands ran down over my shoulders, then my biceps. 

She turned gracefully, in time with the music, and leaned her head back on my shoulder, her arms still behind me. Her back rubbed against my plastron as she lowered slowly, and I moved down with her almost to a crouch. I gripped her shoulders as she rolled them back and buried her face into my neck. Her breath was warm and slightly heavier than normal. _Quiet... shh... hush yer mouth... silence when I... spit it out..._

I held her hips and surrendered to the pricks of excitement that shot through my nerves as her fingers brushed the back of my neck. She was my brother's girl, and I'd never try to compromise their relationship. But that didn't mean I had to deny what felt good. 

**RAPHAEL:**

"Doesn't that... bother you?" 

I glanced up at Leo and saw him watching Kat and Mike on the makeshift dancefloor. I followed his gaze and smiled slightly as I saw them. "What, Kat?" I questioned, although I was sure that's what he was talking about. 

"She dances so... provocatively." 

I watched as she turned to face Mike again and slipped her leg between his, gripping his shoulders. She was pressed hard against him and for a moment, their eyes met. I couldn't see Kat's expression, but it made Mikey laugh. He took her hands and raised them over their heads. "That's just the way she dances," I informed him. "She don't mean anything by it. And Mike knows that, too." 

"Still..." he muttered. 

She ran her hands down his arms and he lowered after her. He held her shoulders again as she continued her fingers down the front of his plastron, then moved to his sides as she reached the lower regions of the plate. She drew her fingers up his sides quickly and he lost the rhythm for a moment as he shuddered slightly. I smiled to myself. She was so evil sometimes. She knew damn well she was turning him on. And we all knew nothing would come of it. All except Leo, at least, who seemed to have a hard time grasping that. 

I felt his eyes on me for a long moment, and I sighed. "Leo, she ain't touchin' and I can't stop her from looking." I glanced at him. "And frankly, I'd rather have her looking at Mike than one of these other guys." 

"_That's _not touching?" Mel challenged. 

I glared at her, but gave Leo a chance to answer, since I knew he would. "I would think you'd be _more _worried about Mike," he mumbled. 

I raised an eyeridge, not entirely sure what he meant by that. "Leo, I trust both of them. And they both realize it's just dancing. So lay off already." 

The song ended and another started. Kat turned and smiled at Mike, then looked over her shoulder at me. She raised her hand over her shoulder and curled her finger at me, inviting me to come closer. Mike took a step back but she grabbed his shoulder, keeping him close. "S'cuse me," I mumbled to my brother and Mel. I walked toward her and she turned back to Mike. _Let me tell you what I wanna do... Let me show you that I feel you..._

I circled my arms around her waist from behind and pressed back against her, leaning in to kiss her neck. She tilted her head away to give me access, and I easily found the rhythm she'd already set. _Wanna sex, wanna ride with you... Wanna kiss, wanna put my lips all over you..._

Mike and I exchanged glances, and I nodded slightly at him in approval. If she wanted him to stay, I had no problem with it. He relaxed again and she continued to move between the two of us. Her hair fell in her face and she snapped her head to the side, rolling her shoulders against me. I ran my hands up, over her buttoned shirt, and cupped her breasts through several layers of fabric. Her hips ground against Mike as she arched her back, thrusting her chest against my hands. I felt the first stirrings of excitement inside of me. 

She raised her hands high above her head and I felt Mike's fingers brush mine as he ran his hands down her sides to her hips. _Peaches and cream... I need it 'cause you know that I'm a fiend..._

I followed his hands to her waist, and slipped my fingers beneath the top of her short skirt. She continued to move her shoulders and hips as I untucked the shirt and kissed at her neck again. She moaned slightly and turned to face me as she lowered her arms again. Her fingers slipped around my plastron and ran lightly down my sides as she moved her hips against mine. Mike's hands came up to her shoulders and pulled her back against him. He ran his fingers over her throat as she rested her head on his shoulder._ On top, underneath, on the side of you... better yet, baby, inside of you..._

I held her hips against mine and felt my shaft harden inside my shell as I allowed myself to look at her. I knew I was drunk, and the fact that everything inside of me wanted to rip her clothes off and fuck her right here was only further proof of that fact. She ground against me and slipped her leg between mine, rubbing hard against my thighs. I could hear her heavy breathing over the pounding beats of the music. _Don't wanna stop it girl you know I can't get enough... wanna taste it in the morning when I'm wakin' up..._

Mike grabbed her arms and drew them back, then looked up at me and smiled wickedly. I grinned back at him and slipped my hands beneath her untucked shirt. She moaned slightly as my hands moved up her side, along her soft, warm skin. I touched the bottom of her bra and followed it around to her back, fingering the clasp behind her. She looked up and our eyes met. Her smile _dared _me to do it, and I was tempted, but I moved my hands back down, my fingers brushing the small of her back. _I like it in my car... or even in my bed... or maybe on the stairs..._

She turned her face into Mike's neck as the song came to a close and kissed his skin gently, then drew away from him. He let her go, smiling as he heard the beats of the next song begin. _Yeah... yeah... yeah... yeah... _

Kat's eyes met mine and blazed with excitement. "Rather _watch _this one, baby," Mike laughed, pressing against her back. He kissed her cheek and she nodded slightly to him, her eyes never leaving mine. _I wanna li- li- li- lick you from your head to your toes... and I wanna... move from the bed down to the, down to the, to the floor..._

We were about to show Mel and Leo the difference between looking and touching. 

I pulled her to me hard and closed my lips around her in a deep, hungry kiss. She pulled away first and licked down to my neck, rolling her shoulders in time with the beat of the music. My hands ran down over her hips, feeling along the leather skirt, searching for the bottom of it. It was easily within reach. I slipped my fingers underneath it and felt along the soft skin on the inside of her thigh. _Whipped cream with cherries and strawberries on top... lick it don't stop..._

I leaned into her, moving in the same rhythm, and bit gently at her neck. I wanted to go lower, but her shirt was in the way. Easily remedied. I brought my hands up and unclasped the top two buttons on the shirt, baring her skin to her bra. I curled my fingers underneath the collar and pulled it down over her shoulder. Her nails scraped over my biceps as she ground her hips against mine. _In the public bathroom... or in the back of the classroom... lover, lover gonna tap that ass soon..._

I licked at the newly-bared flesh and bit down, slightly harder than I'd done to her neck. She moaned and her leg slipped between mine, rubbing hard. Her skirt rode higher as she thrust her hips against me, her shoulders still moving in time with the music. She lowered slightly, pulling away from me, and I ran my hands down, over her breasts to her hips again. _I wanna... ah, ah... you make it so good I don't wanna leave..._

**LEONARDO:**

I knew I was a little wide-eyed. I couldn't help it. They looked like they were ready to go ahead and have sex right here in front of all these people. I don't suppose the song helped to ease the sexual tension either. I glanced to the other couples as his hands ran up the inside of her shirt. They didn't seem nearly so involved. Which was not to say they were being modest, but their movements were not nearly so embarrassing as my brother's. _I wanna get you in the back seat, windows up... that's the way you like to fuck..._

I glanced to Mel, nervous tension welling up inside of me. "Melanie?" 

She snapped out of a light trance and drew her eyes away from the two of them. She glanced up at me, but didn't speak. _Rip the pants and rip the shirt... Rough sex, make it hurt... _I blushed slightly in spite of the fact that I was starting to get used to the suggestive nature of the song. "You okay?" I asked quickly. "We can get outta here if you want." 

She glanced back at Raph and Kat. She said nothing, but it wasn't silence that I heard. I wished it was. _Legs jerk, overworked... underpaid, but don't be afraid... _"I... I'm okay," she answered. "Just kinda surprised. I've never seen Kiara act like this." 

Katarina's shirt was almost completely unbuttoned now. Raph pulled it down her arms and licked at her shoulders, over the front of her neck. Her black bra was lacy and might have been revealing if Raph had not been pressed so close to her. _Maybe your girl and my friend can trade... tag team off the rope... _

He slipped his leg between hers and pulled her down on it. Her fingers played over his sides as she moved in time with the music, tilting her head back. "To be honest, I haven't ever seen her act like this, either," I sighed. 

"I mean, she always _teased_," Mel added. "But like... she never..." 

That statement didn't really _bother _me, but it did make me question whether this had been a side of her that had always been there and we just hadn't seen it, or if it was more Raph's doing. From the way they moved together, I couldn't be sure. Not that I thought for a moment that Katarina was as innocent as Mel seemed to picture her. But this was a little... extreme. _Whips and chains... handcuffs... smack a little booty up with my belt..._

"Hey, Leo." 

I turned as Mike approached and offered me a glass bottle with light purplish-pink liquid in it. I held up my hand, refusing, and he offered it to Mel. She smiled at him as she accepted it. "Thank you," she whispered. 

Mike nodded to her, then looked up at me. "You might want to pick your jaw up off the floor, Leo," he grinned. "You don't wanna _trip _on it." 

I studied him as he took a slow drink from a bottle of alcohol. It was a wine cooler, like the one Mel now had. "I didn't know you drank," I informed. 

He shrugged. "I don't. Not regularly. And not much." He lifted the bottle. "This is my first and it'll be my last." 

The song ended and I sighed in relief. "Well, that's good because there's no way in _hell _I'm letting either of _them _drive." I turned to nod toward Kat and Raph, but they were gone. My eyes widened slightly as I looked around me. There was no sign of them. I glanced to Mel, then to Mike. "Where'd they go?" 

**RAPHAEL:**

I felt Katarina stir next to me and opened my eyes. She moaned slightly as she nuzzled her face into my neck and woke up slowly. "Mmm... no..." 

I smiled slightly. "Good morning, baby." 

She groaned. "I feel like shit." 

I reached around her and brushed my fingers lightly back and forth over the back of her neck. "You don't have to get up yet," I mumbled. "Just take it slow." 

She breathed in and opened her eyes to look around. "Where are we?" 

"State park," I answered. "We came into the woods. Remember?" 

"Nnnh..." she moaned. "No, not really." 

I smiled. "Glad you don't usually go out and get smashed without me," I whispered. 

"Why?" 

"'Cause if you don't remember last night, I'd hate to think of what other things you might allow and then not remember." 

She was quiet for a moment, then finally tried to move. The effort was short lived and she lay down again. For a long time, it was quiet. I kissed her forehead gently and looked up at the trees. They didn't let much light through. I glanced to the side, where my weapons were laid out beside me, then back at the woman in my arms. "Mmm... I do remember something about that," she slurred. 

"What, last night?" 

"Yeah. The tree, right?" 

"Mmm hmm." 

"Yeah, and you tried to fuckin' _kill _me..." she moaned. 

I laughed. "What?" 

"No wonder I'm so sore," she continued, more to herself than to me at this point. 

I looked down at her, concern suddenly sweeping though me. "I didn't really hurt you, did I?" 

She smiled faintly. "S'okay. Don't worry 'bout it." 

I kissed her forehead again and she pressed harder against me, her leg moving over mine. The shirt I'd placed over her waist had fallen aside and she reached down to try and pull the tight skirt back down over her hips. If it had been an easy task, I would've done it already. She fought with it for a moment, her fingers slipping, then gave up. A slight moan escaped her lips. 

"Want some help?" I offered. 

"Mmm." 

I pulled away from her gently and raised to my knees. I crawled to the tree we'd made use of the night before and picked up the black panties she'd forgotten there. I slipped them over her feet, up her legs, and to her waist, then pulled the tight skirt down over them. She sighed deeply as I came back up to face her and handed her the red, button down shirt. "Thank you," she whispered as I kissed her cheek. 

"No problem." 

"Everyone got home last night, right?" she sighed, holding the shirt over her chest. 

"I'm sure they did," I answered. "I gave Mike the keys as soon as we got here 'cause I knew I'd be drinking." 

"Mmm... I didn't think that far ahead," she admitted. 

"S'okay. I'm sure they probably took the car. You've got the truck keys?" 

"N'my purse," she slurred. "Dunno where't is." 

"Alright, well, don't worry about it yet. Just relax." I smiled. "If I gotta hot wire it, we'll get outta here somehow." 

"Mmm. I got, like, two hundred dollars in my purse though," she sighed. "Gotta find that." 

"Speaking of money," I remembered. 

"Uh oh," she smiled. 

"Yeah, uh oh," I confirmed. "There's something Leo asked me to have you do today." 

"What's that?" she asked. 

"Melanie's got a paycheck in New Jersey." 

She groaned. "Give her the fucking keys and let her go." 

I smiled at her. "You sure you want to hand over your car to her?" 

"I ain't _drivin' _her all that way," she mumbled. "There's no way in hell..." 

I kissed her cheek lightly. "Oh, come on, you two could use some quality time together," I joked. 

"Fuck you," she shot back. I laughed quietly as I kissed along the rim of her ear. "Why the fuck is her job in Jersey anyway? Didn't even know she _had _a job." 

"Well, apparently, she did. Whether she quit before or after this supposed incident with Shredder is anyone's guess." 

She sighed and it was quiet for a moment. "How much is the check for?" 

"You _really _think Leo would ask her that?" I challenged. 

"Well, if it's less than I make, I'll just reimburse her." 

I nipped lightly at her earlobe. "It wouldn't take _that _long..." I prodded. 

"Dammit, I don't _wanna_," she moaned. 

I smiled. "But you're going to," I whispered. 

"No, I'm not." 

I sat up slightly and moved over her, kissing at her neck, then over the top of her chest. "Oh, yes you are..." 


	12. Clinging to Hate

**

CHAPTER ELEVEN 

**

CLINGING TO HATE 

PRESENT 

KATARINA: 

The phone rang twice before it was picked up. "What!" 

I blinked at the irritated tone. "Geez, baby, I call at a bad time?" 

He growled slightly. "No, I just..." I heard a voice in the background call something. It sounded like Leo. "Hang on a minute," Raphael snarled. He pulled the phone away from his mouth as he yelled. "I said I don't fucking _care _what you do, Leo! Do whatever the hell you want!" 

A door slammed. I heard the bed creak loudly as he flopped down on it, growling again. "Sorry," he mumbled. 

I smiled as I gripped the steering wheel with one hand, the phone with the other. "Sounds like your day's been about as good as mine," I chuckled. 

"Did she get her fucking paycheck?" he demanded. 

I glanced at the figure sleeping in the passenger seat. "Yeah, she got it. Although I still don't understand why they couldn't mail her the damn thing. Or how she ended up in Manhattan if she works in another _state_. She's not offering much in the way of explanation there." 

"She with you now?" he asked. "Where are you?" 

"I'm in the car. She's asleep." 

"That sounds..." He was cut off by a knock at the door. I cringed. "Goddammit, Leo!" 

The phone was dropped on the bed. I couldn't hear anything. A moment later, he picked it up again and sighed heavily. "What's he _want_, anyway?" 

"That wasn't him," he mumbled under his breath. "Was Amy. She's tryin' to clean up the living room." 

I smiled. "You apologize for cussing her out?" 

"I didn't cuss her out," he justified. 

"Well you weren't exactly _nice_..." 

He laughed cynically. "Am I _ever _exactly nice?" 

I grinned as I watched the road in front of me. "Sometimes." 

"Well, I'll have to work on that," he mumbled. "Don't wanna ruin my otherwise perfect asshole image." 

I chuckled quietly. "Oh, come on," I teased. "Don't be so hard on yourself." 

"Yeah, whatever," he growled, bringing the conversation to an abrupt halt. 

I sighed as I watched the cars in front of me change lanes. "Hey Raphael?" 

"What?" 

"You want me to put you in a better mood when I get home?" 

He was silent for a moment. "How do you intend to do that?" he demanded. 

I smiled. "Go take a hot shower," I directed quietly, "turn out the lights, lay down and relax. I'll be home in about a half hour." 

"Yeah, and then what?" he prodded. 

I laughed at him. "You want me to tease you or you want me to drive?" 

"Well I don't want you to get in an _accident_," he told me. 

Right. I continued to smile at the road. "I'll warm some oil," I invited. "Rub you down. You sound pretty tense right now." 

"Yeah?" 

"And when I'm through we can make love as long as you want," I added. "How's that sound?" 

He sighed deeply. "I could go for that." 

"Good," I grinned. "I'll see you in a few minutes. Go shower." 

"Alright." 

"I love you." 

"Love you too." 

I hung up the phone and glanced at the seat next to me. I cringed as I saw that she was no longer asleep. How long had she been listening to me? I had a feeling I was about to find out. 

"That's so disgusting." 

I turned and glared at the road, eyes narrowing as my foot pressed down harder on the gas pedal. She'd been listening long enough to form her own opinions on matters that didn't concern her. "Wait 'til I go home and suck his _dick_, Mel," I shot at her. "What're you gonna think about _that_?" 

She made a face and I saw it out of the corner of my eye. "You're so vulgar, you know that Kiara?" She turned and looked out the window. "That's disgusting on any level, but especially with something that's not even _human_." 

"'Least I know he won't be fuckin' anyone else when I get through with him," I snarled back at her. 

She laughed slightly. "You're so sure of yourself. And this from the girl who spent her entire teenage life terrified of being hurt in a relationship." 

I growled low. "You don't know me, Mel," I snarled. "You never did. Keep that in mind when you try to psychoanalyze me." 

She chuckled, but didn't dare answer. I felt hatred burn inside of me. 

**RAPHAEL:**

I looked up as the bedroom door swung open. The angered look on her face was really all I needed to guess what had happened. "You okay?" I asked, setting the magazine down in my lap. 

"_God_, I hate that bitch!" 

I watched as she paced to the other side of the bedroom and kicked off her shoes. "You need a drink," I informed her. 

"No, I don't need a fucking drink," she shot back, ripping her arms out of the jacket. I watched her silently, leaning against the headboard of the queen sized bed. "I need a fucking _hole _in my head if she's gonna be here much longer." 

I smiled faintly. Her back was turned to me so she couldn't see it. Funny. Now _she _was the one in need of massage therapy. But I knew better than to suggest it. It would remind her of her own words to me over the phone. And she didn't need to worry about that at the moment. "Would you settle for a movie?" I suggested instead. 

She spun around and shot me a dirty look and I hid the smile quickly. Not a good idea to let her catch me smiling right now. She walked to the foot of the bed and swept my _sais _off of the blankets. I knew she hated having them on the bed, though I wasn't sure why. I hadn't expected her to be back yet, though. She'd gotten here in half the time she said she would. I'd just barely gotten out of the shower. 

"Hey hey, put down the weapons," I joked. 

She glared at me as she tossed them onto the chair. The loud echo rang off the walls of the bedroom and caused me to cringe instinctively at the sound. "Don't fuck with me right now, Raph," she warned. 

She spun and sat on the edge of the mattress, hiding her face in her hands. For a moment, it was silent. "Are you okay?" I finally asked, as sincerely as I could. 

"No, I'm not okay," she shot back. "I'm _pissed_. I'm pissed that she's using us, I'm pissed that none of you see it, I'm pissed because she feels she has the right to talk about shit that's _none _of her business, and I'm pissed because I _can't _figure out what the _hell _she's doing here!" She spun and stared at me, her eyes blazing, but didn't give me a chance to speak. "I mean, did my father _send _her, like he sent me? Is he really trying to kill her? There's so many possibilities, it's not even funny." 

I was quiet for a moment. I wasn't entirely sure what she wanted me to say. "Want me to make you feel better?" I offered. 

She stood up, her hair whipping back over her shoulder. "Christ, don't you take _anything _seriously!" she cried. 

"Not unless I have to," I answered with a grin. 

She paced around the room, then sat down at the foot of the bed again, her hands over her face. I sighed. She really was frustrated. I let my mood go and adopted hers. "What'd she say?" 

"I don't wanna talk about it." 

I nodded, but didn't speak. She didn't say anything for a long time. "Kat?" I finally asked. 

She didn't answer. 

"Baby? Hey. Come'ere." 

She sighed and hung her head between her shoulders. "You know, actually, a drink sounds good." 

I watched he as she got up and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. She returned a minute and a half later with a longneck bottle. "_Now _will you relax?" I pleaded. 

She sighed as she walked over and set the bottle on the nightstand. She sat down next to me and breathed deep. I went back to the magazine for a moment. "Anything I can do?" I asked halfheartedly. I already knew the answer to that. 

"Get her the hell out of here." 

"Easier said than done," I mumbled. 

She sighed as she scooted closer to me and nudged my arm. I closed the article and put my arm around her shoulders. She was much more interesting to me than the magazine was at this point. Giving her my undivided attention took very little effort. 

"I'm sorry," she whispered. 

"For what?" 

She slipped her arm around my waist and didn't answer for a long time. "I know it's not your fault. I just... You need to get her out of here, Raph. You need to do something or else I will." 

"What're you gonna do?" I asked. 

"I'll kill her if I have to." 

The words were said quite seriously. I sighed. "Kat, don't talk like that." 

"You don't know her, Raphael," she whispered. "You don't know what she's capable of and _I _don't really want to _think _about it. 

"Maybe you're overreacting," I suggested. I didn't realize my words until they'd already escaped my mouth. That was not something to say to Katarina. Luckily, she didn't blow up at me. 

"Raph, I know her. I grew up with this girl. Trust me on this one." 

"But maybe she's changed." 

She pulled away slightly. "Raphael, how might things have been different if Leo and I had believed you about Sasha?" 

My gaze was immediately cut downward. I didn't answer. 

"I'm not saying that to throw it in your face, Raph," she assured me. 

"I know," I answered truthfully. She was just repeating my own words from my earlier conversation with Leo, though with a little more finesse. 

"I'm just saying... I see something that you guys don't see. And I need you to trust me on this." 

I pulled her to me again and kissed her hair. "I trust you," I whispered. "Believe me, I trust you. But there's not necessarily anything I can do about it." 

She was quiet for a moment, then she pulled away slightly. I looked down and our eyes met. "So did you take a shower?" she questioned, smiling slightly. 

I nodded. "Yup." 

She pulled away and rested her hand on my shoulder, then swung her leg over mine, straddling me. I slipped my arms around her waist, underneath her shirt, and held the sides of her ribcage. "You're still tense," she whispered as she rubbed at my shoulders. 

I ran my fingers along her muscles. "Yeah, so are you." 

Our lips met and brushed lightly as she nuzzled against me. "Maybe we can help each other relax," she breathed against my mouth. 

I leaned into her slightly and closed my lips over hers, moaning slightly in agreement. I felt my body heat surge as we kissed deeply, our tongues moving over each other slowly and methodically. 

**DONATELLO:**

"What're you watching?" 

Amy's voice interrupted the scene on the TV. Mike, Salome, and I glanced up as she stepped into the room. She was in her robe, her hair damp and a cherry or strawberry popsicle in her hand. She smiled wickedly at me as she brought it to her lips and drew it deeply into her mouth, taking almost the entire thing into her throat. I felt my shaft harden slightly and press up against my shell. 

"Science fiction movie," I answered, somewhat distracted by her blatent seduction. "It's not that great." 

"Yes it is!" Salome protested. "I _like _this movie!" 

Mike chuckled and wrapped an arm around Salome's shoulders, pulling her into a sideways hug. "It's not scientifically accurate is what he means," he clarified. 

Amy smiled as she approached, her long hair pulled over her shoulder and draped down over her right side. I pried my eyes off of her and glanced at my brother. "I just can't get into movies that don't make sense." 

"This movie makes sense until the very end, Donny, you know that," he smirked at me. 

"So you've seen it before?" 

Mike nodded, glancing back at the screen. "I still haven't seen the sequel, though. It's been out forever, but I just keep forgetting about it when I go to the movie store." 

Amy stopped behind me and massaged gently at my shoulders with one hand. "What's it called?" she questioned. "More importantly, what's it _rated_?" 

"It's rated R," I answered. "But we're editing it. We've both seen it so we know when all the bad parts are coming up." I grinned up at her and she shot me a pathetic look, but continued her massage. I tilted my head slightly, guiding her hand to the right spot. 

"Mama, can I have a popsicle?" Salome asked. 

"After dinner you can, Sal," Amy promised. 

Salome turned to Mike, the unofficial "dinner-provider" of the family. "What're we having for dinner?" she asked him. 

He glanced away from the TV and toward the little girl. "I dunno, I was kinda thinkin' of just going up and getting something. Chinese maybe?" 

Salome jumped up, clapping her hands. "Yeah! Yeah!" 

"Don't you wanna watch the rest of the movie first?" he laughed. Amy's other hand came to rest on my other shoulder and her fingers slid down, beneath the top of my plastron, her thumbs running up the back of my neck and pressing hard. My eyes slid closed involuntarily as I relaxed. 

Salome was quiet for a minute. "Mmm... can we watch it when we come back?" she asked. 

Mike considered that for a moment. He'd already been talking about food, so I knew he was hungry too. But I wasn't sure if he was hungry enough to give up the movie for the time bring. "I guess so," he relented after a long pause. 

"Yay!" Salome cried. I opened my eyes again and saw her tugging on Mike's wrist. "Will you put me up on your shoulders again?" she asked. 

"Maybe for a little bit," he agreed. "You're kinda big for that. I think I'd fall over dead if I tried to carry you the whole way." He grinned at her. "You wouldn't want _that_, now would you?" 

She shook her head violently and he twisted his arm out of her grasp. "Okay, go find your shoes," he ordered. 

She spun and disappeared into her room. I smirked as Mike turned back to the TV and immediately became engrossed again. "Not in a big hurry, are you?" I grinned. 

"It'll take her twenty minutes to find her shoes," he mumbled, distracted. "And I like this part." 

Amy's hands lifted from my shoulders and I glanced up at her. "Thanks." 

She pulled the half-eaten popsicle from her mouth and held it a few inches from her lips, then slipped around the couch. She rested her hand on my shoulder as she sat down on my lap and offered me a brief kiss. I licked my lips as she pulled away and discovered that the popsicle was cherry. Mike glanced up briefly, then went back to the movie. 

I slipped my arms around her waist in a modest yet intimate gesture. "Y'okay?" I asked quietly. 

She smiled, answering my question, and kissed me again, not so briefly this time. I blushed slightly as I felt my brother's eyes on me, but didn't pull away. He chuckled, then turned back to the TV screen. For a moment, Amy had my undivided attention. 

Her kiss was deep, hungry. She raised her hands to the side of my face and I could smell the popsicle she held balanced between her fingers, as well as taste it on her tongue. She probed deeply, sending a familiar rush of emotions through me, then pulled away slowly and licked my lips lightly. I smiled at her. "Wow," I whispered. "What was that for?" 

She giggled quietly. "To prepare you," she teased, rubbing against me seductively. 

I felt my emotions jump start. Her hand brought the popsicle to her mouth again and she licked all the way around it, then offered it to me, her eyes dancing. I circled my tongue around it, watching her as her fingers trailed down the center of my plastron, fingering the ridges gently. 

I felt another presence enter the room and pulled away, concerned that it might be Salome. We hadn't really gotten into just how strong Mama and Donny's friendship was, although we knew that sooner or later, we were going to have to. I had a feeling she already kinda knew. She was a smart kid, and she'd caught a glimpse of a few lingering kisses. She hadn't asked about it yet, though. And Amy was content to wait until she did. 

This time, it wasn't Salome. Leo and Mel walked out of the _dojo_, both of them glancing around the room. Amy relaxed against me, her head on my shoulder and her face turned into my neck. Leonardo and I exchanged glances and he smiled faintly. "Hey, it's almost seven o'clock," he announced. "Do we have an idea on what we're doing for dinner yet?" 

"Salome and I were just going up to get it," Mike informed. "Y'all are welcome to come." 

"Y'all?" Mel grinned, twisting her voice in a thick southern accent. "Got that southern twang thing goin' now?" 

Michaelangelo flashed her a smile. "Yous guys work better fa you?" he asked, adopting a totally different accent. 

She giggled. Leo looked around the room. "Where's Salome at right now?" 

"Looking for her shoes," Mike mumbled, glancing back at the TV. "They're on the steps by the entrance if you're ready to go." 

Leo smiled and shook his head slightly. "Salome! Your shoes are out here!" 

She darted from her room and back into the living room. "Where?" she asked eagerly. 

"By the entrance," Leonardo pointed. 

She darted to the steps and found them immediately. I watched as she plopped down on the floor and struggled to put them on as fast as she could. That kid had more energy than I _ever _remembered having. Mike groaned and stretched, then pulled himself to his feet. "Ugh!" he mumbled. "I'm gettin' old." 

Amy laughed and pulled away slightly to look at him. "Yeah, you're gettin' fat and lazy, aren't you, Mikey?" she prodded. 

Michaelangelo tilted his head back slightly, sticking his nose in the air with that same "Mikey pout" he'd been using since he was three. "Hey, I don't _have _to go get you dinner," he teased. 

Salome darted back into the room and grabbed his wrist. "Come on, Mikey, let's go!" she prodded. 

"Okay, okay!" he laughed, allowing her to pull him across the room. He turned back to Leo and Mel as he walked. "You guys comin'?" 

"Right behind you," Leo called back. 

Mike pulled out of Salome's grasp and raced her up the steps, disappearing. "Hey! No fair! You got a head start!" 

Leo turned to me and Amy. "You guys need anything while we're out?" 

Amy nuzzled against my cheek, speaking in a whisper far too quiet for anyone but me to hear. "Whipped cream might be nice..." 

I blushed and shook my head at Leo. "Thanks, no, we're fine." 

He smirked and I knew my face must be as red as it felt. "Frozen strawberries..." Amy continued in my ear. "I hear they have his edible underwear now..." 

I swallowed hard, watching as Leo turned to glance at Raph and Kat's door. "Don't suppose I should even _try _and ask the two of them," he mumbled, more to himself than to me. He glanced to Melanie. "Ready?" 

"Yeah." 

Amy pressed her lips to my neck and kissed hard before parting them and sucking gently. I felt myself harden again as Leo _finally _headed for the door. Amy gave them a few seconds to leave, then slipped her arms around my neck, moaning slightly as she kissed and nipped at my skin. 

"Frozen strawberries?" I questioned. "What're those for?" 

She giggled quietly, kissing upward to my cheek. "Get me some and I'll show you," she teased. 

"Careful," I warned, smiling. "I might take you up on that." 

I heard her moan quietly and her tongue ran over my cheek, down to my lips and over them. "Go right ahead," she dared me. 

We kissed deeply and I slipped my hand into her long robe, feeling my way up bare skin on her thigh. I reached her hip and felt nothing. My interest was immediately piqued. "What do you have on under this?" I whispered as she pulled away slowly. 

She smiled seductively at me. "Wanna see?" 

**KATARINA:**

I lay still, curled in Raphael's arms, listening to the quiet become overwhelmed by the sounds of life as everyone returned and sat down to dinner. I closed my eyes on the sounds and waited for the silence to sweep through the lair again. I was hungry, but I didn't want to face people right now. I was tired, yet I couldn't sleep. So I just lay still, nuzzling closer to the warm body beside me. 

He sighed deeply in his sleep and his arm slipped around my waist. The way his fingers ran over the small of my back alerted me that he was not sleeping very deeply. I remained still, not wanting to wake him. I didn't really want to talk right now. Not even to him. 

Her words still haunted me. _That's so disgusting... _Yeah. Disgusting. Somehow, it seemed more disgusting to me to sleep with a married man who was twice your age and had no love for you. But still, the words of rejection burned deep inside of me, sparking anger and hatred, stirring memories I hated to recall. So many words I wished now that I could take back... 

Even after all these years, the memory of Madonna lingered in my mind, like incense long after it had been burned clung to the walls of an empty room where nothing existed. My regret, at times, consumed my thoughts. What could have been different, in her life and in Leo's, if she'd stood up to me, told me I was wrong? What might have happened if I'd never come against her in the first place? If I'd supported her completely, instead of continuously reminding her that she was only living a fantasy and it could never be her real life. How ironic that I was the one lying in Raphael's arms, while she was buried in a grave many miles from here. 

She'd loved him, and she should've been with him. I knew that now, but I had no concept of love at the time. The painful truth of that realization haunted me. I pulled away from Raphael and turned onto my back, staring up at the dark ceiling. Still asleep, he heaved a sigh, and his hand retracted as he turned to his other side with his back to me. I was silent for a moment, my hands folded neatly on top of the blanket pulled up underneath my arms. Why was I thinking of Madonna? She was long gone, dead and buried and there was nothing I could do about it. Moreover, the regret would eat me alive and I knew it. 

I sighed deeply and closed my eyes for a moment, my mind drifting to that time of my life. So much happened. So many things changed. In so little time, I was transformed from the daughter of my father to the lover of his enemy. I glanced to the sleeping figure behind me. I didn't regret it. Not for a moment did I regret my choice to be with him. 

_"You are a disgrace to me." _

"That was the idea." 

The sharpened katana _gleams as it catches the moonlight... "Take her to the gate. I don't wish to spill blood on my porch."_

My hands unclasped and I ran my fingers along the scar across my chest. Even after all these years, it had never faded. I hoped it never did. Lee had asked me once, when I was living with him on the other side of the country, where I had gotten such a scar. I wasn't sure what I'd told him, but I knew it wasn't the truth. This scar... was a secret. One that I guarded well. My strength, and my weakness, all at once. 

I loved Raphael, and his brothers, and I'd give my life for their safety. That would never change, never fade. Even in the years that I was away I'd loved him. Even when it hurt. No power on heaven or earth could shake that. I would stare death in the face and profess my love for him. 

_"{You have no remorse?}" _

I can taste blood and dust as I catch myself on my hands and knees. Instantly, my head snaps up. I will not cower before him. Hatred mingles with a strange sense of satisfaction and burns like fire in my veins. "{I would do it again.}" 

And at the same time, this scar was the greatest reminder to me of my past, of who I was. No one knew. To the world, I was a normal civilian. No one I had ever worked with or gone to school with could possibly know that I was caught in the middle of an decades-old war betwen two clans. This was more than a family fued. I had committed treason in Shredder's eyes. That he had never come looking for me was amazing in and of itself. I had fully expected, when I left Raphael, that I was signing my own death warrant. Here, I was safe. But out there, alone, I was an open target to his entire clan. 

I'd been accepted into this clan, this family, and I didn't doubt that acceptance. If they ever thought of me as Shredder's daughter it was only because they couldn't deny that that was who I _was_. They knew that. Raphael knew more of my escapades as Kiara than I'd ever planned for him to. It didn't frighten me. I trusted them. And Raphael most of all. If I could give him a window into my life before I knew him, I would've offered it. I knew it would never be used against me. 

And all these years I had spent my life in that comfort. Most people didn't know who I was, that my father had been called the Anti-Christ by more than one religious sect who looked upon the damage he did to a fragile society. Those who did know were trustworthy, and I doubted that they saw me in that light when they looked at me. And then there was Melanie. 

I sighed deeply and sat up, tossing the blanket aside. I wasn't sure where I was going but I sure as hell wasn't sleeping. I slipped on my jeans and my T-shirt from earlier that day and pulled the door open slowly. I wasn't really surprised to find that everyone had gone to bed. Everyone except for the couple on the couch, which I was warned about by the hushed tones and quiet giggling coming from that area. A movie was playing, but they obviously weren't watching it. It had to be Donny and Amy. And as they sounded like they were making out, I didn't want to make my presence known. 

I kept a safe distance as I headed toward the door. "No, I'll get it..." I kept my head down as someone got up from the couch. "You just relax." 

I stopped cold as I recognized the voice. It sure as hell wasn't Amy. I turned slowly and dared a quick look at the sofa. I froze. 

**Review. Or I won't post.**


	13. Accusations

**

CHAPTER TWELVE 

**

ACCUSATIONS 

PRESENT 

LEONARDO: 

It was a strange sense of _deja vu_, in more ways than one. And maybe that's why it pissed me off. "What. The hell. Is going on here?" Kat demanded. 

"Nothing," Melanie answered. I could tell just by her tone that she was leading her on, and I cringed. It was the truth, but if Kat didn't believe that, World War III was about to break out in my living room. 

Kat's eyes turned to me, and blazed in anger. "Tell me. This is _not_. What it looks like," she shot at me, her words measured carefully. 

I sighed, trying hard to hide my annoyance. _Jesus, Kat, you ought to know me better than that._

"Look, why is it any of _your _business?" Melanie answered before I had a chance to stop her. 

I shot a warning look in her direction. "Mel..." 

"He's a big boy," she continued, ignoring me. "And you've got no claim on him so lay off." 

Damn it. That was it. She was pushing Katarina right to the limit. And there was nothing I could do but duck and cover. Neither one of them would listen to me, and I knew it. Katarina's eyes blazed with fury and she took a few steps forward, fists clenching. 

"You have no _fucking _right to be here, you bitch!" she screamed. She was gonna wake up everyone here, at one in the morning no less. "And you _certainly _have no business trying to..." 

"Oh, and you do?" Mel challenged, cutting her off. "You're the only one who seems to have a _problem _with me being here!" 

I stood up as Kat rushed forward, catching her arms before she put Mel through the wall. She glared up at me and growled low. "Get your fucking hands off of me, Leo, before I lay you out first and _then _kick her ass!" 

**RAPHAEL:**

I came to slightly as I heard Kat's voice from somewhere far off. I moaned and reached for her, not sure if I was awake or dreaming, but the bed was empty. "What are you in this for, huh Mel!" Her voice was coming through the door. "You tryin' to bring us down or is this some kind of fuckin' twisted game for you!" 

"Kat, relax." Leo's authoritative voice. Still not fully awake, I almost laughed. Well, _that _wouldn't work. Hope he had a Plan-B. 

"_Baka_, let me _go_!" 

He was holding her back. That wasn't a good sign. A little more motivated now, I sat up and instinctively reached for my belt. I didn't need my pads, but I didn't normally leave my room without my weapons. I fastened it quickly and slipped out into the living room. "You know what's _disgusting_, Mel?" Kat yelled. I saw Mike's door open a little further down the hall. "That you can be so _fucking _two-faced! You talk about me and Raph and you..." 

"I wasn't exactly sucking his dick, Kiara," Mel shot back, interrupting her. "I'm not _that _crude." 

Weak. Offensive, but weak. It set Kat off none-the-less. Leo almost couldn't hold her as she struggled, and I stepped into the room. "Hey, hey, did I miss something here?" I asked casually, staring straight at Mel. "Since when did _my _sex life become _your _business?" 

"Since she started trying to incorporate it into her _own _life," Kat growled. Her eyes turned to my brother and narrowed, her words coming through gritted teeth. "Isn't that _right_, Leo?" 

Leonardo pushed her back forcefully. It wasn't enough to send her to the floor, but it was enough to make her lose her balance. He glared at her. "You've got no right, Kat." 

I moved closer and watched as she braced. She was going to attack him, and I knew it. I stepped between them as she sprang forward and I knew she saw me in time to stop. But she didn't. She paused only for a second, then redirected her attack at me. I didn't have to think to know how to stop her. I was just glad it was me instead of Leo, because he probably would've had to hurt her. I caught her wrist from the side and twisted it, spinning her around at the same time. 

The combined actions threw her off balance, like I knew it would, and she almost fell back into me as I pinned both her arms with one of mine and raised my other hand to the side of her neck, pressing lightly on a pressure point there. "Don't make me," I whispered harshly into her hair. Her back pressed hard to my plastron, and I could feel her heaved breaths. 

"_Yarou_..." she hissed back at me. 

"I'll take care of this," I mumbled, ignoring the insult. It wasn't the first time she'd called me that, and it wouldn't be the last. "Just go." 

"I don't need you to fucking protect me." 

"No, you need me to fucking protect Mel," I corrected calmly. 

She growled. "Don't you _dare _patronize me, Raph," she warned. 

"Don't make me," I answered, too quietly for the others to hear. "Just go." 

Her only way out of my grasp was to turn to the door. She heaved a few deep breaths, glaring at Melanie. Then, finally, she spun and jerked out of my grasp, running full speed toward the door. I watched her go, then turned back to Leo. "You wanna tell me what the hell this is all about?" 

"It's none of your business," Mel answered for him. 

I spun and pointed to her. "You shut the fuck up! I didn't ask you, bitch!" 

She smirked at me, placing her hands on her hips. I glared at her for a moment, then turned back to Leonardo. "Kat... thought she saw something she didn't," he answered. "And after some instigation, intended or _otherwise_..." He turned and shot a dirty look at Melanie, then looked back at me. "... she blew up." 

The whole crowd was in the living room now, including Salome. I realized it, and lowered my voice. "Fine," I growled. "We'll talk about this later." I turned to Mel. "For right now, you'd better watch your fucking mouth. Because Leo might not be there next time, and I might _choose _not to hold her back." 

**KATARINA:**

I felt him approach behind me and growled in warning. "Leave. Me. Alone, Raphael." 

He didn't stop. He walked up beside me and leaned on the ledge, staring down at the world below. I felt him touch me, trying to circle his arm around my shoulder, and I jerked away, pushing him back forcefully. "Don't touch me, you bastard!" I screamed at him. 

He turned to face me, and his eyes narrowed slightly. "What's your problem, Kat?" he demanded. "I don't even know what the hell..." 

"How _dare _you!" I yelled, indignant tears burning at the backs of my eyes. "It was not your fight in the first..." 

"Stop!" he ordered. The tone of his voice left no room for argument, and I stood staring at him for a long time. He breathed deep and leaned back against the ledge. When he spoke again, his voice was much calmer. I hated it. It was as if he were patronizing me, and I couldn't stand that. "What happened?" 

I clenched my teeth in anger. "She's fucking your brother, Raphael." 

He shook his head. "Kat... Leo's not..." 

"Don't _start_, Raphael!" I screamed. "Don't fucking start! You didn't see it! You don't know!" 

"And you didn't _see _it either," he emphasized. "You assumed." 

I glared at him for a moment before turning away. "Fuck you." 

"Okay," he agreed calmly. "So let's say he _was _sleeping with her. So why are you pissed off at _me_? You're mad because I won't let you _kill _her, is that it?" 

I took in a deep breath, but couldn't hold back the emotional explosion. He was pushing me, whether he realized it or not, and I was going to snap. "You keep this shit up and I'm gonna _have _to kill her to get her to _stop_!" I yelled at him. "Threats don't mean a _damn _thing as long as you all are standing there going 'Oh, now Kat, you're overreacting...'!" 

He sighed. "I never said you were overreacting," he answered quietly, still calm. _God _I hated that! Especially since I knew it wasn't like him. He had to make an _effort _to be like that! 

"_Fuck _you, Raph!" I screamed at him, my voice echoing off the rooftops and the clear, cold sky. "Did you see that look in her eyes? Why don't you just put a fucking leash on me, Raphael!" 

"What's _that _supposed to mean?" he shot back, losing the calm, collected mask. Good. 

"You act like you gotta keep me under control and hold me back and keep me subdued like a goddamn animal!" 

"Kat, you were _acting _like a goddamn animal!" he snapped. 

"And did you ever once stop to consider that the only reason she feels she's got any kind of authority over me is because my father used to do the same damn thing!" I continued, ignoring him. "Stand there and say 'Now Kiara, don't get violent...'" 

"What was I _supposed _to do, Kat?" he demanded. "Stand back and watch you kill her? Watch you have it out with my brother until one or both of you got hurt?" 

"Do you _really _think I would've killed her, Raph?" 

"I think sometimes we get pissed off enough to forget just how easy that really is!" he snapped. "Accident or not, if she stops breathin' you _ain't _gonna bring her back." 

"Don't you think I _know _myself better than that?" I cried. 

"This _obviously _coming from somebody who's never _accidentally _killed before!" he yelled back. "Well I have! And let me tell you, it's easier than it sounds. _Especially _if you're emotional about the fucking fight!" 

I didn't give those words a chance to sink in. "So, what? Next you're gonna tell me you were just trying to protect me from the repercussions, right?" I asked sarcastically. 

"No, Kat, I was protecting _her_!" 

"And why!" I screamed at him. "It's not your fucking place to get in the middle of all of it! You don't know a damn thing about her except whatever lies she's chosen to feed you!" 

"Because you _won't _tell me the truth!" he reminded me. "You don't wanna deal with your past so you just choose not to tell me who she is or what she's done! So I'm fightin' your battles and doin' it _blindly _because you can't...!" 

"I don't need you to fight my battles!" I screamed at the top of my voice. "I don't need you to fucking fight my battles for me!" 

"You _can't _take on my brother, Kat, and you _know _that! You _asked _me for help, remember? How long you gonna make me go on, wonderin' what I've been fighting for?" 

I had nothing to say to that. For a lingering moment, I just stared at him. I could feel the walls inside of me crumble and I turned my face away from him, willing myself not to cry. For a long time, it was silent. Then he took a step forward. I felt his hand cup my chin and tensed instinctively at the gentle touch. He froze for a moment, probably to see if I would pull back, then slid his hand to the side of my neck, his thumb coming up to rest on my jaw. He turned my face gently toward him and I closed my eyes to avoid his stare, anger welling up inside of me again. 

"Look at me," he whispered. 

It wasn't an order. It was more of a plea. The anger faded at the sound of his voice and reluctantly, I opened my eyes, raising them to meet his. His look reflected worry, and love, and a dozen other emotions I couldn't put my finger on. He stepped closer and slipped his other hand around my waist, hugging me close to him. "I love you," he breathed. "And I'm gonna love you regardless of whatever it is in your past that still hurts you, that you don't wanna talk about. I'm _always _gonna love you. Do you hear me?" 

The walls around my emotions came tumbling down and I blinked back tears, lowering my eyes again so that he couldn't see them. I managed a slight nod and remained still as he pulled me closer and held me with both of his strong arms. I relented, resting my head on his shoulder and letting his warmth engulf me. As much as I hated to admit it, I wanted to remain here, protected in his arms. I wanted to believe that he understood, and that he loved me even when he didn't. I didn't want to fight with him, even if it meant bruising my pride. It wasn't worth it... 

"Let's go home, Kat," he whispered. "Go back to bed." 

My eyes opened as I considered that. "I don't wanna go home..." I whispered. 

He was quiet for a moment, then he pulled away. I looked up at him, watching the moonlight reflect off his dark eyes. "Where do you want to go?" 

I thought for a minute, but with no good answer, I only shook my head. "I don't know. But not home." 

He kissed my lips lightly and I again blinked back the tears I had managed to keep from spilling. "Okay," he assured me. "Not home." 

**RAPHAEL:**

I felt warm sunlight against my eyelids and reluctantly allowed myself to wake up. I drew in the damp, polluted scent of a morning in New York, stretching my arms high above me, and opened my eyes slowly. I cringed at the unfamiliar brightness, and blinked a few times, glancing at my surroundings. The sounds of the city rushed by me in a steady wind, and I glanced up at the sky as a cloud moved in front of the sun. It looked like it was ten o'clock at least, by how high the sun was. I was surprised I'd slept continuously for that long, in a place as unprotected as this. 

I glanced down and saw Katarina's head resting on my lap, her face turned toward me. I couldn't hide a smile as I brushed her black hair out of her eyes. The red streak that she'd added while she was away from me was fading, and it almost looked brown now. It didn't matter to me if her hair was neon pink and green. She was beautiful. 

I traced the rim of her ear and down along her jaw, and she stirred, but didn't wake up. With a deep sigh, I relaxed against the ledge again and ran my hand down her side, slipping it under her shirt. I scratched her back lightly, working up toward her shoulders and then back down. She wasn't wearing a bra. That was strange, for her, since she'd taken the time to get dressed before walking out into the living room last night. Even more strange was that I hadn't noticed until now. 

She breathed deep and a faint smile crossed her face as she woke up. She leaned back, away from me, crossing her arms under her head before settling again on her stomach, her face turned toward the other direction. I continued slowly, leaning back again. I felt her hand trail down my leg to my shin and stop there, her fingers resting lightly on my skin, brushing back and forth. The touch wasn't sexual, but it still felt good and, in a way, erotic. I loved the way she touched me. 

For a long time, it was silent. She rubbed her fingers gently over my skin, tracing along a light, barely visible scar that I'd received rough-housing in the living room many years ago. Splinter had not been very happy when I was tossed into his favorite lamp. He'd told us a million times to keep wrestling in the dojo, but there were times when that just wasn't convenient. 

"Good morning," Katarina whispered. 

I glanced down at her, slipping my hand over to her side and running my fingertips over the side of her breast before continuing over her back. "Good morning." 

She sighed deeply as she ran her thumb back and forth over my kneecap. "You're not wearing your pads," she observed. "Or your mask." 

"I know," I mumbled, grinning. "I feel naked." 

She laughed quietly. "Naked is good." 

I smiled and scratched lightly over her skin. "I didn't have a chance to put them on," I mumbled. "Wanted to find you before you did something stupid." 

She tensed up and didn't answer, and I knew she was annoyed. I'd expected as much. A statement like that would irritate her. As if I needed to protect her... "I'm _kidding_, Kiara," I smirked, slipping my hand underneath the band of her jeans at her hip. 

She relaxed a little as I massaged gently, then came back up to her shoulders. There was another long silence. I leaned my head back again, running my hand up and down her back. She shifted, and I opened my eyes as she turned onto her back and stared up at the sky. With my hand still under her shirt, I took the invitation and ran my fingers lightly over her stomach, up to her breasts. She watched the clouds, not reacting as I ran my thumb back and forth over her nipple. She was deep in thought, I realized. 

"What're you thinking?" I finally asked. 

"Mmm?" 

Her eyes didn't meet mine. She continued to watch the sky as the clouds rolled over the sun, and away again. I ran my hand back down her side to her waist and left it there. "What's on your mind, baby?" 

She sighed deeply. "I'm just..." she started hesitantly, still not looking at me. "I'm remembering so many things. Things I'm not so sure I _want _to remember." 

"Like what?" I questioned, curious. 

For a long time, she was silent. I watched her for an expression, but I got none. "Did I ever tell you I met Splinter before?" she finally asked. 

That came out of the clear blue. I stared at her for a moment, unable to speak, not sure how I felt about that statement. If she'd met him, it was as an enemy. He had been dead for more than three months when she came into my life. "When?" I choked. 

"I dreamed about it last night," she whispered. "I keep having dreams about that time in my life." 

"What time?" 

"When I was about seventeen," she mumbled. "When you and my father first made enemies of each other." She looked back at me. "He abducted him, remember?" 

I nodded. "Of course," I answered quietly. I would never forget that experience. When we had just begun to stretch our wings, and had almost lost our father. There could never have been a worse time for him to leave us. 

I cocked my head slightly to the side, watching her. "Didn't you say he sent you off to Japan?" I questioned. 

She turned her head and kissed my thigh, then raised her hand to the bottom of my plastron, touching lightly. "Yeah, he did," she answered. "That was when I'd first come back. After _years _of being gone." 

"And how old were you?" I asked. "Seventeen?" 

"Mmm hmm," she nodded. "Almost eighteen." 

I considered that for a moment. That was about right, since we were almost sixteen at the time. "So... what did he say to you?" I finally asked her. 

She glanced away again, up at the sky. "I brought him water," she recalled. "He hadn't had anything to drink in two days. But... me being Shredder's daughter... he didn't say much." 

"You told him that?" 

She sighed and turned on her side, her face turned into me. "Yes. But I think he might've already known." She watched her fingers as they traced over the indentations in my plastron. "Much as I hate to admit it, I _do _look like my father." 

"You do," I agreed quietly, brushing her hair back. It splayed across my legs, tickling lightly. "And you're beautiful." 

She grinned. "Yeah, you have to say that if you ever wanna get your ass laid again." 

She smiled slyly up at me and I grinned. "You ain't foolin' anyone, baby," I smirked. "You'd lay me no matter _what _I say." 

"Yeah, you think you got me wrapped around your little finger don't you?" she pouted, curling her fingers around the edge of my shell and pressing lightly on the sensitive skin beneath it. If she explored much further, she would find my shaft, which was already beginning to harden at her touch. 

"What did he say to you?" I asked, coming back to the original conversation and ignoring the warm excitement between my legs. 

She scraped her nails against the inside of my shell, then pulled back and traced along my thigh. "He asked me why I cared," she whispered. 

"And what did you say?" 

Silence. She had no intention of answering me. I lifted my legs slightly, nudging her. "Oh come on, tell me," I prodded. "Do I have to bribe you?" 

She laughed, turning her eyes up at me. "_Bribe _me?" she challenged. "With _what_?" 

I raised my knees, forcing her to sit up. I took her shoulders and pulled her close. She moved with me, moving one leg to the other side of mine so that she was straddling my lap. I kissed her deeply and she submitted, her mouth opening in acceptance. Our tongues played over each other for a moment and I licked her lips as I pulled away. "Tell me what you said and I'll make love to you..." I whispered against her mouth, smiling. She laughed quietly. "Kiss you all over..." I continued, my hands running down over her sides. "Eat you out..." 

"Raph!" She shoved me hard, but my back was to the wall and I had nowhere to go. Instead, she pushed herself back, almost falling onto my legs. 

I laughed. "What?" I grinned. "We can _do _it but we can't _say _it?" 

She pouted at me for a moment. "You didn't have to put it so... bluntly." 

I shrugged. "I don't like to beat around the bush. Not like I'm defiling some kind of intensely romantic act anyway." 

She shot me a look that was totally unreadable, but may have been akin to both annoyance and seduction. "Who _says _it's not romantic?" she challenged. 

I brought her close to me again and kissed her neck, sucking gently. We got so easily distracted... "So what'd you tell him?" I reminded, kissing and licking at her skin. "Why _did _you care?" 

She sighed deeply and pulled away. I raised my eyes to hers and saw a look of pain and regret reflecting in her features. "I didn't care," she whispered. She hung her head again, her hair falling over her face. "He was just an animal to me and I didn't care if he lived or not. I was just trying to prove a point to my father." 

I stared at her for a moment, then raised my hand to the side of her face, brushing her hair back. I ran my thumb down, over her lips and under her chin, then lifted her face to mine. The remorse was plainly evident; I didn't need to ask her. I used my other hand to brush the remainder of her hair back, over her ear, and kissed her lips lightly. "S'okay," I breathed. Her words hurt, but I knew she was different now and that took away some of their sting. 

She sighed as she pulled back slowly. "And with that said, he stopped drinking," she mumbled. "Refused to take any more." 

I nodded. That sounded just like him. "I believe that." 

She looked away. "It's just one of the many things I wish I could take back, you know? One more of those things from that time of my life, and Mel brings all of that right to the surface. So many things I said to so many people. Madonna most of all, I think." 

I brought my hands down and slipped them under the bottom of her shirt again, brushing my thumbs lightly over her skin. "We can't change the past," I reminded her. 

"I know," she sighed. "Doesn't mean I can't wish." She rose up and brought both her legs to the side, then lowered again, sitting on my lap. She slipped her arms around my neck and rested her head on one of them, kissing my skin gently. "I've changed myself so much," she whispered. "But I can never change the things I did before, and the person I was then. And I guess that's part of the reason why I hate her so much. She just... reminds me of all that. And I hate to think of the person I was." 

I hugged her close to me, my hands joined at her hip. "Have you really changed all that much, Kiara?" 

"Yes, I have." 

I rested my head back against the brick again and she nuzzled against me. "Who you _are_?" I questioned. "Or just whose side you're on?" 

"Everything." 

"Mmm." I shifted position slightly and she moved with me, molding her body against mine. "I don't think we _can _change who we are, Kat." 

She groaned, but didn't pull away from me. "I _hate _that philosophy," she mumbled. "My father did _not _make me who I am today." 

I smiled. "I didn't say anything about your father." 

"Well, whether you're saying it's because of genetics or because of how we were raised, you're wrong." I considered that for a moment, not speaking. "You didn't know me back then, Raph," she sighed. "I was a bitch." 

I grinned. "_Was_?" I teased. 

She jerked back and slugged me. "What's _that _supposed to mean?" she cried, trying to hide the smile. She _knew _I was right. And that it was not meant as an insult to her. 

I reached for her wrist and she shoved me again, pulling back. I lunged at her and caught hold of her arm, raising to my knees as she struggled. We wrestled for a few minutes before I finally pinned her on her back against the warm, rough concrete. She stared up at me, annoyed and amused at the same time. "_Baka_..." 

I grinned. "Yep. And that's what you love about me." 

She couldn't mask her smile. My pulse stepped up a beat. I loved when she looked up at me like that, with that secretive smile and the seductive gleam in her eye. She would never know just how whipped she had me, and that was a very good thing. If she did, I'd be _totally _helpless. "Maybe," she admitted. 

I leaned down and bit her neck gently. "And I love it when you're an aggressive bitch," I informed her, nibbling up toward her earlobe. I let go of her wrists and slipped my hands underneath her, my thumbs brushing her skin beneath her shirt. 

She sighed deeply. "That's not what I meant," she answered seriously. 

I kissed her cheek and moved toward her lips. "Well what do you mean?" I murmured. 

"I was seductive, pushy, arrogant..." 

I pulled away and looked down at her. "No!" I cried in mock surprise. "Not _you_... You're such a sweet, innocent..." 

She slapped the side of my face gently. "Shut up." 

"Mmm..." I grinned, leaning down again to lick at her throat. "You haven't said anything yet that I don't like, baby. Seductive, pushy, and arrogant make for great sex." 

"Is it all about sex, Raphael?" 

I raised my head just enough to make eye contact with her. "No, but that's a large portion of it." 

She rolled her eyes. "One track mind." I smiled and lowered my lips to her neck again, kissing a few more times. "It might be good for sex, but it doesn't make me easy to live with by any means." 

"I've managed so far." I kissed her once more and pulled away, supporting my weight on my arms, in a push-up position. "Every time you get hard to live with, a couplea hours in bed mellows you right out." 

She glared at me. "Very funny." 

I smiled back. "But even when you mellow out, you're always gonna be an Oroku." 

Her glare turned _intense_. "What the hell is _that _supposed to mean?" she demanded. 

I laughed as I looked down on her. "Exactly that." 

"Exactly _what_?" 

I turned to the side and grabbed her arms, pulling her over me as I turned onto my back. She struggled, but I held her easily with only one arm. "When you glare those daggers at me and I _know _you still love me," I whispered. 

She stopped struggling and shot me a pathetic look. "You _hope _I still love you," she corrected. 

I smiled knowingly and let her pull away slightly. Then I lowered my free hand between the two of us, kissing her gently as I traced the inseam of her jeans and rubbed gently when I came to the place where her legs joined. I inhaled deeply and took in the faint scent of her pheromones. She wasn't particularly turned on, but I knew I could get her hot in a matter of minutes if I wanted to. "Yep, you still love me," I answered confidently. 

She half-glared, half-smiled at me. "Well, whether I love you or not, you're still the best lay I've ever had so I guess I gotta keep you around." 

I ran my hand up her back to between her shoulders and pulled her down on me, kissing her deeply. "Mmm... and don't you forget it." 


	14. Ambush

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN **

AMBUSH 

PRESENT 

KATARINA: 

"Hey, Amy," I greeted. "How're you doing?" 

She glanced up from the table, but didn't answer. I sat down beside her. "You look exhausted." She looked away, her eyes downcast. The look on her face concerned me. "Are you okay? You've been dead these past few days..." 

She nodded mutely. I wasn't convinced. I reached across the table and placed my hand over hers. "Are you sure? Where's Donny been all day?" 

"I don't know," she answered, looking away. Her voice held a cold, almost angry edge to it. "I haven't seen him." 

That was odd. I thought back to the last time I'd seen him. He'd seemed perfectly fine. Then again, so had Amy. And she was definately _not _fine right now. I wondered what had gone down between the two of them. "Is there anything I can do?" I offered. 

She raised her eyes slowly to mine. The look of sadness and pain in her eyes was plainly evident. "Do you think...?" she started hesitantly. She looked away again and swallowed hard. "You think you can take Salome out for a while? Just... to the park or something?" 

I nodded, immediately agreeing. Whatever had happened, she needed somet time to work it out. "Sure," I answered. "It's kinda late for the park, but Raph and I'll take her to the mall or something." 

She nodded slightly, staring down at the floor. "You sure you're okay?" I asked. 

"M'fine," she whispered. "Just... need to talk to Donatello." 

"Raph could go find him," I offered. I knew he wouldn't have any objection to that. Not if he got a good look at Amy. 

She shook her head. "No, just... take Salome. Please." 

I forced a smile and rubbed the back of her hand gently. "Okay. No problem." 

"Thank you." 

I stood up and turned into the living room, cupping my hands around my mouth. "Salome! Wanna go to the mall?" 

It took all of about five seconds for the little girl to sprint into the room. "Yes! Yes! I wanna go!" 

"Go get your shoes on." 

"Alright!" she cried as she ran to the entrance in search of the ever-disappearing shoes. 

Raphael walked into the room at just the right moment. "Hey, Raph, wanna come with us?" 

"No." 

I circled behind him, stopping him as he reached for the handle on the refridgerator. "Oh, come on," I grinned, circling my arms around him. "I didn't even tell you where we're going." 

"Unless it involves beer or whipped cream, I'm not interested," he answered, leaning forward to look in the fridge in spite of the fact that I was hanging on his neck. He lifted me clear off the floor on his back and didn't seem to even notice as he grabbed a bottle. 

"It might," I laughed. "Later." 

He straightened again and my feet met the floor. "Then ask me later," he replied. 

I let him open the beer, then snatched it from his hands. "Why thank you!" I cried. "You're so kind." 

He shot me a questioning look as I raised it to my lips and took a long drink. A smile crept across his lips. "Aw... now you can't drive," he grinned. "Friends don't let friends drive drunk, you know." 

I smiled back. "Guess I'll have to let _you _drive." 

He snatched the bottle back. "Gimme that," he mumbled, pulling me toward him for a long, lingering kiss. 

I ran my hands down his sides to the top of his thighs, trailing my fingers lightly over the lower regions of his plastron. "Please?" I asked. 

He pulled away from me, determined. "Nope. Not gonna happen, baby." 

I smiled as I watched him go and leaned sideways against the refrigerator. "Name your price, stud," I called after him. 

He paused and turned back to me. "Anything, huh?" he grinned evilly. I nodded once, dramatically, and I knew I had him. "Within reason?" he assumed. 

"Or without reason," I shrugged. 

"Sex," he answered automatically, but quickly reconsidered. "No, wait, I'd get that anyway." 

I crossed my arms over my chest, shooting him a pathetic look. "Keep it up and you might not," I warned. 

"How 'bout a big screen TV?" he suggested, grinning. 

"You said sex first," I reminded him. 

"Yeah, I guess I did, didn't I?" 

"So it's a deal?" I pressed. 

"Three times," he bargained. 

I nodded. "Okay." 

"In a row." 

I nodded again. "Sure. But I get to pick the other two guys." 

He smiled back at me and I immediately knew that the comeback hadn't hit its mark. "Do they have to be guys?" 

I grabbed the paper towels off the counter and threw them at him. 

**RAPHAEL:**

We walked slowly and I made an effort to take small steps, keeping my legs mostly hidden under the long jacket. "I still can't believe you talked me into this," I mumbled under my breath. 

Kat put both hands on my shoulder and kissed my cheek. "Remember how much you said you love me?" 

"Too many people here," I mumbled, my eyes darting. I was nervous, being in such a well-lit and crowded place. I didn't like being anywhere where my freedom of movement was limited, and in a crowd like this, there was no getting away if I needed to. It made me more nervous than I cared to admit. 

Her arms slipped through mine, locking in the space created by the way my hands were buried in the pockets. A few feet in front of us, Salome skipped along happily. Kat stopped suddenly. "Sal, hold up," I called. The little girl froze in mid-step, then jumped up and spun in a half circle to face us. 

I looked to Katarina and she nodded toward the store next to us. "Wanna go in there?" 

I glanced over, and laughed. "With Salome?" 

"She's female," Kat grinned. "And she's five. She likes lace and pretty stuff." I cast a questioning glance at the woman hanging on my arm. "Come on, Raph, there's nothing particularly kinky in Victoria's Secret." 

I rolled my eyes and she shoved me toward the door, unlatching from my arm. Salome ran up beside her and clasped her hand. "What's this store, Kitty?" 

"Clothes," Kat answered. "Sort of. Let's go look." 

I was careful to keep my head down and hidden from the cameras as I stayed close to the two of them. I was uneasy, but it wasn't what I would call embarrassment. The fact that I was in a lingerie store had nothing to do with it. It was the bright lights. As we walked further back and the brightness from the hallway wasn't flooding in, I relaxed just slightly. Just being in the shadows, even if you could still see clearly, helped me to relax. 

"What do you think, Salome?" 

The little girl giggled. "It's pretty." 

"Raph?" 

I raised my eyes, and envisioned Kat in the sexy, red cami. It wasn't really a cami. It was see-through and lace and only actually came together at the top before it split apart, but I didn't know what _else _to call it. I smiled. "Pretty," I agreed, smiling slyly. She turned it around and giggled at the panties that went with it. Thong. She didn't wear those. My eyes drifted to the rack to her side. "I like the black better, though." 

She picked it up and glanced back and forth between the two. "Really? You usually like the red." 

I scanned the area for onlookers and stepped up behind her, slipping my arms around her waist. She turned into the rack, hiding my hands from plain view. "Why don'tcha get them both?" I whispered. 

She put them back and playfully smacked the side of my face. "You _wish_," she laughed. 

Salome tugged on her arm. "Kat, look at _that_!" 

Our heads turned as the little girl skipped over to a mannequin wearing white, feathered angel wings. I smiled and nipped at Katarina's ear. "I wanna see you wear those, baby," I teased in a low whisper. 

"Not on your _life_, stud," she muttered back. 

"Can I get those, Kat?" Salome begged. 

The fact that they seemed to be attached to a lacy bra didn't phase the kid. But then, if it did, we'd have a problem, having already brought her in here to drink in all her little eyes could take. "How about we find something at the toy store, Sal," Kat suggested 

"How about the dollar store?" 

I smiled and shook my head as I watched her grab Kat's hand and try to pull her from the store. My own hands went back to my pockets and I followed, watching the world around me carefully as I walked back into the spotlight. I watched closely, through the wide hallway and the dollar store, keeping a close eye on where the cameras were at. Finally, we left. I was relieved to be back in the darkness when we stepped outside. 

"Too much socializing for one day?" Kat joked as Salome slipped her hand into mine. 

"Wouldn't mind the people if there weren't so many lights," I mumbled back. "Or vice versa." 

Salome ran forward, still holding my hand and Kat's. She jerked back as she reached as far as she could, and then swung behind us. "Well, shopping's not really my thing, either," Kat reminded me. That was pretty evident by the fact that she hadn't bought anything in the two hours we'd been there. "But Amy needed some time and I wasn't really sure where to go at this time of night. I don't wanna take her to the park after sunset, ya know?" 

The little girl ran forward again and I lifted her off the ground by her arm. She giggled and shrieked. "Could've gone to the apartment," I reminded her. 

"There's nothing for Salome to do there," she justified. 

"Are you gonna move out, Kitty?" Salome asked as her feet met the ground again. 

"No, not exactly," Kat answered. 

"Not officially anyway," I added. 

"Figure I'll furnish it with cheap stuff," Kat mumbled to me. "We can use it as a safe house if we need it." 

I shot her a questioning look. "Is _that _what this is about?" 

"What?" she asked, as if she didn't know. 

"Mel?" 

She rolled her eyes as she shook her head. "No. It's not _about _that. But it would've been nice to have. And I guess it gives me a place to retreat when I'm ready to kill her." 

I grinned and looked forward again. "We need a permanent, verifiable address in order for Salome to go to school," she explained. I nodded as I remembered and we walked through the parking lot to Kat's car. 

Suddenly, she froze. I stopped with her, noting the look on her face. My eyes darted over the surrounding area, scanning for movement, but I saw nothing. "What?" I asked quietly. Salome looked up at her expectantly. 

Kat remained tense for a moment, then glanced at me. "Did you hear that?" 

I looked around again. If it had put her on alert, it was more than rustling leaves. Especially since she hadn't blown it off yet. I felt eyes on me and tensed as my sixth sense awakened and I let go of Salome's hand, turning slowly. I saw nothing, but I knew we were being watched, and not just by the security cameras. "No, but I sure as hell _feel _it," I whispered. 

She tensed and reached behind her, her fingers brushing lightly over the extendable staff she'd begun carrying with her when Mel moved in. "Cameras," I reminded her, my eyes darting over the shadows. I still couldn't see a thing, but I knew they were there. 

"I got 'em," she whispered back, pulling Salome behind her. 

"Not yet." 

"I know." 

"Kitty, what's wrong?" 

I could feel the approach, and the shadows began to move. There were a _lot _of them. Kat backed up against an unfamiliar car and I stayed close, my hands ready to draw my weapons at any given moment. I heard the car door open. "Get inside and lock the doors," Kat whispered to Salome. "And stay down." 

The little girl obeyed without question and Kat slammed the door closed behind her, then stepped up behind me. One hand went to her belt behind her, and she retrieved her staff. The other slipped into her pocket and found a handful of _shurieken_. 

"There's two of them," I whispered. "See 'em?" 

"Three," she corrected. "There's one behind us, too." 

"Got enough?" 

"Four." 

"Go." 

The shadows became bodies and they surrounded us. Kat spun and released one of the _shaken _at the camera behind us, then turned and flung two more at the others. Her aim was perfect and the cameras stopped moving as the black disks embedded in their circuts. I shed the coat and hat and crossed my arms in front of me, pulling my weapons in one fluid movement. Kat's staff snapped open and she held it behind her, one arm out in front of her as if she were going to grapple with her opponent. 

I stood waiting, one arm loosely at my side and the other slightly bent and holding the _sai _backward. I was ready on all sides, for whichever one of them was going to attack first. "Kiara," one of them, apparently the leader, greeted. "What a pleasant surprise." 

"You don't _sound _very surprised," she growled back. "Or very pleased to see me." 

"In truth, I am not surprised," he answered. "You have some unfinished business to take care of." 

Her eyes narrowed into slits. "Fuck you." 

The foot soldier sighed deeply. "Very well. I didn't really expect you to come quietly." 

I slipped into a back stance as we were attacked, throwing my weight to my right leg. Three of them, none armed. They came at me all at once. I caught one fist between the blades of my crossed _sai_. Another man was stopped when my foot connected with his stomach, and I ducked from the third. I spun, nearly snapping the wrist of the one who'd attacked from directly in front of me, and kicked. The one to the side lost his balance and fell into the other, giving me a precious few seconds to reorganize my thoughts. I instinctively checked on Kat, but I guess it was no real surprise that she was holding her own. I braced for the next attack as it came at me from the side. 

**KATARINA:**

I shifted my weight to my front leg and used the forward momentum to carry the attack through, bringing the staff up and flipping the foot soldier onto his back. I just barely had time to block an attack coming from my right, pulling the staff close to my body and bracing. His kick connected with the metal rather than my ribs, and I brought the staff down again, parallel to the ground. I spun it expertly and held it over my other hip as I was rushed again. 

Beyond my two attackers, I could see their leader, whoever he was, watching closely. It was not Satsugai, but I was not sure why. Normally, he led my father's missions just as Tatsu had done in the past. Who was this? My attention was diverted as my next opponents approached. I swept my staff at his shins, pulling toward me as hard as I could, and ducked, turning the other way now to catch the other attacker. I began to rise again, using that force to bring the staff up between his legs. He was down. I spun and kicked at the first, who was already off balance, and he fell. 

Someone was behind me. And in front of me, too. I didn't have time to turn. I slipped my hands into place on the staff, spacing them shoulder-width apart, and blocked a sweeping kick behind me, aimed for my right leg. Then I threw my weight forward to my front leg and brought the staff's tip to the figure's solar plexus. He doubled in pain and a simple kick was all I needed to push him back. I spun to the figure behind me, pivoting from a horse-stance, and struck his side. I jabbed the end of the staff into his stomach and spun into a forward fighting position again. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw several figures approach the car Salome was locked in. I knew they'd get in, given enough time, whether the doors were locked or not. 

I was in a left forward stance, basic hold, and I was being attacked again. Raph was not far away, and I was sure he noticed the car, but he was more preoccupied than I was at the moment. The car was my problem. I let go with my right hand for long enough to reposition in a palm hold, both hands gripping the same way as I stepped forward. I swept the rear section of the staff forward and down, then up as it connected with the foot soldier's legs. I turned my wrist as the sweep completed and pushed the weapon back, down past my left shoulder, and stepped fluidly into the right forward stance. 

I spun and darted to the car, using the staff as more or less of a pole vault as I crashed forcefully into one of the foot soldiers. The window on the opposite side of the car shattered. Damn. Too late. And I couldn't get around the car fast enough. "Get out!" I yelled at Salome. 

She struggled with the lock and finally the door swung open. She jumped out onto the pavement and slammed it behind her. "Stay behind me," I ordered as I stood ready, the staff at my side, parallel to my body. Two more of them were coming from the front, and three behind. Damn it! I couldn't take them from both sides and protect Salome at the same time. 

"Raph!" 

He spun. I didn't have to see him move to know that he would. I forced myself to forget the threat behind me, and the little girl who was clinging to my leg, prohibiting my movement. I brought my left hand up, palm forward, and gripped the staff, then pulled it forward and down. I felt a rush of wind as Raphael vaulted over the back of the car and behind me, and I was careful to avoid him as I pushed the staff back over my right shoulder and brought it down in an overhead strike, dropping the shaft's forward section down and behind me to the left. My right hand brought the staff down hard on my opponent's collarbone. I turned my wrist and changed my grip, then moved fluidly into a sweep. 

I froze, holding my stance as I waited for another attack. None came. I looked up slowly, cautious about relying too much on my eyes, and saw no movement. Those who were still standing had retreated, along with thier leader. I breathed hard, still braced for battle, and made sure the area was secure before I relaxed my muscles and turned to Salome. She was staring up at me with wide, terrified eyes. Raphael was still braced. I watched him for a moment, not sure if he could be feeling something I didn't. But he relaxed as he looked around, and turned to us. "You hurt?" he asked Salome. 

She shook her head furiously. And Raphael's eyes raised to mine. "You?" 

"No." 

He slipped his weapons back into his belt. "Let's get outta here before the cavalry shows up." 

**LEONARDO:**

The look on Raph's face as he walked into the lair told me what had happened. The look on Salome's face said more. Mel and I both looked up from the couch; Mikey stood. "What happened?" he asked. "Is everything alright?" 

The cold, hard stare didn't fade as he rested a hand on Salome's shoulder. "Take her outta here, will you Mike?" 

That wasn't a request. 

Kat and Raph both watched the little girl leave with Michaelangelo, and I watched them. As soon as her bedroom door had closed, Katarina vaulted over the back of the couch, took two steps to where Melanie was sitting, grabbed her shirt, and yanked her up. I watched in shocked surprise as she threw her to the wall, holding her by one shoulder. Raphael stepped in close and Kat grabbed one of the _sai _off his belt and held it to Mel's throat. She tensed, her eyes flickering nervously down at the weapon. 

"What else did you tell him?" Kat hissed. 

"Tell who?" Mel asked. 

"When you came here, my father thought I was dead. Now he wants to see me and I want to know what else you told him or I'll slit your throat here and now." 

**AMY:**

I heard yelling in the living room, and sat up slowly, brushing the tears from my eyes. "We just got jumped by a few dozen foot soldiers, Leo!" she yelled, not turning to face me. "If they'd taken Salome, you'd have a _big _problem on your hands right now!" 

I gathered my robe around me and stood, then walked to the door. The room flooded with bright light as I pulled it open. "You're outta your league, Leonardo," Raph warned, his voice cold. "Just stay out of it." 

My eyes darted to Kat. She had Raphael's weapon to Melanie's throat and she twisted it hard, digging into the soft flesh on her neck. "What did you _tell _him?" she hissed. 

"I haven't spoken to Shredder in years, Kat, and that's the truth," Mel gasped. 

Kat turned and threw her to the ground, then spun to Leonardo and raised the weapon to point at him. I remained still, watching the scene, not wanting to get involved. I looked around for Salome, but didn't see her. "Get. Her. Out. Of here. _Now_!" Kat hissed. "And keep an eye on Salome until you do because they know we have her." 

She shoved the _sai _back at Raphael and spun toward the door. "Where are you going?" Leo called after her. 

She turned back and glared at him, fury dancing in her eyes. "I'm not coming back until you get rid of her, Leo. So _you _two work it out." 

Leo sighed, then looked to Raph. "What happened?" he demanded. I stepped forward, echoing his question in my mind, and he turned to glance briefly at me. 

He turned back to Raphael and neither one of them spoke for a long moment. "We were jumped," Raph finally offered. "By foot soldiers. A _lot _of them." 

I felt every muscle in my body tense. I had heard of these foot soldiers from Donatello. They weren't exactly friends of the family. "Oh my god! Is Salome okay?" 

Raph nodded. "She's fine. But the fact that they came after us, and they wanted Kiara... Somebody's told them." 

"I'm telling you," Mel cried in her defense, "I have not talked to Saki in _years_!" 

I didn't care how they knew whatever it was they knew. All I cared about was my little girl. I turned away from their argument and walked to the closed door of her room. I cracked it open and peeked inside as Mike pulled her nightshirt down over her head. She crawled underneath the blankets without a word and he perched on the edge of the bed. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly. She nodded, but didn't speak. "You're not hurt, are you?" Her head moved from side to side, her eyes trained on him. 

He stroked her hair gently, a sympathetic expression on his face. "You wanna tell me what happened?" 

She took a few breaths. "We were walking to the car... and these bad people came out. And they had masks and all black. And... Kitty told me to get in this car, but it wasn't hers. And then she and Raphael were fighting them and they came and tried to open the door but I locked it before when Kitty told me to. And then they broked the window and came inside and I got out and Kitty told me to stay behind her..." 

There was a slight pause. "That must've been really scary, huh?" Michaelangelo's voice was quiet and calm. I knew from his tone that she was not hurt. I chose to remain out of sight, just listening. 

"Do you think they'll come here?" 

I saw his shadow move, his hand reaching toward her cheek and brushing lightly with the backs of his fingers. "No, Salome, they won't come here. They don't know where we live." 

"Would they come here if they knew?" 

"Don't you worry about that, Salome," he whispered reassuringly. "We won't let anything bad happen to you." 

"You promise?" 

"I promise." 

There was a long pause and I considered stepping inside the room. I might have if she hadn't spoke first. "Mikey?" 

"Yeah, Salome?" 

"Do _you _ever get scared?" 

"Everbody gets scared sometimes." 

"Even brave people?" 

"Even brave people," he assured. 

She hesitated for a minute. "Well... don't tell Mama... but I was really scared tonight." 

I couldn't help but smile faintly, tears stinging my eyes. God, she was a brave little kid. "That's okay," he whispered. "It's okay to be scared. But why don't you want me to tell Mama?" 

"Mama wants me to be brave." 

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you can't ever be scared." 

I leaned my head against the wall, glad for the advice Mike was giving her. "She always tells me not to worry about grown up stuff. Just to worry 'bout kid stuff. But sometimes it's hard." 

"Sometimes it _is _hard not to worry. But Salome?" 

"Yeah?" 

"You're safe here. None of us would ever let anything happen to you, ya know that?" 

"I know." 

I stepped forward, opening the door slowly, and watched as he leaned down and kissed her forehead. She smiled up at him, then at me as our eyes met. "Hi, Mama." 

I hugged my arms over my chest and smiled back at her. Mike looked over his shoulder at me. "Hello, Salome," I whispered. "Are you okay?" 

She nodded enthusiastically. "I'm alright, Mama." 

"Okay." 

I stepped toward the bed and Mike stood up. Salome reached up and hugged me as I kissed her forehead. I felt Michaelangelo's hand come to rest on the small of my back as I bent down, and his arm circled my waist when I stood. Somehow, the gesture didn't intimidate me in the least. I knew he meant no harm by it. He'd never threaten me. "Get some sleep, honey," I whispered to Salome. 

She smiled up at me. "I'll try." 

"See you in the morning." 

"Leave the door open?" 

I nodded. "Okay." 

I turned and Mike switched hands, following me along my right side. He ushered me out the door and had Salome blow out the light. I watched from the hallway as he pulled the door closed partway and then looked up at me. "She's okay," he assured me, his voice quiet. 

I nodded. "I know. I heard. But I'm still scared." "They won't come here," I promised. "They've tried it before and they've failed. Besides, they don't even know where we are." 

Somehow, that fact in and of itself wasn't very comforting. "Neither did my father," I whispered. 

"And we didn't let him hurt you, either, did we?" he challenged, a smile creeping over his face. 

I bowed my head slightly and my eyes slid closed. His hand came up and brushed my hair back, behind my ear. Raphael was gone now, and Mel and Leo spoke in hushed tones at the other end of the room. "Amy, are you okay?" he asked quietly. 

I managed a slight nod and held myself tighter, clutching my arms across my chest. "Yeah." 

"You sure?" 

No, I wasn't sure. I was confused. And heartbroken. And angry. Very angry. But I had no idea how to show it. Even in the brief moments that I saw him, I couldn't bring myself to talk about what I'd seen. It hurt, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know the truth, even though I knew it would eat me alive until I did. "I just... need to..." I started, but I couldn't finish. I knew exactly what I needed to do. But I didn't want to do it. I almost wished I hadn't seen it, that I didn't know what I did. _Why would you do that, Donny? _"God, I don't know." 

I felt his eyes on me, studying me closely. "Something going on with you and Donny?" he guessed. "I noticed he's been gone a lot these past few days." 

He had been gone. All of a sudden, he was gone all the time. I wondered if he was avoiding me. Could he know? Did he do it on purpose? There were so much easier ways to terminate our relationship if that's what he wanted. Anger sparked inside of me again. Damn it. 

"Anything I can do?" Mike asked. 

I shook my head. 

"Will you let me know if there is?" 

I nodded slightly, but kept my eyes down. He pulled me into a hug and kissed my forehead. For just a moment, I felt safe. I cringed at the thought as he pulled away. "Go get some sleep, Amy," he advised. "It'll be better in the morning." 

"Yeah," I whispered, unconvinced. _Sure it will..._

**MICHAELANGELO:**

It took me almost two hours to find him. He wasn't in any place I would've thought to look. I couldn't even guess how much ground I'd covered when I found him on a rooftop on the west end, watching a building with little apparent interest. It was after one in the morning. 

I didn't make any particular effort to remain quiet as I approached him. He turned when I was a few yards away and straightened. "Mike," he greeted. "What are you doing here?" 

"I could ask you the same thing, bro," I answered coldly. "You know what time it is?" 

He sat down on the ledge, leaning on his weapon. "After midnight, I know that much." 

I sighed deeply. "Donny, what the hell are you doin' out here?" I asked. "And what's goin' on with you and Amy?" 

He blinked a few times, seemingly startled by the question. "Nothing," he answered, his tone reflecting his expression. 

"Well, that nothing's got Amy a little worried, in case you haven't noticed," I informed him, crossing my arms over my chest. "How long's it been since you've been _home_, Don?" 

"I came home this morning," he answered. "I had to..." He glanced down at the street and immediately fell silent. I watched him, wondering what he saw that was so intreguing. After a moment of silence, he looked back to me. "I let her know I was okay." 

I glared briefly at him. "Well, congratulations, you're okay," I mumbled. "She's _not_." 

"What do you mean, she's not?" he challenged. 

"She is _so _not herself, Donny!" I cried. "Did you notice that? I mean, are you guys fighting or something? Are you avoiding her?" 

He shook his head. "Not intentionally. I've just been busy." 

"Busy doing what?" I demanded. "Where are we and why are we here?" 

"I'm looking for someone," he sighed. 

"Who?" 

"A kid," he answered. "A kid who's in a lot of trouble." 

"Did you _tell _Amy that? 'Cause she's got no idea where you're at or what you're doin' and I hate to think of what could be going through her head at this point." 

He turned and stared at me for a long time. Finally, he sighed. "Yeah, I know. Okay. You're right." He glanced back down at the building and sighed. "I'll tell her. Thanks." 

I glared at him. He wasn't planning on moving anytime soon. I waited for him to say something more, but he didn't. Frustrated, I turned and walked away. 

**

Okay, so guys? I don't like threatening. I really don't. But you've gotta understand that I'm at a total standstill in the next book to this series until I find out what kinds of things are significant to the reader, esp from this chapter out. The second book overlaps with this one, and there's WAY too much to address ALL the problems/issues that come up. I've gotta pick and choose, and I've gotta know what the readers think is important. This is a series I would NOT attempt to write in a normal style, where you write it and send it off, and see it in print a few years later and THEN start to get feedback. I wouldn't even make an attempt. It's too complicated. And if that turns out being the case, and what actually ends up happening is that I don't get feedback until the end of this book, when the second one should be halfway DONE already, you might have a sorry surprise when it never gets done. 

**

I know it sounds like I'm whining. I know it sounds like I'm threatening, but I'm perfectly serious. I'm prepared to drop the Kiara series. I'll finish out this book whether I get the feedback or not. But my muses have moved on to other stories. And if I can't find a way to bring them back, this story dies with this book. Cliffhanger and all. Sorry, guys. But I understand my time is limited. And I'm not gonna write if it doesn't interest you. 


	15. Explanation

**

CHAPTER FOURTEEN 

**

EXPLANATION 

PRESENT 

I want to say thank you to all the people who reviewed for the last chapter. I really did mean what I said, and I'm glad you all can see that. It's good to know that you really do care about this series, even though it feels so dead to me. Ideas are starting to trickle. Here's to hoping they're flowing by the end of this book. -sss979

APRIL: 

"Kat says she's involved with the foot clan." 

I sighed as I ran my fingers through my hair. "From the kind of reports we've been getting recently, I wouldn't doubt it." 

He stared at me for a moment. "What do you mean?" 

I leaned back against the back of the couch. "Well, at first I thought it was some kind of prank. Especially when a couple of teens gave me a quote talking about how it reminded them of the crime wave a few years ago, with the foot. But I'm starting to wonder." 

He nodded slightly, his eyes trained on the floor. "Shredder's alive, you know." 

I stared at him, surprised. "He is? I thought..." 

"I know," he mumbled. "That's what we thought too, for a long time. But he's alive." 

"How?" 

He sighed as he looked up at me. "Leo's killing blow wasn't from his own weapon," he informed. "It was Kat's. The _shurieken _she'd dropped. They were poison tipped, but not to kill. And Leo was so out of it by the time he threw them, he didn't aim right. They just lodged in his shoulder or his back or whatever and knocked him out." 

I stared at him. "Why wouldn't Leo make sure?" 

"Because he was hurt," Raphael answered. "He wanted to get out of there and he figured for him to fall, he was down. I don't think he realized how poorly he aimed, or that those _shurieken _were the same ones that Kiara had used on us, to knock us out." 

I nodded slowly. "So Shredder's alive? You know that for a fact?" 

"I haven't _seen _him. But it's a pretty good guess." 

I sighed and my eyes slid closed. "Kat said something about him sending a spy. Is that this woman who's living with you?" 

"We don't know," he answered. "Could be. We're not really sure." 

"Kat seems sure enough," I grinned. 

He smiled back. "I never said _Kat _wasn't sure. I said _we _weren't." 

I sighed. That made sense. It hadn't taken me very long to discover just how dead set Kat was against this new guest. But if I knew Leonardo, he wouldn't judge her until he'd had a chance to get to know her. That could be either very good or very bad, depending on how much of Katarina's account was true. 

"Well, I gotta be to work early," I mumbled. "You're welcome to stay here too, of course. But I need to get some sleep." 

He stared past me out the balcony window, seemingly lost in thought. "Thanks, April," he nodded, his eyes not meeting mine. 

I hugged him and felt his arms circle me lightly. "G'night," I whispered. 

"Night." 

I turned away and walked up the stairs to my room, closing the door behind me. 

**KATARINA:**

I opened my eyes as the door handle turned and a beam of light shot into the room. I knew who it was. I'd heard him talking to April. He slipped into the room silently and I turned on my other side, away from him. The door closed again, and I listened to the faint, almost inaudible sounds as he undressed. He dropped his belt and weapons on the floor and I heard them clank against each other softly. 

I felt the bed shift as he drew the covers down and slipped in behind me. I didn't move. He came in close, wrapping his arm around my waist and slipping his fingers under my shirt as he buried his face in my hair. He kissed my earlobe, nuzzling against me. "I love you, Kat." 

I didn't answer. He probably didn't expect one. He had to know I wasn't asleep, but the quiet sigh let me know that he wasn't expecting conversation. He wasn't expecting anything. Good. I didn't feel much like being forced into talking right now. I clenched my teeth and waited for the anger to subside. He drew me close, protectively, and breathed deep against my neck, his body relaxing. 

My own muscles untensed as he brushed his thumb back and forth over my naval. Quiet calm washed over me and I sighed. He wasn't here to demand answers, but I knew that sooner or later, I was going to have to explain some things to him. This couldn't go on forever. And this was about as good a time as any. 

"She's my father's mistress," I offered after a long silence. 

He didn't seem surprised by that. He probably wasn't. His slow, steady pace didn't change. For a long time, he didn't answer. Had he heard me? I knew he had. He was thinking. 

"I didn't know that," he finally answered. 

"I take it Leo doesn't either?" 

"Doubt it. But I don't know what all she's told him." 

I sighed. "She'd do anything for my father, Raph. She's not like me. His approval means everything to her." 

"Mmm," he acknowledged, his lips brushing my neck. "So why are they trying to kill her?" 

"I'm not entirely sure they are," I answered quietly. 

"Any possibility at _all _that she could be telling the truth?" 

"Yes," I admitted. "But if she is... believe me. You don't want to get in the middle of it." 

"Why?" he questioned. "Tangled web?" 

"Mmm," I acknowledged, running my fingers over his strong arm. His muscles were hard as a rock, like they'd always been. I loved that. I loved the feel of him, the way his body fit with my soft, accepting one. Not that I wasn't in great shape, but I was nowhere near the level he was and I could never be. 

"Kat?" 

I realized he'd been talking and snapped back to reality. "Huh?" 

"Did you hear me?" 

I turned onto my back and our eyes met. I smiled sheepishly. "No, what'd you say?" 

He chuckled to himself and grabbed my arms, pulling me over him. I waited for him to settle, to ease me into the position he wanted me in, and rested my head on his chest. As he became still, I slipped my arm around his waist, brushing sensitive skin at his side. He sighed deeply, his chest rising and falling. I relaxed as the warmth from his body washed over me. 

"I said tell me about it," he finally repeated. "What kind of relation do you have to her? You're not... sisters or something, are you?" 

"Enemies," I answered coldly. "Nothing more." 

That put him slightly at ease. "I take it that it's always been that way?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"Well, she's not just an enemy like Shredder's an enemy now, right? It's more personal than that." 

I sighed and curled my fingers under his plastron, pressing lightly along the place where it met with his skin. "We've always hated each other," I admitted. 

"Tell me about it," he prodded. 

I closed my eyes and sighed, trying to organize my thoughts. "Do you remember Tatsu?" 

He considered that for a moment. "Been a while, but yeah." I thought for a minute. Raphael brushed my hair back and I opened my eyes to look up at him. "Is he still alive?" 

"No. He died years ago. But if Mel is back in the states, there's a reason for it." 

"Mel has some relation to him?" 

"They were... married." 

His eyes widened slightly. "Oh." He glanced away. "Isn't she a little... young?" 

"Yeah. Kinda young for my father, for that matter. She's only three years older than me." 

"Damn." 

"Uh huh," I agreed. "She was... a token bride. Which complicated things even more." 

"Okay, hold up," he interrupted. I fell silent and gave him a minute to think. "She was three years older than you so that made her... five years older than Madonna?" 

"Four," I corrected. 

"So there's no way in hell she was Madonna's mother." 

"No, Madonna's mother, _my _mother, disappeared and was presumably killed." 

"Deja vu," he mumbled. "Tatsu and Shredder _always _sleep with the same women?" 

"Yeah, kinda sick, isn't it?" I answered cynically. "Though the circumstances were a little different with my mother than they were with Mel." 

"How's that?" 

I sighed and rested my head against him again, pulling my body closer to his. I moved my leg over his and rubbed back and forth gently. "My mother and Saki dated while they were living in Japan," I explained. "She was young and still living at home. He got her pregnant with me and her dad threw her out, so he took care of her for a while before he fell in love with Shen, which I'm sure you know _that _story." 

"Vaguely," he laughed. 

"She and Tatsu were friends and when it became obvious that my father didn't love her anymore and he was just taking care of her because he felt he had a responsibility to... she went off with Tatsu." 

Raphael hesitated for a moment. "Shredder take that okay?" 

I shrugged. "He didn't care. He didn't give a damn _what _happened to her, as long as she stayed out of his way. She was just naive, you know? She was afraid of being on her own and she let them take advantage of her." 

"So Madonna was Tatsu's daughter," he assumed. 

"Yeah." 

"And then the whole family came over to the US with Saki." 

I nodded. "Madonna was six when our mother... conveniently died." 

"Conveniently?" he questioned. 

"For Tatsu. She... found out he was molesting Madonna and they fought. I didn't actually _see _her die, but... I can bet that he killed her." 

He considered that quietly for a moment. "You think Shredder knew that?" 

I laughed. "Shredder didn't _care_. He didn't care about _anything_. If he knew..." I shrugged. "... so what?" 

He was quiet for a moment. "So... where did Melanie come in?" 

I sighed. "She'd been unofficially involved with the foot clan, practically since we came over from Japan. Her parents were dead - I don't know how they died - and she was raised by her brother who lived in an apartment with a male roommate, and they were both involved in the foot. And all their friends and acquaintances..." My voice trailed off as I considered what she might've said or done to get in as far as she did. "Couplea gangbangs and everybody knew her." 

Raphael tensed noticeably. I pulled away and eyed him suspiciously. I couldn't help but see how nervous the suggestion made him. "You ever do that?" I asked curiously. 

"Do what?" 

"Gang bang?" 

His eyes shifted away. "Let's... not go there." He looked back at me. "How did she meet your father?" 

I studied him for a moment, then lay next to him again. I'd drill him later, if I really wanted to know. I wasn't entirely sure I did. "She... got someone to bring her in," I explained hesitantly, "which normally would've been suicide but for whatever reason... I guess she made an impression on my father." 

"Never thought of Saki as particularly impressionable." 

"He's... a ladies man. I always used to think that if you guys ever wanted to kill him, all you'd have to do is hire a hooker to do it for you." 

Raphael laughed. "I... sincerely doubt it would be that simple." 

"You think?" 

"Mmm," he mumbled, eyes closed. "When sleeping with someone you don't know, you don't let your guard down. Especially if you've got a reason to suspect an attack." 

"Wouldn't know anything about that," I grinned. 

"Mmm. Yeah, you're just so sweet and innocent." I laughed quietly at his sarcasm. "And let's just keep it that way." 

I smiled and pressed into him, kissing his shoulder lightly. "Anyway," I sighed. "She and Saki fucked a few times and she got herself what she considered to be a permanent home within the foot clan. He pretty much... owned her." I considered that. "No. He _did _own her. And she allowed it. Once she got that damn tattoo, she was his property." 

His fingers ran down my skin and traced the baseball-sized mark on the small of my back. "This tattoo?" 

"Yes," I answered coldly. "That one that I'm going to get removed as soon as I can afford it." 

"Surprised you haven't done it yet," he admitted. 

"I really... didn't want to when I wasn't living in New York. I don't know why. But now... I want it gone." 

He nuzzled his face in my hair. "Nah, you should keep it." 

I pulled away. "What?" I asked, surprised. "Why?" 

He grinned and shrugged slightly. "I don't know. I kinda like it." His hand moved up my side to my chest and he traced the faint, diagonal scar over my breasts. "Kind of like this." 

"That's different," I smiled. 

"It's a slap in the face to him," he informed. "And I'm all for that, in any form." I laughed quietly. "What do you mean?" 

Raphael shrugged. "His own daughter turned on him. That's about as big of a slap in the face as it can get." 

"That's not gonna change because I get the tattoo removed," I reminded him. 

"No, but the tattoo kinda reminds me of that." 

"Isn't that the whole obsession you have with the scar?" I teased. 

He laughed. "Obsession?" 

"Damn close to it." 

He leaned down and kissed me deeply. I welcomed him without hesitation, a contented warmth flowing through me. He pulled away slowly and kissed the side of my mouth. "No," he whispered. "That's different." 

"How so?" 

He kissed my lips lightly, and backed away, guiding my head to his shoulder again. "That reminds me that you were willing to die for me and my brothers. That has nothing to do with Shredder." 

I smiled. "Oh, okay." 

"We keep getting distracted," he informed plainly. 

"Yeah, I've noticed." 

"I really _do _want to hear this story." 

"Where was I?" I chuckled. 

"Mel living with the foot, sleeping with Shredder." 

"Oh," I remembered. "Well, I was sixteen, Madonna was about to turn fifteen when he pretty much gave her to Tatsu as a gift. I don't know why or what all went on, who suggested it or whether or not he wanted it, but I know she didn't. She went ahead and married Tatsu, not that she had much of a choice, and hated my father for a while. She was very jealous of Madonna. And of me, but Madonna more. Especially when married her." 

"Right," he agreed. "I can see that." 

I ran my nails over the grooves in his plastron, my mind wandering. For a moment, it was quiet. "Madonna found out that Mel was sleeping with my father again," I whispered, "even though by now everyone involved was married." 

"Good god, what a soap opera." 

"No kidding." 

He breathed deep, his chest rising and falling as I closed my eyes and relaxed next to him. "So how'd she find out?" he questioned 

"About him and Mel?" 

"Yeah." 

"Rumors spread," I answered. "Everyone knew. Although nobody had the balls to confront either of them about it except me." 

"So you went after her?" he assumed. 

I sighed. "Yeah. I said a lot of things... and even if they _were _true, I deserved it when she hit me." 

Raphael laughed. "_Not _smart." 

"She slapped me," I clarified. "One of my father's students walked in and pulled me off of her before I did any serious damage. I told her she'd just made a big mistake and promptly went to tell my father." 

Raphael chuckled. "Don't imagine he was too happy." 

"No he... Well, again, it was just rumors. But it came from Madonna and various other people that he tried to kill her. I know for a fact that he beat her up pretty good. And she never raised a hand to me again." 

"And she kept putting out for him after he did that to her?" Raphael mumbled. 

"Yep," I sighed. 

"This chic's a little fucked up in the head," he concluded. 

"Yeah, just a little," I agreed. 

It was quiet for a moment. "So...?" Raph probed. 

I sighed. "Tatsu and I got into it about something or another. I mean, _really _got into it. I instigated a lot because I knew no one could touch me without getting their hands cut off, but I just... pushed him a little too far. And he pushed back, literally, and my father happened to _see _it." 

"He was pretty protective of you," Raph realized. 

"Yeah, he was," I laughed. "More than you know. He warned Tatsu. I wasn't really hurt, so that's all he did. So at that point, Tatsu and Mel both hated me. Saki and Madonna..." I shook my head slightly. "It was a mess. A _big _mess. He wasn't particularly nice to her and she knew he was sleeping with Mel but she didn't feel like she could do anything about it. I kept... trying to motivate her to go and get up in Melanie's face, but she was too shy. She thought she was really being smart when she decided to go to Tatsu and tell him that his wife was sleeping with her husband. Imagine her surprise when he nearly took her head off. He hurt her, I saw it, I went to my father and told him that Tatsu had threatened to kill me." 

"Why you and not Madonna?" 

"He wasn't _nearly _as protective of her as he was of me." 

He considered that quietly for a moment. "So Tatsu... was killed?" 

"Banished," I corrected. "Went back to Japan. A year later, we got word that he was dying and he wanted to see Madonna. She went and came back reciting all his last request bullshit about obeying her husband. I think I hated him more then than I ever had before." I sighed deeply, my eyes closing slowly. "I always hated to see Madonna cry." 

Raphael massaged my shoulder gently. "So you know that Tatsu's dead?" 

"Yeah. And Mel's back with Saki. And living here with us at the same time." 

He remained still for a minute and I pulled away, my eyes meeting his. "Now do you see why I want her gone?" 

He nodded slightly. "I think so." 

"Her whole life, she's _lived _for Shredder. She's not gonna stop now." 

"Unless he's trying to kill her." 

"And if he is, that's _none _of our business." 

He smiled. "Wouldn't break your heart any, would it?" 

"Not at all," I admitted. "But what _will _break my heart is if one of your brothers falls for that bitch." He looked away, not answering. "Madonna screwed Leo up pretty good and she really loved him. Imagine what she might've been capable of if she _hadn't_." 

His eyes closed and he nodded again. "Raph?" He glanced back at me and I pressed my hand to his cheek. "Help me?" I pleaded. 

He reached up and placed his hand over mine, then turned his head and kissed the inside of my wrist, then up to my palm. He slid down underneath the blankets and pulled them up around us. "I'll do what I can," he promised. 

I smiled and snuggled closer to him, breathing deep. For a moment, it was silent. "Kiara?" he finally whispered. 

"Hmm?" 

"I love you." 

I kissed his shoulder and nuzzled against him. "I love you too, Raph." 

He sighed deeply, and fell asleep. 

**APRIL:**

I stood up and took my coffee mug to the sink. "Raphael was here last night with Kat," I informed. "He left this morning. I haven't seen Donatello." 

Leo sighed deeply. "I don't know _what _Don's problem is," he mumbled. "He's never been like this. He came in last night at about three and he and Amy got into it, and now he's gone again. And I've checked everywhere I knew to look. He's just... on his own private crusade or something." 

I stopped behind him as I returned, and rested my hands on his rock-hard shoulders. "I'm sure he's fine, Leo," I assured him. 

"Yeah, I know. I just wish I knew what the hell was going on here." 

I massaged, gently at first, and felt him tense up even more. "Relax," I ordered sternly. 

In the mirrored wall, I saw his eyes slide closed as he tried to loosen the clenched muscles. I rubbed hard, digging my thumbs into the base of his neck, and heard him sigh. I massaged hard at his shoulders, feeling the tension slowly drain away. 

I finished and hugged him from behind, dodging his weapons. His hands came up and rested on my forearms. "Thanks, April," he sighed. 

"No problem," I answered. 

His hands dropped and he remained still as a statue for a moment. "Are you alright?" I asked hesitantly. 

He nodded, eyes closed. "Yeah. I'm just... tired." 

"You wanna crash here?" I offered. 

He shook his head. "No, it's okay." 

"It's not a problem," I assured him. "Really." 

He sighed deeply. "I need to be available in case Kat tries to kill Melanie." 

I laughed quietly before realizing he was totally serious. "Isn't Katarina Raphael's problem?" 

"Raphael just complicates the problem," he mumbled. "He's just as anxious to get in Mel's face." 

I smiled. "I'm sorry." 

He shrugged. "The way life is." 

I sat down in the chair beside him again, and listened to the silence for a few minutes. It was obvious he was in no hurry to leave. "Leonardo?" I finally asked. 

"What?" 

His eyes opened and met mine. I was sure he could read the concern written all over my face. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Really? I mean, it's not every day you come here to escape, and I have to know something's up when you do." 

We stared at each other for a moment, then he closed his eyes again. "I'm overwhelmed," he mumbled. 

I could've guessed that. "Why?" 

He shook his head slightly and for a few seconds, it was quiet. "I don't know, April," he finally started, sounding irritated. "I just... keep thinking there's more to this than what we're seeing. There's something we're missing. And I really _don't _think that Mel is reporting to Shredder." 

"Because you don't _want _to," I offered. 

"You're right," he agreed. "I don't want to. But I don't think that has anything to do with it." 

"Sure it does." 

He shook his head again. "I don't close my eyes and ignore the truth because I don't want to see it. If she _was _doing that, I'd just have to accept it." 

"When?" I questioned. "When you could prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt? It might be too late then." 

"It's homicide to send her away." 

"That's a decision you have to make," I replied. "Taking into account that it may be suicide to have her stay. You don't know. All you can do is take an educated guess and hope you've made the right decision." 

He leaned forward and hid his face in his hands. For a moment, he was quiet. I watched him, concerned. "Why is it...?" he finally whispered. He paused for a long moment, not moving. "...that every single person we meet has the capability and the _reason _to turn on us in a moment's notice?" 

I studied him, not sure how to answer that. It was very true. I'd had every reason to want to put them in the eleven o'clock news. Katarina had had every reason to turn them over to her father. Amy... "Amy didn't," I attempted. But it was obvious that it was a long lost cause to even try and make him see the bright side. 

"I've learned not to trust people," he finally continued, drawing his hands down slowly. "But when someone trusts you... with their life..." His eyes raised to mine and I read the pained look there. "Where do you draw the line?" 


	16. Becoming Someone New

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN **

BECOMING SOMEONE NEW 

PRESENT 

First song in this chaper is by Jennifer Lopez and I'm sure if you listen to the radio at ALL, you've heard it at least a dozen times. *sigh* Others are by Led Zeppelin and you're not likely to hear those on the radio. They are: Trampled Under Foot and Kashmir, respectively.   
This is borderline NC-17. Deal with it. Or report me to ff.net moderators and be done with it. But don't send me hate mail. You've been warned. (This is one of my all time FAVORITE scenes, btw!) 

RAPHAEL: 

I'd never known Leo to be the type that would openly watch porn. Not that I for once thought that he'd never seen a steamy movie. But to the best of my knowledge, he never did it with anyone else around. Which is why I was so surprised when I stepped into the living room and saw him laid back on the couch, Mel's head on his shoulder, watching a loud climatic moment on the TV screen. 

I blinked a few times, wondering for a moment if I could be hallucinating. But no, there he was, watching the couple on the screen with a sort of confused look on his face. "You know, that doesn't look too comfortable," he observed. 

The angle of the TV prevented me from seeing exactly what he was commenting on, but the sounds were enough. Mel giggled. "_She _seems to be enjoying it." 

Leo's facial expression turned even more confused. "Apparently," he answered dryly. 

Melanie glanced up at him. "Ever tried it?" 

"Can't say that I have." 

She rubbed up against him, her hand coming to rest on his thigh. "Don't knock it 'til you try it, Leo. Might actually be kinda fun, ya know?" 

I stepped further into the room and made my presence known. Leo turned, sensing my approach. He tensed noticeably as he saw me. "Hey, Raphael," he greeted. 

Melanie sat up, retracting her hand, and looked over at me. Leo's hand went for the remote, and the movie was quickly stopped. "Where've you been?" Mel asked casually. I hadn't seen her in almost five full days. 

I knew my eyes were wider than I wanted them to be. Took me a minute to find my voice. And even when I did, I realized I didn't have a good answer. "Busy," I finally managed. 

"You've been out?" Leo questioned, glancing toward the entrance. "I didn't hear you come in." 

"Yeah," I lied. "Where's Kat?" 

Leo nodded toward my bedroom door. "Sleeping." 

I knew that. Where else would she be at this time of night? But I couldn't think of anything better to say. I blinked a few times, searching for my voice. "So... what're you watching?" Blatent. But I'd never been one to beat around the bush. 

Leo's face flushed and Melanie laughed. "I went out and rented a couple of movies today," she explained casually. "Just kinda picked one at random. Wanna watch?" 

Leo's eyes widened at the suggestion, but he cut his gaze away and didn't speak. I studied him for a moment, then shook my head. "No, that's okay." 

I glanced at them once more, then turned away, heading for my room. Somewhere deep inside of me, I knew it was none of my business. But at the same time, what I saw had worried me more than I could describe. 

I slipped into my room silently and my eyes quickly adjusted to the candle light. Katarina was asleep. That was okay. I didn't really want to talk to her right now anyway. I closed the door behind me and took off my mask and pads, dropping them on the floor. I set my belt down carefully and blew out the flame as I slipped underneath the blankets next to her warm body. She moaned slightly as my arm circled her, and I buried my face in her soft hair. 

I ran my hand down her side and slipped it underneath the long nightshirt, carressing her hip. She had nothing on beneath the shirt; she never did. I smiled in spite of the many thoughts running through my head that were not condusive to erotica and pressed hard to her back. I stared for a moment at the darkness, and my thoughts flickered back and forth between my own problems, and Leo's. My hands were tied in both cases, and I hated it. 

I closed my eyes as my mind finally came to rest on Mel. Really, I had no right to question Leo. What he did with Melanie was no more my business than what I did with Kiara was his. I pulled closer to the warm body beside me and she moaned slightly, nuzzling her face into the pillow. I reached up and brushed her dark hair out of her eyes, then kissed her cheek. Satan's daughter.... and I couldn't love her more. 

**LEONARDO:**

"Do it slower, Salome." 

She groaned. "I already _am _doing it slower!" 

I sighed inwardly. "Come on, Sal, again." 

She heaved a sigh and slid her right foot forward, bending her right arm and bringing it in defensively, holding the other behind her. She turned to the right at a moderately slow pace and swept her foot along the floor of the _dojo _as she brought it forward into a left-forward stance. "You're dragging again," I informed her. 

She broke the stance and jumped up and down a few times, whining. "Leo-sensei, can't we be _done_?" 

No sooner had I felt the presence enter the room than I knew I was under attack. I spun defensively just in time to be _tackled _by Michaelangelo. "Ah!" 

I hit the mat on my back and flipped him over me. He scrambled to his feet and grinned as he motioned to the little girl behind me to clear the way. Salome giggled as she darted off the mat and I braced, eyeing Mike carefully. "What was _that _for?" I questioned. 

He shrugged. "No reason." 

He sprang forward and I blocked him, then spun to the side to avoid another attack. I was at his back in a flash, but he turned before I could launch my own attack. I spun in the direction opposite his turn and delivered a roundhouse kick, dropping then to a sweep. He avoided the first, but stumbled with the second as I connected. 

He just barely managed to avoid the string of attacks, and launched a feeble attempt at my neck, of all places. As if I was going to let him get that close when I had the upper hand in the first place. I knocked his hands aside and kicked forward, sending him flying back. He couldn't regain his balance in time and a simple sweep at his legs brought him down. In a flash, I pulled my weapon and had the tip of it to his throat. He blinked a few times, trying to figure out how he'd ended up on the floor. The entire exercise had taken about ten seconds. 

"You're losing your touch, Mikey," I grinned down at him. 

"Yeah, yeah, alright," he grumbled. "Rub it in, why don'tcha?" 

I pulled the blade aside and offered him my other hand. He took it, and made every attempt to pull me over as he regained his balance. I almost forgot that it was a _katana _in my hands rather than the wooden _bokken_. I could've accidentally taken his head off right then and there. Instead, I managed to pull away from him and he smirked back as I sheathed my weapon again. 

"That was pretty fast though, huh?" he grinned. 

I laughed. "The attack? Or the time it took to disperse it?" 

He shot me a pathetic look and Salome giggled. "You guys are real good." 

I wasn't about to get into the stealth tactics of Michaelangelo's original attack. I'd heard him a mile away, but he could go ahead and think for now that I hadn't. He ruffled Salome's hair as she approached us. "Practice makes perfect, kiddo," he told her. 

"Do you still do the boring stuff?" 

Mike shot me a knowing smile. "Only when I have to." 

"When I can take you down in ten seconds, you have to." 

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, so I'm a slacker. You still gotta love me." 

Salome looked to me. "_Sensei_, can I go?" she pleaded. 

I nodded to her. Mike had ruined all hope of concentration for the rest of the evening. "Go ahead." 

"Yay!" 

She was out of the _dojo _in a flash. I stared after her for a moment before turning to Mike. He pulled his weapons and twirled them around him in a fancy show. "Wanna play?" he joked, coming to rest in a defensive stance. 

I glanced away. "Not particularly." 

The _nunchakus _hit the floor and he stumbled back as if he'd just been shot in the stomach. "Omigod! Leo _doesn't _want to practice! Call the press!" 

I shook my head slightly as I looked away. "Not funny, Mikey." 

He swept his weapons off the floor and shoved them back in his belt. "So what is it? Cold? Flu? Slight case of impending death?" 

I sighed, but didn't answer. 

"Alrighty then. I'll just go find someone _else _to spar with. Whaddaya think of _that_?" His voice held the taunting, teasing tone he liked to use when he didn't want to be taken too seriously. 

"Whatever, Mikey. I think Don's in his room." 

He turned to me. "He's actually home for more than ten minutes?" 

"He was here this morning when I got up." 

"He talk to Amy?" 

I shrugged. "That's _his _business, not mine," I answered him. 

Mike nodded. "Know where Raph is?" 

I shook my head. "He's around here somewhere. Kat's in her room, I think. I'm sure she'd go a few rounds with you." 

He waved, acknowledging me, and left without another word. I leaned forward against the weapons rack, my mind drifting back through the years, captured so perfectly in my dreams from the past few nights. Why now? Why was all of this hitting me now? I wasn't sure I was strong enough to _deal _with it right now. I felt eyes on me and quickly identified the intruder, standing in the doorway. "What do you want, Raph?" 

He was quiet for a moment. Then I felt him take a few steps into the room. "A straight answer." 

"To what?" I asked quietly. 

"Are you sleeping with her?" 

I stopped and looked up at him. That question had come out of the clear blue, and I could hardly believe he'd just asked me it. "What?" 

"With Mel," he sighed. "I know it's not really any of my business but I gotta know. You know I won't judge you, but I gotta break it to Kat nice and slow." 

I sighed deeply and shook my head. "How many times do I have to tell you? It's not like that, Raph." 

"Well, I believed you until I see you watching goddamn porn with her on the living room sofa, Leo." 

His words cut. I wasn't sure exactly why. In a flash, I'd spun back around to face him. "That's _none _of your business," I glared. 

His defenses were up in a heartbeat. When he spoke again, his voice held an icy edge to it. "Look, I told you, I ain't tryin' to judge you..." 

"Well then _don't_!" I interrupted. "And don't just assume that because I sympathize with her, I'm automatically sleeping with her." 

He sighed. "Look, I know it's none of my business whether you..." 

"You're damn _right _it's none of your business!" I interrupted him. He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest, watching me with a skeptical, oddly resigned look. I cut my gaze away from him and remained silent for a moment. "Look, I've already been burned once, Raph," I reminded him, my voice quiet but still harsh. I raised my eyes slowly and looked at him again. "I'm not gonna let it happen again, okay?" 

He rolled his eyes. "Leo, don't give me that." 

"Give you _what_?" I demanded. 

"That self-pity bullshit," he shot back. "This has nothing to do with Madonna so keep her out of it. Now are you falling for Melanie or not?" I stared at him for a moment, caught off guard by his words. "Honestly," he added. I looked away and didn't answer. My emotions were running wild and I couldn't find the words or even the _thoughts _to express them. "Leo?" 

His voice was pleading. Finally, I turned back to him. "No," I answered coldly. 

"No?" 

I shook my head slightly. "No." 

I stared him straight in the eye and he sighed. I wasn't totally sure if he believed me or not, but I didn't think he did. He watched me for a moment, and didn't say a word as he turned and left the room. 

**AMY:**

_Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got... I'm still, I'm still Jenny from the block... _

Katarina gripped the steering wheel tightly, her eyes focused on the road. She hadn't said a full sentence in all the time we'd been out. Next to me in the back seat, Salome was singing along with the radio. Beside Kat, Melanie was quietly smiling. I could see her in the side rearview mirror. 

_Used to have a little now I have a lot... Anywhere I go, I know where I came from..._

I considered the words to the song as I looked out the window at the cars we passed. "You know," I finally mumbled. "I don't think I really get this song." 

"What do you mean?" Mel asked, looking over her shoulder at me. 

"Well... it's just that... It's like she's trying to say she's the same person she always was. Like she's trying to cling to the past instead of embracing what she's become now. Change isn't always bad." 

Mel considered that for a minute. "I think she's just trying to say that all the fame hasn't made her forget where she came from." 

"But if she's not the same person, what difference does it make where she came from?" Mel didn't answer for a moment, so I continued. "I mean, things change us. I know where I came from, but that has nothing to do with who I am now." 

"Sure it does," Melanie answered. "I think who we are is formed when we're very young." She turned and looked straight at Kat. "Even if we try to hide it, we can never change it. Our past is a part of us. Without it, we wouldn't be who we are." 

It was a direct insult to Katarina, and I knew it. I considered the words for a moment, silently wondering if Kat would answer. She didn't. "Sometimes we run from who we are, but it doesn't change it," Mel grinned. 

Kat shifted slightly and I felt the car accellerate. I glared at Mel. I hadn't meant to give her an avenue to attack Katarina. "Or maybe it just takes some of us a while to figure out who we are," I offered. 

"I don't think we can control that," Mel answered. "I think it's decided for us. By our peers and our parents." 

Without warning, Kat pulled the car over to the side of the road, slamming the brakes. I pressed against the back of the passenger seat and Salome cried out in surprise. Kat glared at Melanie, fire flashing in her eyes. "Shut up, or get out," she growled. 

Mel grinned. "Did I hit a sore spot?" 

Kat's eyes narrowed into slits. "You're lucky there's a child in this car, Melanie," she hissed. 

"They say the only insults that hurt are the ones that are true." 

Hatred flashed and Kat gripped the steering wheel tighter. "Get. _Out_!" 

Mel opened the car door and stepped out onto the sidewalk, slamming it closed again. Kat pulled away and I stared in shock. "You're not just gonna _leave _her there, are you?" I questioned. 

"Kitty, she'll get lost!" Salome cried. 

Kat didn't answer as she continued to drive, her eyes locked on the road. 

**RAPHAEL:**

Physical Graffitti. Kat's signature album. Every time I heard its familiar echo through the lair, I cringed. It was her warning to the world around her: "Don't fuck with me; I'm in a _bad _mood right now." I walked the few remaining steps down from the entrance and saw her shadow in the kitchen. 

_Grease me down... good electric... _

The lyrics rang in my ears as I approached with caution. The cupboards were empty and the dishes were all stacked on the table. She was on her knees on the edge of the counter, scrubbing the inside of the cabinet. I cringed. She was cleaning. That wasn't a good sign. 

_Mama let me pump your gas... Mama let me do it all..._

"Hey, baby." 

"Go. _Away_." Her voice was a low growl. She didn't look up. 

"It's pretty hopeless," Don informed from behind me. I turned as he walked out of his room, dressed to go up to the surface. "I've tried and she almost bit my head off." 

"Shut the _fuck _up, Donny!" she yelled. The way she was pressing on those cabinets, I was surprised they weren't falling off the walls. 

_Talk about love... Talk about love... Talk about..._

Donatello shrugged. "See what I mean?" he added quietly. "I'm going up. My computer crashed and I don't have time to reformat it so I gotta go on a little field trip for the information I need. You interested?" 

"Should I be?" 

"Not particularly." 

"Then no," I answered simply. "Who else is here?" 

"Salome and Amy are watching a movie in her room. Mike and Leo are both out looking for Mel." 

"Looking for Mel?" 

"Kat dropped her off at the side of the road." 

I cringed. "That's my girl..." I mumbled. I had to wonder what she'd said _this _time. 

Don nodded and turned toward the door. "Be careful, huh?" he advised, nodding toward Kat. 

"I think I can handle myself," I answered, unwisely loud enough for Kat to hear. 

Kat spun to face me so fast she nearly fell off the counter. Her eyes flashed in anger, but she kept her teeth clenched as Don sprinted for his life. _Guaranteed to run for hours..._

I leaned against the doorframe and took my hat off. I tossed it at Katarina. In a flash, she'd reached to her belt, twirled her knife, and pierced through it. I was only slightly surprised. She'd left the knife lately and adopted the staff. I wondered why she had switched back , and if there was any significance to it. 

She held my hat on the knife behind her and glared at me. "I mean it, Raph," she growled. "You stay the fuck away from me." 

I nodded, acknowledging her request, though she had hardly meant it as one, and she flicked her wrist, sending the hat sailing back to me. I caught it easily and turned away. _I can't stop talkin' about... I can't stop talkin' about..._

I hung the hat up, along with the jacket, and returned to the kitchen. She was off of the counter now, on her feet with her back to me. I sighed as I watched her, then approached silently. She spun at the last second, before I touched her, and leaned back on the counter as she held the knife, again retrieved more quickly than I'd thought she was capable of, with the blade to my neck. 

I stared at her for a moment, not particularly intimidated by her although I knew she could easily slice my throat. "You need to put that away, baby, before somebody gets hurt." 

Her eyes narrowed into slits. "That's the _idea_." 

_Come to me for service, every hundred miles... Baby let me check your oil, fix your overdrive... _I leaned into her slightly, well aware of how sharp that knife was, and she jerked back, pressing slightly harder. I felt pain and a thin trickle of blood, and froze. "Back. _Off_," she hissed. 

I put my foot back, careful to remain steady, and slowly shifted my weight. She followed me until she was standing upright. Then she eased up on the pressure and I swallowed. She hadn't cut me bad, of course. I probably wouldn't even be noticeable to anyone who hadn't seen it happen. As I took another step back, she lowered the blade slightly and I saw my opportunity. She wasn't relaxed, by any means. But I really didn't need her to be. She was fast, but I was still faster. 

My arms darted out, crossing before they grabbed hers, and I had her spun around before she could blink. My grip was around the wrist of one hand and the fingers of the one that was armed. I pinned both her legs with one of mine, pressing her to the counter, and rested my head on her shoulder. I'd blocked every possible attack. She struggled for a moment, but quickly realized her strength was no match. Finally, she gave up and turned her head to glare at me. 

"Drop the knife," I ordered, smiling at my success. 

"Fuck you." 

_I can't stop talkin' about love..._

I leaned my head toward her and she pulled away as far as she was able. It wasn't far enough. I licked the side of her face, one stroke from her chin to the edge of her eye. She struggled, but remained quiet. I kissed her cheek and down to her neck, amused by her resistance as my fingers working to pry the knife out of her hand. "Don't make me hurt you..." I warned playfully. 

"Go ahead, Raph," she snapped. "See what happens to you while you're sleeping tonight." 

I grinned. "You gonna tie me up and torture me?" 

"You won't like it," she promised. 

I sucked hard on her neck and finally managed to pry her fingers off of the weapon. _Oh, my baby... I can't stop talkin' about love... _I leaned in to kiss her and she jerked back. "Stick your tongue in my mouth and you might not get it back," she warned. 

I smiled at the threat. She was being dramatic, and I knew it. If she was really as mad at me as she was talking like she was, she'd be threatening to find somewhere else to sleep tonight. She knew how to hit me where it hurt. It wasn't me she was pissed at, it was Mel. And I knew that before she said a word to me. And despite her words, I hadn't pushed her over the edge yet. I'd know when that happened. 

So I played her game. She wasn't mad at me, but she _was _mad. She wouldn't hesitate to vent that anger on me, as the slight trickle of blood over my neck proved. I spun her back around and grabbed the knife, letting go of her hands in the process, but making sure to pin her legs again. As I'd expected, her hands went to attack me. She stopped short as she felt cold steel against her throat, and tipped her head back slightly. 

The song stopped. For a moment, it was quiet. Neither one of us breathed. The next one started. Kashmir. "You know, it's kind of sad that I know the names of these songs," I informed her. "I don't even _like _Zeppelin." 

I pressed to her and kissed her hard, heeding her warning from earlier, then backed off to see her watching me. There was no fear in her eyes, and the anger had lessened noticeably. It was replaced with a look of defiance. _Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face..._

I tuned out the words and concentrated on her expression. She didn't speak as I ran the sharp blade across her neck, careful not to cut her, knowing her level of control would keep her still. If she swallowed - hell, if she _breathed _- she'd be bleeding. I watched her eyes carefully so that I'd be able to tell when it became necessary. But I knew she could hold out just as long as I could. 

I pulled the blade away from her, leaving just the tip against her neck, and ran it down the center of her throat. Fear flickered just slightly and I moved down to the top of her chest, allowing her to take a breath. She still didn't speak as the icy metal moved over her smooth, warm flesh. It came into contact with the collar of her T-shirt and finally, she swallowed, her glaring eyes steady on mine. 

The fabric split with little resistance; that blade was about as sharp as Leo's _katana_. The scent of my own blood gave way to a new smell that I knew my human girlfriend couldn't sense. "Is this turning you on?" I whispered, pausing the downward cut. 

She glared at me. "No." 

"Don't lie to me," I grinned. "I can tell." 

"Fuck off." 

"Maybe I will..." 

She might've attacked me at that point if I hadn't had the knife against her skin. As it was, she remained still as I slit the shirt all the way to the bottom. She smiled at me wickedly. "Now what're you gonna do?" she challenged. "You can't get it offa me without taking the knife away." 

"You're right," I realized, grinning as I considered an even better idea. I ran the flat surface of the blade up the center of her torso, over the white lace bra and back to the base of her neck, resting it on her shoulder. "You do it," I suggested. 

She growled low. "Go fuck yourself, Raph." 

I'd been half-expecting that. "I'd rather fuck you," I answered her. 

"Kinda hard with only one hand," she grinned evilly. 

"What do I need hands for?" I challenged. "Foreplay?" I laughed at the thought. As if this wasn't foreplay enough. She was more turned on by this than I was, and she knew it as well as I did. 

I reached down and unsnapped her jeans, watching her defiant expression as I pulled the zipper down. She knew what to say to get me to stop. I was sure I'd know if I stepped over the line. All it took was one well-aimed threat, and she could bring this to a close right now. But she remained silent, jaw clenched, watching me with that angry fire in her eyes. 

My hand slipped inside of her loosened jeans and she clenched her thighs together. I smiled and pressed a little harder on the knife. Her eyes widened slightly and she relaxed her muscles. My finger slipped down, between her legs, and I massaged through her wet panties, watching as she tried to control her breathing. "You sure you're not getting excited?" I teased. Her eyes flashed and she tensed, glaring at me. "You want me to fuck you?" 

"No," she hissed. 

I ran the sharp edge of the blade down from her neck to between her breasts and sliced through her bra a millimeter at a time. She didn't move. She barely even breathed. I pressed harder between her legs and saw her eyes close as she concentrated on not shifting her position. I paused for a moment with the flat side of the blade against her in case she did squirm. I didn't want to hurt her, but I didn't think she'd move. She had too much pride to give in so easy. 

The cold, defiant look was still in her eyes when she opened them. I used the tip of the knife to fold the left cup of the bra back, exposing her. She didn't look down. Her eyes remained on mine as her nipple hardened from the cool air. I ran the flat surface of the knife over it, the blade trailing behind. Then I leaned into her and kissed her neck, sucking hard as I raised my other hand and used my fingers to push aside the other cup. I massaged her breast, rolling her nipple gently between my thumb and finger. 

She took a staggered breath and I looked up to see her expression. Her jaw was set, her eyes cold as stone. But the hatred was flickering, like a candle that was about to go out. She struggled to hold onto it, forcing her desire aside. I kissed her hard and felt her give way. Her panting breaths came hard against my lips as I pulled away. She clenched her teeth and hissed quick breaths through them, still glaring at me, but she couldn't control her excitement anymore. Which was not to say she wasn't going to try... 

"You gonna be good?" I questioned, running the sharp edge of the knife over her chest. 

Her eyes narrowed. "Let go of that knife, Raph," she warned, "and I'll show you just how bad I am." 

"Promise?" I grinned. 

She growled at me, her eyes flashing. I pulled the weapon away from her body and tossed it behind me to the counter by the refridgerator. She attacked me immediately and I shoved her back against the counter. We wrestled for a moment until I managed to grab her wrists. I leaned down and bit the side of her neck. It wasn't hard enough to leave a mark, but I was sure it didn't tickle. She stopped fighting and I let go of her wrists, leaving my teeth against her skin to warn her. With both hands free now, I brought them to rest on her hips. 

She struggled and managed to push me back. I didn't really want to hurt her, so there wasn't a whole lot I could do. I let her take a step forward, then spun behind her. She was fast, and she tried to turn, to hit me. She only got halfway before I pinned her to the wall, giving up on the counter. It gave her too much room to maneuver. I grabbed her shoulder and spun her to face the wall, crushing her into it. She gasped as her naked breasts met the icy concrete. 

"Bastard..." she hissed, pressing back. 

I ignored her, knowing she couldn't really attack me as long as I didn't let her turn around. I brought my hands to her hips again and forced her jean cut-offs and her panties down at the same time. Once they got to her mid-thigh, they slid the rest of the way down to her ankles. I felt myself harden as she pressed back against me, growling threats in Japanese now. 

I left the torn shirt on her shoulders and backed away, letting her spin and strike at me. I blocked her fist and jumped back as she kicked, careful not to let her get too close to the knife, then lunged at her. She cried out in frustration as I pinned her against the counter again. "_Chikusho_!" 

"Shhh..." I warned, smiling at her. "You don't want an audience." 

"_Kutabare_!" 

I forced her legs apart and kissed her hard to quiet her. She struggled furiously, her chest heaving as I held her wrists and pressed the tip of my shaft to her hot entrance. When I looked up at her, I couldn't tell if she was about to cry or scream or laugh. Emotion was written all over her face, but it was far too confused for me to read any of it. The excitement spoke for itself. Between her legs, I could feel how wet she was. 

"Do you hate me?" I questioned, curious as to what her response would be. Would she give in? She was close to that point, I knew. And I didn't want that. I didn't want to break her. If she began to cry, I'd done it wrong. But I didn't think she would. She set her jaw and squeezed her eyes closed, heaving breaths though her clenched teeth. She didn't answer. 

I pressed inside of her and felt her muscles clench. "This is gonna hurt if you don't relax," I warned. 

She opened her eyes and glared at me. "Bring it on, you asshole." 

It only took a second. An unfamiliar voice. "Omigod!" 

Kat leaned back on the counter and kicked me back with both legs, her thin fingers jabbing at a pressure point in my shoulder. I flew backward, in a fair amount of pain, and my back slammed to the refridgerator. In a flash, she was on me. The intruder - it didn't sound like Amy and Salome would've probably screamed - gasped. By the time I fully realized what had happened, the tip of the blade was at the base of my throat, held as if she were ready to run me through. My breath caught as I stood up on my toes, my head tilted slightly back on instinct. 

"Jesus, Kat! What the hell's going on!" Another voice. This one belonging to Leo. 

I briefly considered the fact that at least he and Melanie, and probably Mike, too, were watching my girlfriend, naked from the waist down, threaten to kill me. This couldn't look good. But as I felt the blade bite against my skin, I realized she didn't seem to care in the least. She glared at me, angry fire dancing in her eyes, but said nothing. 

"Okay," I breathed faintly, still as a statue. I watched her expression. "You win." 

She held still for a moment, then eased up on the pressure. I lowered my head back down to normal and watched as she smiled wickedly, satisfied with herself. In one forceful, though not entirely unexpected movement, she pressed hard to me, her lips claiming mine in a hard, passionate kiss. I submitted, parting my lips and allowing her tongue to dart into my mouth, regardless of who was watching. 

As she pulled away, she turned to the doorway and I caught her arm a fraction of a second before she hurled the knife at the intruder who'd _granted _her the victory. Whether she was aiming to kill Melanie, or to maim, or just to frighten, I wasn't sure. I didn't want to take the chance. I grabbed both her wrists and slammed her against the wall. She stared at me, more surprised than anything, and I turned to yell over my shoulder. "Get out of here," I growled at them. 

Melanie didn't have to be told twice. But Leo did, as I'd expected. "Raphael, what's...?" 

"Get _out_!" I ordered. 

I waited for them to leave, and he did without any further conversation. I turned back to Kat. She was glaring at me again. "Drop the knife, baby," I pleaded, speaking gently to her rather than demanding. 

Her expression softened and she looked away. After a moment of stillness, I felt her loosen her grip. The blade clattered to the floor noisily and she raised her eyes to mine, a strange, almost pleading look in them. I released my hold on her and her hands dropped to her sides. Her eyes closed as I brought my lips to hers gently and slipped my arms around her, feeling along her naked skin. Her breasts pressed to my plastron as I pulled her close to me and felt the tension ease out of her body. 

I pulled away and her head bowed. Her eyes were closed. She held the distinct look of defeat. And I knew that's exactly what it was. Sure, she could take me on. But Mel was a different story. Mel attacked her emotions, which was something I wouldn't do. 

After a moment of silence, she looked up. Tears threatened to overflow from her eyes as our stares locked. "Take me to bed, Raph," she pleaded quietly. 

I nodded slightly, and said nothing. 

**LEONARDO:**

They went from the kitchen to the bedroom, and didn't say a word. "Those two are somethin' else," Mike chuckled as the door closed. 

I massaged my temples. "I just wish they wouldn't do it in the kitchen," I mumbled. 

"She could've really hurt him!" Mel cried. She was still shocked. I wasn't really surprised by what I'd seen. Worried, was more the word for it. Regardless of her reasons, Kat was getting more edgy and more violent. Something was very wrong, and it was strangely familiar. 

"She loves him too much to hurt him," Mike mumbled. 

"She's got some seriously fucked up ways of showing it!" 

I sighed. "Mel, just drop it," I warned. "What they do on their time..." 

"In the _kitchen_?" she cried. 

"... is their business," I continued, ignoring her. I'd learned a _long _time ago to stay out of my brother's sex life. "Just leave it alone." 

"That's going to haunt me for the rest of my life, you know that?" she snapped. 

"Yeah?" I challenged. "What do you want me to do about it? Tell them they can't have sex anymore? That's none of your business or mine." 

She glared at me. "Well, they could have a little decency and keep it in the bedroom." 

"You wanna tell that to Raph? Be my guest." 

Michaelangelo snickered. A door opened behind us and Amy stepped into the room. "Is everything alright?" she asked. "I heard yelling." 

"It's fine," I answered. I glanced at her and sighed. "You know where Don went?" 

"To get dinner," she informed. "He left... I dunno, about a half hour ago maybe?" 

I stood and sighed. "Okay. Thanks." 

She nodded. "No problem." 

I walked into my room and closed the door behind me, plunging my world into darkness. I didn't bother to light a candle as I walked to the center of the floor and sat down, my legs crossed. 

It was foolish to be burned twice by the same flame. I was sure I knew this feeling inside of me; I'd felt it somewhere before. I breathed deep, quieting my thoughts, and focused on the blackness. I waited silently to see what would come to mind first. Kat hated her. That much was obvious without a word having to be said. She was angry, tense, frustrated... why? 

_"We need to talk." _

"About what?" 

"It's about Sasha. There's something you need to know about her." 

Yes, of course I knew this. I knew exactly why it was so eerily familiar. It wasn't at all difficult to piece together where I had first met it. 

_"She needs to _fucking _get out of here, Leo. And if you don't kick her out than _I will_."_

Sasha. There was a wound I didn't want to rip into. Raph had known from the start that she was dangerous. The same way Kat seemed to know about Mel. I didn't want to think of what this girl, possibly involved with the foot clan, could be hiding. 

But at the same time, it was so different. We kept Sasha with us because of Amy. I knew it was dangerous, I just didn't know _how _dangerous. But right now, if Melanie was telling the truth, she was in very real danger, and not the kind she could control. In the event that she _was _telling the truth, I didn't want her blood on my hands. 

The knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. I opened my eyes and glanced up at the clock. It had been nearly a half hour. "Leo?" 

"Come on in." 

The door cracked open and Mike stepped inside. "What are you doin' sitting in the dark, Leo?" 

"There's a candle over there," I pointed. "Don't flip on the light, huh?" 

He nodded and lit the candle before he closed the door. Then he crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall. "Is something wrong?" he asked, sounding concerned. 

I sighed. "Has Kat... said anything to you about Mel?" 

He stared at me, confused. "Mel? No. Why?" 

I shook my head slightly. "It's just... the way she's acting. It's kinda making me nervous." 

"Well, she doesn't _like _her, if that's what you're asking," Mike grinned. 

I shot him a pathetic look and he shrugged. "I don't know what you want me to say, Leo," he mumbled. "You know as much as I do. If she worked for Shredder, I can _see _why Kat's flippin' out. Especially since it's pretty obvious that the two of them knew each other." 

I glanced away and let silence fill the room for a few seconds. "Will you do me a favor?" I finally asked. 

"What?" 

I looked up at him. "Will you talk to her?" He tensed noticeably. "She'll talk to you before she talks to me," I justified. 

"And she'll talk to Raph before she talks to _either _of us," he reminded me. "Maybe _he's _the one you need to ask." 

I shook my head and looked away again. "Raphael's not gonna tell me anything." 

"You ask him already?" 

"I don't need to. I know him. He won't lay it out on the line until something happens and he can't justify hiding it anymore." 

"You think he knows, then? What all is going on?" 

I nodded. "I think he's known for a while." 

"Well, if he doesn't think it's a big enough threat to tell us, maybe we've got nothing to worry about." 

I sighed. "He didn't tell us about Sasha, either, until it was too late." 

"Yeah, but that was personal." 

"This isn't?" 

Michaelangelo shook his head. "Not for him." I looked away and heard my brother sigh. "He's not gonna withhold anything that'll put us in danger, Leo." 

"He's not withholding," I mumbled. "He's telling us to get her out of here and he's being very adament about it, he's just not giving us a reason why. And in the mean time, Katarina is starting to worry me." 

"Why?" he asked. "Something happen?" 

I sighed and shook my head. "She's just... not herself." 

He nodded and for a long time, he was quiet. "Yeah," he finally agreed. "I think I know what you mean." 

**KATARINA:**

I concentrated on the sound of my labored breathing as I rested my head on his plastron. His fingers ran through my hair, occasionally brushing my bare shoulder. He didn't speak, but I knew he was awake, enjoying the feelings as his body eased down from the high. After a long silence, I rolled off of him. I turned onto my back and opened my eyes to stare at the ceiling. He let me go, his hand withdrawing. 

"I'm sorry I cut you." 

He was quiet for a moment. "Don't worry about it," he finally answered. "I'm okay." 

I closed my eyes and listened to the quiet pattern of our breathing for a moment. "It's just..." I sighed as I realized I didn't know how to finish that statement. "I don't know why I did that." 

His eyes didn't open. "Yes, you do." 

"It wasn't you I was mad at," I informed. 

"I know that. It was Mel. Do you know why?" 

Yes, in a way, I knew exactly why. She reminded me so much of that life, of who I used to be. But it was different now. _I _was different. Lying in a bed with my father's enemy... I knew I would never be Kiara again. And yet at the same time, I couldn't get away from it. I would always be my father's daughter; I couldn't change that. My actions in the kitchen had only reinforced that realization. 

The anger flared inside of me, though I wasn't entirely sure why. The thought of my father brought a wave of emotion with it that almost frightened me. It had been so long, and yet he could _still _make me feel these things. The anger, the frustration, the desire to be something other than who and what I was. I felt Raphael kiss my shoulder and pulled away away, turning my back on him. I didn't want to be comforted. I didn't want to carressed and touched and put up on a goddamn pedastal, somebody's property. It didn't matter if it was my father or my husband which, essentially, Raphael was. The inexplicable desire to be alone, strong, independent clouded my mind and for a moment, I forgot who and where I was. 

_"You are to treat her with the same respect that you would show me." His voice echoes off the high ceiling. "Disobedience will result in _severe _punishment." _

Respect. Right. I watch as he moves from one speech to the next, crowning another of his students with his acceptance. I'm his daughter, but I'm only that and no more. And I'll never gain the respect he has for his thousands of sons that stand around us. At a distance, Madonna shrinks into the shadows, out of his line of vision. Melanie smirks, taunting me. She knows as well as I do that I'm just another token belonging to my father. 

"Kat?" 

His fingers brushed my arm and I spun, pinning him to the bed by his wrists. "Don't touch me," I growled. 

He stared up at me in shocked confusion and I found the dividing line between what was real and what was only a memory. I loosened my grip and breathed deep, bowing my head. "I'm sorry," I whispered. 

"It's okay," he assured me. 

I felt something inside of me break and I squeezed my eyes closed. "No!" 

"What?" he asked. 

"This is... _wrong_!" I gasped. "I don't wanna feel this way!" 

His lips met mine and I opened to him. For a moment, I had felt better. Then it all came back to me. I couldn't get away from it. Tears welled up in my eyes and I let them come as he kissed me deeply. I was so confused. I didn't know who I was, and that scared me. I had been so convinced that Kiara was dead. But just seeing Melanie resurrected her inside of me. 

Raphael guided my head to his shoulder, and held me, massaging my shoulder. I let go of the emotion and sobbed quietly, spilling tears onto his warm skin. His arms circled me protectively and I pressed to him. He kissed my hair and I felt the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed deep. "It's okay, baby..." 

"Why do I feel like this?" I begged. 

"Shh..." 

I quieted, and cried silently until the tears were spent and reality began to come back into focus. "I'm scared, Raphael," I admitted, so quietly I could barely hear the words. "I... For the first time in... so long... so many years." I pulled away and looked down on him. His eyes opened and met mine. "And I mean, like, _really _scared. Not just... like you get when you're expecting a fight, or when you're in battle." He nodded slightly, letting me know he understood. "I don't think I've... _ever _felt this." 

He reached up and brushed my hair behind my ear. "I'm not surprised," he whispered. 

"Why am I afraid of her?" I begged, sure that somehow, he knew the answer to that. 

"She threatens you," he told me. 

I stared at him, dumbfounded. "Her goddamn threats never bothered me _before_!" 

He shook his head and ran his hand lightly up to my shoulder and back down my arm. "Not what I'm talkin' about, baby." 

"What then?" I questioned, confused. "I don't understand." I shook my head in disbelief. "I don't understand how she can... make me feel this way. Make me..." 

"Lose control?" he offered. 

The words hit me like a tornado and ripped through my emotions as I realized how true they were. "Yes," I choked as tears stung my eyes again. I was losing control, and that _terrified _me. My whole life, I had been in control of myself. I manipulated my surroundings and made them fit my world that I wanted to live in. Even circumstances that I couldn't change, I worked around them to get what I wanted. I'd always been in control. And now I was losing my grip. 

He sat up slightly, propping his head up on his arm, and eased me onto my back. "You feel threatened because she can make you feel things you don't want to feel," he offered. "You attacked me to prove to yourself, consciously or not, that you were still in control." 

I stared at him, surprised that he'd managed to psychoanalyze me so well. "If you knew that, why did you fight me?" I demanded. 

He smiled. "It wouldn't have satisfied you if I hadn't." 

"Are you saying you _planned _for me to win?" I challenged. 

He shook his head. "Not at all." 

"What are you saying, then?" 

His fingers ran over the side of my face, brushing my hair back. "You want me to put it on the line?" 

"Yeah," I answered truthfully. 

"I had two goals. To piss you off and get you in bed." 

"Why?" I questioned, confused by the oxymoron. 

"Because the only time you really get aggressive is when you're trying to get even with me." 

I considered his words and shook my head, still confused. "Why... does that matter?" 

His fingers ran over my neck, brushing gently. "Because that's the point when you can see just how much control over me you really have." 

I considered that for a moment, my mind playing back over the past hour. I suddenly realized how subdued Raphael had been when we'd made love. Never once did he step up to take charge. He let me drive the whole way. Normally, that probably would've bothered me. It certainly never would have satisfied me. But tonight, I hadn't even realized it until now. 

"You played me," I realized, amused by the idea. 

"No," he grinned. "_You _played _me_. You weren't supposed to win that wrestling match in the kitchen." 

I studied him curiously. "How do you know all this?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"About... how I feel?" 

He laughed quietly. "You've been telling me from the start that I'm a control freak. You played off that from the first time we talked. You don't think I know what it's like to _lose _control?" 

"So you knew... what I needed?" 

He traced my lips and smiled faintly. "Do you feel better?" 

I thought about that for a moment. Even knowing what he'd done, and knowing that it didn't really solve the real problem with Melanie, he was right. I did feel better. I felt more like myself. I nodded silently and he pulled me close, kissing my lips slowly and gently. I eased on top of him and moved down, resting my head on his plastron. I listened to him breathe and closed my eyes. It was only eight o'clock, and there was a mess in the kitchen, but I didn't care. I sighed deeply and fell asleep, his hands running gently up and down my back. 

**RAPHAEL:**

I opened my eyes and glanced briefly at the clock before closing them again. It was two in the morning, and I was alone. Where was Kat? I lay still for a few minutes, wondering if she would return. Finally, I heard the door open. I felt her approach and saw the light change through my eyelids, listening as she set a candle down on the bedside table. I heard the faint whisp of fabric against skin and her robe fell to the floor. She sighed as she slipped into bed next to me, but kept her distance, lying on her back with her hands folded over her stomach. I opened my eyes and studied her for a moment, then closed them again. "You okay, baby?" 

She jumped, startled, and her head snapped to the side, watching me. "I didn't know you were awake." 

I opened my eyes again and studied her shadowed expression. "Yeah, I got that." I moved closer to her, snaking my arm around her waist. I brushed my fingers lightly back and forth over her hip as I kissed her bare shoulder. "What's bothering you?" 

"Nothing," she lied. 

I kissed her again, and propped myself up slightly so that I could kiss a trail to her neck. I sucked gently and held her hip tight. She didn't move. "Come on," I urged. "You can tell me." 

She sighed deeply, her chest rising and falling beneath the blanket. "I just... I'm nervous for some reason. Just... it feels... like something's wrong." She turned and our eyes met. "I mean, more than the obvious. Like something's going to happen and I don't want to be caught off guard when it does." 

I studied her carefully. "Something, like, dangerous?" I asked, concerned. How much could she possibly know? 

She sighed, an irritated look on her face. "I don't know. And that's what worries me even more. But I think so." 

I brushed her hair back from her face. "Not here," I assured her, resolving to save this conversation until I had it figured out in my own mind. "Just relax." 

Her eyes slid closed. "Raph, you know as well as I do that we're not safe. Especially with Mel off god-knows-where. If she tells my father..." 

I kissed her gently and she quieted. "Sleep, Kat," I ordered quietly. 

"Something's wrong," she reminded me. 

"Let me worry about it." 

"But Raph..." 

I moved over her and slid my arms underneath her, one at the small of her back and the other beneath her neck. She was caught off guard because I did it kind of fast, and she didn't think to resist me. I kissed her, my thighs parting hers forcefully, and then remained still. The kiss closed and broke and I stared down at her. "You trust me?" I whispered, smiling. 

She eyed me suspiciously. I didn't blame her. She had no idea where I was going with this. "Yes..." she answered hesitantly. 

I kissed her neck gently and licked along her skin. "Then just relax," I instructed. I looked back up at her. "I'm not gonna let anything happen here, okay? Save your worrying for when I'm not around." 

She stared at me and didn't move. I kissed her cheek. "Now, are you gonna let it go or should I do you and _make _you relax?" 

A smile crept over her face and she sighed. "Okay, Raph." 

I climbed off of her and pulled her over me, resting her head on my shoulder. She nuzzled against me and I brushed my fingers back and forth over her skin. I felt the tension drain slowly from her body. "Kat?" I whispered after a moment of silence. 

"Mmm?" 

"I love you." 

"I know." 

**MICHAELANGELO:**

The long walk was supposed to ease this tension in my chest. But it didn't help. I returned to the lair with all the same mixed emotions I'd left with, closing the door behind me quietly. "Hey, Mike." 

I spun and my eyes darted to Katarina. She was sitting cross-legged on the couch, alone in the living room. She laughed quietly. "What'sa matter? You look like you just saw a ghost or something." 

I bowed slightly to her. "Hi, Kat." I glanced around. "Where is everyone?" 

She shrugged. "I think Leo and Amy took Salome for a walk, Raph's still in bed, even though it's almost noon. I don't know where Don is right now." She studied me for a moment, cocking her head slightly to the side. "Are you feeling okay, Mikey?" 

I nodded, looking away. She didn't buy it. I didn't really expect her to. "Are you sure? You seem... subdued. What's wrong?" 

I glanced around the empty room, then back at her. "You said Raph's home?" 

She nodded. "He's asleep." She studied me for a moment. "Do you need me to get him?" 

I considered that. I seriously considered it. I wasn't exactly sure why, but he was the one I wanted to talk to about this. That was strange, because he normally wouldn't be the one I turned to. And I certainly didn't _want _to tell him what was going on in my life. I didn't _want _to tell anyone. But I had to. And really, the person I needed to tallk to was right in front of me. I just couldn't bring myself to open my mouth. 

She sat up straighter. "Michaelangelo, what's wrong with you?" she demanded, her voice concerned. "You're worrying me." 

I closed my eyes and breathed in deep. "There's something I gotta tell you," I managed. 

"What?" 

I exhaled the breath, then looked up, my eyes meeting hers. "I slept with Mel last night." 


	17. Escaping Pain

**

CHAPTER SIXTEEN 

**

ESCAPING PAIN 

-8 YEARS 

You know how it works, people:   
http:// www. angelfire .com /ok5 /tmnt /beloved/ ch16 .html 

RAPHAEL: 

I felt a familiar presence enter the smoke-filled room and pulled away from the deep kiss I'd been engaged in. My eyes narrowed before I even looked toward the door. He didn't belong here. I turned in time to see him approach the bar, head down, and perch on the stool beside me, opposite of Alecia. Rebecca glanced over at him, but didn't seem too interested. Her attention quickly shifted back to me and she kissed along my neck, running her tongue over my skin. 

I watched him for a minute. He didn't speak, but I was sure he was fully aware that I was sitting beside him. He'd walked up to me, for cryin' out loud. Chris stepped up from behind the counter and glanced at him. "What'll it be?" 

He shook his head. "I dunno," he mumbled, barely audible. "Whatever's good." 

"Long Island Iced Tea," I answered for him. Chris turned to me and raised an eyebrow. "Put it on my tab." 

The bartender nodded. My credit was good here. I was better spoken of than most of the humans that came to this bar. Rebecca pulled away, as much as she could for being positioned on my lap, and cocked her head slightly, studying him. She couldn't see much. His head was turned away and he kept the hat low over his brow. In this quiet little bar, I knew everyone and they all knew me. I didn't bother to hide anymore. But I understood what he was doing. 

Becca watched him for a second, then turned her attention back to my neck. She wasn't watching when he turned and made brief eye contact with me. "Thanks," he whispered. 

I picked up my drink and slammed it down my throat. "No problem. Just don't get too plastered. That's some strong shit and you don't wanna have to explain it to Leo." 

He looked away again, and didn't move as Chris set the glass down in front of him. "Thanks." 

Chris went back to whatever conversation he'd been having with Alecia. Rebecca pulled away again and studied the figure beside me for a moment longer. Finally, her eyes turned to me. "So who's your friend?" 

He tensed. I made note of it. If he didn't want to be known, that was his prerogative. I met Becca's eyes and smirked at her, sliding a hand up her thigh to her skirt. "Why do you wanna know?" 

She grinned back at me and shrugged. "Dunno. I was just kinda thinkin' because I'd be up for a threesome tonight." 

"Four," Alecia corrected. I glanced at her and she winked at me. "If you're up to it." 

I smiled back at her. "Bring it on." 

Rebecca arched her back and looked at Lece upside down. "You already _got _four?" 

Alecia licked her lips. "Three plus one. If Raph's friend is good to go." 

I shook my head. "Leave him out of it." 

Mike's eyes remained down. He'd barely touched the drink. I looked to him again. He wasn't a big drinker, if at all. But you could hardly taste the alcohol in those teas. And they would get him smashed good and fast, since that was obviously what he wanted in coming here. I couldn't imagine he'd done it for any other reason. The warning about Leo was just an obligatory statement. He should at least be warned. 

"He's gone, isn't he?" I questioned. 

Becca sat up again and looked at me. "Who's gone?" 

I watched Mike as he nodded. "He's _been _gone, Raph," he whispered. 

Facts confirmed, I pushed the idea aside. That was enough talk about it. I didn't want him to get emotional on me, 'cause I wasn't gonna be here long. I slid off the bar stool and took Rebecca's hand so she didn't fall. I wasn't sure how much she'd had to drink. But she gained her balance fairly easily and tapped Alecia's shoulder. "Ready to go?" 

"Where are you going?" Mike asked quietly. 

I glanced at him. If he'd come here to get drunk, I sure as hell wasn't gonna stop him. But I knew he wasn't ready to see my life in all its faded glory. "Hotel party," I answered plainly. 

"You can come if you want," Rebecca offered. I cringed inwardly at the offer. _He's not ready for that..._

"You don't have to," I quickly added. 

Rebecca laughed and pressed to my side. "Whatsa matter, Raph? Performance anxiety?" 

I glared briefly at her. "Hardly." 

Alecia snickered as she approached my brother. "Come on..." She rubbed hard against his leg, her fingers parting the trenchcoat and running up the inside of his thigh. "It'll be fun." 

"No," I shot at her. She turned to glance at me and I gave her a warning look. "If he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to. No pressure." 

_It's his life, Raph... If he _does _want to, that's his prerogative, too..._

Alecia nodded slightly and obediently backed off. I slipped my arm around her waist and pulled her to my other side, kissing at her neck. She moaned slightly and her fingers found the slit in my coat, feeling along my skin up toward my plastron. 

"Can I pressure _you_?" she breathed. 

"You're doing it, wrong," Rebecca grinned. Her fingers slipped inside of my jacket and felt along my side. She reached a sensitive spot and I jerked involuntarily, pulling away from them both. She laughed. "_That's _where you put the pressure." 

Alecia smiled, then turned to Mike again. "So you got an answer? Yes, no, maybe? Better make up your mind." 

I stepped forward again, keeping a close eye on Rebecca's hands, and put my arm around Alecia's waist. I leaned into her. "Forget it," I whispered into her ear. "Let's just go." 

Mike took a long drink of the alcohol, then spun the stool around to face us. "Yeah, sure." 

I pulled away from Alecia and stared at him in a mix of shock and horror. _He's not ready for that... _

It's not your call. 

He's gonna get hurt. 

And that's his choice. 

He's my brother. 

He's his own master. 

I can't let him... 

You can't stop him. 

Rebecca clapped her hands together. "Oh _fun_! _Two _turtles to play with tonight!" 

Mike smiled, but it was forced. There was a glazed look in his eyes that worried me. The girls couldn't see it, but I sure as hell could. "You already got a room?" Alecia asked. 

Becca nodded and turned to me. "Days Inn, 610. Fifteen minutes?" 

I nodded to her and she and Alecia hurried out the door. I turned to Mike again and he looked away. "Mikey?" 

"Mmm?" 

He studied the floor with a blank stare. "You're not drunk, are you?" He'd only had half of one drink, but I wasn't sure how well he could hold it. 

"No." 

"Not lightheaded or anything?" 

He sighed and looked to me. "You bought the drink, remember? Why do you care if I _am _drunk?" 

I studied him carefully. He didn't _look _drunk, except for the glazed eyes. Mikey was an uninhibited drunk, and his decision to go with us would make more sense if he was a little buzzed... "I just don't want you doing anything you're gonna regret," I offered, not sure how he was going to take that. 

He glanced up at me. "Like what?" 

I laughed slightly. "Uh, Mike... we ain't exactly talkin' about the kinda party where you watch movies and eat popcorn, 'kay?" 

His eyes narrowed slightly and he glared at me. "You _really _think I'm _that _naive, Raphael?" he shot at me, his voice cold. "I know what kind of life you live." 

I nodded slowly. "And... are you _sure _that's the kind of life you want?" 

He slid off the stool and shoved me. I took a slight step back, more surprised by the blow than threatened by it. "I don't need you to protect me, alright?" he snapped. "I can think for _myself_, thank you. I'm twenty-two fuckin' years old." 

I felt my eyes widen. Mike didn't cuss much. Hearing him only further reinforced in me the realization that he didn't really want to do this. He was just looking for a way to get away from the pain of Splinter's... No, I didn't want to think about that yet. He was looking for a way out of the pain he felt. And it was going to hurt him later. In a major way. 

_There's nothing you can do about that. _

I can't just let him do this. 

You can't stop him. And you have no right to try. 

He doesn't know what he's getting himself into. I can see it. 

He needs to live and learn for himself. _You can't protect him forever._

"Fine." 

I didn't speak again. I pushed the emotions aside, forcing the arguing thoughts into silence, and left the bar. I was well aware of his presence right behind me. 

**

AN: Okay, so if you're reading this version rather than following the link to my website, I'm gonna assume that you don't wanna read this nice little foursome with Raph, Mike, and these two girls. But I'll warn you, it's very important to the plot. Read, or don't, but be aware that you may become lost along the way.

**

RAPHAEL: 

I knew something was wrong when I felt every muscle in Rebecca's body tense all at once. She jerked away from where she'd been kissing and thrashed underneath me, trying to get away. Her mouth opened and she screamed. I was off of her in a half second. It took about another half second for me to see what had happened. "Mike!" 

Alecia was struggling with him. He was holding Rebecca. Jesus Christ, what was he _doing_! I lunged at him, throwing Alecia aside, and slammed him back against the headboard. To my surprise, he hit back. I lost my balance, and he forced me to the floor, landing on top of me. For a moment, I was too shocked to move, much less to fight back. His hands closed around my neck, his eyes blazing with fire. 

I felt anger spark inside of me. Who the hell did he think he _was_? I held off on taking a breath and put all the force I could manage into a solid blow that hit the side of his face. He rolled to the side and I sat up instantly. I wasn't fast enough. He had my weapons. My eyes widened. _Act now, ask questions later..._

I rolled out of the way of his clumsy attack. He was on his knees on the floor, and that didn't provide a whole hell of a lot of room to maneuver. I reached out and grabbed his belt, but didn't have a chance to pull his weapons. I used the belt itself to block his downward strike. He was holding the _sais _like daggers. All else aside, he knew better than that. It was as if everything about him were suddenly null and void. Who he was, what he knew. Even the training that had been instilled in him since the time he could walk didn't phase him. Something was _very _wrong with him. 

I managed to throw him off of me and grasped the handle of one of his weapons. I pulled it free and sprang to my knees. I had no time to get to my feet and it wouldn't do my much good anyways since he wasn't getting up. I spun the _nunchaku _beside me and then struck forward, hitting the back of his hand as I forced him to release the _sai_. He cried out in pain. The weapon fell. The other one followed. I grabbed them both, throwing one and the _nunchaku _behind me, and forced him onto his back, the tip of the remaining weapon at his thoat. He breathed hard, his chest heaving beneath me, his eyes narrowed into slits. Tears were streaming down his face, draining from his glassy eyes. 

"What. The _fuck_! Is your problem?" I growled at him. 

He stared at me, breathing heavily. I didn't move. I didn't trust him as far as I could throw him at this point. Until I got some kind of explanation, he wasn't getting out from behind this weapon. He began to shake. His breathing staggered and his eyes closed. His head lulled to one side and I knew he was out. What the _hell_? Confused, I reached down and placed my fingers on the side of his neck. His pulse was racing _dangerously _fast. He was still shaking. I felt fear flood through me. 

"My god..." 

**DONATELLO:**

"Donny!" 

The voice was frantic. And it belonged to Raphael. I opened my eyes and looked toward my bedroom door. No sooner had I glanced up than it flew open. He hadn't even turned the knob. He'd kicked the damn thing in. But it didn't take me long to see why. "What...?" I asked as I saw Michaelangelo, draped in his arms. 

"He took something," Raph growled, placing him on my bed. "I don't know what the fuck it was but his pulse is way high and he's gonna have a fucking heart attack." 

I stared, dumbfounded. "What do you mean, he took something?" 

"I _said _I don't fucking _know_, okay!" he yelled back at me. "Just... _do _something!" 

"I can't _do _anything if I don't know what he _took_!" I answered, slightly annoyed. 

"Drugs, okay? That's all I fucking know! And I didn't see him take it but I know he was drinking afterwards and whatever the _fuck _he took didn't like that, okay?" 

I checked Mike's pulse. "Jesus..." I mumbled as I felt it hammer against my fingers. 

"_Do _something," Raphael hissed at me. 

"I..." I stammered, staring down at Michaelangelo. I shook my head slightly. "Raph, there's nothing I _can _do. I don't even have the equipment to..." 

My voice trailed off. This could not be happening. Not Mike. But it _was _happening. And once again, I was completely powerless. 


	18. Unanswered Questions

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN   
UNANSWERED QUESTIONS   
-8 YEARS **

I am SO sorry for the delay. My computer died a painful death, but IT WAS RESURRECTED!!! Updates for the rest of the book will be regular again. Thanks for all the support in this time of HELL for me and my writing. 

LEONARDO: 

The first thing I knew was that I was not alone. The second thing I knew was that I was in the presence of someone I could most definately trust. I smiled faintly, still half asleep, as I felt warm, moist kisses along my neck. She moved down over my shoulder and back up at a slow, steady pace. I laughed quietly as she closed her lips around my adams apple and sucked gently, running her tongue over my skin in a small circle. 

I reached for her and pulled her close to me, rubbing gently at the small of her back. Her kisses continued until finally she nuzzled her face beneath my chin and sighed, her breath warming my skin. "Good morning," she whispered. 

I smiled, my eyes having not yet opened to the new day yet. "Mmm... Good morning." 

She nudged me gently and pulled in closer. "Sleep well?" 

"Mmm hmm." 

"You slept late." 

My eyes opened and I glanced down at her. "Really? What time is it?" 

"Almost ten." 

I was awake in an instant. "You're kidding!" I _never _slept this late. 

She laughed quietly. "You have to go, I assume?" she whispered. "I thought about waking you up earlier so I could spend some time with you." She kissed my neck again and snuggled closer to me. "But I figured I'd let you sleep." 

I turned and kissed her forehead, then reluctantly pulled away from her warm body. "Yeah, I gotta get home." 

Her fingers trailed down my arm as I pulled away. "You'll be back tonight?" 

"Yeah, I'll try," I answered, slipping my pads on. I knew I should not be out this late. I should have been home hours ago. 

I kissed her, ran my hand down her warm, naked body one last time, then pulled myself away, out into the rainy morning. I headed down and into the sewers at a slow jog. I _never _slept that late. I was still considering that as I climbed down the ladder into the lair and immediately saw Raphael. 

I glared at him. "So did you finally decide to come home?" I shot at him. 

He stared at me for a moment, as if I had just grown a second head, then shook his head slightly, half-laughing in what looked and sounded like disbelief. He didn't speak as he pushed past me and walked up the stairs to the exit. I watched him go, anger burning inside of me, and then turned to the living room. The door to Donny's room was open and I saw him inside. 

"Hey, Don." 

He glanced over his shoulder at me, then went rigid and turned. Beyond him, I saw Michaelangelo lying on his bed. I blinked a few times at the scene. "Is something wrong?" 

Don's head dropped. "Leo..." he started hesitantly. 

I felt every muscle in my body tense. I stepped forward, into his room. "What?" I asked, dread creeping over me. "What happened?" 

He looked up slowly. "Mikey tried to kill himself last night." 

I felt my eyes widen to the size of saucers. "He did _what_?" 

"He's gonna be okay," he whispered. "But... there was a while there where we weren't sure." 

I leaned back against the wall for support, a million thoughts hitting me all at once. Was I really hearing this? I ran back over my last conversation with my brother. 

_"How are you doing?" _

"M'okay." 

"You sure?" 

"No. But I'll lie if you really want me to." 

He'd been so quiet, so withdrawn. So alone. I knew something was wrong then. _"I'm so sorry, Mikey... I should've been here last night." _I didn't do anything about it. 

_"Is there anything I can do?" _

"No." 

"If you need anything..." 

"Don't worry about me." 

"Oh my god," I whispered, my voice catching. 

"He's alright," Donatello assured me again. "But I still don't know what he took. Raph and I have... been up with him all night." 

Guilt swept over me. I hid my face in my hands. "He..." I stammered. "Oh, god." 

**MICHAELANGELO:**

_"Do you want to die?" The voice is so familiar, and yet I can't place it. "Do you believe in God?" _

"I don't know what I believe right now." 

"Do you believe you are alive?" 

I shake my head. "No." 

"You have left them." 

"I know." 

"They'll fall. Without you. This does not phase you?" 

I open my eyes. I see nothing. I consider the words. I realize that it doesn't hurt here. I don't want to leave. I know I can't stay. I think of heaven. I think of hell. I think of the man on the street, the price of death. Money could buy anything these days. I think of love. I think of pain. I think of life. I think of my brothers. I can see them. Standing around my grave. Raphael at a distance. No tears, only pain. Torn apart. Totally destroyed. Our family. Gone. 

"I... don't know anymore." 

"You have a responsibility. All of you. To help each other." 

"I can't." 

"You must." 

"It's over." 

"Life is not finished until you allow _it to be finished." _

"I can't go back." 

"You must." 

"I can't." 

"Michaelangelo..." 

"Please." 

A new scene. Raphael. He's at a distance. Leo and Don are on their knees on the grass beside a freshly dug grave. He's watching. He's crying. Silent tears. Regret. Guilt. Pain. Could I do that to him? Could I force that on him? I have no right to break him that way... 

"Please..." 

***

I opened my eyes. I knew exactly where I was. I knew exactly what had happened. I didn't have to ask. I didn't have to look around. I knew. 

Tears burned. My insides hurt. My heart ached. My eyes came to rest on Raphael. He wasn't asleep, but he was pretending. It was quiet. It was dark. A candle burned. I could feel tubes in my body. "You're alive." 

The voice was cold, heartless. I felt nothing. "No," I protested, even though I knew he was right. 

"You ever try anything like that again, Mikey, and you won't be," he swore. "If the drugs don't kill you, I will." 

"I wasn't trying to die," I whispered. "That just happened." 

"Well, what the hell were you tryin' to do?" No emotion. His voice matched mine. "Make it go away." I felt pain. 

"It ain't gonna go away, Mike." Heartless. "Learn to live with it." 

"Like you?" I breathed. 

"Like all of us." 

Silence. 

"You don't," I finally managed. 

"Don't what?" 

"Live with the pain." 

"I don't take drugs to try and drown it out, either," he snapped. "I don't try to kill myself." 

"I shouldn't have been there." 

He paused. "Where?" 

"With you. Tonight." 

"That was almost a _week _ago, Michaelangelo." 

The words made no sense. I chose to ignore them. "I could've hurt her." 

"You _did _hurt her, remember?" 

No. I didn't. My eyes closed again. Regret. Shame. "I should've died." 

He sighed. "Shut up, Mike." 

I shut my mouth. I felt pain. I wished for something more than this. 

**LEONARDO:**

Michaelangelo's eyes opened and he moaned slightly as he looked around. I watched him for a moment, then moved toward the bed. His eyes darted to me, but he didn't speak as I sat down at his feet. He looked away again, and closed his eyes but I knew he was awake. "You're alive," I observed. 

"Mmm," he agreed, not opening his eyes. 

"Why would you do that?" I asked, curling my legs underneath me. That question had been haunting me from the moment I'd seen him, and I studied him carefully as he thought of an answer. 

"I wasn't trying to, Leo." 

"You could've said something," I managed, my voice catching. "Mike, I didn't know you were..." I ran out of words and looked away. Tears stung my eyes as I realized what had really happened here. It hadn't even been a week. My brother had attempted _suicide _and I wasn't even there for him. 

"Don't you _ever _do that again, Michaelangelo," I growled at him, forcing all of the authority I could find in myself into those words. "Do you hear me?" 

"I hear you," he whispered. 

I hid my face in my hands as I felt tears sting my eyes. "How long have I been out?" he finally asked. 

"Three days," I managed, through my hands. 

He paused for a moment. "Raph said a week." 

I looked up at him, brushing the tears away first. They hadn't had a chance to fall yet. "Raph's been gone ever since he brought you back." 

He shook his head. "I talked to him. When I first woke up." 

I sighed. "You dreamed it, Mikey. I've been here the whole time. He wasn't." 

He blinked a few times. "But it was real." 

"A lot of things are real when you're in a _coma_." 

There was a long silence. I stared down at the floor, jaw clenched. I should've been here. I should've known something was wrong. It was my responsibility. 

"It's not your fault, Leo." 

I looked up. "What?" 

He sighed deeply. "I said it's not your fault. There was nothing you could've done." 

He was reading my mind. I wondered if he realized it. "I should've been here," I whispered. 

"No," he mumbled. "It wouldn't have done any good." He pushed himself up into a sitting position and stared down at the blanket. "I wasn't looking for someone to talk to. I was looking for someone to make the pain stop. And you can't do that, Leo; you're not God." 

My eyes dropped again. "I still should've been here." 

There was a long silence. I heard him sigh. "Leo?" I looked up and met his stare, but didn't answer. "I'll make you a deal." 

"What?" I asked quietly. 

"I'll forget I ever did anything so stupid. I'll never even think of doing anything like it again. _Any _of it, even the stuff you don't know about. I'll promise never to do it again if you promise me you won't blame yourself for this." 

I sighed. "I promise." 

"Give me your word." 

I stopped. I knew I would tell him just about anything at that point, but to flat out lie to him was not within my power to do. Not even if I _wanted _to. I looked up and our eyes locked. "Mike..." 

"Please," he interrupted. "I need you to do this for me. I don't want to be haunted by all the ways that my decisions have hurt you. _Please _just promise me this. Lie to me, I don't care. But I want to hear you say it. Swear it." 

I climbed off the bed and sat down on the edge of it, closer to him. I watched the tears trickle from his eyes as I placed my hand over his. I would have given him my right arm if it could have stopped his pain. "I swear," I whispered. 

His eyes closed slowly. He sobbed quietly, his shoulders shaking. "I'm so sorry, Leo." 

I leaned in and hugged him. He clung to me like I was his life support, his body shaking as he cried. "Tell her I'm sorry, Leo," he pleaded. 

"Tell who?" I asked, trying to pull away. He wouldn't let me, and I didn't fight him. 

"Just tell Raph," he sobbed. "He'll know. Please. I'm so sorry." 

I held him, not knowing or really even caring what he meant at this point. "Okay," I promised. "It's okay." 

**RAPHAEL:**

I heard a faint whisper behind me and knew that I wasn't alone. Anyone else probably would not have even acknowledged it. But I'd been trained to notice _everything_. And I could feel each one of his steps as he approached me. He was slow, hesitant, like he wasn't sure if he was welcome or if I was going to turn around and kill him where he stood. I let him come, keeping my back turned to him. 

He leaned forward on the ledge beside me and for a moment, it was silent. "I'm sorry," he finally whispered. 

I didn't answer. Part of me wanted to snap at him, to threaten him that if he ever did it again, I wouldn't help him. For all that I actually _did_, anyways. He'd pulled _himself _through. I just got him home. 

"I guess I just... don't know enough to live your kind of life." 

I closed my eyes, sighing deeply. "I don't do drugs, Mikey." 

"I know that," he whispered, resignedly. 

"What you did was fucking stupid." 

"The whole thing was stupid, not just the drugs," he mumbled. "And maybe that's why I took the damn things in the first place, to make everything else that I was doing not seem so bad." 

I considered that for a moment. "If you didn't want to do it, why did you?" I demanded, not looking at him. "I gave you _plenty _of opportunities to walk away." 

"I didn't want to walk away, Raphael," he sighed. "I wanted to do something to make the pain go away." 

"So _all _this is about him?" I challenged. "Because he died, you're gonna go fuck up your life?" 

I shook my head slightly, disbelieving. God, he was dramatic. So fucking immature. And I hated myself, because I'd known that. I'd known from the moment he showed up in that bar that he wasn't supposed to be there. In battle, we'd always been taught to fight side by side. Not to take on too much, to rely on each other for help and watch each other's back, but stay out of each other's way. But in life, it was different. In life, as hard as it was for me to understand, he couldn't stand on his own. And I'd let him down. _Goddamn it, Mike, you're twenty-two fucking years old. Why can't you stand on your own two feet?_

"It's not about him," he choked. "We were falling apart before he left us." 

"Look, just stop it, okay?" I shot at him. "Just knock it off with the melodramatics. You got your point across already, alright?" 

I felt him tense up. He pushed away from the wall, angry, and spun to leave. I let him go. At this point, I didn't really care where he went. But he stopped a few steps away and turned back to me. "Honestly, Raph," he shot at me through clenched teeth. "Do you even care that he's gone?" 

I glared down at the street below me. "Mikey, he's _dead_, okay? No amount of regret is gonna bring him back. He wanted to die and you had to let him go." 

"That's not what I asked." 

His voice staggered, and I knew he was crying. Somehow, I didn't really care. "Honestly?" I growled. "He was dead to me a long time ago. I didn't even know him anymore. Maybe you did and I'm real sorry for your loss. But that's no reason to throw your fucking life away." 

"Fine," he choked. "But if I had died, would you have cared about me?" 

His words hit hard. For a moment, I was caught off guard, and I didn't open my mouth. I felt him leave before I had a chance to think of an answer for him. And I was alone again. 

**MADONNA:**

The window opened, and I turned, sitting straight up in the bed. The figure who entered was familiar. I felt relief, annoyance, and anger all at once. "Where on Earth have you been?" I asked, swinging my legs to the floor. 

He stopped just inside the room, and didn't move. I clutched the blanket around me as I studied him. I was clothed, but the breeze from the window was cool. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I... had some things happen." 

The tired, sad tone of his voice warned me not to attack him. I put my own emotions in check and watched him for a moment. "I was worried about you," I informed quietly. "You could've called me." 

His head bowed. "I'm sorry. There was a lot going on. I didn't think about that." 

"For a week?" I questioned. "Leo, that's _forever_. I thought something had happened to you." 

He looked up slowly. "My brother tried to commit suicide." 

I was taken slightly aback. For a moment, I couldn't speak. "Oh my god, is he okay?" 

Leo nodded and walked to the bed, sitting down beside me. He'd left the window open, but at the moment, I didn't care. "He's..." he started. "He's alright. I just... I should've been there." 

I studied him for a moment. "You don't have to stay, Leo," I whispered sincerely. "If you need to go, I understand. I'm just glad you're okay." 

He shook his head. "No, he went out. He's not even home." 

"Where did he go?" 

He sighed. "I don't know. I can't follow him everywhere." He looked away. "Hell, if he really wants to do it, we got a whole goddamn room full of weapons in our own home." 

"How did he...?" I began. The words were lost as I tried to think of how to finish the sentence. 

"He took something. Drugs. He doesn't know what it was and Donny can't even guess. I guess he got real violent before he passed out and none of us can even think what might have caused that." 

"It may have been a known drug that just reacted differently because he's not human," I offered. 

He nodded. "That's what Don said." 

I rested a hand on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Leo." 

He sighed deeply. "He's okay. I just..." He looked up and met my stare. "I need to spend some time with him. So if I'm not around much in the next few weeks..." 

I shook my head. "Don't even _think _of worrying about it," I assured him. 

He looked away. I watched him closely, my heart filling with a sense of love. He was so dedicated. I remembered how little I had seen him before his _sensei _had died. It was only after he was gone, when there was nothing else that could be done, that he allowed himself to be comforted. I thought of how wounded he must be right now, but knew better than to try and console him. His own pain, in his mind, would have to wait. His brother needed him. I was not about to get in the way of that. 

I released the blanket and put my arms around his neck, hugging him close for a moment. He sighed, and his arms slipped around my waist. There was very little, if any emotion, but I was fine with that. I knew why. I didn't try and fight him. I kissed his cheek and pulled away, placing my hands on the sides of his face. 

"You take as long as he needs, Leo," I whispered. "Just come back to me when it's over." 

He stared at me for a moment and a faint, tired smile crossed his face. He reached up between us and cupped my chin, then pulled my lips to his. He kissed me, slow and gentle, then pulled away slowly. "I promise," he breathed. 

I nuzzled the side of his face, then moved back, away from him. He ran his hand over my hair, then down my arm, and stood up. I watched as he walked back to the window and slipped outside silently. And I wondered when I'd see him again. 


	19. Consequences

**

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN 

**

CONSEQUENCES 

PRESENT 

RAPHAEL: 

She was leaning against the ledge, staring down at the city streets, her hair whipping around her as the wind swept past. I approached her cautiously. "Katarina?" 

She didn't answer, but I knew she'd heard me. Sure now that I wouldn't startle her, I stepped forward and rested my hands on her shoulders, pressing against her back. I nuzzled against her cheek and kissed her earlobe. "Kat, what's the matter, baby? Are you okay?" 

She looked up slowly and I took a step back as our eyes met. "Your brother slept with Melanie," she informed quietly. 

I don't know why that didn't surprise me more. Instead, a wave of sadness washed over me. I looked down and my eyes slid closed. "He told you that?" I whispered. 

"Yes." 

I sighed deeply and shook my head slightly. "He told me he wasn't interested in her." 

She turned and sat down on the ledge, crossing her legs. "Leo said that?" she guessed. 

I nodded. "Yeah." 

"Well, he wasn't lying." I looked up, confused. Kat sighed deeply, the worried expression never once leaving her face. "It wasn't Leo," she clarified. 

My eyes widened slightly and I felt dread creep into the pit of my stomach. "Mikey?" I finally managed. 

She nodded slightly and I swallowed hard, my head bowing again. "God, no..." 

"He didn't say, but... I think it might have been his first," she continued quietly. 

I buried my face in my hands. It wasn't his first, but that didn't make it hurt any less. "Oh god..." 

She sighed. "I guess this kinda does away with any ideas I had of killing her. 'Cause he doesn't realize..." 

I looked up and saw tears in the corners of her eyes. She shook her head slightly. "She doesn't love him, Raph," she whispered. "She's just using him to get at me, and I know it. She tried going after Leo and he refused her, so she went after Mike." She turned back to the city, hugging herself tightly. "All she had to do was tell him she loved him and he'd give her the world. He's so lonely, and I didn't see it. He's the perfect target, the perfect way to hurt me and get even with me for all the shit Mel and I went through in the foot clan." She looked down as the tears overflowed, and closed her eyes. "And it's my fault." 

I felt grief overwhelm me as memories of a time when I'd said the same thing hit my emotions. I forced those feelings aside and reached toward her, cupping her cheek in my hand. I raised her face again until I was able to stare into her eyes. "Kat, Mikey is a big boy, okay?" I reminded her, and myself. "He's an adult. He made a decision, and it had nothing to do with you. You can't protect him any more than I can." 

"But Raph..." 

"He's _not _fifteen anymore," I whispered, cutting her off. 

She stared at me for a moment, then nodded slightly. "I know." 

I cringed at the thought of Melanie and Mike together, then pushed the idea out of my mind, pulling Kat close to me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and held me tightly. I breathed slow as I rubbed my cheek against hers, burying my face in her hair. This couldn't be happening. Not now... 

**DONATELLO:**

"Mikey?" He started, nearly dropping the glass in his hands. "Are you okay?" 

He nodded, looking away quickly. "M'fine." 

"No you're not," I corrected. "You've been standing there for the past ten minutes." 

He sighed deeply. "I'm just... thinking." 

I leaned against the doorframe. "About what?" 

He shook his head and didn't answer. "Just... a lot of things." 

"You've been kinda quiet," I reminded him. "You sure nothing's wrong?" 

He glanced up at me and glared briefly. "You're one to talk, Donny." 

I opened my mouth to answer, but no sound came out. My jaw clamped shut again. "Least I'm not screwin' someone else over in the process," he continued, looking away. 

I sighed deeply. "Mike... what happened between me and Amy is not..." 

"Just stop," he shot, holding up a hand to silence me. "Stop. I really don't care." 

I stared at him for a moment, saying nothing. I wasn't exactly sure how to take that. He set the glass down on the counter and stared at it for a long time. Finally, I crossed my arms over my chest. "I'm..." he started. "Involved in a relationship with Melanie." 

I was surprised by his words, but I managed to hide it and only nod. "How involved?" I asked. 

He swallowed hard. "Very." 

"Sexually?" 

He lowered his head. "Yes." 

"For how long?" 

"Last night." 

I nodded, unable to speak for a moment. I was totally caught off guard by his words. He stared down at the counter, silent. "So what's the problem?" I finally managed. 

He glanced up. "The problem?" he half-laughed. "Kat hates her. Raph hates her. They..." 

"Do you love her?" I interrupted. 

He opened his mouth to answer, but stopped. For a moment, he was quiet. Then he looked away again. "I don't know." 

I considered that for a minute, not entirely sure how to take it. "You really think you would've slept with her if you didn't?" I tried. 

His eyes closed. "I didn't do it for love," he whispered. 

What the hell was that supposed to mean? Was he trying to take after Raph or something? I'd never known Mike to be like that. "Well, why did you do it then?" 

He shook his head. "I don't know." 

I sighed deeply and looked away. There was a moment of silence and he lifted the glass to his lips. He downed the water in one gulp and placed it in the sink, then walked past me, resting a hand on my shoulder as he went. "Don't worry about me, Donny," he mumbled. "I'm okay. Really." 

I didn't question him as he walked to his room and closed the door. He _wasn't _okay, and I knew it. 

**KATARINA:**

I awoke slowly and nuzzled against Raphael, pressing against his warm body. He was on his back, and didn't move as I buried my face in his shoulder, kissing his skin as my mind slowly returned to a conscious state. I slipped an arm across his stomach and fingered the sensitive skin on his side for a moment, breathing deep. He still smelled like that cologne I liked from late last night when he'd finally returned home. I hadn't seen Mike at all since yesterday morning, but that was a headache I wasn't ready to face yet. 

I yawned as my eyes opened for the first time on the new day. I pulled away slightly and kissed along his skin, across the top of his plastron to wake him. A gentle knock on the door stopped me, and I looked up. "Who is it?" I called quietly. 

"Mike," the muffled voice came back. 

I pulled the blanket up from around my waist and held it over my naked chest. "Come on in." 

The door opened, and Mike blinked a few times as he saw me, my arms above the blankets and my shoulders bare. "Sorry. I didn't mean to..." 

"No, it's okay," I interruped quietly. "He's not even awake yet." 

Mike's eyes flickered to his brother and then back to me. "I... can come back." 

I shook my head. "You don't need to. Unless he was the one you wanted to talk to." 

He looked away. "No, not really." 

I sat up, backing away from Raph so I could sit up. I held the blanket up, my bare back facing away from Mike. "Are you alright?" 

"I... needed to ask you..." He sighed as he looked away, obviously not wanting to continue. 

"Is it about Mel?" I asked. 

He nodded, still staring at the floor, and leaned against the dresser. "She..." He drew his eyes back up to mine and stared steadily at me. "She... came in my bed last night while I was asleep. I haven't talked to her but I don't think she meant it to me a one night thing like I first thought it might and I wanted to know how you felt about that." 

I stared at him for a moment. His words had come out all in a rush and it took me a minute to catch up. "How I feel about what?" I finally managed. "You having a relationship with her?" 

He sighed and looked away. "I know it's stupid but..." He glanced back up at me. "I want it to work and..." 

I sighed deeply. "Mike, I've got no business telling you how to live your life. You know how I feel, but I can't tell you what to do." 

"Don't do it." 

I glanced down at Raph, somehow not surprised that he was awake. His eyes opened and he glanced up at his brother. "Don't dig the hole any deeper for yourself. You made a mistake, now get on with it." 

I cringed at Raphael's non-chalant tone. He had no idea what he was dealing with. A hurt, angry look crossed Mike's face. "That might be easy for you, but I've had a little less experience with getting over shit, okay?" 

I blinked at Michaelangelo's tone. His voice was staggered, like he was on the brink of tears. Raphael tensed slightly. "I'm not saying it'll be easy, Mike," he continued, his voice a little softer. "Some things in life _aren't _easy." 

I rested a hand on Raph's shoulder. "Please," I whispered. 

Mike glared at him for a moment, then turned away. "Forget it," he mumbled as he opened the door again. "Just forget it." 

"Mike, wait..." I called after him. But he didn't wait. He left, and pulled the door closed behind him. I sighed, then shot an annoyed glance at Raphael. "That was real smooth, Raph." 

Raphael turned his head to the side. "You can't baby him, Kat," he informed me, staring at the clock on the bedside table. "Isn't that what you've been telling me?" 

"Doesn't mean you have to be so damn cold about it," I shot back. 

His eyes closed and he was quiet for a minute. "Yes," he finally whispered. "For once, I do." 

**RAPHAEL:**

She slipped the extendable staff into her belt behind her and walked toward the door. I watched, lying on my back on the bed. "Where you going?" I asked, not entirely sure I wanted to know. The fact that she was arming herself didn't offer me much reassurance. Of course, she'd been carrying that weapon since Mel had appeared in the lair. 

"I have to talk to her," she informed me. 

"Her or Mike?" 

"Well, I think you've just about _killed _any hope of getting through to Mike," she shot. 

I sighed and turned my eyes to the ceiling. "You sure it's a good idea to talk to her right now?" 

She glanced back at me and I turned my head toward her again. Her eyes were tired, and didn't hold the anger I'd half-expected to see. "Believe me, Raphael, I don't want to," she mumbled. "But if he's going to try for a relationship with her, I _have _to make an effort." She looked away. "I can't... trap him in the middle of our fight. I've got no right to do that. And if she's even _remotely _committed, I've got to support them." 

"Do you think she is?" 

She shook her head. "I think she used him to get at me." 

"Do you think there's even a possibility?" 

"What, that she loves him?" 

I nodded. She cringed slightly and shook her head, but didn't speak. 

"Then why do you have to talk to her?" I asked. 

She sighed. "Because I don't have the heart to tell that to Mike." 

"Better he hear it now than when he discovers it was more than just a fling and he's in love with her." 

She stared at me, her expression tired. "Then _you _tell him, Raph," she whispered. She turned and reached for the door. "I've gotta go find her." 

I sighed as I watched her go, but didn't say anything more. 

**MELANIE:**

I heard a noise behind me and spun, pressing back against the ledge of the building. A few feet away, Kiara came to a stop. Good god, she was close. I hadn't even heard her approach. I swallowed hard. "What do you want?" I demanded. 

"I always thought you were afraid of heights, Mel," she mumbled, stepping aside and circling me. She walked to the ledge, a good distance away, and jumped up on it, bending one leg and leaving the other dangling over the rooftop. 

"I was," I mumbled, my eyes narrowing at her. "But I figured no one would find me here and I could be alone." 

"Well, of all the rooftops in New York City, you picked the most obvious one." 

"Why's that?" I demanded. 

She pointed down to the street below. "See that pizza shop?" 

I glanced down. "Yeah." 

"Mike goes there. Then he comes up here. Because it's more secluded than the surrounding buildings. This is his place to be alone. And where he brought you." 

I studied her carefully. "What're you getting at?" I demanded. Her voice was emotionless and unreadable. 

She turned and looked straight at me. "Why did you sleep with him?" she asked coldly. 

I felt my muscles tense. I glared at her. "Why is that any of _your _business?" 

"Because for all intents and purposes, he's my brother," she mumbled. "I care more about him than you ever will and I need to know why." 

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Maybe I love him," I challenged. 

She studied me for a moment, then looked away, her eyes dropping to the street below. "I don't believe that for a minute, Mel," she sighed. "But he does. So if it's just a game, you win." She looked up again and met my stare. "You can walk away, hurt him and me, go back to my father, and tell him whatever the hell you want. But I just want to know if that's why. Did you really go through all of this because of me?" 

I looked away first. "You knew I was alive," she continued. "You only pretended to be surprised. Why?" 

I didn't confirm that. But I didn't deny it, either. There was no point in denying what she already knew. "And it had really _didn't _have anything to do with my father, did it?" she mumbled. "It was about me. Your personal vengeance." 

There was a long silence. I stared down at the street below us, contemplating her words carefully. "You're right that it had nothing to do with Shredder," I finally answered. "He doesn't even know where I am." 

"But he will," she realized quietly. "You'll tell him." 

I smirked, laughing to myself in subtle disbelief. She was wrong, but that didn't change the fact that the thought was amusing. "I never expected your new family to be quite so trusting." 

"Had I been here, they wouldn't have been," she assured me. Her voice still held no hint of emotion. 

There was another long silence. She sighed. "I want you to leave, Mel," she whispered. "The game is over. You win." 

I laughed quietly. "Just like that, huh?" I mumbled. 

She sighed. "I stopped fighting my father years ago," she informed me. "I don't care what any of you think." She looked up and met my stare. "When I turned my back, I left for good. And I'm not the same person I used to be." 

I studied her for a moment and for the first time, I realized how true that was. Kiara never would have backed down like this. She would have fought me to the death. But all that anger and vengeance was gone from her eyes. She wanted peace. She didn't care what she had to do to get it. I smirked at her. How weak... 

"If you refuse to leave," she continued quietly, her tone still submissive and withdrawn, "I'm going to have to make you leave." 

"And just _how _do you intend to do that?" I challenged. 

She sighed deeply and shook her head. "I'll kill you if I have to," she whispered. 

Those words, even said in such a weak tone and state, made me tense. I considered them very carefully, and worded my next sentence very carefully, my head bowing. "What if... I told you..." I started hesitantly. "... that you're right. About everything except..." My eyes closed. "I didn't lie to them." 

"About what?" she asked. 

I hesitated for a long moment. "He really is... He _does _want to kill me. And he will. He just... hasn't been able to find me yet." 

She was silent. After the space of what seemed like a year, she looked up. "Why?" she demanded. 

_I stare up at the ceiling as my heartbeat slows and my breathing returns to normal. "Why are you here?" _

I turn to look at the still figure beside me. My body hurts. I can feel the bruises forming on my arms where he held me to the bed. "Here as in...?" 

"The states. Why did you return?" 

I turn and press hard to his strong, muscled arm, my fingers running across his six pack abs. "I had no reason to stay in Japan once my husband died," I answer quietly. 

"So you returned for what? To rejoin with the foot clan?" 

I smile. "Perhaps I came back for you." 

He sighs deeply. "I doubt that." 

I close my eyes. I can feel him grow distant. The sensation is familiar. Years ago, this had been a regular occurance, and he had always seemed to become silent and cold after we made love. "What are you thinking of?" I whisper. 

"Quiet," he orders sternly. 

For a moment, it is silent. My thoughts wander. There are things I want to ask him, and one in particular. I know she's alive. And I have an idea that he knows where to find her, but I'm not entirely sure how to go about asking him. I can't imagine it is something he enjoys thinking about. 

"Is Kiara still alive?" I finally ask. 

"I said for you to be quiet," he snaps. 

I sigh. This question is the entire reason I've come to him. It's the reason for the bruises on my arms and the soreness between my legs. He's so rough with me, but that matters very little when he has something I want. "I must know, Saki." 

"Why does it matter?" he growls. 

"It matters a great deal to me." 

"My daughter is dead, Melanie," he snarls. 

And even now, he lies to me. I know _she's alive. "You know that for a fact?" _

"Yes." 

I sighed. "If she weren't dead," I whisper, "would you try to get her back?" 

He jerks away from me. "If you continue to ask questions when you should remain silent, I am going to remove you." 

I feel anger spark inside of me. After all I had done for him, he cannot answer a few simple questions for me? I glare at him as obviously as I dare to. "Kiara was..." 

In a flash, he has me pinned to the bed, a sharp blade at my throat. "Get. Out," he growls. "And do not mention that name in my presence again." 

My eyes are wide with fear as I realize that it would probably not break his heart in the least to slit my throat. I nod slightly, afraid to speak, and he crawls off of me. I throw the blankets aside and slip out of the bed, feeling anger replace the fear. "You would be wise to leave this place now, Melanie," he informs. "I will not provide you with shelter for much longer." 

I spin to face him, surprised and even more infuriated by his suggestion. "You would throw me out on the streets?" 

He smirks at me. "You mean nothing to me, onna_." _

I feel indignation rise up inside of me as I grab the dark blue robe from the floor and throw it over my shoulders. "If this is the way you treated Kiara, it's no wonder that she turned on you." 

The words escape my mouth before I am able to stop them. I tense as his eyes narrow into slits and I suddenly realize the price of such a statement. 

"I... asked about you," I whispered, bringing my mind to the presence. Kiara is watching me. I lower my eyes. "It's obviously... kind of a sore spot for him right now." 

She half-laughed at that, cynical. "Yeah, it always will be." 

I watched her, my eyes raised even with my head still bowed. There was another long silence as she watched the road. "So now what are you going to do?" she asked quietly. "The price of vengeance really worth your life?" 

I looked away. "I thought it was. I don't know now." 

She sighed. "So _now _you expect me to help you," she mumbled. "After you've used me, manipulated me, played all your fuckin' games, _now_..." She looked up and I immediately dropped my head. "_Now _you want my help." 

I didn't answer her. She growled slightly and looked away. "And you wanna tell me where Mike fits into all this?" she demanded. "Or did you fuck with him _before _you decided you needed my help?" 

My eyes closed slowly. "I care about Mike," I whispered. "I'm not tryin' to hurt him, he just got in the crossfire." 

"So what're you gonna do about it?" she demanded. "Because the moment you want in that door, he's gonna ask you if you want to make it work." 

"I don't know," I mumbled. "I don't think I'm cut out for that kind of life." 

"You'd _better _not play him," she growled. 

I shook my head. "I said I'm not tryin' to hurt him," I sighed. "I meant that. I'll just..." I searched for a solution. "... let him go. Nice and easy. He doesn't even have to know about any of this." 

Her eyes narrowed at me. For a long time, it was silent. Then she looked away. I glanced up, waiting for her reaction to whatever it was she'd seen. "Don't think for a moment that I like you, Mel," she mumbled. "I hate you and I hate the games you play. And I swear to god that if you fuck with his emotions any more than you have to, I'll kill you if I have to hunt you down and chase you across the globe." She looked back up and I shrank away from her authoritative glare. "But until you cross that line, I can tell myself that it's for his sake that you're still around. _Just _until you find a safe harbor somewhere else." 

I opened my mouth to reply, but I didn't have a chance. Instead, another voice answered her. One that I didn't in any way expect to hear. "How touching." 

**KATARINA:**

I heard his voice and immediately, every muscle in my body went rigid. How had I not heard him approach? He was still a good distance away, and I was able to turn slowly, giving my mind a chance to prepare. He stood still in the center of the rooftop, his hands at his sides. A _katana _was at his waist, easily accessible, but he had not unsheathed it. 

Melanie stepped back, pressing against the ledge. I moved very slowly, sliding off of the ledge to my feet. I stood rigid and lowered my head slightly in a forced, formalized bow. "_Otousan_," I greeted, my voice low. 

He nodded once in reply. "_Musume_." (AN: father/daughter) 

I narrowed my eyes at him and he looked to Melanie. "I have been looking for you." 

I felt her movement as she stepped behind me, and I hoped to god I didn't have an enemy at my back. I still didn't trust her. Her mind games were impossible to predict, and there was no way to know if they had planned this. I reached behind me, sliding one foot forward, and gripped my weapon. I pulled it from my belt and his eyes locked on me. "I do not wish to do battle with you, Kiara," he informed plainly. "There will be another time for that. You are not the one I've come for." 

That thought was tempting. He could take Mel, kill her, and solve all my problems. Justice would be served and we'd all live happily ever after. Unfortunately, there was a part of me that knew it would not be nearly so easy. Even if I could push aside the moral wrong of doing that after I'd already agreed to help her, there was the ever-present issue that if she was lying, or even if she _wasn't_, she knew how to get to the lair. And I had no doubt that she'd tell him that to save her life. 

I opened my weapon to its full length and locked it into place. I braced defensively, my eyes narrowing. "_Kutabare_," I hissed at him. 

He glared at me and his head lowered a fraction. I saw his hand reach across to his weapon. "Do not test me, Kiara," he warned. "Stand down and I will leave you be." 

I tensed, fully prepared for battle. "I didn't stand down when I knew you could beat me," I growled. "What makes you think I'll do it now?" 

"I would have thought your brush with death would have taught you some common sense," he snapped. 

"Sorry," I snarled back at him. "Common sense just ain't in my genes." 

He was on me in a flash. There was no time to blink, much less to think of what to do. I acted on instinct, blocking his weapon with mine. I spun to the side, attempting to hook his foot, but failed. There was no time to think of how. I raised the staff again, caught the side of his weapon, and rode it down and to the side. I spun in that direction and roundhouse kicked, holding the staff strong behind my leg. He was holding a bladed weapon, and fast enough to use it. If he caught my leg with it, I was done for. 

As I'd expected, he _did _strike. Metal clanged against metal and my blow connected with his upper arm as he attempted to spin away. My foot came down and I braced again, grinning at him. "You're getting old, Saki. You must be, what, in your _fifties _now?" 

I didn't have a chance to think of the accuracy of that statement. He lunged at me again and I blocked, jumped back, and jabbed at his midsection. He knocked my weapon away with his and I changed tactics, moving the attacking end back in toward me and stepping forward. I was in close, _way _closer than I ever would have been comfortable with before, and I brought the other end of the staff toward him forcefully. He was trapped, His arms and weapon were lowered in front of him and he had no room to raise them except to the side. By the time he'd considered that, I had already connected and he stumbled back, struggling to regain his balance. 

I swept at his feet, and he fell to his back. For a moment, I was surprised. I hadn't expected it to be that easy. In the fraction of a second that I stood over him, staring blankly, he rolled away and back to his feet. He came at me with a force that almost made me fall over backward. In spite of the fact that I'd _caught _his weapon easily, he was forcing me to my knees. I used every ouce of strength I had to push him back far enough so that I could brace, then I kicked forward with as much force as I could. I connected. He stumbled back and I let out a loud cry as I ran at him again. 

I had no idea what I did wrong. _Somehow_, he managed to grab my weapon between my hands. He held it tightly with one hand, and the other hand brought the _katana _toward me. He wouldn't have to strike very hard, at this distance, to kill me. I had no choice but to let go. 

I released my grip and spun away. Before I'd even regained my balance, much less figure out what to do next, I was bent back over the ledge, the edge of the sword at my throat. My eyes darted to Melanie. She stood a few feet away, watching calmly. 

_She steps between us. I look up as her shadow comes over me. "No." _

It's suicide. I know she knows that. I can't stop her. "Get out of the way." 

She pulls a gun. I want to jump up and stop her, but I can't move. "I won't live like this." 

"No." He wretches the gun away, the speed of his movements making me dizzy. "No, you won't." 

Gunshot. She falls. I scream. "Yarou! Chikusho! Omae o koruso!_" _

The gun turns to point at me and I fall silent. 

I glared at the figure that looked so much like my best friend, but acted so much like the enemy that she had always been. She made no move toward me. _Damn _her! She deserved him! And she deserved whatever hell he would put her through. Maybe he _would _kill her. She deserved that, too. 

He was talking to me. I wasn't listening. I felt myself bend back further and realized for the first time how close I was to death. The blades on his wrist ran down my arm, scraping lightly. I felt blood trickle after them in thin streams, but the adrenaline hardly allowed me to feel the pain. But I wasn't ready to go down yet. From somewhere nearby, I could feel a new presence. A familiar spirit. _Shock him, Kat... Give me an opportunity... _

I swallowed hard. What was there I could say? I forced myself to hear his words, and realized he wasn't talking to me. "You've done well, Melanie," he smirked. "I must say I never would have thought you'd develop such an intricate plan. And completely without my assistance." 

She smiled. She'd gained his approval, and that was all she'd ever wanted. "You sent her, then?" I hissed at him. The blade of the _katana _pressed slightly harder to my throat. My only chance was to hit his legs, and I'd run the risk of his hand slipping. _Don't make any sudden moves... _He couldn't attack until I set it up for him. Without that moment of shock, the reflex action would slice my throat. 

"Not at all," he snarled at me, his eyes blazing beneath the metal hood. "In fact, I've been looking for her for quite some time now." His eyes remained on me as he spoke to her. "Where have you been, Melanie?" 

I didn't give her a chance to answer. "You know where she's been?" I growled, seeing my opportunity. "She's been fuckin' your enemies, baby, just like me." 

The surprise hit. Whether from the wording, the tone, or the content, I didn't know or care. The pressure let up just slightly and he moved back just slightly. I felt a rush of wind, saw him turn, and there was a blur of motion as he flew to the side. I sprang forward, swept my weapon off the surface of the rooftop, and spun to him. Mike. I wasn't surprised. I'd known it was either him or Raph. It didn't feel like Leo and I couldn't think of why Donny would have come up here. 

Michaelangelo was fast. He was faster than all of us and he was faster than Saki. But even so, he couldn't get a good shot. I stood back, fully prepared to step in if I was needed, knowing I wouldn't be. Suddenly, my father's hand fell to his belt. Mike saw it and he jumped back, prepared to dodge the incoming array of _shaken_. But that wasn't what he was reaching for. He threw his hand down, and there was a hiss as a cloud of grey surrounded him. 

Engulfed by the cloud, Mike fell back. I knew he could've fought without his sight, but the smokescreen made it difficult to breathe, and he was at a disadvantage, being unprepared. He moved beside me, coughing and choking, and I stepped in front of him, braced and fully prepared for an attack to come out of the haze. But as it cleared, I saw nothing. 

I remained still, eyes darting. But there was no sign of him. Anger surged inside of me as I felt blood drip down my arm from the thin, superficial scratches. _"I do not wish to do battle with you, Kiara..." _His voice echoed in the absolute silence around us. _"There will be another time for that. You are not the one I've come for."_

The fury overwhelmed me and I spun, hitting the brick of the ledge with the metal staff, full force. It crumbled under the impact. "Damn it!" 

**MELANIE:**

He turned and faced me as we slowed, a good distance from the rooftop he had battled on. My side hurt from running, and my legs felt like they were about to give out. I pressed against the alley wall and doubled over, gasping for air. He didn't seem the slightest bit phased by the exercise. 

There was a long, uneasy silence and I looked up to see him watching me. I froze as I read the look in his eyes. It was a warning, dangerous. I shrank back. "Saki?" 

"I suppose now you are going to tell me that I have reason to want you alive," he growled. 

I tensed at his tone and pressed back against the wall, fear flooding through me. "I..." I stammered. "But I thought..." 

He raised his hand, and the blades on the back of his wrist came up under my chin. "Foolish woman," he whispered. "Do you really think you have _anything _that I want?" The look in his eyes was cold. It sent a chill down my spine. I didn't dare breathe, much less speak. "If I had wanted to use you in order to combat my enemies, I would have done it years ago," he hissed. "But I didn't. And why do you think that is?" 

I swallowed hard. "I..." I struggled. "I don't know." 

He leaned in close and I cringed as blood began to trickle from beneath his claws. "Don't you think I can fight my own battles, bitch?" he growled. "You've been more trouble to me than your sex is worth." 

I felt pain. I screamed. Memories flashed across my mind as I took a final breath, drawing blood into my lungs. 

_A locker room. Another life. A dagger. A threat. "If I slit your throat, Mel, you think my father would forgive me?" _

Assurance. Careless faith. "You'd better hope so if you try it..." 

And it's over. 


	20. Epilogue

**

EPILOGUE 

**

Okay, so this right here? This is a cliffhanger warning. If they really make you insane, you might want to put off reading this last little bit here until the next book in this series is out (and be forewarned, that may take a while). Proceed at your own risk. 

RAPHAEL: 

"I'm sorry." 

Michaelangelo looked up, placing his padded weapons back on the rack. "For what?" he asked, although I was sure he already knew. News of her death had been on TV all day long. 

"For Mel," I answered quietly. But I reconsidered that. "For everything. All the way back. I don't know if I ever said that before but... I am sorry." 

He stopped, his hand resting on the _nunchakus_, his back turned to me. "Sometimes I really wonder, Raph," he whispered. 

"You wonder what?" I questioned. 

He sighed deeply, his fingers running lightly over the chain. "There's gotta be more to life than this," he whispered. "There's gotta be a reason I'm here." He turned to face me. "You know, ever since he died... I can't seem to find it. I don't know why. I just... I feel lost." 

I watched him carefully. He glanced away for a moment, then looked back at me. "I just..." he stammered. "I feel so alone, you know? I mean, I'm happy for you and for Donny, I _really _am. But it's like I don't even know you anymore. And I could never talk to Leo, even before he was with Madonna. I think that's... why I did it." 

I caught the double meaning, and memories rushed back to me. I felt my chest tighten as I considered how easily the past was resurfacing. All those things we had tried so hard to forget, to put behind us. Suddenly, it was right back in our faces. "Why you did what?" 

His eyes closed. I watched as he lowered his head and shook it slightly. "All of it. Then and now. I just wanted to... to feel close to someone. It was never about the sex or the high or the freedom from the pain, it was..." Tears overflowed from his eyes and his voice caught. "It was about loneliness. She told me I could trust her and I needed to trust _someone_. And I believed her." 

I studied him carefully. "Does Donny know you feel like that?" I asked. Ever since I could remember, he and Donatello had been much closer than he and I ever had. My stumbling through my teenage years, and that one night in particular, hadn't helped our friendship. And I'd known he was never really tight with Leo. Not even in the way I was, with a love-hate relationship that kept us closer than we wanted to be most of the time. But he and Donny had always spoken the same language... 

Mike stared down at the floor, like he was ignoring me. "Do you realize... just how little we all mean to each other now?" 

I shook my head. "Mikey, that's not true and you know it." 

"How?" he pleaded. "How do I know that? Ever since he died, we've..." 

"Changed," I interrupted him. "We've changed. Because time changes things. That doesn't mean we're any further apart from each other." 

He looked up. "Do you realize that we, like, _never _talk to each other?" he whispered. "We never practice together. You're with Kat and Donny's with Amy and they both take care of Salome and Leo's off in his own little world thinking god-only-knows-what about all of this that's going on and I feel like I'm looking through a window at my life and pounding on the glass going, 'Will somebody _please _let me in on the joke!' and it's taken me this long to figure out that it's a goddamn one way glass!" He was sobbing now, and he turned his back to me. "And you can't even see me..." 

I watched him for a moment and felt grief prick at my soul. I took a step forward and rested a hand on his shoulder. He didn't react. "Mike..." 

"Don't, Raph," he cut me off. Not that I really had anything to say. I was totally at a loss for words at the moment. I knew what I _had _to say, but I wasn't sure I could at this point. "Just don't. There's nothing you can say and nothing you can do that's gonna make it hurt any less so don't try." 

His words cut me, although I wasn't entirely sure why. "Mike, I..." 

He spun to face me, throwing my arm aside. I stepped back, surprised. "I'm almost twenty-nine years old now, Raph, do you realize that?" His eyes were clouded with tears. He brushed them roughly and stared at me pleadingly. "Do you realize we've almost _doubled _our age since we met Shredder? Since we started all this. And Splinter's gone now and you've all changed and I still just keep livin' my life like I'm thirteen fucking years old." 

"No." 

"Yes!" he cried. "And it's wrong. And I can't do it anymore." 

I felt dread creep into the pit of my stomach. "Mikey, don't you dare." 

He growled as he spun away from me. "Oh for cryin' out loud, relax, Raph," he laughed cynically. "You always think..." 

"What I think, I have a _reason _to think," I interrupted him, feeling bold anger resurface at his patronizing tone. "And a damn good reason, too." 

"Fuck your reasons, Raph," he mumbled, his fists clenching at his sides. "Just leave me alone." 

"I can't do that." 

"You been able to do it just _fine _before, now suddenly you can't?" he challenged. 

I could feel the anger growing inside of me with every word he spoke. He made it sound as if I didn't give a damn about him, and that couldn't be further from the truth. "You want things to change, Mike?" I shot at him. "You wanna grow up?" 

He turned and looked over his shoulder, challenging me. "Don't even try and..." 

"There's somethin' I've gotta tell you that's gonna change your life," I interrupted him. He stopped mid-sentence, and didn't move. "_If _you want it to. But you damn well better be ready to hear it." He turned fully to face me, his eyes still narrowed. "'Cause it ain't somethin' I can take back and once I make it known, it becomes _my _responsibility to do somethin' about it if you won't." 

"What are you talking about?" he challenged. 

I knew I was spewing this way too fast. I knew it was gonna knock him on his ass when he heard it. I knew I had to tell him, but I knew Kat was right. I should be doing it a little more gently. But right now, my mouth was working without my brain. "You got twenty-four hours to get your priorities straight and figure out where you stand. You decide if you wanna live or die and you decide how and where you wanna do it. Because whether or not you choose to stay, I'm about to turn everyone's world upside down. And if you ain't ready for that, you'd better make other arrangements." 

I spun. I could hear my heart beat in my ears as I walked out of the _dojo_. He didn't follow me. I didn't expect him to. I caught Donatello's eye as I passed the kitchen and stopped. There was a long silence that passed betweeen us. "Did you tell him?" Katarina asked from behind him, her voice quiet and pleading. 

I clenched my teeth. "No," I managed. I could hear the biting tone, and knew I should curb it, but I couldn't. I was mad. At Mike, at that woman, at myself, and at fate. Fate most of all. It wasn't right. "No, I didn't," I growled. "He's got twenty-four hours to decide if he wants to hear it." 

Katarina's eyes lowered and she nodded slightly. I began walking again, toward the entrance to the lair. "Raph?" 

I turned and met Don's stare again. "I got the address," he informed quietly. "Do you want it?" 

I shook my head. "No," I answered. "Not yet." 

I darted up the stairs and disappearing up the ladder into the tunnel. Not yet. 

**One final note: **

Fanfiction.net, in my opinion, is dying a slow and painful death that began somewhere around the time they banned NC stories and pissed off many of their older writers, myself included. (Not that I have ANYTHING against the younger writers that have "overtaken" the site, because I really don't. My work at your age was comparable if not WORSE. lol But an experienced, in-depth portrayal of the tmnt is something I need every so often to advance MY writing, and generally speaking, those writers have fallen silent as of late.) In addition to being more than a little annoyed, and less than inspired, posting links to my stories has gotten to be a pain in the ass (esp since they're apparently not allowed now), and filling in the gaps on portions missed is an even BIGGER pain that also tends to bring the emotion of the story to an abrupt HALT. 

So with that in mind, I must formally bid you farewell. With the exception of a few people, all of the reviews I received from this last book were from people I know and talk to on a regular basis and could've just as easily been given on the review page on my website. The review system here was really the only reason I was staying and I have decided that it's not worth the headache anymore when I've got a similar one on my site anyways. 

So for those of you who follow my work, please visit my website. If you'd like to be notified when I have new work available, email me and I will let you know. To those of you who will, for whatever reason, not visit my site, it's been a pleasure. Thank you for reading, and _syonara_. 

-sss979 


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